Thats is so digusting to teach to achild. To not share their toys...its awful! Its one thing is you dont want to share because you know that child will break their toy but another thing for what this BM and her bf has done. Can you imagine, they are playing nintendo and your kids just have to sit and watch? How F' cruel is this? DISGUSTING.! I would have told her on the phone, you want it, come and get it yourself! and explain to your son the dirty selfishness yourself! I would have also told my SS this: If you can't share what you have, then dont play at all:. Those are the rules in my house. All the kids, ANYONE, cousins, anyone has to share the game station. If they can't...they dont play. My friends kids came over to play and they were fighting...i shut the game off. Too bad! such is life. I also do not buy big ticket items like this for kids of certain ages , as to not give them power. My SD asked for a very expensive item, i refused to buy it....she tends not to share and we police in our house when the kids do play to make sure all of them have their fair share of time playing. My SS plays with a hand held game device of my DS. i dont mind. As long as there is respect of the items. If he ever was to break things and continually do so is when i would just put it in the closet when he visits..but i've never had to do that. He is really good with not breaking things and respecting others property. This is a big moral issue from my perspective. I think you should enforce yoru belief under your household. As for sharing, other things, if the child doesn't want to, i wont force dolls or any car item...but gamestations are different in my household. All have time with it or none.

It's so funny how I KNOW everything you're saying but how different it sounds coming from someone else and not myself. And you are 100% correct that she tricked him into it. BOTH times. 1st was for marriage, the second was the first talk of divorce. I know how important it is for him to plan our "trying." I've been on pre-natals since November but we've pushed it back from this past Feb. to this coming Sept. I am willing to compromise to whatever his needs (reasonably) so that he is 100% ready for it to happen if/when it does. And he's voiced how excited he is to try for a girl - he's an amazing dad and I know she'd be a total "daddy's girl" which worries him that I want my own baby so bad and she'd be more about him than me *LOL* :) I know part of my issues are jealousy and part are this insecure part of me that doesn't like to be new at something. I'm the youngest and vividly recall feeling stupid for not knowing information or how to do something that the older kids could. I hear people talk about the life changing "wow we have a baby; what now?" affect. My friend was talking about how she and her husband were married 5 years before having their oldest. She said they wanted it, tried for it, but still came home from the hospital, put him in his bouncy chair and just looked at each other like, "now what?" It really bothers me that he will never have that "let's figure this out together" thing with me. He already knows what to do with a baby. It's even more upsetting as a woman that my husband could answer my pg/baby questions. It's actually nauseating to me. The other part is that I can't even confide in the one woman I never felt stupid "not knowing" around - my mom - because she passed away 6 years ago this June. I'm close with my MIL, she's a lovely lady, I just miss what I had with my mom. I think that's why I want a girl so badly. My sister and I are very different people but she understands me and also had her 1st after the death of our mom. I know she will be there for me (and she's had two girls and is a SM of a 15-year-old boy.) It's nice to have supports (you all included!) Jessegirl, I actually had such a difficulty adjusting to my whole situation (5000 mi. away from anyone I know, stay-at-home mom from previous working woman, dealing with the emotions of "step-mom" "second wife") and wondered if I really want to "start over" since they will both be in school next year. But then that thought angers me; That I'm burnt out on being a mom and I've never felt a baby kick. I already gave up on the possibility of multiple kids of my own but really feel that I NEED a baby of my own. I think I deserve that. Fortunately, so does my DH. And it will be amazing to create life from love instead of manipulation. I just wish I could OWN what you all have said. I know I'm the mom here and I know I'm the one the boys will think back to and I know I've been put here for a reason and that those boys need me. And I need them...it's just so strange the way the head and heart have this strange disconnect feature between them, y'know? MIL is a twin and sometimes I hope to have twins myself because I KNOW that will be different for him! How juvenile is that?!?!?! Well...Thanks for listening guys... The in-laws arrived safely and I must return downstairs. The puter' is in our room, which is theirs for the next two weeks so my apologies in advance for not being around much! J

KKNY, I think you may have the wrong impression. My stepdaughters are teenagers (12 and 14). They are not in need of a babysitter. This is my first marriage and I have no biological children as of yet. I spend a great deal of time with the girls which is mutually enjoyable. I have absolutely no resentment towards the girls or my husband. I willingly and lovingly accept the responsibilities of being the female "head of household" figure. The girls completely and absolutely accept me in this position. The girls also completely and absolutely accept me personally, flaws and all!! Yes, my husband is the custodial parent and I depend upon him for the final "laying down of the law" so to speak, however, the kids and I happen to 'click' and we have very few problems with one another. I respect them, they respect me. I love them, they love me. No problems, no issues. I do the things I do for them because I love them. No, they are not my biological children but love them I do! This is not a "stepmom should know her place and not have so much contact with the children - leave it to the custodial parent" kind of issue. They are in need of a maternal figure in their lives. Their mother does not want that particular job so I fullfil those needs. No, I'm not their mom, I'll never be their mom and I don't want to be their mom. To further clarify the situation, I have always supported and advocated their continued relationship with their mother. I have wiped their tears, smoothed their hair and encouraged them to look beyond the surface and realize that, no matter what, their relationship with their mother is worth fighting for. I always try to put their best interest first and foremost. This is not a "stepchild versus stepmom" issue. Nor is it a "custodial father needs to assume his duties and not leave it to the bad stepmom" sort of thing. This is a "why is their mother treating me the way she is" situation. I don't deserve her hostility.

Your post made me smile :) you could have been me writing those words a few years back, we have the exact same situation as you except my SD is 12 now, and BM dissapeared a couple years ago.....So don't feel alone! I would like to tell you it gets easier..but heck parenting in general is not easy, and step parenting is even harder.....You are a parental figure to her, and flat out you are gonna be seen as the bad guy wuite a bit to her the next few years if you are the main caregiver.....don't feel guilty about it though, someday when she is a parent she will thank you!! I would sit down w/ your DH though, and try and figure out a better plan for his interaction with her...my hubby travels a lot sometimes but while he is gone, he is checking in a few times a day, and pretty much knows whats gone on even if he isn't at home, I am not opposed to "telephone Parenting" and often have my Bio's and SD give dad a call....sometimes it's good (hey dad! I got an A++++) or sometimes it's not ( uh..yeah..dad..I got detention for chewing gum.true story!) It has worked well for us, keeps dad more involved when he doese have to be gone, and I don't feel like I am doing it all alone if he is out of town...........