my daughter diagnosed with ADHD and depression

10 years ago

I am at the end of my rope for real.my 28 year old daughter was prescribed Prozac after I physically had to prompt her to make an appt and then take her to the appt.she did not fill the prescription but instead bought a variety of vitamins which she took for a week and quit.she has 3 boys ages 6,2,and 7 mos.she loves them.That is obvious but she can't organize her thought enough to do things she should be doing.She can't get the 6 yr old ready for school and if there is a field trip doesn't pack the lunch the teacher asked for.if the kids are sick it usually has to be pointed out to her to take them to the Dr.if they get a prescription she can't remember to give it to them.she constantly loses keys cards etc because she won't use a purse.she has alienated almost her whole family with her temperamental outbursts and has no friends.I am extremely worried about her and I'm also extremely tired of trying to help her.she has a job and that seems to be the one thing she can keep straight,maybe because she is obsessed with spending money.any thoughts on this?

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Comments (3)

Mike Denison
10 years ago
There is nothing worse, then going through hell of depression. You wake up each day, not knowing if you will make it

'till night, or you will simply give in, and end it all yourself. The drugs sometimes help, and sometimes make it worse.

Felt like I had no control whatsoever over my own life. It took me a while, but I managed to teach myself how to push trough the day, and keep on fighting.

In the end, it all comes down to helping yourself get up and fight. For anyone suffering from depression,

I recommend something that has helped me a lot. It is James Gordon’s system at http://lookingupstuff.com/mentalhealth/2015/02/06/how-to-destroy-depression/

He is a former depression sufferer, and teaches a totally natural 7 step process which relieves depression from your life.
animalangel64 thanked Mike Denison
Mayo
10 years ago
I was diagnosed with ADHD with depression and anxiety about 6 months ago, at the age of 60. Your daughter is exhibiting typical ADHD behaviors, the depression is an add-on, not the main problem. (I'm not minimizing depression because it is all that the first responder says it is.) Prozac may help the depression, but it isn't enough to help her manage the ADHD, which will be a life-long effort.

Her inability to remember things is typical, as are her poor time management skills, lack of organization and inability to get things done. (Carrying a purse would not necessarily help unless she learned to always put her keys into it. If not, she'd have two things to lose.) She should seek treatment with someone knowledgeable about ADHD. It probably should include medication, but also coaching, counseling and support groups. From experience I can tell you that she is probably trying as hard as she can, but nothing works. Expecting her to manage her life like everyone else does is pointless and a waste of time. She cannot. Her brain is wired differently from non-ADHD people and she has to learn other ways of managing. It will take patience, persistence, support, education and outside help from experts.

All of my life I was told that I was just lazy or could do better if I just tried harder. I was told I should be a straight A student because my test scores were so high. I didn't get in trouble in school, but I struggled with organization, getting homework done on time, and class participation. Like many people with ADHD I am very intelligent and capable of hyperfocusing, occasionally, if something really gets my attention. I have raised procrastination to an art form because I just cannot make myself start things and even if I finally do get started, I can't concentrate long enough to finish them. I am easily distracted and sometimes feel my mind drift right in the middle of a conversation. Even when I try to focus, I can't remember details. I have to read sentences and paragraphs 5-6 times to understand them and only a few minutes later cannot tell you about what I read. I have never fit in, even with family, and have few friends. My brain doesn't filter thoughts so I blurt out whatever pops into my head. Tact definitely isn't my strong suit. I avoid social situations because I can't count on not saying or doing the wrong thing. I react to things without thinking first and my angry reactions are often over the top for no apparent reason. Impulsivity and inattention are characteristics of people with ADHD, whose brains cannot organize and filter out the unimportant things from those things that matter. There is never just one thing going on in my head and the noise is sometimes unbearable. Everything is overwhelming and the harder I try, the worse it gets. I have spent my entire life struggling because no matter how smart, talented or capable I was, I just couldn't do what everyone else could. I'd write myself lists and then lose the lists. I'd start washing dishes and notice a spot on the window, so I'd stop and clean the window, and then I'd stop to watch the neighbors dog playing, suddenly remembering I forgot to pay a bill and open my computer, log on and pay the bill. While online, I'd check email and then look up a recipe for something I planned to bake. Before closing down, I'd take a break to play a game of solitaire or 5. Suddenly, 3 hours had passed since I started the dishes and they were still in the sink!

Spending is also common. Impulse buying, not paying bills on time, and just generally not being disciplined with money are often present with ADHD. Self-soothing or self-medicating with caffeine, over-eating, alcohol, drugs, etc. is common. ADHD brains need stimulation to stay engaged. This can take the form of external things, like shopping, or internal stimulation, like creating conflicts with others.

I could go on forever, but the best thing I can say is to please, educate yourself about ADHD and try to help your daughter learn about it, too. You can't force her, but reproaching her for her failures is doing nothing but reinforcing her own sense of being a failure. Edward Hallowell writes extensively about ADHD. His "Driven From Distraction" is a very good source of information. (Hallowell, like many of the people who write about ADHD or ADD, has it himself.) Melissa Orlov writes books and has an online site about the effects of marriage when one or both partners has ADHD. (It was eye-opening and for someone like me with one ADHD-impacted, failed marriage, truly devastating.) C.H.A.D.D. is a good national online resource with a huge database of information and local support groups.

Medication is helpful for many people with ADHD and is the first line of treatment. (It shouldn't be the only treatment.) The first time I took a stimulant it was like my brain snapped to attention. I got ready for work with more efficiency than I ever had. I packed my lunch without opening the refrigerator door and staring into it for inspiration even once! My husband noticed the difference immediately. It helps me pay attention and it quiets at least a few of the voices in my head. Because I can focus, I have more energy and actually get more done. I remember things better and my husband and family can count on me more than they could before. I also see a counselor and have worked with an executive function coach. Both have helped. This week I am going to my first CHADD support group.

I would give anything to have been diagnosed when I was a child or even a young woman. Maybe I would have done something worthwhile with my life, and maybe I would have been a better, more consistent parent. I might even have made a success out of my first marriage. Who knows, maybe I would have finished my B.A. while in my 20s, instead of at 60. Certainly I would have been happier.

ADHD IS HEREDITARY. CHANCES ARE YOUR DAUGHTER INHERITED IT FROM ONE OF HER PARENTS AND THE ODDS ARE SOME OR ALL OF HER CHILDREN WILL HAVE IT. Contrary to popular belief, it is neither something that afflicts mostly boys, nor is it something people outgrow, and not everyone has the "H" of hyperactivity. To build a life that is not one long demoralizing struggle your daughter needs treatment for ADHD. Your support and understanding will help. If you can remember that behind the defenses and off-putting coping mechanisms she has built over the years, your daughter is probably frustrated over her inability to cope and hurting because she doesn't know why she has such a hard time with everything. For her sake and the sake of her children, I hope she gets help.
animalangel64 thanked Mayo
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animalangel64
Original Author
10 years ago
Thank you so much for your response.you have enlightened me a lot on this subject.I must admit I forget she has a disorder and I am too critical.I am going to try harder.

my daughter diagnosed with ADHD and depression

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Mike Denison

Mayo

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my daughter diagnosed with ADHD and depression

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Mike Denison

Mayo

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animalangel64Original Author

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animalangel64
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