I was deleting old e-mails and found this. A tiny bit dated, but good:

Adult truths...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. I
   totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
   younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How
   the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was
   learning cursive really necessary?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I
   can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of
   tired.

10. Bad
    decisions make good stories.

11. You
    never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know
    that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of
    the day.

12. Can
    we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I
    don't want to have to restart my collection...
    again.

13. I'm
    always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I
    want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear
    I did not make any changes to.

14. I
    keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
    answer when they call.

15. I
    think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I
    disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than Kay.

17. I
    wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing
    option.

18. I
    have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
    hunger.

19. How
    many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
    smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they
    said?

20. I
    love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
    prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong,
    brothers and sisters!

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time.

23. The
    first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the
    first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years
    for men to realize that their brain is also
    important.

(Ladies.....Quit
Laughing!)

24. Life just
gets better as you get older doesn't it?

I was in a
Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I
realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was
packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce
embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a
couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my
coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me…. I suddenly
remembered that I was listening to my Ipod!

…and how was
your day? This is what happens when old people start
using technology!