Second student this year to loose a parent
redtartan
8 years ago
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redtartan
8 years agoRelated Discussions
going to loose my house? :(
Comments (44)Lisa: Around 1985, my community suffered a really bad economic situation -- biggest plant shut down. Hundreds of homes hit the market at the same time and the values dropped & no one was buying. My family was going through several problems at the time and we needed to move & couldn't sell the house at all, let alone for the amount of the mortgage. There were so many empty homes that even renting the house didn't work out for us. I went to the Bank and discussed options and explained our problem. The bank officer offered no solution whatsoever. Finally with the assistance of an attorney, we stopped making payments to get the bank's attention. The attorney negotiated the bank taking back the deed in lieu of foreclosure. We had to pay a some of money & I think it was around $4,000 (remember that this was a $27,000 mortgage secured in 1977). It was, for us, a relief to finally get out from under the stress of owning a home we couldn't sell, rent in a town we needed to leave. In hindsight, maybe we could have waited it out. But there were other problems and we needed to move ahead. Whether it hurt the credit, I have no idea. We rented homes for a few years, lived overseas for a few years & then bought property again, with no problems. So, I hope that your lender will help you -- my experience was that they would not in any way be helpful. Good luck Susan 4...See MoreParents of highscool seniors or college students?
Comments (25)My son studied on his own, so did most of his friends. It depends on what type of student your child is. Have your child do anearly test to get a baseline and see how well he/she does, and what areas they need to work on. The ACT will send you a break down (or have it on-line) so you know which sections your child needs to work on. My son got a 33 on his first test so he was pretty much done. The prep classes worked best for kids who initially scored below 28. Kids who scored higher than that on their initial test did not see any significant improvement using the ACT class provided by the school. A few students who scored 28 and then took the class lowered their scores. After taking the baseline test, try for one of the tests in the fall so there is plently of time for a prep class or independant study, go over the results with your child to see what they need to work on. It really isn't worth investing in the class until you know if it will be any help. Most kids felt the class helped most with the math or science sections, with their reading speed (for slower readers), or just with little tips on how to handle stuuf you don't know how to answer. It does seem like there is not enough time to answer all the questions, but there is. My son is a meticulous reader so he is a bit slow when he reads. I had him get a practice book from the library and do a practice test from each section, timed to see if he could finish. He finished every section with time to spare. The same happened when he took the test. I hope this helps. Sorry if it is rambling, it is 6:30AM here and I have not had any coffee yet! Oh, I forgot about the new writing section. Some kids did feel that the class helped them with the essay. My son did not score well on the essay, nor did most of his friends who take honors or AP language arts classes. The kids who took the college prep level classes scored better on that part of the test....See MoreHow much should parents expect the other parent to help out?
Comments (22)"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her....See MoreOT- My daughter/parenting/concerns
Comments (27)Thank you everyone I know I am being a bit sensitive and probably a bit insecure and worrying when I should be grateful. Our living situation makes me insecure. I blame my mother lol it's something I deal with in therapy but I still have made any headway on it. I have lived the 'with money' life with my ex and even when I say, id rather have love than money any day, since I've had both, I still wish I owned my own home, in a neighborhood full of kid with my own flowerbed to dig in and my own walls to paint. It's a goal. We are close but it's been a long two years. Mostly because I have legal fees out the you know what... And I married a man that never planned to marry or have a family and so he never planned for the future. At our ages we are just starting and we have two kids to raise... One is half way out the door ... My son will be settled and in a home in a neighborhood before he starts school and he probably won't remember that if it weren't for hand me down clothes, he might have not have been dressed the last two years. Thank goodness for our blessings because we have always been able to pay the bills, afford extras for the kids and cover the little things that come up in life. I come from a home where we never moved. My mom still lives in the home she bought 42 years ago when she married my biodad. Our lives were always very settled and we all went to the same schools, had the same teachers etc. Grew up with the same neighbors and friends. Dd has moved 3 times in her life, has been to 2 schools and I'm just feeling guilty that we aren't as settled as we should be. I know people move all the time but for someone that came from such a settled background, it's hard to justify to myself my unsettled feelings. I know my Dd doesn't care, I'm sure she doesn't. She is too worried about what books she is going to read and what performance she will do at the talent show. With that said, she hears a lot from her dad about how crappy we live. I know he and sm are just trying to upset me and maybe even make her think the grass is greener over there. I would not say I am jealous of them at all but I feel insecure that he COULD provide a more stable environment for Dd as far as a home goes. Nothing more. I provide fine for her mentally, emotionally, financially. He has made comments that with the amount of support he pays we should be living in a better area. Couldn't be further from the truth but I internalize it and I worry that as Dd gets older, she is going to buy in to what he says to her. And she won't want to be with me anymore. It's just a fear I'm sure there is no basis for it but it is my feelings and I can't do anything but accept the way things are and move on. Thanks again for letting me vent here and giving me great advice. I really appreciate it!!!...See Moretibbrix
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