Are you still in touch with your wedding party people?
11 years ago
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Should married couples be split up in a wedding party???
Comments (56)You write, “I have not asked her anything. We discussed aspects of things of this nature years ago and for the most part she agreed at the time. Maybe she still does? Maybe she changed? Maybe she never really meant it? I don't know. But I have said nothing to her about this since she brought up being a bridesmaid months ago.” i am confused. This is so important to you, but when she told you about being a bridesmaid, you said nothing. Months passed and you said nothing. The wedding is tomorrow, and you’ve still said nothing. Nor have you confirmed what you hoped she feels about this. What‘s the plan here? Just let her think everything’s fine, and then she comes home from the wedding to find you gone for good, with no warning? This sounds like a pretty sneaky test. It’s one thing to ask that she make sacrifices for your feelings. It’s quite another to require that she read your mind as well. You talk about a “clear” line -- how clear can it be to her if you haven’t said a word? It is baffling that in all these months you never told her how you felt, how important this is to you, that you really don’t want her to be in this wedding. Even if you tell her now, with just hours to go before the wedding, you are putting her in an impossible spot. You never just asked for what you want and need. You never gave her a chance to succeed. That’s what loving spouses do. Which terrible outcome are you hoping for? That she will read your mind (or listen to an eleventh-hour ultimatum — because that’s exactly what it would be) and back out of the wedding, which will make everyone she knows think forever that you are a world-class controlling jerk? Or that you will have an excuse to walk out? Those are the only two outcomes you have set up. I strongly encourage you to consider a third: accept that your wife is going to be in the wedding and attend graciously without complaint as her escort. If you don’t think you could pull that off, then plead illness and stay home — a very rude thing to do, but much better than spoiling someone's wedding. Next time, you can talk it over first, and maybe get a pleasant surprise. It wouldn‘t mean your feelings and opinions are wrong at all. It’s just being a loving and caring grownup spouse, and playing fair....See MoreWhat's the biggest wedding party you have seen?
Comments (18)You know what Patty, if it isn't meaningful to you then don't do it. There are a lot of wedding traditions I think are plain dumb (throwing the bouquet, the garter, the cheesy way the wedding party is usually introduced) that I chose not to do. Purpose? How much of it really has a purpose? Why wear a white dress, a veil? Why do any of it? Just go to City Hall and exchange vows. Or don't get married at all, what's the purpose of that? In my case, making my father happy is purpose enough for me. Every wedding I attended between 1986 and 2007 the father walked the bride down the aisle, except in the few cases where the father had passed away. These brides ranged in age from 21 to 38. I went to a few wedding where the bride was older and it was a second or third marriage. In those cases the fathers had all passed away. The bride was escorted by her son in one case. What's the purpose of that? I doubt very much that the father walking the bride down the aisle is a "local phemonenon" here, especially since I live in an area where women are highly educated and often don't change their names (as I didn't)....See MoreWe invited people to the 'wedding party' and not the wedding.
Comments (5)One of my daughter's friends had done exactly something similar to what you are planning. Her wedding ceremony was on a dinner boat cruise on a river and included only the wedding party and immediate family (and spouses/significant others of the bridal party) during late morning through mid afternoon. Maybe 40 people max total. She wore a formal wedding gown and veil, but she and her sister (bridesmaid) wore jeweled flip flops for shoes! The groom and father of the bride were also attired in formal tuxedoes. But after that, everyone cut loose! Her reception was an outdoor, beach themed reception which included inviting a lot of other friends and extened family. I think there were about 100 people at that reception. Everyone changed into casual clothes - shorts, Hawaiian shirts, etc. and they had leis as favors. They had a casual BBQ dinner. I personally was invited to both events, and I recall that her inviation was in two parts. The main invitation stated something to the effect that "You are cordially invited to a reception following a private ceremony of the marriage between....blah, blah. Then, for the people who were invited to the private ceremony, there was a separate small card enclosed with the details of the ceremony on the boat. It was a a unique and fun wedding and reception!...See MoreI'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours Wed Apr 08
Comments (11)Nicole, it looks like it's wearing a sweater. LOL Marcia, I had a yellow rose bush that bloomed yellow for a few years and then one day turned red. Weird! Bob, the red-wing blackbird is my favorite bird. Thanks for that picture! Nice pics today, everybody!!...See More- 11 years ago
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