I didn't think you were over reacting before I read the part about the other damages. We live on a busier road and get upset when people drop trash all over the county easement in front of us; so I'd be pretty upset if a passerby purposely damaged our property; regardless of what it was. It's good you filed a report, obviously her behavior is a symptom of larger problems and that chickie needs some help.

Not overreacting at all. Perhaps she's just detached/ill but those reactions sound like someone who's stoned. Hope you got a video.

Not overreacting. I would be furious. Those large flower pots can be quite expensive, and people have no right to destroy others property even if it isn't. I would have filed a report too.

I have filed a report when $5 was stolen out of our car. So I don't think it was overreacting to file a report.

edited to add: I'm surprised she went home with you following her, and even more so with you swearing at her. That would have completely freaked me out and I would have walked to the nearest fire or police station instead of going home. Of course, I have never damaged someone's property like that.

I also wouldn't have gone to my own home if I had someone following me! maybe it isn't even her apartment building...

if I didn't witness what happened myself, I don't think I would have followed her... and if she didn't admit it, can the police even do anything?

You were not over-reacting (except maybe with the swearing at her which could have led to a not-so-good outcome). But I totally understand why you did it. I am glad you filed a report, especially since you found out other property in the area has also been damaged.

I guess that I think that sometimes vandalism like that is impulsive stupidity, especially when someone is under the influence, and I try to be a forgiving sort of person.

If it had been kids, around Halloween, or someone drunk around Saint Patrick's Day, I would've been angry but I would also partly blame myself for leaving temptation on the stoop. (When the flowers in the pot were in full bloom we did bring it in at night).

Part of it is the neighborhood. It's a decent neighborhood, but it's also on a corridor between some not so great neighborhoods, and it's a little gritty at times, There is a Methadone clinic nearby, Our block is one of the shifting spots for transgendered prostitutes. A block away, a park has gone back in time to 1985 and is suddenly filled with vagrants, younger addicts and prostitutes. It's bizarre, there is a community garden there and you will see people in the neighborhood working on the flower and picking up litter and the benches are filled with people sleeping, passed out, or smoking weed or worse, and the two groups just pretend the other group isn't even there.

The weird thing here is that the woman by all appearances looked like one of the typical grad students or recently employed types who live in many of the apartments in the area (the rent is not inexpensive anymore). I almost feel that this sort of behavior from someone like that is more dangerous than it if was some random always drunk or stoned vagrant who also lives in the neighborhood.

Busybee, you wouldn't go to your own house, but you are a normal person.

She unlocked the door and went in, so it must be where she lives, you can't just walk into any building around here

She admitted doing it with a shrug and a so what? She said she "brushed against it and knocked it over" It was obviously pushed over or picked up and dropped, it weighs over 25 lbs, and you can't just knock it over.

Because there was damage down the whole block it's actually possible she was picked up on someone's security camera.

WOW! Her reaction sounds like something out of a TV show are movie. I've never met a person like that in person. I figured such a charater was an exaggeration for a humorous affect, but yikes! I can't imagine someone being so uncaring when otherwise they look like a typical grad student. Then again, maybe she's a rich brat trying to get the attention of her parents like those young women you always hear about like Paris Hilton and such. Who knows, but I'm glad you turned her in regardless. I'm so sorry your plant and pot was damaged. I hope she has to pay for a replacement.

Hmmm, while I would have been upset about the pot being broken and her attitude would have ticked me off, I would have not "called her a string of 4 letter words" nor would I have followed her home. Just has a good point, maybe she IS a rich brat, sure sounds like that kind of attitude! Let us know if she has to pay/replace. Curious as to what will happen.

I live in a city well-known for its rudeness. There are a lot of angry aggressive people here, and it is not unusual to hear two people walking along arguing with each other very publically or screaming at someone on a cell phone, with the four-letter words flying.

I try to keep to myself, but if you always act passive in the face of aggressions or hostilities it is not always in your best interest.

Pal, did you get the contact info of the guy in the car who saw her knock your pot over? Without that and him being willing to give the info to police, since you didn't see her knock the pot over, what proof do you have that she actually did it?

I do believe she did it, but Judge Judy is always tossing out hearsay evidence.

I would be incensed if this happened to me, esp. with the girl's FU attitude. I might follow someone, esp. if I wasn't intimidated by their physical presence, just to figure out where they live.

And as for unleashing some choice words. Sometimes buttons get pushed and you lose it. My friend and I, at the time both seniors in our late 60s, had a random and unexpectedly unpleasant encounter with another matron in a parking lot. Things escalated immediately. Cussing ensued. I swear, I was on the verge of getting physical and that has never happened before. Afterwards, we laughed about it, but sometimes you just lose it.

a wolf in sheep's clothing!

she is bizarro if she purposely vandalized your property by herself-- even teens usually don't go out vandalizing by themselves! (except maybe graffiti artists) I would blame the substance she was on or her mental illness and probably just let it rest... getting in the face aggressive people can pay off if they're not too aggressive (or armed!) but is probably not real productive if someone is flying high with a substance or mental illness...

Linelle, I don't really care about outcomes. She doesn't need to be convicted of a misdemeanor (or felony, if the total damage is high enough). I just want there to be enough of an investigation to make her think.

I agree that countering aggression with aggression is often nonproductive or leads to an escalation.

But sometimes the bully is counting on your meekness.

A woman told my niece she was going to "Cut up that blonde b---- face with a box cutter", and my niece smiled at her and said " Do your best, _____ or just step away".

The woman walked away.

Sometimes you need to show no fear.

How bizarre. I don't think you're overreacting, although the young woman is obviously disturbed - whether it be from drug use or otherwise. In that light, I think after I'd initially been outraged and had a chance to calm down, my heart would probably go out to her. She needs help, not marginalization. Not saying you marginalized her, but speaking for myself, it's sometimes difficult for me to see past unacceptable behavior to the hurting person that's there.

Good for you! If I lived there, I would install a security camera.

What graylings said.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Friends and relatives in different branches of law enforcement have taught me that it's always better to report a problem then to think it's too small to bother them with.

palimptsets, I don't question your story but I want to say it seems so odd that a 25-30 YO female would be a vandal. Would it be possible that the "witness" didn't see her but knows her and wanted to make trouble for her by falsely accusing? Would it be possible that the 25-30 YO person found it beneath her to say she didn't do it and preferred to aggravate you by saying nothing? Immature and stupid yes, but I've seen that behavior in my area where kids didn't do something but LOVED seeing the aggravated expression of an adult (the enemy) by just going OK...yeah....amazing. 25-30 YO seems too old, unless, of course, she's self-medicating. But not denying you have a prob. if punks are going around destroying stuff. Ours seem to limit themselves to mailboxes and street signs, sigh....not daring enough to get closer to destroy plantings, at least not yet. I hope the police is of some help.

We were out the door in a matter of seconds when it happened, and she was the only person on the block with the exception of the guy getting out of his car.

There is a solid wall of houses all connect down both blocks, so no one could turn a corner or go down an alley on that side of the street. There aren't any, especially that you could get to in a matter of seconds.

She admitted doing it.

Auntjen, this was how I was tending to think, especially before I found out she had done the same thing at at least six houses in the preceeding block. Did I see her do it? No. But someone recorded on their phone the damage on that block right around the same time. Too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence.

But the extension of this argument could go all the way to pedophiles and serial killers. I don't think a pedophile can help the fact that they are attracted to small children any more than you can help the fact that you are attracted to adult males such as your husband. I don't think a serial killer can help that fact that they want to kill people. That does not make it all right. Because in the first case, they are physically attracted to someone who can't give consent, and in the second case because they are killing people. I assume there are probably people who have pedophilic tendencies or homicidal fantasies and they suppress them and never act upon them.

So the fact that this woman was having a bad day, or has impulse control problems or anger problems or whatever, isn't really my problem. It's not an excuse for destroying other people's property.

Here in the south one can never go after anyone, because I'd always assume some nut is armed. The city police do not care about small crimes although they do tell us to call about suspicious persons. Even for his work, DH has had problems getting them to take a report.

I absolutely wasn't trying to suggest there is any "excuse" for her behavior. There's obviously something very wrong with a person who purposely destroys another person's property, and anyone who doesn't abide by a code of conduct wherein human decency and common courtesy are extended has an issue that needs to be addressed.

I do believe in the adage that "hurting people hurt people" though. When someone is healthy mentally and emotionally (I suppose you could add physically to the list as well, in the case of drug or alcohol abusers), they do not tend to inflict harm.

I spent 34 years in a law enforcement agency, and we always encouraged victims to file reports. It is part of the "broken windows" policing. As analysts, we looked for patterns of criminal behavior. So, your $100 vandalism, combined with several other $100 vandalisms by the same individual, is suddenly a felony, and not just a nuisance and small financial loss to one victim. We had a dedicated unit of officers focusing on these "petty" crimes. And, I don't think empathy and accountability are mutually exclusive.

Exactly, dee. Your last sentence sums up my thoughts nicely.

I missed the part about her admitting to it. sounds really messed up and kinda dangerous.

I don't think taking a photo and reporting the crime was an overreaction.

Following her home and verbally assaulting her (a crime itself in some places) WAS overreacting.

Signed, Minister of Overreaction

If calling someone a F------ ----- was a crime here, everyone in my city would be in jail. I told the police I followed her to where she lived and she said as long as I did not attempt to prevent her from leaving or threaten her verbally it was not an issue. I called her names when she was in the safety of her courtyard.

I have a few friends from your city and I always laugh when they post ridiculous news stories with the "Stay classy, (your city)" theme. I guess because it's so different than where I am!

Now if I could catch up with the brats that egg my house and ONLY my house twice a year like clockwork they'd have a few names rained down on their heads. The sad part is I think they do it because of a grudge against the PREVIOUS owners (who had felonious teenagers)!

"I called her names when she was in the safety of her courtyard."

That may prevent your actions from rising to the level of a crime, but really..... that makes it okay?

I think the eye-rolling and continuing to text would have driven me to name calling as well. Yeah, that makes it okay by me.

Ok, that makes two in favor of public vulgarity :-)

Pal, I may have erroneously interpreted the last sentence in your original post as an invitation for feedback, even if not an outright question. If you are just venting and not looking for opinions, I bow out with apologies.

If you don't call out people on their bad behavior, they learn that what they are doing - like damaging property - is OK. I doubt the police are going to follow up on this. Public vulgarity has its place - and this is one of them.

"Bless your heart" does not mean "F--- ---!" It is more about pity. As in he/she is such an idiot, but you don't want to hurt their feelings or be mean by calling him/her an idiot.

*edited to add: when southerners want to say "F--- ---" they just say it. That or "kiss my ---" if they don't want to use the F word.

vulgarities aren't that effective on people who live them everyday...

a while back a friend and I had several incidents on public river paths--- we ran into a woman 3 different times who walked her 2 dogs off leash even tho there was a leash law... her dogs weren't a threat to our dogs, but they had no problem running way ahead of this person and interacting with our dogs and it was us who had to deal with ALL the dogs... we had numerous verbal exchanges with her flying the 4 letter words freely and us somewhat, but much less freely!! the impact our words had on her, I'm sure, was much less than the impact her words had on the 2 of us! my blood still starts to boil thinking of some of those interactions where for her it was just another normal day I would guess!! ....

Busybee3, she sounds like one of the "rules don't apply to me" people. As one who plays by the rules, and follows laws, I cannot stand those people. We have several people in our neighborhood like that - in regards to their dogs running freely and in other ways.

Pal, I'm sure I would have been mad about the pot too, but I would not have followed her home- especially here, where conceal carry is legal. Not saying you following her was wrong, just not what I would have done if it were my local situation. But I probably would have spouted off a few words in anger since she was being disrespectful.

You said you brought the pot indoors at night when it was blooming. Is that because you didn't want the flowers picked or the plant stolen?

Well I'm amazed - not at the fact that you called the police (although cursing at the woman is not what I expected) but that a Philly police officer filed a report.

DD's car was parked in front of her Philly apartment and when she got ready to leave noticed her fender was cracked and had been pulled away from the wheel well. Her neighbor left a note on the windshield with a description of the van that hit her and the license plate. She promptly went to her local police department. The desk officer brusquely told her that they couldn't do anything and that maybe if she contacted her insurance company or PA Motor Vehicles they'd run the plate. Then he made a comment about parking a car on a city street involves all kinds of risks.

I wonder if the neighborhood makes a difference - DD is a few blocks east of Broad just above Spring Garden and it's mostly rentals. Her neighborhood doesn't even have a name that gives it a real identity - it's variously called the Loft District, Center City North, Northern Chinatown and my personal favorite Eraserhead (from Davd Lynch's movie).

When she first moved in 3 years ago she put 2 planters on her stoop - they were gone in 2 days. She can't even keep a recycling bucket since it manages to wander off. Her neighbor has a planter chained to a railing. The planter is still there but the flowers disappeared.

vulgarities aren't that effective on people who live them everyday...

That is so true. I have found that calling people names or otherwise engaging with a stranger in a verbal battle accomplishes absolutely nothing. I feel momentarily empowered in the ugly words I'm spewing, but always feel terrible about the whole exchange afterwards, especially the part I played in it. That's not to say I won't fly off the handle and do it again tomorrow, but I hope I am beginning to really understand that some behavior on my part is pointless and only hurts ME.

Allison, you bring up a good point about concealed carry. I'm trying to be more mindful of that now that I have a longer commute to work and am amazed daily by how many terribly careless and thoughtless drivers are on the road. Even honking at someone might get you shot these days. It just isn't worth the risk.

kswl and auntjen

I completely understand this on some level. In most interactions I am incredibly polite, even more so if the other person is rude. Polite, but almost completely non reactive, like I don't even notice that they are being rude. Almost like ignoring them, but being polite to them all at once.

I find it confuses them, often.

But in a case like this, I think that the people who behave like this, trash dumping, vandalizing, talking on the cell phone on the quiet car on the train, line jumping, etc. sorts of people absolutely rely on the fact that everyone is going to be too polite or discreet or afraid of confrontation to say anything.

In addition, using bad words to a person like this, upon whom it has little effect, to some extent acts as a pressure relief valve. What I would like to do to a person like this is peel off their epidermis and spray them with hydrogen peroxide. I think allowing myself to curse at them, on occasion, is better for them, and for me.

With regards to not saying something for fear of being shot or stabbed. I am a fatalist. I figure my day to die is my day to die whatever the cause may be. This is a little strange because I have a lot of phobias about things that normal people do every day, and often enjoy doing every day.

In addition, using bad words to a person like this, upon whom it has little effect, to some extent acts as a pressure relief valve. What I would like to do to a person like this is peel off their epidermis and spray them with hydrogen peroxide. I think allowing myself to curse at them, on occasion, is better for them, and for me.

I completely understand. I really do. For me, it feels SO EFFIN' GOOD in the moment to just lambast someone who has done something offensive -- even if I'm in my own car and they can't hear a word I'm saying or can't even see my mouth working like there's no tomorrow. Just speaking for myself, however, I always feel a little like something inside of me has "died" after these episodes. I wouldn't expect you, Pal, or anyone else to feel as I do in this regard. What I'm saying is that what I express above in relation to "me" is really only in relation to ME. Maybe others relate - maybe not. It's all good.

I think I would have reprimanded her too. I swore not to say swear words a long time ago - but that is my personal thing - I am sure the words, jerk, etc. would have come out of my mouth which are really just the same thing. The only thing I might have done differently is follow her home. That's sounds dangerous because she sounds like a person who doesn't react normally, so I wouldn't know what she was capable of. Its good the neighborhood is aware of it now, so people can watch. She sounds like a self destructive person who is lashing out at others.

I overreacted after reading just the first sentence, and tried to picture a flower large enough to cause a crashing sound when broken. ha! But then my rational brain took over and filled in the necessary info.

Pot or just the plant, senseless destruction of other people's property makes me angry. I don't think I would mesh well in a neighborhood where that type of behavior was the norm. Hopefully your actions of filing a report will lessen future damage to the area. Sorry about what happened to your flower container, palimpsest.

I would have felt angry and disappointed, but I wouldn't follow someone so clearly unstable. I don't think you overreacted, but I don't like the four letter words at all. I understand your explanation for them. I hope she has to pay restitution and that the consequence will cause her to make positive changes.

It won't go any further than the report, I am sure, unless someone else actually picks her up doing more vandalism on a security camera or something where there is concrete proof.