Make sure your offer (even if it is cash) is contingent on a satisfactory appraisal. If it doesn't appraise, then theoretically it will show the seller what the market says about his condo vice what he thinks.

Of course a Realtor told him that he could list at sky-high. You can always find one who will say that to get the listing and then start with the price reductions to get it sold. Or won't, just to pad their numbers.

Agree with the above - all that will matter to a seller is what's on the paper in your written offer and then he can give you a thumbs up or thumbs down on it. And that's the way it should be - it needs to be on paper. Otherwise it could get really messy with each of you remembering what was said differently. $110 K is low but IMHO isn't terribly far off from the asking price and he just might go for it, esp if its otherwise a good solid offer and you can provide your reasoning and evidence that that's what its worth.

The written offer also signals that you are serious. If you've sold anything (antiques, yard sale, cars, etc) you know that people tell you all kinds of things and dont follow through. Or you think you have an agreement at one price and then they come back with no I want to pay this much.

In a verbal conversation he's not likely verbally reply with anything like "Oh sure, I have an asking price but I don't really care what I sell it for - whatever you want to pay is fine." Aint gonna happen! But give him a written offer he may well decide a bird in hand is worth.... well, however that old saying goes.

We offered $115,00 on a house that was listed at $125,000 and it was accepted. You might want to up you offer a wee bit.

If you had an agent, they would be able to give you good comps. Plus they could make sure that the seller correctly discloses what he should, and help you with the contract, so you get certain protections, like an option period to do inspections, having the seller pay for the title policy, title commitment review period, etc.

Or at least get yourself a real estate atty to review the contract before you submit an offer. You can offer whatever you like, but it would be helpful to include a list of comps with the offer, and a letter explaining how you arrived at the offer price.

Is the seller offering to pay a commission? If so, this is a situation where a buyer's agent could both present comps and 'sell' the owner on your offer. A middleman is useful here.

Not to point out the obvious but a realtor won't help much for the OP as it will add more expense to the seller. The only help the OP has in using a realtor is to find something else in a different area.

Back to the question at hand though.. offer what your happy with. Explain you aren't using a realtor, show the other comps you mentioned. And most importantly get it on paper so he knows you are serious. Costs he runs into with selling aren't your problem so I don't see why he wants to throw those at you. And anyone can list a house at any price.. it doesn't mean that's what its worth.

The seller might want to hold out because it's ground floor and they are hard to come by. A version of location, location, location.

I would keep looking with this unit in the back of your mind. Your priority is having your parents close by in a comfortable and well maintained unit. In this situation, again you are looking at convenience, not so much upgrades.

I think you have answered your own question. Offer the $110,000 and see what happens.

I'd want to know who bought the unit above. Ground floor living can be a nightmare if the construction is not sound proof and the upstairs neighbors are extra noisy.

My successful approach has been to perform all the market research to support the price you are prepared to offer. Come with a pre-approval letter from the bank. Sit down with the seller(s) and be very, very nice. Tell them how nice their property is, but gently work into the conversation what the property lacks to support your offering price. After this nice sit-down give them all your market research and a copy of your pre-approval letter. Tell them how much you wish to buy their property, but explain that you may not be wealthy enough to buy it and ask them to call you after they have thought your offer over. Tell them if they do not sell it to you, there are no hard feelings and you wish them luck with their sale.

You are dealing with a typica FSBO problem - unrealistic expectations. If these condos are popular with seniors or for the parents or children of folks with the money to pay cash and not too concerned about appraisals you are in a waiting game to see if this person wants to sell more than they care to wait for that kind of buyer (investors often pay cash, but they won't overpay). When we sold my dad's patio home, the buyer was a cash buyer who said his wife loved the house so much he'd have paid whatever it took to get it, so you could face some of that with patio homes too.

Armed with all the comps and rationales, if you have seen the iinterior and want to make a play for this condo, I think the options boil down to

• if paying cash or using a very large down payment to that appraisal is not likely to cause a problem, make an offer of $110-111K and tell him that is your best and final offer and just know that it is worth it to you (make sure you've seen it, looked carefully and have an inspection
• make a higher offer that is subject to appraisal whether you finance or not
• wait for another price drop. We're already in mid-September, news headlines this week have had two articles about the houseing market slowing and the market is likely to be slow through the end of the year.

Using an agent could make it less personal when dealing with the seller and they might eventually listen to the agent more than you (maybe) becasue and they are a pro. The buyer's half of a traditional commission is just over $3K at that point. I don't know if you might find a buyer's agent who would take less to work to close an identified property. You might find it worthwhile to pay the fee yourself to make this happen.

You didn't say how quickly or urgently you need to move your parents. If they need is great enough or moving them sooner would make your life and theirs easier or safer, much less if they avoid a problem, and you can pay it, it might be worth a little more to get them moved and settled sooner rather than later.

It hasn't been that long since we had to move my mom and dad and my mom again. I wish you all the best and hope things blow your way. It's tought enough even when they do.

Chispa makes a very good point. My DIL lives in the bottom unit of a condo. She hears every step from above. The owner of the unit above used wood floors and no carpeting. It's not a good situation. DH owns her unit and she is handicapped, so she kinda has to stay there. She pays no rent.

Think hard about putting them into a condo. Maybe look for a 4 plex or duplex type situation where there is nobody above. Or, a foreclosure or short sale.

Give them your "best and highest" and don't stop looking. You really won't be able to reason your way into a sale.

OP's not weaseling her way into a sale. This FSBO thread reminds me of the one posted by a FSBO seller asking why her place hasn't sold yet. She claimed realtors skip FSBO listings and this posting is a good example why. If I sell and need to break my mortgage is it the buyers responsibility to pay my fees? If the flooring is horribly scratched and needs replacing is it the buyers job to pay for this? No.. Any costs to sell fall upon the seller. This seller thinks he can add it to the cost of his house when selling though.

A big thank you to everyone for your experience, advice and information. I read every comment and they seem spot on. All of you have given time to help me, and I really it.

My delay in responding is that I was busy helping my parents yesterday. We saw the condo, and they believe it is too small. My dad did say he was concerned about noise from the unit above. It has fire walls, and all has been quiet on the exterior & interior so far. I could try checking with neighbors if we were serious. For me, the concern is that the kitchen and bath are both very narrow. This is not good for folks who will probably be on walkers in the near future so I'm inclined to let this one go now. I should have taken their previously used walker over there. That's a good lesson for me in checking out future places.

Probably the best option is to purchase a patio home right by me. I expect to monitor medications soon so it would be best if they were only a block or two away. My patio home is too small for adding two more people. Plus I think we both need our own place to escape at times. I'll be on the listing sites daily and will notify my former realtor to be on the alert. I have some further questions for you GW folks:

1. What is a buyer's agent? This is the first I have heard of one.

2. Can really old seniors obtain home loans as long as they put 20% down and financially qualify? I would think lenders can't age discriminate. Dad will be 96 in December.

3. There are many small homes in foreclosure very close to me in neighborhoods that will hold their value. This is a very desirable master planned community. I know that the home would have to pass muster legally, financially, and structurally. Is this an option worth considering if I can't find anything else in their price range? We can no minor upgrades for butt ugly. My parents aren't looking for fancy, just decent and structurally sound.

4. I'm wary of adding cash ($20,000) to help them with the home cost to make things seem less overwhelming to them at this time. If they should need to spend down for Medicaid at some future point, it would seem that my loan might be at risk. Even if laws protect me know if I due my legal due diligence, they may change in the future. Any thoughts or advice about that aspect?

I will take a stab at a couple of these.

Can really old seniors obtain home loans as long as they put 20% down and financially qualify? I would think lenders can't age discriminate. Dad will be 96 in December. - Yes. The Equal Credit Opportunity Act bars discrimination based on age. The approval and the down payment are supposed to be the same as they would be for a 32 year old, and this something most banks adhere to today.

I'm wary of adding cash ($20,000) to help them with the home cost to make things seem less overwhelming to them at this time. If they should need to spend down for Medicaid at some future point, it would seem that my loan might be at risk. Even if laws protect me know if I due my legal due diligence, they may change in the future. Any thoughts or advice about that aspect? - Basically there are no laws that protect you now, not to mention the future. A mortgage company is not going to allow your loan to come before theirs and likely will refuse the loan altogether unless the money you are giving them is a gift and not a loan. While you can make a loan to them a bit after the house has closed, the bank's loan will always be primary, and with 20% down there is a serious chance that there will not be assets for recovery.

Finally...This is really not what you asked and you may have already gone through the proper thought process to arrive at your decision. Are you sure that home ownership is a good idea for your parents? This one has my warning bells going off like crazy. Houses have maintenance and unfortunately sometimes that maintenance doesn't come in regularly monthly payments, you only need to look at the thread about Mold in friend's home--who's at fault? What can be done? to find a cautionary tale about owning a home on a tight budget. I am, of course, assuming that you don't have the personal wealth to supplement your parents income as needed. The financial planner in me would advise that you take a very serious look at the pros and cons of buying a house before doing so.

Bry911, thank you for the information. I may have given the wrong impression. My parents currently live in a small paid for home that is worth about $90,000. They have the assets to afford up to about $145,000, cash , for another home and still have plenty of cash reserve. I'm not happy about home ownership for them either because I would be handling all the issues that come up on their behalf. However, this seems to be the lesser of the evils. If they stay in their current home, driving 30 minutes each way in heavy Houston traffic on a very frequent basis is not how I want to spend my next five or so years. Anyway, I'll certainly try to find other options beside home ownership.

I would like to stress. I am not advising you not to buy a home, but rather make sure you take an objective look at it. I think many of us, especially the baby boomers, are socialized to overvalue home ownership a little bit. I will admit that I certainly do.

You're right, it's all too easy to have tunnel vision. I do know that they don't like the idea of noisy neighbors that can so easily come with apartment renting. At age 96, home rental can't be for that many years so we can revisit that option. Thanks for pushing me to look hard at all other options.

I am big on home ownership but I would also suggest that purchasing may not be the best option at this point in their lives, especially if resources are limited. You can look at renting a home, but look at senior apartments and reconsider assisted living. Options that allow independent, assisted living and maximum care without changing facillities can be a big plus in the final years. Living at home and bringing in additional care can be the most expensive route when their needs exceed what you can do for them. My dad's home health care for the final 3 weeks he was at home were nearly $10K -- on top of his rent and what hospice provided.

If your dad is 96 and they can afford to pay cash or a condo or small home, are you sure they can't swing assisted living? Have you compared all the expenses they would have with a home or condo (taxes, insurance, maintenance and repairs or association fees and assessment) with everything that is provided in a senior apartment or assisted living (including meals, activities, transportation and other assistance)? They can get very expensive, but they can also provide nearly everything other than medical care and prescriptions and those expenses are likely going to be the same regardless of where they live. You will need something for personal care items, clothing and some miscellaneous expenses -- again, likely to be the same where ever they live.

Compare that to their social security and any other income (401k, IRA, pensions, investments, etc) they have and look at what additional would be needed. Then take that $145K plus cushion and see how long it would pay the difference between their incomes and the cost. You don't want to stretch that to the end -- you might need some additional assistance in the end - a home health person to come in to assist, especially if you aren't going to be able to be there to bathe, dress and feed them if needed, If you lock yourself and them into the expense and location of a home, you may need more assisance or need to move them again and dealing with all of this could be more difficult and expensive. Also consider their safety and the ability to get help at any hour of day or night if they get sick, fall, etc.

You know your parents and their health concerns. You can't ever know how long you need to plan for, especially when they have already outlived most of their peers, but you can probably make a pretty good outside guess that should cover their needs and more than likely leave a cushion. If they/you can cover that, I would make plans based on what will give them and you the greatest security and best quality of life. It's a tough time no matter what. Wish I could give you some magic answers.

If you look at the apartment thread, the complaints above upstairs neighbors are at least 50% of all threads. I'd make sure that there's proper sound (and smell) insulation

lascatx, you've been a great help. Everything you've written makes sense. I've now told the real estate agent to focus on units for sale or rent in a senior housing community five minutes from me. The market is hot right now so this is going to be tough. I agree that a rental would be better, but they don't seem to be able to respond fast enough. A unit just rented with only a two day listing, before they could get out here to see it. We may need to go with purchasing a unit to meet all their criteria & needs. There's one selling for $120,000 we'll look at Saturday.

I want to put assisted living off for as long as possible. My retirement is scheduled for the first of next year so will be able to focus on their needs. For the two of them, assisted living would deplete their assets too rapidly, and still leave funds for medical expenses and better quality supplemental Medicare insurance. The condo can always be sold when we get absolutely needing assisted living.

I'll keep the forum posted as things develop as many others face this same problem -- trying to find affordable senior housing without depleting their assets too quickly.

Glad it helped. Senior housing is just entering it's stride with all the aging baby boomers. My dad had been visiting the building he wound up oving into fromthe time the ground was first being cleared to the time it was complete -- but he didn't move in until a year later and lost the apartment he said he wanted. I helped him get the closest one to it. After we moved out everything, I know it rented again right awy -- there was already someone else in it when we got the final phone bill. Hope you find something that works out well for you and them.

Are there any Senior Living rentals nearby? (There are many of these in my area -- not 'assisted living', but rentals geared exclusively to Seniors, often with meal packages.)

Chisue, there is only one like that near me. Some units are for sale and some are rentals within the same building. We were to look at one of those rentals this week that sounded great. It rented almost immediately. My parents want a first floor unit by a parking space and those do not become available very often.

Lascatx, your best wishes are greatly appreciated. Some of you GW folks may want to send prayer my way as parents who are anxious about moving and a very limited market is not a good combination.

There are some great Senior Living places here, but this is Florida. You "buy in" and then pay monthly fees and all sorts of packages including meals if desired. Most start at independent living and some are gorgeous condos and even duplexes, tri-, quad- but all single story and you can have pets and a small garden if you want. Then when you need to, you can transfer to assisted and then nursing and/or Alzeheimers/Dementia units. The thing is that you have to get in at the independent living stage.

Are you that limited on locatons? I am not that far away -- over to 45 and north a bit in what I have thought was a smiliar community. We seem to have all sorts of senior options. That doesn't mean you may not get on a waiting list (one of the other reasons that getting into independent living at a place with options to move up in care can be so good -- the current residents get firt priority for moving when spots open up.) You are also going to find that like any other home search, there may be compromises. Hope you can help them find a spot they like enough to not mind settling a little. I wish you were over this way -- there is one place that has cottages that are a great place for couples who can still manage that -- and then they can move over intot he apartments when they need more. I think something like that can be ideal for folks like your parents. I saw some of their apartments and really liked them too.

Oh well. Let me know if you want to move west. ;)

Lascatx, thank you for the kind offer of assistance. My parents live by I-45 & Beltway 8, obviously a rough neighborhood now. I'm east of them, by I-59 in the Humble area. They both have enough cognitive issues that I need to have them in my neighborhood. Yes, The Woodlands and other areas by I-45 north have much better living options for seniors but distance is critical as they are needing significantly more assistance.

I was very impressed with the condo we saw yesterday. The residents there were unbelievably nice. They went out of their way to invite my parents to move in and join them, for my dad to join their domino group, and both to join their Wednesday large group social. There is a large general kitchen where the residents bake cakes and cookies, then have a coffee hour afterwards to share their goodies and visit. Apparently the ladies enjoy the fun of baking together even though the condos have full kitchens. They all said they loved living there, which in my book says my mom & dad would be much happier than struggling on their own in their home without social support among their peers. Breakfast or Lunch can be ordered for $8 and Dinner for $9. The condo itself was perfect. It's on the group floor near the front door so they don't have to walk too far, has an outside private patio, has been entirely modified for handicapped access and assistance by caregivers, and has tons of built in storage. For 1180 sq. ft. the price is $120,000, and home loans are not available for this building so it's full cash. The big negative is a $444 a month maintenance fee. At my dad's very advanced age, I think they could afford this expensive for 3 or 4 years. Also, still a considerably less expensive option than assisted living.

That sounds very nice. The monthly fee is the main thing I'd be concerned about, but your dad has to live to over 100 to exceed your estimations. And don't forget that you would still have a condo that they paid cash for. If it would sell for the same price, you'd still have $110k+ to put towards their needs once they couldn't stay there. If they can stay there but you need to pull cash out, you could look into the possibility of an equity loan or reverse mortgage.

When my mom was in memory care, the ladies still enjoyed getting together for things. I took my Kitchen Aid mixer in and made pasta with them once. Some of it was lost on some of them, but we still had fun.

I agree -- it will be best to move them closer to you. I grew up along that end of 1960 and one of my best friends in high school lived down that way. It has changed so much. Still, I am surprised Kingwood doesn't have more options for you. Well, you only need one option that works. Hope you've found it or soon do.

Lascatx, thank you for your last thoughts and comments.

I was checking here the other day to see if you posted anything. Have you made any progress?

Lascatx, thank you for checking in on my progress, or lack thereof. Your interest and caring mean a great deal to me. Here is the progress:

1. On Friday my parents and I met with an attorney who specializes in elder law. We learned assets can be legally protected for the surviving spouse if one needs Medicaid in long term care and the other is living in the community. There are questions regarding which way to legally structure their situation so that I can best assist my parents with financial matters as cognition continues to decline.

2. From observing my mother's medication box on Wednesday, it is now obvious that she is no longer capable of taking her medications appropriately on a consistent basis. This is the second time her medication box is out of kilter. The time to move them is ASAP.

3. As I explained to my parents that their care needs are now significant, and they must move from their home so that I can assist further, my dad digs in his heels, goes on the attack mode against my mother. He refuses to do anything saying that my mother will not let go of most of the items in their home due to her hoarding. This bickering and getting little done is their lifetime pattern. I calmly refocus the discussion, but it's time to call in further assistance. Unfortunately, neither is at the point where they can legally be declared mentally incompetent to make their own decisions. I'll put in a crisis call to their neurologist next week who, fortunately, is wonderful, and they both like. Hopefully, meeting with him will help them to see the light. If this fails, it may be time to involve adult protective services which I would like to avoid if at all possible.

4. Meanwhile, it has become even clearer to me that the condo with the expensive HOA is our best option where few options meet most of their needs. (It is still available.) It is now time to spend the money and improve their quality of life. The condo is within minutes from my home which makes monitoring meds several times a day practical. The socialization available with similar aged peers in the building would significantly decrease their depression. Also, quality meals are available for delivery to their door from the restaurant in the adjacent building. We could wait for a rental to become available in that building but as walking is a major issue for both of them, the $120,000 condo is a no brainer. It is on the 1st floor and is close to parking and the front door. It also has a handicapped accessible shower which most of the others do not offer. My father has a great deal of anxiety about running out of money so he will probably wait for a rental and not see the whole picture. Even though assisted living is the best option for their care needs, my mother is nine years younger than my dad. I need to preserve their assets for the possible scenario that he will pass, and she may need assisted living beyond that time. The condo can be sold when their care needs become too great.

For those of you wondering about my ability to financially advise my parents, I have always lived well below my means, have made good investment decisions following my husband's death, and know when to hire professional consultation. My view of what they can afford now, and do in the future, is based on safe numbers. Sorry for all this rambling. Will provide future updates as many are, and will be, in the same fix I'm in at this time.

Texagal, good luck. Also keep in mind that condo fee may cover things like property taxes, homeowners ins, and some utilities.

Give a lot of thought to the local economy and housing market, if you will need to count on selling the condo at some point to finance care. Of course, any location in the country carries some risk with real estate, and your area may be economically solid -- but my sister talked my mother into investing most of her life savings into a condo in my sister's city, which already (in 2001) had a struggling economy. When it needed to be sold after her stroke, the market was in the tank, and after nearly 4 years on & off the market, finally sold at a 30k loss.

I thought about suggesting a middle ground -- using a home health service to assist with medicines and some personal and/or household tasks -- but you get the best results if you are there frequently to monitor. Sounds like that wouldn't really lighten your load. Perhaps it might help down the road.

Sounds like you have a plan and are doing as well as you can. It is always hard and it is rarely the script you would have written or quite what you expected.

Good luck with the condo. Only thought I had while reading this was that you could try the writing note to the seller tat you see or hear about young couples doing to try to influence the seller to accept their offer or pick theirs in a multi-offer situation. Can't see that it would hurt --

ETA - the comment about the economy made me think about a news article I saw about home sales slowing here as oil has remained low. Talk to your agent about that -- we're in October and sales are generally slower October into mid March. Maybe the two factors will help you get a better deal. If not, you know it is what you need and the best thing for them. That's worth something.

All of you are wonderful. I'm so grateful for your listening and thoughtful counsel. That is very wise advice to consider the future housing market when we would need to sell a condo. The oil & gas downturn has certainly had a major impact on jobs here in Houston. I will definitely discuss with my realtor and also the option of a lower offer on the condo. I will review with my parents a budget of what they can afford for a rental. There is a lovely, newly remodeled patio home, on the block behind me. The owner said it will rent for $1600 a month. I think $1300 is more in line with my parent's budget. I'm wondering if it wouldn't be smart in order to ease the stress on me, to subsidize about $200/month to help them out. Somehow, I'm expecting that the actual rental figure on that home will be about $1750, which is definitely a no go for us. There is a home rental for about $1300/month which would be a 10 to 15 minute drive for me. We need to look at these other options. This sounding board has really been just what I needed.

You could also talk to the owner of the patio home near you and see if they would consider accepting less on the rent knowing that the home will be looked after by someone living nearby (you), won't have children or pets and the tenants won't skip out on the rent. Part of rent covers fixed costs and some covers the what-ifs. If he can cover the fixed costs or even not have a period of vacancy, the cash flow might be worth it to him. My guess is one or two years might cover your needs ad be enough to get oil and gas moving again -- which will get people moving again. Bottom line -- if ou don't ask, you won't get. You can always say "well I had to ask" and agree to their terms if they say no.

lascatx, that's an intelligent angle I had not considered. Financially it makes sense. I'll run that one by my older son's fiancé who has had rental houses in this area for years and see what she thinks. The house behind me looks like a new house on the interior -- new cabinets throughout the house, tile floors, fireplace redone, new countertops & tile in kitchen & baths, paint, lighting and interior doors. This is a major investment by the landlord. The house is contemporary with vaulted ceilings and lots of windows, open concept. It equates with a GW redo guided by professionals. I really think it will rent for close to $1800/month, and my parents would no go for that. By as you said, if you don't ask, you won't know.

I'm wondering if it wouldn't be smart in
order to ease the stress on me, to subsidize about $200/month to help
them out.

Consider the TIME you spend going to and from your parents house ... what's it worth to knock that down to a couple of minutes? Consider gas, wear on car, and stress on you ... and then your time even at minimum wage.

When the funds aren't there, we do what we have to. When the funds are available, sometimes we still do what we have to because we're afraid to spend the funds. You sound like you plan pretty conservaatively, and if you think you can help them, if needed, then your time, peace of mind and a little bit of ease in what is likely to be a difficult time is pretty valuable stuff. That's $50 a week and there are some people who's reaction to stress would be to spend that much on a couple bottles of wine and/or some chocolate. When gas gets back to $4 a gallon, it won't take much to add up in multiple trips a day (it may start as once a day, but may become 2-3 times a day). If you can walk it when there isn't an emergency, then you can have some time to de-stress and get a little exercise. Taking care of you is part of the equation.

Lascatx, again, you've provided sound, thoughtful advice that is most helpful. I'm in agreement to supplement a little if the situation means less wear and tear on me. However, as I suspected, the remodeled rental house just went on the market for $1750/month which is out of our price range. However, this process has helped to provide further clarification. I'll suggest to my parents that we look at some rental houses in their price range, about 10 minutes from my house. Anyone out there have experience as a home renter? It sounds much better to me than an apartment.

don't rule out the unit behind you- most things these days can be negotiated. Our renter sent a proposal which included less rent and asking for a few perks (snow removal, fall clean up, washer dryer, etc). We really wanted her- knew she would be meticulous (and she has been). We respected her for negotiating like that and gave her most of what she asked for. We're thrilled to have a stable tenant who pays the rent early and takes wonderful care of the house.

I would have gone and talked to the owner behind you before it showed up as listed -- both to reduce the competition and to possibly make it easier to negotiate, but I still wouldn't rule out making an offer now. Let them know the listed rent is more than your parents can swing and that you can add something to it to make this work for everyone, but not what they are asking. Tell them you were hoping that the $1600 they mentioned might make it possible to work something out. Make an offer that is either the max or close to the max you can do with you chipping in. If it is the max, let them know that.

You know they have some flexibility because they talked about listing it for less. If they don't need max dollars out of the home, they may have the flexibility to take the $1600 or even less (asking $1600, they might have been looking to get at least $1450 or $1500 -- or they might have been firm at $1600). Some folks are only about dollars and some situations require anyone to focus on dollars, but sometimes other factors weigh in too. Doesn't hurt to let them know your DH passed and your situation is a bit more limited than it might be otherwise. Let them know you will be there to make sure everything is well cared, that your parents need help and you need them to be closer, but you having trouble finding the right solution. Tell them what a blessing it would be to have your parents hem so close at this time in their lives. It's okay to yank their chain a little. It may or may not work, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Whether you talk to these folks or not, you are going to have to be proactive and stay on top of things. I looked at rental listings that are online and even a couple of senior apartment options last night. There ae not a ton of options that appear to be very close to you that are near your price range (only a couple of homes that showed active and in Kingwood - looks like there are more in Atascocita and Humble, and I don't know if those are close enough to meet your goals). But the ones that look best are aleady pending.

Are you working with an agent to help you locate possiilities and to jump on new listings? You need to be getting some networking on your side to find things as they open up and to get a sense of where there may be flexibility. If you are working with an agent and they are just showing you what you see online and ask about, they aren't working for you. If that is the case, I'd find another agent.

This time of year is likely to have fewer new options, so you want to jump on anything that looks good. There may also be fewer people looking to move this time of year, but it only takes one to snap up that perfect place before you do, so don't be too lax.

Also, be assertive. You have every right to ask for anything. If it is reasonable or well presented, it will likely be considered. You may not get it, but you are guaranteeed to get nothing if you don't ask. Put yourself in the shoes of the landlord or seller and tell yourself all the reasons why you and your parents would be good tenants or buyers for them. Convince yourself so you can convince them. Get that agent to work with you -- they are used to seeing the needs and wants on both sides and should be able to help you make your best case.

Are you the only family member? Are there others, even if out of town that can lend support and help you with all this? It's a lot harder to act and make decisions when you have the emotional involvement with your parents, they have issues that ake it more difficult and you are feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. If you don't have family or friends to lean on, at least you have this forum. Use it -- and get a good agent working for you.

And I talk too much. Sorry it's so long.

Lascatx, I don't have time to respond today, but your last post brought tears to my eyes, and I really needed someone to tell me to "buck up" and keep being proactive. I'll have a "come to Jesus" meeting with my parents this weekend. A rent negotiation on the house behind me would be perfect for my situation. Will keep you posted.

"Buck up" sounds a little rough. Didn't mean that, but it looks like a situation you are going to have to stay on top of and it isn't easy when you have lots of balls in the air. Don't be hard on yourself, but don't let the weight pull you down either. So much easier to say than do. Hang in there.

Any udates? Hope you've been busy getting them moved and all is well.

lascatx, how very kind of you to think of me. Don't I wish housing for my parents was resolved! I've been a busy bee, but the bottom line is that my parents are not emotionally ready to make a move. Here are the updates:

The nice condo we all liked is off the table as one of the investors has had a two year ongoing lawsuit with the HOA. He want to buy up more condos and the HOA has placed a new limit of four units to each investor.

However, renting a condo there is an option. However, my dad would never agree to pay the current going rental for a two bedroom (about $1450/month). My parents have the funds but that is beyond my dad's rental range he has in mind. I'm willing to supplement about $250/month just to see them happy with peers but require legal advice as don't want to risk future Medicaid applications if that becomes necessary. I believe my parents need pre-Medicaid planning with an elder care attorney to preserve assets if one goes into long-term care and the other is appropriate for assisted living. I would also like to be paid pack first from the estate for assistance with a rental, if the funds are available, before the estate is divided evenly. (My only sibling is financially unable to assist them.) So far, my dad has only agreed to sign for me to have Financial Power of Attorney and doesn't want to pay for pre-Medicaid planning. We're at a standstill on the legal part.

Dad says he's willing to pay about $1100 for a rental. I did find a rental that is about a three minute drive from my door to the door of the rental home for $1300. However, my chipping in a little here is complicated by the unresolved legal issues (see above paragraph).

Last week I managed to find a nice rental home for $1150 (plus $30/month for lawn care) which is six minutes from where I live. To find a nice rental for that price in this subdivision was a minor miracle. My folks looked at it and agreed to "think about it." I let them know that this home would most likely be snapped up immediately, and I might not find another in their price range that met their criteria. Neither of them has mentioned the house again. It's obvious they're not serious about moving.

I set up an appointment with their neurologist. The three of us met with him on Friday. He agreed that the time has come that they need to move. That prompted the issue of my mother's hoarding and not wanting to let go of things. The dr. agreed with my perspective that if we move them first and it will be easier to move the clutter out as a matter of necessity to sell the house. We have some future sessions scheduled with the psyc nurse practitioner who works with the dr. and will have more time to help me address these issues with them. Etc., etc. etc. and so it goes.

Obviously a scary move for two people who have seldom negotiated well major issues between themselves. I think I'm at the point where I'm waiting until the next major medical issue forces their hand. No one can make them move at this time. However, their ability to select in the future will be severely limited.

All too often it is a medical issue, a fall or an accident that forces the issue. It was an minor but frightening accident for my MIL. My dad had a couple of falls and illnesses that put him in the hospital. I worried about a crisis move, but we avoided that with him.

Is the rental home already taken? I'd have been tempted to sign a lease (at least made the application) - push the start date out as far as possible and even pay for a month out of my pocket to give time to meet with the NP and try to get the medical folks time to convince them they are going to be making the move and they can decide to do it the easy way or they can do it the hard way.

Do you have an attorney? Do you need a rec? I know two I can recommend.

Been thinking about you and hope you have made progress.

Lascatx, and other forum members, just wanted to provide an update and ask a question. My parents have finally to agreed to move. The options currently available are as follows:

1. The two bedroom condo in senior independent living has come up for rent for $1450/month. I told my dad that I would pay $ 200/month toward the rent just to get him to move forward. However, I'm going to take back that offer. Since they have the funds, it makes more sense for them to pay more now and allow me to assist later financially with assisted living if it comes down to that.

2 . The small house that rents for $1350 (+ $30/month lawn services), that is a 3 minute drive from my house, is still available.

3. A modest two bedroom apart is a few minutes drive away from me rents for $850/month. It is well maintained, and the police station is across the street helping to keep crime at bay for the complex. My dad would do well there, but my mom is sensitive to noise so I doubt she would do well with renters above.

The other options previously listed above have sold or rented. My parents have signed a contract to sell two lots they own for $65,000 total with no realtor involved. Sell of their house, minus selling expenses, might net them about $80,000. Then there is the cost of increased federal taxes from these sales. After everything, about $130,000 total.

I'll have to see if my parents will rent the two bedroom condo. They have agreed to this with my kicking in $200. I'll have to see if they will agree to do so paying the entire $17,400/year. Consider my offer of considerable assistance, I still think that's a great bargain when compared with assisted living for two, along with the additional services that would need to be purchased. I think the increased activity and social support at the condo would make them happier and perhaps help to extend their lives.

My question to the forum concerns purchasing a house as a shelter from Medicaid for the spouse who still lives in the community. My younger son states that his wife's grandmother in Arizona used that option. Her husband went into a long-term care and on Medicaid. She purchased a $350,000 home and a son moved in and became her caregiver. Last year the grandmother died and the son continues to live in the home. Medicaid laws allow a community spouse to keep a home valued up to $552,000. If care giving has been provided at least for two years to the extent that services prevented a senior from needing to enter either assisted living or LTC, the caregiver is allowed to keep the house while they are living. I do not know if the state will attempt to recoup Medicaid costs rendered to either or both spouses after the caregiver is deceased. I personally believe the state is due back Medicaid costs once the spouse no longer needs the assets.

I'm wondering, has anyone on the forum encountered families using this strategy of purchasing a larger home for pre-Medicaid planning? I know that these are questions for an elder care attorney. My dad has refused to see one so far for Medicaid pre-planning. He is resisting the large expense for this legal service.

My apologies for all this rambling and boring everyone will all of these details.