Hello everyone on Japanese Garden Forum. As usual Im long winded. Jizen found me today. Because I wanted it to or rather I was ready. But without this thread about a little statue I would have never known what I held in my hands this evening. Never had found a small Jizen like stone. And for this I have become willing to accept my life as not one to be ashamed of. Rather part of a larger picture. This is a good place for me to be. I took some time off to collect myself. Stayed away from the computer. I cant put a finger on it but the blend of learning the complex styles of Japanese Gardening and my attaching my personal life to it has become so much fun. However this process takes a lot of energy from me. The writing part in particular. Its so slow. The emotions involved are unexpectedly overwhelming. Not having practiced the sharing of experience, personal thoughts and more to an open audience I was hit by a wall of exhaustion. The type of tiredness that is good for the mind. Yet I wish I was prepared and practiced in such forms of expressions in a public forum. Not being well practiced my emotions welled up too strongly leading to much rambling and sensitivity. Often on the childish or naive ways. I try to make my mind coalesce into comprehensible words. Words that can be seen as truths. Weather bad or good this is why I like Japanese Gardening. As a simple person who has made many un-virtuous mistakes, I find comfort in the Buddhist imagery incorporated in the garden design. Somehow IÂll find my self again and continue on a better path. See how all my mistakes are still threads that are woven into my life forever. Finding how to love the good with the bad. This thread of a young boy Buddha statue has the ring of a thread woven within my souls tapestry. Sounds overused and corny to express it so but I cant put the idea into better words. If the individual threads of my mortal life could have sound and be plucked for the onlooker to hear, he or she could register all of those subconscious strands that make up the infinite complexities of the weavers looms. Understand that how I see a particular thread as ugly and undesirable as something that canot be removed. Yet maybe pulled a little tighter. A little looser. Giving off the right note-sound. Even if I do not acknowledge who is the weaver of my lifeÂs tapestry I wish to take responsibility for my own acts. Not to remove the unwanted threads consisting of mistakes from the successes. IÂve been told IÂm a stubborn person. Unwilling to accept change and responsibility. Rarely Thinking clearly and acting accordingly. An annoying problem I have. This afternoon I could not wait to leave the customers home. When I finally decided to pack up and leave the day still held a few hours of sunlight. A half hours drive brought me to the place I have recently found as healing and loving. Closing the door to my truck I ran down the steep slope towards the small rock cliffs and river. Took of my shoes and folded my shirt. Tied my keys to the chords of my swim trunks. Looked around and found myself alone. Laid my belongings on a boulder on the rivers side and ran back up the steep slope to a cliff about 30 high from the waters surface. Its become a ritual recently. The cliff is small yet the jump down is fun. Then after the plunge the short swim across to the rope swing. Taking a few jumps off the swing. When people are around its all the more fun. Gets competitive! Having all those younger kids trying to out do me. In the end the win because IÂm finding myself full of aches and pains the following morning. Not like when I was a teenager : ) But today I was alone. Two families passed under me while I stood ready to jump the cliff. They were excited to see the action. So I obliged. I was already standing ready to jump before I noticed them. Canoes and kayaks can move awfully quite. The canoe and kayak held young kids with their parents. We said hello before I jumped. I waited for them to move upriver a little so as not to land on them. They were eager to see the jump so I had fun. After they made their way upriver another hundred yards to an island dividing the river. Beyond my view they quickly became and I enjoyed the solitude again. Drifting in the slow current after another plunge into the river I became anxious. I wanted to be a part of human activity. I envied the two families that passed by. I was alone. Even though enjoying the thrill of freefalling into the gorge never becomes boring! And after all it was the whole Idea about building a Japanese Garden that led me to discovering new places like this. So I threw back on my shoes and shirt and walked along the rivers shore up towards the island. Here the river becomes boulder strewn with minor little rapids. Unlike the steep sided deep narrow gorge I just left that so many other kids spend the summer jumping off into. Little cliffs yet one is about 50 high. That one requires high tides. And some inconsideration. SomeoneÂs home is right on the precipice. Meaning you are literally jumping of an occupied home to jump off the cliff. IÂm to old to get away with that! Boy I wish I were a kid again. Somehow I havenÂt grown up I knew more or less why and I crossed the river onto the islands shore. And started looking for arrowheads, suiseki stones or anything that a forager would randomly place as important. The people were on the other side of the island upstream hidden by dense trees. I found a little stone that looked like a rounded version of an asian Junk boat. I knew it was nothing really but held onto it. Sometimes holding onto an object while focusing at thousands of others helps guide the mind to the next figure of interest. The smooth surface of the little stone in hand struck me as the exact opposite of the next stone I glanced at. This one was also less than palm sized but lumpy. The river eroded all the softer stone leaving unfinished garnets protruding. I knew the ÂLeopard Stone in china which is an outdoor suiseki was formed similarly. The mica schistÂs eroding leaving exposed garnets. At least thatÂs my interpretation of the small picture provided from a book. I held these two stones and felt good. Forgetting about the desire to have friends alongside me. Being alone. Nobody has ever really spent much time with me outdoors so sometimes I feel alone in the world. Almost guilty to be acting like a child playing in the sand , stones and dirt. But this is me. I like to discover. Small adventures. Foraging and playing. Now my thoughts were on the next stone. I crushed it. Somehow I knew the 2" diameter little stone was like a gem inside. And it was! A translucent blue quartz so pretty I was really happy. I left the blue quartz shards on the boulder for someone else to find. Japanese Suiseki stones were my interest. Not rocks and minerals like a science project. Twenty minutes had passed since I started looking for rocks and now the two families were heading back to the boats. I had completely forgotten myself and was content at looking for more stones. But a father passed close by. He was last on the trial. Lingering behind. Not noticing me since the boulders hid our views and the noise of water buffered our ears. I ran downstream and reexamined the blue quartz shards. Picked the best one and introduced myself to the father. I explained I wanted him to have this stone for his son . Since IÂve spent time rock collecting this would be a good opportunity to share something otherwise lost again. He held it up in his hand and was to my surprise genuinely happy and really excited. His eyes and face was glowing and I was greeted with much gratitude by him telling me, "Thank you and the stone is so beautiful. Look at that color. My son will be happy." We quickly went our own ways. I went upstream a little confused. Not knowing what to think about my impulsive actions. So I gave thanks to the weaver of destiny and simply was happy to make someone smile. And in return I received that human contact. A random act but one experience on a path amidst the river island. Where the beginning and end of that short path has a natural boundary. Surrounded by water. A short path along the middle of the island. I walked alone to one end and the father walked alone back to his family. Boats ready to launch and flow back downstream. The families disappeared and I was alone again. Alone yet feeling I accomplished another footstep along the invisible path that leads ones way of life. The way that is chosen. Like the ancient footpaths and roads that lead to a place of meaning. Like the ancient Greek trials that lead to mountain side temples. Paths of goodwill and special meaning. Chodo. The Way of Tea. The mountain path and the hermitage atop the mountain. Simplicity yet full of meaning no less advanced as that of an urban setting. I found a small Indian artifact on the same short trail the previous month. This place to me is becoming my friend. A way to define myself as a student of life. Now my thoughts were on finding that elusive almost impossible small stone with a hole naturally drilled into it creating a bowl. I know so little about Japanese Gardens. But my convictions to find each item for my Sensei and his teachers in the Japanese Cultural arts center is of the highest standards. Each garden item must not be bought or sold. The eventual assembly of the Garden for viewing will speak of devotion. A path of life that can be seen as a way to live. To become part of a group. Larger than any one individual. Knowing that to be patient will give the experiences of daily life an opportunity to test my devotion towards the collecting process of the garden materials. To become part of the land again. Having deep roots and continued traditions. Even if the Japanese Traditions and the local landcsape is an adopted one foreign from European roots, IÂll try to give the garden that quality of a long distant past. Something money cant buy. Like planting a mossy stone. Money cant buy time. Now I spent the last hours of sunlight walking in the river. Knowing I will never find a stone bowl for my teacher at the Dojo. Hoping that my desire to build a garden for the "Way of Tea" will have the continued freedom of untold time to find the proper materials. So far its been almost four months. It may take a few years. I hope that I do not become disliked as an impractical person. A dreamer who has no touch of reality. I never expected finding the right materials to be so difficult. And I know so little about Bhuddism and all the other related Japanese topics of importance. I feel like an ostrich with my head stuck in the sand for too long. So many boulders have holes drilled into them. But they are as large as a dump trucks or a golf cart. Each weighing thousands of pounds. Yet they give me the glimpse at how the river provides inspiration for artistic stone gardening. My mind was on the kid again I saw when looking down the cliff before jumping into the water earlier.Â. Would his father chuck the blue stone into the river? Did he feign the excitement? No he wouldnÂt. I was imagining the worst scenario. And that is when I became bothered with thinking such silly thoughts after the father was genuinely happy. But what really counted was I just wanted the kid finding amusement at a gem quality stone. It was like jumping off the cliff for his amusement was good but I knew I could do better. I wanted to share what I had found previous weeks in the river to the family but all the stones were stored away.Somehow I wanted to share the essence of the river. Make it more than just a playground but a stream of life. Exciting. Full of new interpretations using Asian influences. Whish in the long run are identical to Western Ideas. All those archetypical images that unite nations and cultures. They were obviously new to the river since they never seen people jump off and didnÂt know about the rope swing withch was there for years, as IÂve been told. But in reality IÂm not the type of guy to go introducing myself to strangers enjoying themselves. And using the garden web frees me from such inhibitions of sharing life. Then I became really sad. I had the opportunity to have a child a couple of years and lost the privilege. That was the thread I was pulling at this evening. A thread that is now a part of my being. I was plucking at the painful experience of loosing an unborn life. Partly of my own decisions wrongly made if asked of my point of view. Almost everyone else saw it as a good thing givin the circumstances. I was looking for a way to retune the threads painful experience into a note of practicality and usefulness. Making a bad unforgivable occurrence in my life into a livable and bearable memory. Having a note that is more like the musical threads of a harps plucked chordÂs by a talented musician. What IÂm saying is this experience had a sour note I now hate to hear. And then the whole memory of having to make a decision of abortion based upon medical complications to the fetus. What doctors considered reasonable and justified. While a whole opposite story came from doctors at the same time saying there is no need. I was so confused and wanted the best for the women I loved. All my life I thought I was the most loving human and protector of all life. I was to be a father. But I somehow lost the privilege and my decisions led to this sour note in my life. Now IÂm just another person who has lost some glow. I can type and actually function today as myself again. Not letting emotions blur who I used to be before the abortion. I was so young and innocent. Dreamy and full of hopes. I cant begin to express my feelings of saying IÂm sorry. Because I Have to live with the decision for the rest of my life. I made the mistake of letting others guide me towards loosing something that almost cost me my sanity. What IÂm saying is nobody can tell you how you will cope after you make a decision during a crossroad in life. I learned and want to place this experience in stoneÂ".An individual who makes a decision will have to live with that for all of their life." Every day. Morning and night. My decision was based upon my weakness to stand up for my beliefs. I failed miserably and now am finding the healing process will always be a scar non the less. I will not cry anymore over this thread that has been woven into my life. The sound and color may be to my dislike but I am willing to continue learning again. As a humble more wiser student. Knowing that my acts today on the island towards giving a stone for the father for his child was for me. I wanted to initiate the first step on a path I almost lost sight of because of remorse and anger. Our traces will be washed away by the rivers currents. My footsteps along the river islands path will disappear. But I will have added one tiny strand to the tapestry of my life this day. A small thread that has initiated the goodness found in following a WAY. The Way of my life re-stitched. The path or road chosen on any given moment when choices have to be made can be slightly orientated towards the way of life and its continuation. Forgiving oneself is the hardest and longest path to initiate. I can never fully understand forgiveness. I donÂt expect to ever attain it. For like anything else in life nothing is perfect or complete. Perfection is of another life and time. IÂll just try and do my best to make up for this lifeÂs mistakes. In the end you have to live with yourself. Nobody can do this for you. Life seems so easy until I ask myself to be honest. Seems like finding the materials for a Japanese Garden for me has led to finding the path of truth. A way of life without leading the next person down the wrong path. Now IÂve found Compassion for the fellow man. Forgiveness. Yet with that comes responsibility. To let the whole truth be known. The body of truth. This is the undercurrent of all art forms. That is the truth I see in such a simple meaningless picture of a cheap Buddha statue that is almost one the line of whimsical. I know I rambled again. Getting back to the river this eveningÂÂ..looking into the darkening waters of the river, I decided it was time to go home. A white object blurred by swift moving water caught my eyes. The stone bowl for the way of tea would be for another day. I looked at the willow tree next to me stubbornly clinging to a small group of stones in the middle of the river. Two months ago it was submerged by fifteen feet of spring flood waters. The roar of the river and its hydraulic power was scary to remember. Yet the willow was able to hold root. Its pink and red roots were exposed by the raging current. Boulders crashing down beneath the deep current dented the tree here and there. The woods were dark. The river Gorge was the only open accepting the unfiltered light. Just enough light that when I looked back down I barely could see the stone. It was like a moment of suspense! One more stone. I should just make my way back to the truck I was thinking. I didnÂt find the stone for the tea ceremony. I was a little bruised from jumping of the cliffs and quite honestly dinner seemed to be the motive to hustle home. But I bent down and picked up the stone. Walking a few minutes with the stone in hand I finally turned it around to the white portion. A childÂs face much like a baby with two eyes and a mouth. The head was the main focal point. You can discern the cheeks and a small tuft of hair. I wasnÂt moved like that of Aware. That upwelling of emotion bringing tears of happiness. Rather I was dumbstruck! If you can understand the moment of turning away to go home. The moment when you decide to pick up one random stone when the infinite variety of patterns can always await to be discovered tomorrow. I mean I picked up a stone not desiring to find any rare or exceptional quality. Immediately I remembered the little stone statue of this thread. And in closing to my long story it was only tonight that I read the threads entirety. I needed to find my own answers today. We make our own luck and find what we want to fit our needs accordingly. Today I barrowed a seemingly unimportant thread to help heal deep wounds. Wounds that I do not desire to ever heal perfectly. Unless I want to forget the mistakes I made and retrace my footsteps blindly. I am better for my mistakes. Maybe making me fall behind in finding a perfectly lived life. But I am accepting all experiences as truths not to be hidden. Open heart. Maybe I can show a picture of the stone. I donÂt know how to. And it might seem like nothing to the viewer as I describe. Certainly not a truly special suiseki. But IÂd like to share a picture of how a Japanese Bhuddist iconic image from this thread (Jizen son) and the process of collecting a Japanese GardenÂs materials had become a way of life for me. Much like any religious way. Its also ironic that the last time I posted a lengthy follow up was about the definition of the native Indian meaning of papoose. And if anything this stone looks much like an infant in a basket. I took the time to share this experience. Because I was ready. Willing and wanted to let a person know that with time and during the most mundane boring activities , a person can find meaning . Maybe not a perfect answer worth taking the risk to share the experience and how it unfolded. Finding old religious images and the stories that belong to them as relevant to another person. When least expected. To me it was learning the meaning of the statue O Jizo sama. The related items of travelers, Jozos jewel, children and my own personal experiences from today and a past event that found some harmony. I most definitely will have to show a picture of the stone less one thinks IÂm a story teller or never picked up by accident an image of Jizen. Hope I didnÂt waste forum space and apologize. This is fun for me so IÂm trying my best to find values in the gardening experience. Thank you.

1. What are you wearing right now? Blue jeans and teal shirt What have I eaten today? Oh gee... For breakfast I had a smoked salmon salad, snack: watermellon and almonds lunch: orange and 80 calories worth of ice cream, snack: more watermellon and almonds. It is only 4! I had eyed a Lean Cuisine for dinner, but writing this I just realized what a pig I have been today so I might just skip. 3. What did you have for dinner last night? watermellon and almonds 4. What is your favorite flower in your flower garden? a 14 foot high jasmine 5. Other than the main colors in your home now, what colors would you like to change to? I would really like to someday own a gray Neoclassical with a slick black front door. Maybe that is just a reflex because it is the complete opposite of the yellow country Victorian we are finishing building now. 6. Are you an online shopper or do you prefer to go to a store in person? Either. I *love* to shop, but I never buy much. Getting out and visiting shops is thrilling enough for me that I don't feel like I need to buy the proverbial t-shirt. 7. If you do shop online, what is your favorite website, other than Amazon? Is Craigslist shopping?? I have been looking out for several things and prefer to buy vintage or antiques. Antique stores (in real life) just thrill me to no end. 8. Do you paint your nails? I break my nails on the darn piano and I only paint my nails when they are long... so not very often. 9. What one thing this week are you looking forward to doing? It is a weird week here, so I am just hoping that everything runs smoothly. A win would be no more poisonous snakes this week. What type of car do you drive and the color? We just bought a new vehicle wild color. All our vehicles end up some crazy color. They can't make a color that is too wild for us! :O)

For my wedding last year we had a heavy Hor-dourves meal. That seems to be really popular these days. It included pieces of chicken on skewers, meatballs in sauce that people ate with toothpics, foccacia, and fruit and veggie trays with a variety of dips. One fruit dip I make that goes over well is really simple: a tub of Cool-Whip and a tub of fruit-flavored yogurt. One thing that always seems to be a hit is a piece of melon with proscuitto wrapped around it. For some reason that taste combo sits well with people. I've made an easy cake for parties that is esp. popular for kids. All I do is make a one-layer cake, frost it with chocolate frosting, arrange chocolate chips on the top, and arrange twinkies concentrically around it to where it looks like a sunflower. Does that make sense? If you click on the link at the end of this post and scroll down you'll see a picture. I went through my recipes and here's what I found: this recipe is meant to be low-fat (which some people might like), but I'm sure you can use regular ingredients, too. I thought you might like it because it's more elegant than some hot bean dips: Hot Black Bean Dip 1 can (16 oz) fat-free refried black or pinto beans 1 c (8 oz) reduced fat sour cream 1 c. salsa ½ tsp. salt 1 tsp. pepper ½ c.(2 oz) shredded reduced fat cheddar cheese cumin, to taste Preheat oven to 325˚. Combine all ingredients except cheese in a 3-4 cup shallow baking dish. Top with cheese. Bake for about 10-15 minutes. Serve with fresh cut vegetables. This pumpkin dip recipe is so good, and very easy. It's great if you don't want a dessert that is too heavy, and it lends itself well to a buffet-style meal. HARVEST PUMPKIN DIP INGREDIENTS 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened 2 cups confectioners' sugar 1 can (15 ounces) solid-pack pumpkin 3 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger Apple and pear slices, graham crackers (sticks work esp. well) SERVINGS 28 PREP 10 min. TOTAL 10 min. DIRECTIONS In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese and confectioners' sugar. Gradually add the pumpkin, pie spice, vanilla and ginger; beat until smooth. Serve with fruit. Refrigerate leftovers. Yield: 3-1/2 cups. This recipe is also great for a crowd because people can just grab them and go! Cheddar Chili Cups Chili Cups Ingredients: 2 (15-ounce) cans vegetarian chili 1/2 cup sliced green onions 6 (4-inch) hard round dinner rolls Toppings Ingredients: 6 slices (1/2 ounce each) LAND O LAKES® Cheddar Cheese 1/3 cup LAND O LAKES® Sour Cream 2 ounces (1/2 cup) LAND O LAKES® Cheddar Cheese, shredded Cherry tomatoes, if desired 1. Combine chili and green onions in 2-quart saucepan. Cover; cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until heated through (3 to 5 minutes). 2. Meanwhile, hollow out rolls with serrated knife, leaving 1-inch shell. Place 1 slice cheese in bottom of each roll; fill with 1/2 cup hot chili. 3. Top each with 2 teaspoons sour cream; sprinkle with shredded cheese. Serve with cherry tomatoes, if desired. Makes 6 servings. Well, that's my 2 cents. Hope this helps, and good luck!

not necessarily in order: chrome purple - deep or pale green - perky or olive bright white trim and wts tile done in a pattern drawers in base cabs vintage/retro lighting vintage mirrors antiques, esp strays crystal high ceilings natural light (skylights, solatube, eyebrow window, etc..) family pictures nature photography functional but pretty items good closets/storage ceiling fans (as many as possible) landscaping that produces edible things our Roomba home cooked meals from scratch main level laundry room kids' artwork soft floors in kitchen