(((((Susan)))))

my latest loss isn't the death of a person but the 15 year marriage of my ds1 and dil....they have 2 beautiful girls, but from the very short conversation I had with them (didn't ask one question) I told them they were always welcome to escape if needed, and that I still loved their mother, their nana, and her partner...they're in middle school so very aware of the dynamics happening...since ds1 is still living in the home (basement his new quarters) and dil works 4-12am at a local hospital, they only time they spend time together are at sporting events...

is this the new divorce wave?

Things Change.

They are always changing. We like some changes. We don't like others. Things keep changing because it's the way of the world. We make plans, and things change. We think we can't stand a change, and then...things change, and we go on. Good today. Bad tomorrow, but good again *some day*.

Profound changes like birth and death remind us of basic truths. There is always change and always Just Today -- to enjoy or to just get through. Until things change.

Susan, I'm sure your words have and will help many. Thank you for taking time to put your experience and knowledge to work, helping others.

Thanks for posting the advice. It will help.

I lost my mother last Friday. The funeral was on Sunday. I haven't posted about it cause I just didn't feel like it.

Pooh Bear

Some very good advice in the article...thanks for posting it.

Pooh Bear, you have my sympathy and understanding.

Sweet Rocket (hesperis) looks like something I would plant. Would it grow in Iowa? I suppose that's a dumb question. Why else would it be considered invasive!

I book marked this. I may need it some day. I especially paid attention to the bad decisions you made after Jill's death. Years ago My FIL gave a boat to a guy, who didn't want it and he sold it immediately. Gave a house to him. He sold it and started building a mountain cabin. My MIL said he'd lost his son(my husband, we'd purchased a house & moved to a nearby town) and was trying to replace him with a man that didn't want the job. I don't know if that's true......but the symptoms were there.

I'm sorry about your mother, Pooh Bear. It's never easy.

Thank you for reading and commenting, everyone.

Lovely and eloquent words, Susan. Thank you for posting.

So sorry that your mother is gone, Pooh Bear. Deepest sympathies.

Susan, thank you for sharing your journey. I printed it and will be giving it to a dear friend who lost her husband in November. She is in so much pain and I often struggle with ways to help, your words will help us both. She is very angry and often projects it on to others, so many have backed away and that is the last thing she needs.

Poohbear, my prayers and sympathy to you and your family.

Pooh, how sorry I am to hear you lost your mom. My mom has been gone 13 years now, and I still miss her a lot. Deepest condolences.

Susan, that was both beautiful and heart-wrenching to read. I can't imagine . . .

Thanks Alisande, for sharing this post.

Pooh, sorry for your loss.

I read somewhere, "You don't get over it, you just get on with it." That struck a cord in me.

I think the most difficult is knowing what will comfort another as well as being able to verbalize what will comfort you.

Thank you Alisande. Poor Bear, I'm very sorry you lost your mom. I lost both of my parents, it's a hard thing to adjust to. God bless her soul, and you and yours to help you through the grieving process.

On a happier note, very glad to see you posting Pooh Bear.

Pooh, please accept my sympathies with the loss of your mother. Blessings to your family.

Pooh, I am so sorry you lost your mother. Please accept my sincere sympathy. I am glad to see you here though. How about an update on how you are doing when you feel up to it.

That's a very well-done piece, Susan, and I thank you for it. I wish I had been able to read this when my dad died, so many years ago. I pretty much handled it alone as we're not much of a talk-thru-your-feelings family.

I'm so very sorry you had to lose your daughter to Heaven so early, and Pooh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with the sorrow of your mother's passing.

After losing what I did last year and pets before that and on and on my mind was much, couldn't concentrate and put one foot in front of the other and would be driving and not a clue except out of habit could drive it.

I agree do not do anything no matter what for a full year, find counselling, grieving and talk it out and let it out and don't worry about what others tell you, I had ones that said suck it up. live life and that is how it goes. And no crying and you don't want your dad back old and sick as he was and on and on it was all the time.

Then the wills are unreal and you find out so much and trying to find out things and your mind can't remember and can't concentrate and you can't do anything.

I was forced to move and to this day my living room is full of bins and boxes, just can't do it I find. No energy, no zip, this is not my home and on and on it goes.

Your life totally changes many of us, we find out things we wish we didn't or experience either.

Hold off as long as you can if you can as I know many can't and financially must be force to sell and do things but if possible, don't rush into anything and wait until you can finally concentrate and your mind isn't mush and you can figure things out more. Get a lawyer too if you can afford one, well worth it and make sure all is legal and you don't do something crazy while later you go what I did what?

Surround yourself if you have good friends around them and be with them and don't be afraid to talk things out and talk those painful things you are hurting so bad and then good memories and everything.

Don't let anyone tell you to stop grieving and don't be afraid to cry, to sob loud and long, to scream it out and to be so angry, its all normal to feelings.

And be careful to not let others know you are now alone, don't do obits in papers as you will have people come out of the wood work after you and if you inherit, have good money, you would be surprised who will come at you and want to take it from you.

Vent, whatever to get it out and even years from now, the pain can be just as strong the missing of them and wanting them there with you.

Don't feel bad if you talk to them as that is normal too. I will find myself looking for our beloved pets gone and call out for my buddy's name. I will find myself turning around to chat with my dad or ask him something and find he's not there.

Go your own way, don't follow what others tell you as we are all so different when we lose loved ones, pets and humans alike. And some of us grieve so deeply and others never or lightly and that is it.

kathy

thank you for posting

Thank you, Susan. Condolences to you Pooh Bear. Sending good wishes that you are strong and coping well with your sad loss. (((((HUGS))))))

My sympathy to you and your family, Pooh.

Alisande, I kept resisting reading this post because I knew it would cause me to relive the sudden loss of my daughter. Finally read it last evening and it did cause flashbacks, but also gave some comfort in confirming that one can get through such a loss. Tough times for sure, but your words/thoughts can help others in grief emerge ok and more able to move on. And move on we must, not just for ourselves, but for those around us who are likely also grieving.

Thanks, everyone. I just edited the post to include the fact that my husband had dementia. I hope that was clear to those who read it before the edit. It was pointed out to me that my statement about him thinking he lived in a hotel could be misinterpreted as a comment that he was a demanding person. Not true!

Every word of that is so true. Thank you for stating it so eloquently.

Thank you for your message, Susan.

An young acquaintance told me earlier today of the loss of his mother. I'm printing it to give to him, as I think a good portion of it may be relevant for him.

My heartfelt condolences to you, Pooh Bear, in the loss of your mother.

I send good wishes to you and your family, and pray that God's grace may help you find the best way through these coming days, with a measure of peace in your hearts as you make that journey.

ole joyful