I remember you mentioning your cousin recently. Sending prayers and healing, positive energy to sweet Jean.

I'm going to praying for Jean and also she'll be on a prayer list so hundreds of others will be praying. I believe in the power of prayers and miracles. Please God, let Jean have a miracle. God bless.

Thank you Anele, and Yaya.
Yes, please God let Jean have a miracle. I've often told her to believe in them. I do.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers Jean's & her family's way.

Prayers for healing and peace for your cousin and all her loved ones.

I, too, will pray for Jean, you, and your family - for strength and miracles and for Eric in his travel to be with his mother and father.

I will be praying for Jean and her family. Wishing her strength and healing energy.

Prayers for Jean & family coming right up, justgotabme.

I will say a prayer for your cousin and her family, asking for them the ability to accept with grace whatever happens. For her husband and son, to continue to honor their wife and mother by living the best lives possible. And for your cousin, peace.

I'm sorry this is happening, you are so right, you have to celebrate each success and stay positive. I'll keep Jean and all your family in my thoughts and prayers, JGBM, please keep us posted on how she is doing.

This has to be tough for Jean and those who love her. I'll keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

Warm, healing thoughts to your cousin and family and to you. My sister is also having treatment for stage 3 ovarian cancer.

Thank you Amck2, CRL_, Delilah, Mimou, AWM, KSWL, LukkiIrish, Linelle,and Susan Drake.
Your kind thoughts and prayers are all so appreciated. Jeannie is always overwhelmed to know of all the prayers and love she receives from so many that have never met her.

Susan, I will add your sister, your family and her medical team to my prayers. Ovarian cancer is one of the worst by what I hear.

Eric arrived at the hospital less than a half hour ago. Though Jeannie has had one heck of a rough day, going from spiked to very low BP. 104.5 fever, now back to normal. Unresponsive to responsive. On and off oxygen. There's more that I won't go into, but the Lord knows what your prayers are for and the healing she needs.

I talked with her hubby Jeff this evening. At that time she wasn't responsive. Early on they told him to keep her awake because that was the only time her BP was normal. She got quite angry for being disturbed so the Jeff convinced the nurse it was fine to let her rest. At this point he just wants her peaceful. He and I, along with her cancer surgeon, feel that the chemo is only wrecking havoc with her body and destroying it little by little. The doctor didn't want to allow any more chemo awhile ago, but she's determined to live as long as possible in hopes of seeing a grand baby that is not on it's way yet. It's heart breaking because she would be such an awesome Grandmother.
I learned during that talk that Jeannie's tumor marker was well over 7,000 (normal is 35) so though a thousand down sounds great, it was just a drop in the bucket. I still feel it was something to be joyful about as I do believe in miracles.

God bless you all! My heart felt thanks again for all your kind words and prayers.

Oh Just, I am so sorry to hear of Jean's set back. My prayers for Jean and her family and for you. I believe in miracles too and I fervently pray that will be the case for Jean.

Yes, please God - deliver your miraculous healing to Jean's body. Please. Soon.

You are all in my thoughts.

What a beautiful woman she is, justgotabme. Thank you so much for sharing a bit more about Jean with us. She is someone I would like to know. And that baby "swinging" that soft, warm handmade afghan? Well, that's just a perfect little picture of love. That photo says so much.

(((((Hugs)))))

Thank you Cyn and Jen.
Jen, she is someone I wish I could be more like. The doctors have suggested a few times now that she go on Hospice so what time she does have less, would be more comfortable. She told them a resounding "no, that would be giving up and I'm not a quitter".
That afghan has to be in Khloe's bed for naps and bedtime still.

I just got off the phone with Jeff again. She now has a fungal infection somewhere. One of the doctors was close to getting her to accept she needs to go on Hospice, telling her that no doctor is going to authorize anymore chemo. I'm glad for that because every type she's been on has destroyed another part of her body. One cause neuropathy (why she can't crochet), another put her into congestive heart failure, another destroyed her kidney function, which she had surgery for Monday which they almost lost her. I need to get home. I just pray hubby will have time to come with me and that we can find someone to get Owen off to and picked up from school while I'm gone. I think I've finally realized, it's not going to be long now. I can't even pray that God keep her alive long enough to see me if it's best to take her. Gosh cancer sucks!

Saying a prayer for her and the family. She sounds like a wonderful lady who managed to keep a great attitude despite all the hard times.

(((hugs))). My heart aches for you.

Sorry to hear about your cousin. Will be praying for you all.

This is painful to read about. I can't imagine what you all are going through or what Jean is feeling. I'm so sorry, jgbme. Praying for peace & a strong sense of God's love for Jean & family.

So sorry, JGBM. Sending my best wishes for strength and peace for all of you. Cancer is awful, and it seems that treatment is often even worse. It is a great tribute to her that you care so much and speak so highly of her.

Very sorry you are facing this. cyber hugs and prayers...........

I have read but didn't have anything to add to what had been said earlier, but I do want to wish you smooth travels and hope you will have a very meaningful visit with Jean and Jeff.

When my dad went into hospice, I don't think anyone at the hospital or with the hospice group would have taken the bet that he was going to make it home and through the weekend. My cousins wanted to come visit and I had to let them know I couldn't tell them he'd still be with us when they got here. He had told them not to come, but I know he greatly appreciated their visit. He not only perked up for his trip home and their visit, he had several weeks after.

Those final days or weeks are tough at times, but the visits and talks they give us can be so important to the person who passes as well as their survivors. I know a lot of important things happened for my dad in that time. MAke it a gift to her and to yourself and you will cherish many memories. Much love and peace your way.

Praying for Jeannie, Jeff, and your family for safe travels.....

Thank you Sheelsback, Holly-Kay, jdez, awm, jlc, SheilaAus, lascatx, and Springroz.
You all are helping me through this, way more than you can imagine. The love and kindness in your comments are such a comfort!
lascatx, thanks for telling me the story about your Dad and Hospice.

Just, I hope you have a safe trip. It's not going to be easy but you can be strong for your cousin and her family, be positive when around her and know we are still sending prayers and thinking about you. -- Lukki

Thank you Lukki. I have been amazingly strong when talking on the phone or visiting with Jeannie in person. I cry like a baby after hanging up the phone, sometimes falling to the floor because I have no strength to hold myself up because I love her so much. I have, a few times, come close to crying when on the phone when she does, but not so much that I can't speak.

I feel she needs someone to cry with. Her sister won't. Her hubby and son can't let themselves. Not because they don't feel strongly about losing here, but because they are men, and men are suppose to be strong for their women. I'll know if she needs to cry or laugh. She'll lead the way. Last time we did a lot of laughing, but if they do convince her to start Hospice, she made need someone to cry with.

Today I finally let myself break down and cry while cleaning my cook top. Crying is, in my opinion, something that releases stress, that us "eggs" let build up. I know Jeannie does that too. She's very strong willed, as I mentioned above, about not giving up the fight. If she cries while we're talking I'll cry with her if I feel she needs to see me cry. We are SO super close. I think because we are both so strong around others, and know that about each other, we are able to honestly talk to about any pain, physical or mental, with each other. Basically we know it's okay to "let it all hang out" between just the two of us. I'm going to ask for time with just the two of us in the room. I think we both need that.

I posted this on fb for her.

My cousin Jean sure isn't a potato! She's a good egg. A very strong egg. One heck of a fighting egg.
I love you Jean!

Prayers for Jean and your family. I know how hard this is. XO

I hope you are able to visit her soon. I will echo the positive remarks about Hospice. We had it with my mother, and they were a godsend. They were tremendous support and a source of knowledge for our family. Honestly, if/when that time comes, they seem to be more aware/understanding that even the doctor (and mom had a wonderful doctor!). They know the process and definitely made things easier for our family. My prayers continue and I pray that you too will find comfort and strength during this time.

Just, yes, of course, needs change and following her lead is probably the best option; be there for her however you can be. Celebrating her and letting her know how much she is loved will help in many ways; I'm so sorry you are all going through this. ((((hugs))))

I know how very hard this road is for you, and am so sorry you aren't right by your Jeannie's side right now. I hope you will be on your way to see her soon if you aren't already. Will be praying for her peace and comfort, for your safe travels and for comforting hands on all Jeannie's family.

Your cousin Jean certainly is one tough egg and a fighter! My thoughts are with you both in this difficult time.

(((Justgottabeme))) I prayed for you, Jean, and all who love her.

Thank you Beth, Tina, Lukki, Outside, Gooster and Riosamba.

Outside, we are leaving early tomorrow morning, four hour drive, to see her. Because of obligations here, we will only spend Sunday and a bit of Monday morning with her. We want to stop in to see hubby's Mom for about an hour on the way home. We lost his Dad suddenly 16 months ago, so she's alone. Our son has finals for one of his classes Monday night, works during the day, but a good friend is going to pick up Owen from school until we or our son can get home Monday night.
Jean has had some improvements in her current condition. When I talked to her hubby this morning They'd taken her completely off of the IV drip for her BP. After fifteen minutes all was well. That may not seem long, but it had been spiking as soon as it was off. They are watching her kidney's closely to make sure it didn't affect them. Her blood sugar was low, which is not normal for Jean, but her son (Volunteer Fireman/Ambulance driver/EMT for the small town he lives in) said that could be a good sign that her liver is still functioning, or something like that. I try to write notes when I get the calls, but I don't always understand my own shorthand.
Jeff called on his way home from the hospital yesterday, their son was staying with his Mom, and thanked me for being there for him this week. I told him I guess we were there for each other because I needed those calls too.
Tina, I have turned to the Hospice (and cancer) website many times the past couple years to learn as much as I can on how and what to talk about. It helps so much more to hear from all of you here. So please realized how much all you write means to me.
Lukki, you're probably right in that I need to be strong for her instead of crying myself. I really needed a cry when I wrote the above and I just wanted to hug Jeannie and cry with her. After that I turn on YouTube to a modern country mix of mine and wound up crying all over the cook top as I was trying to clean it when a song by a favorite artist of m'Mum's.
Speaking of my Mom, in some ways, I feel Jeannie is lucky in that she'll get to be with both our parents soon and I want to ask her to hug them all from me. I don't know what it's really like in Heaven, but I do know that we'll recognize each other. Right now I can't remember where that's written in the Bible, but I remember reading it when researching awhile back. I also had a vision when touching m'Daddy's hand just after he passed. He was with Mum and my first baby girl.
Again, thank you all so much for being here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

I'm praying for Jean also. I admire her will to live & pray this is a complication she can recover from.

Thank you Romy.
I got some good news. Jean's BP is still doing well after being off the IV drip for about 8 hours at the time I heard. We'll be headed over to see her in the morning as our Son and Grandson who live with us, have everything taken care of so we have nothing to worry about at home. Big sigh here.

Very good news on both fronts!

Thank you Delilah.

Today Jeannie finally moved from ICU. Her BP is now a bit on the high side and her kidneys are still not working well enough for her to be sent home yet, but we are happy with the progress. We will stop in to see her in the morning before we head home.

Good news! Thank you for taking time to let us know. So glad you got to visit with her.

I am praying for Jean and your whole family!

Thank you Outside and TJana.
Jeannie just called. She got home today. She was crying because she's so weak and has to use a walker to get around. She's upset because she gained weight while in the hospital. They told her it was water weight due to her one kidney shutting down. It's functioning again, which they didn't expect, but she was too upset to accept that as the reason.

I'll call her again tomorrow during the day. She's quite often depressed in the evening. I guess it's similar with any sickness that one usually feels worse once night starts falling even if they had a good day.

Again, thank you all for your prayers. I left feeling as though I'd see her again, but I really don't know. We had a wonderful visit. A lot of ups and downs. I did what I could to lift her spirits. Like removing the remnants of old nail polish and redoing her nails. I wish I could have done more. Tomorrow I'm going to get some denim to make her a new "Justgotabme bag". That's what they call the bag, only with my real name. Though the bag I made for her to carry things to chemo in is holding up well, Jeff is the one that carries it most often and it is rather feminine. I'm going to make them a new one in denim.

Justgota, she is probably worn out, bless her heart. Plus, it is amazing what chemo and other drugs can do to your body. Or the fact that the chemo causes things to go haywire in your body. My mom had a problem with her magnesium level at times and it would totally change her personality. So, along with everything else she is dealing with - the drugs can play havoc with your mental health, not to mention physically. I'm so happy to hear you had a good visit. Don't think you didn't do enough - your presence was what she needed and I'm sure - wanted. Very sweet of you to make the new bag - I'm sure Jeff will appreciate it. Does Jean have a "prayer blanket"? A patient of my sister's (she works with diabetic patients who use insulin pumps) made one for my mom and it was so comforting to my mom. After she passed, my dad took over that blanket - it has brought him comfort too. Just a thought.

I'm so very glad you were able to spend time with her. And I'm glad she's at home too. I'm praying for her and for you all, as I know many others here are as well. ((((Hugs))))

Thank you Tina. Jeannie, has been strong for so long that it makes sense she breaks down now and then. I think she feels comfortable doing so with me. She knows I can take it. After all we come from the same strong bloodline. Granted, I often break down after we hang up or this weekend on the way back to the hotel, but if she can be strong going through all this, I can be strong for her when she needs it. I thought I'd be able to cry with her, thinking it would make her feel loved, but it just didn't seem right. I did tear up, but the bloodline kicked in and the strength took over. It's just the way we are.

Saturday our daughter texted to tell me that a neighborhood friend of hers and her brothers, (we all knew him and his family well, but lost touch after we moved) died last Wednesday. Our son who went to the visitation Sunday and found out it was cancer. He had a brain tumor when he was about three, shortly after we moved to the neighborhood. He was 29.

Thank you Jen. I'm so glad she's home too. I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but her hubby had just been in the hospital about a week before she was. He's an artificial valve. I was thinking it was something else, but found out this weekend that it's a valve.
I'm going to call Jeannie tomorrow during the day hoping she's feeling more up to talking or maybe even Skyping.

I want to thank you all for giving me this outlet to talk about Jeannie as it's helping me more than you know. I know your prayers are helping Jean, and the rest of us, too. Thank you!

Tina, I'm going to look into making a prayer blanket for Jeannie. I think that's a great idea.

I have been out of pocket and didn't get to reply earlier, but I am glad you had a visit wit her and are feeling good about her being home now. Hope her DH is doing well.

As far as crying, I think it is easier if the tears appear but the sobs do not. Sounds like the little well you had was appropriate. Sobs would make her feel bad for you. Your being there is what told her she is loved and the quiet tear in the corner of your eye said she will be missed but you would not want her to suffer and you will be strong and remember her dearly. That said, the sobs will come. Maybe once you got home, perhaps after she is gone. And if you are still being strong to help the family, it may surprise you later.

I went to a memorial service last week -- another band parent from our high school. Sitting in the sanctuary before it began, I told DH I might not make it through and not to be surprised if I headed out for the restroom. After his wife walked in rigidly holding her sons on either arm, I barely made it much further. It was the first memorial service I had attended since my father's -- when I was in charge and kept everything together. I am one of those strong Texas women -- a steel magnolia with a Texas twist, but I have a marshmallow core. It got me that day. I regrouped and rejoined them, but I realized that marshmallow can seep out when you least expect it. Give yourself some time and space to have those moments. Maybe they won't sneak up on you then. ;)

Hugs

Thank you so much Lascatx. I agree the welling of tears was better than all out crying, which is best left to elsewhere. And really, I've known for years that Jeannie knows how much I love her as I know how much she loves me.

I'm like you in that I can hold it together for things that are very personal and where I need to be, but more easily cry when it's about the pain of others. I should have realized that. My emotions have been all over the place lately.