I would not have sent it back, it belongs to her son. If she wants it so badly, she can come get it or ask a court to make you/your DH return it. (I know that's ridiculous.. going to court over something like that is silly and a court would probably not be happy about it) The point is, a gift is a gift and should not have strings attached to it. She always has the option of not sending anymore gifts as you were clear they will be shared.

However, I will also say that I had a house full of kids at one time (3 mine, 3 his) and kids do need to have their own things as well as 'community' things. We would buy one game system and all games were shared but each had their own controller. Occasionally, they were able to buy their own games with birthday or Christmas money but game we bought were available to all the kids.

There is a difference between teaching kids to share and not allowing them to have their own possessions when there are many kids in the house. My SD is pretty much the only child in our house so she really doesn't have to share with anyone, my kids are all adult age. When she goes to her mom's house, she has her sister that is a couple of years older than her and her mom's boyfriend has three kids, a daughter a year younger, a son the same age and a son that is her older sister's age. When all 5 kids are there, they share but when SD is here, she worries constantly that the other kids are playing with her things at her mom's house.

and personally, I think you should have told your SS's mom that if she wants it back, SHE needs to explain it to her son.. not have you do her dirty work. (plus, when you are explaining it, depending on how it's worded or tone of voice/body language, the child may hear your emotions over it and it might be perceived by the child that you are angry or upset over it too, which is going to influence his feelings about it too)

You really sent it back?

Don't "handle her" ... let your hubby.

I agree with IMA let mom tell him things that will disappoint him do not be the bearer of bad news.

They will shoot the messenger.

I wouldn't have sent it back and I would have told her to pound tar.

And I also agree kids need their own things yeah it sucks because its a game they all want to play but kids need their own things.

But if you sent it back and now go buy another one and this one is the "family's" all can share.

That is petty and lame. I agree with pseudo. Let dad deal with her and go buy a new one when you can for the entire family.

Thanks for all of your advice. I did tell his mother that she had to explain it to him and I have a feeling that she told him it was all our fault. Also, initially, after she demanded the game back I wasn't going to send it back but my husband felt like it would keep the peace and I understood him. The last thing we want is a fight. Lastly, the kids do have their own things that they are allowed to keep for themselves but we allow them to share if they want to. The whole argument stemmed from him being allowed to share it with his blood sister and not his step- sister. If it was his choice he would have shared it with all of his siblings. He is a very kind boy with a big heart. His mother was upset because she didn't want my kids touching it. It's very petty and lame, I agree!!!

Petty and lame is right. You can't teach selective sharing.

I wouldnt' send it back - I'd tell mom to come get it out of his tear stained hands. What I would do it gently explain the true meaning of sharing to your SS and why it would be hurtful to share with only his 'blood sibs' rather than his step sibs. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot and if he thought that would be fair. Guide him to understand that the situation his mother placed him in was wrong, but don't throw it in his face.

I believe kids need their own things as well and others should ask to borrow, but unless the step sibs are too young for the DS and would likely break it, there is no justifiable reason for what she did.

PS - if you helped with travel costs at all and it isn't court ordered that you do, next time tell mom you don't share your money with non blood family members.

I would buy a DS Lite as a replacement. I would probably get one for everyone because I like them too.

I would have told her, "wonderful, and I hope that at your house, the children mind you and follow your rules, as well as they do at our house, where we share! Should you find it necessary to take gifts back from your child, You will have to do that, as we are not willing to." I wouldn't waste my money sending her a pile dog crap, and in the future, I would let my DH handle his x and her crazy "rules".

Her rule is not only ridiculous but harmful to her child!

I would not have sent the DS back. I would have kept it and told ss how horrible and hurtful the rule is. And let him draw his own conclusions about what a psycho his mother is!

I also would have just said to BM that rule is hurtful and spiteful and you do not allow that behavior in your home. And I would tell her not to take her insecurities out on you and all of your children( skids included) ....perhaps seek professional help immediately! And I would have also let her know that any further "rules" like that will also not be followed in your home, where her kids live FULL TIME! So if she wants to hold their gifts hostage in another state instead of letting them have the gifts that is her choice and that her children will draw their own conclusions about her behavior in time!

We gave my DH's daughter a DS for Xmas this year and told her that it had to stay at our house. (She does not live here full time) Our reasoning behind it is because her mother's other child already broke an MP3 player and Gameboy we bought her. We were sick of our money getting thrown out in the trash with the broken electronics.

It's horrible that she taught him to only share with his blood sibling. I would have not sent it back and made her come get it. And I would have explained to SS that his mother cannot make rules for your house because she does not live there. And as long as he wanted to play it in your house he had to share with everyone. Which from what you say wouldn't have bothered him.

We just had that talk with SD about her mom not making rules at our house. I think she understood but she is 8.

Boy do I wish OKTSSIMH would learn that her mother doesn't control our home! But, alas, it looks as though GIMMSD, DS, OKTSSIMH and myself all have to live under her tyranny!

Your poor SS! That's absolutely ridiculous of his mother to say that he can't share with his stepsiblings.

I could see that a kid could misinterpret something like "Now be careful when you share your DS - make sure it is a family member you trust who takes good care of toys"
but since BM actually meant not to share with his stepsibs.... Wow! That's pretty ballsy.

I agree with the previous posters who said to not send things back in the future. Here's why:
I think that if it's at your house, it falls under your rules. So if your household policy is to share, then it gets shared.
Think of it this way:
Let's say your household policy is "No video games before school, at meals, during homework, or after lights-out"
But BM said "You can play this DS ANYTIME you want - day or night. And no one is allowed to tell you not to"
Would you follow that? No! You'd say "Not likely, kiddo!" and it would follow the same rules as any other video game in the house.
If BM caught wind of this and said "If you won't let him play it anytime he wants, then you have to send it back." Well, I assume you'd tell her to stuff it (and rightly so!)

Poor SS - sounds like his mom is putting her own agenda before what is best for her son.

"Boy do I wish OKTSSIMH would learn that her mother doesn't control our home! But, alas, it looks as though GIMMSD, DS, OKTSSIMH and myself all have to live under her tyranny!"

huh?

Jenniferdee - Ashley isn't officially engaged (although lives with her guy and they have been talking marriage for some time now) but called her BF's daughter FSD and her BF FDH because it made it simpler and easier...
But someone decided to be a Negative Nelly and complain that she uses that terminology when they consider it to be inaccurate... So that's her tongue-in-cheek names for her FDH and FSD at the moment.

I'd have told BM that if she wanted the gifts back, she could tell the children to sent them back herself. Damned if I'd let her turn me into the "bad guy".

However, I wouldn't have even called her. I'd have just gone out and bought my daughter her own DS, and I know it might not be possible with 5 children, but sharing a DS? First, you should always put on screen protectors to prevent scratches, but even so, while I wouldn't say they're fragile, without proper care the hinges crack and break, the LCD screens can scratch or even shatter, game cartridges inserted the wrong way can bend or even break the pins inside the Slot 1 housing, and the buttons can get messed up--it's really best not to share your DS, with anyone. As a handheld gaming console, it's really only meant to be used by 1 person.

I buy broken ones on e-bay cheap and repair them, so we bought one for each our toddler grandbabies, matching pink ones for the baby girls, ages 2 & 4--the DS has really great toddler games, such as "Smart Kid's Clubhouse", and "Littlest Pet Shop". Our 5 year old grandson is so advanced, we can't even play his DS games, of course he beats us at everything on the Wii too.

My 75 mom loves the DS we bought her! She plays mostly classic games on it, such as "Touchmaster", which features Solitaire and a number of different card games, Yatzee, tiles, shooting hoops, Trivia, and even a "Wheel of Fortune" type games.

Oh, there's also DS games where you can design your own yoga and pilates workouts, learn Spanish and French, coach your weight loss program, walk you through cooking complete meals, improve your vision and reaction time, and all kinds of "brain training" games.

No matter what your age or interest, there are great DS games. I personally prefer my PSPs, but only because I like hacking them to experiment with programming and homebrew applications.

If it's not practical to buy everyone their own DS though, if you don't already have any gaming consoles, for sharing I recommend instead buying a Wii, which has more games for different age groups, genders, and the whole family--get the game "Rock Band" for it, and none of your kids will probably miss, or even remember what that DS even looked like.

Oh, for dealing with the BM? First, I'd tell her to go get a broomstick.....

SD15 got a new iPod touch from her mom & stepdad. But they conveniently ordered it too close to Christmas, and (surprise!) it didn't arrive before she left to come back home. And now her mom doesn't want to send it to her. Told her she'd "have to wait until she came back", which will be 7 or 8 weeks this time. Also told her that "maybe she'd have a change of heat about where she wants to live" if she gets it when she is down there for a visit.

Whatever! The only thing she's coming to realize is that she can probably get ANYTHING she wants from Mom & Stepdad, because they are trying to "buy" her. Her Christmas list was a doozy....and she got everything from them that was on it. Wooo-hooo for her! She's a smart cookie.

It is so amazing how a lot of the stories that you guys have about the NCP and gifts for your children are so similar! It's like as soon as they loose custody they feel like they have to stoop so low and change everything that they used to believe in. I don't know if it's true but I believe that if the two divorced parents get along, the NCP is more apt to follow a more moral thinking as far as rules and restrictions but as soon as things get ugly the kids get jerked this way and that. It's sad but that is what I see in my case.

Thats is so digusting to teach to achild. To not share their toys...its awful!
Its one thing is you dont want to share because you know that child will break their toy but another thing for what this BM and her bf has done. Can you imagine, they are playing nintendo and your kids just have to sit and watch? How F' cruel is this? DISGUSTING.!
I would have told her on the phone, you want it, come and get it yourself! and explain to your son the dirty selfishness yourself!
I would have also told my SS this: If you can't share what you have, then dont play at all:.
Those are the rules in my house. All the kids, ANYONE, cousins, anyone has to share the game station. If they can't...they dont play.
My friends kids came over to play and they were fighting...i shut the game off. Too bad! such is life.
I also do not buy big ticket items like this for kids of certain ages , as to not give them power. My SD asked for a very expensive item, i refused to buy it....she tends not to share and we police in our house when the kids do play to make sure all of them have their fair share of time playing.
My SS plays with a hand held game device of my DS. i dont mind. As long as there is respect of the items. If he ever was to break things and continually do so is when i would just put it in the closet when he visits..but i've never had to do that. He is really good with not breaking things and respecting others property.
This is a big moral issue from my perspective. I think you should enforce yoru belief under your household.
As for sharing, other things, if the child doesn't want to, i wont force dolls or any car item...but gamestations are different in my household.
All have time with it or none.

Ceph - I swear we share the same brain sometimes! I was in a passive-agressive mood when I wrote that and didn't think anyone would notice. LMAO!

Let's see - OKTSSIMH stands for Other Kid That Sometimes Stays In My Home and GIMMSD stands for Guy I Might Marry Some Day.

I just wanted to start giving an accurate portrayal of my relationship to the people living in my home.

Dang, I'm feeling pretty smart. I actually got OKTSSIMH and was awfully close on GIMMSD (I guessed Guy I Mean to Marry Some Day).

(then again i work for the government, so naturally i'm fluent in acronyms, it's a requirement)

LOL, Quirk! That's pretty darn good!

I figured either civillian government job or military.

Quirk don't you use an acronym for DWSUWYM?

I am curious as to the age of his kids, your kids and the child you share. The ages of the kids could be very relevant, in that if they are young, the DS could easily become broken.

Second, the kids I know have their own DS and this is one item in the house they do not share. The other items most do not share are their cell phones and I-Pods. A friend just reminded me that hers do not share guitars, and smaller musical instruments. Everything else is shared among their siblings.

A DS kind of falls into the category of I-Pod...an item not normally shared it seems. Although most families share the larger gaming systems like the WII, or X-Box, etc.

I am not defending her request...just throwing another thought into the ring for consideration. You know her. Was her request done to protect a pricey item, or he she normally petty?

pseudo, yep, i'm the one that once posted I had -I think I called him a DMMSUW- and a few NESSs... maybe ashley and i are somehow related ;-) spiritual sisters or something

ROFLMAO!

Well, the kids that live in our house are 12(daughter), 8(stepson and DS owner), 7(daughter), 5(stepdaughter), and 2(son). Of course, we wouldn't let our 2 year old use the DS but all of the others are capable of playing it. We wouldn't have minded if he kept the DS to himself but his mother was telling him that he had to let his sister(5) share with him and he wanted to let her. His mother told him she didn't want my children(12 and 7) sharing with him. She says it's because she didn't want it to get broken by my children. That doesn't make sense because her daughter, my step, is 5 and more likely to break it than my 7 year old. She was only being petty and wanting to cause problems. We have had our differences before but for a long time we were on good terms, until this happened. She and I would talk about the kids at least once a week. She has said things and done things in the past that have hurt the kids and our family but I try to keep things civil. I don't plan on talking to her any more. Also, she lives out of state and has seen the kids twice in the last 3 years, if that helps......

I wouldn't send it back. If mom wanted it, she could come and get it. And rules about not sharing are ridiculous and mean. Go buy your kids Nintendo and let them share.