Phoggie, I am so sorry you lost your husband and your kids' lost their father.

Heartwrenching. Some people's trials are harder than others, so hopefully those others step in where needed.

I agree tibbrix. Both boys are friends of my son. They are not best friends, but they do hang out together and the first boy and my son sit together on the bus everyday. The first boy lost his father to cancer 2 years prior to his mother. At least one good thing about living in a small community is that people do band together. The majority of the kids have been in the same class together since kindergarten.

It's surprising that a "small community" has so many fatal traffic accidents.

why? because they take things for granted...and cars are often the only mode of transportation...

Snidely, you are an ass! Why even bother to comment? Monkeys, I am sorry that your children are having to go through this at such a young age.

SnidelyWhiplash

"It's surprising that a "small community" has so many fatal traffic accidents."

Actually Snidely, the one that just happened was over an hour away. She was hit by a drunk driver in another Township. Her teenage older teenage daughter and friend are still in critical condition in the hospital. I really don't see how where it happened should matter. The other one the was in winter, she went through the stop sign. She was on her way to pick up her son from school. It was less than six months ago. You know I posted this last night because I was feeling extremely emotional, especially after seeing my teenage son tearing up about what his friend was going through. I just wanted an outlet so I could release how I was feeling and hold it together in front of him. I now see that public forums are not for me. I'd rather stay in my bubble where people aren't so hateful.

I also wonder if the number of traffic accidents and deaths is somehow higher in your area. If there are underlying reasons, maybe something can be DONE. Crying and wringing our hands won't help as much as turning awareness into trying to prevent more accidents.

You mentioned one DUI fatality. Mothers Against Drunk Driving has concrete steps a community can take to fight this. Is there adequate enforcement of traffic laws? Are intersections dark or poorly configured? Are there things your local law enforcement agencies would be able to do if they had the money to do them? Would people attend a short course in defensive driving?

These are tragedies. We're all saddened by your news. It can help to focus that grief into not only comforting the bereaved, but also to try to prevent more tragedies.

So sad to have two people die suddenly.

littlemonkeys, ONE comment was off beat. Why focus on that one?

Chisue, I think her comment isn't about the bigger picture but the immediate shock and strain.

Bleeping drunk drivers and texting/cellphone blabbing drivers. And texting while driving, as well as blabbing on the phone, I am sure is far more dangerous than even drunk driving (drunk drivers, at least, tend to be focusing heavily on the driving since they don't want to get caught. Texters' and blabbers' brains are elsewhere from the driving altogether).

While of course it's always been on my radar that they're out there, I never actually had anxiety or worry about being hit by a drunk driver, but I do about texters and blabbers, first because of the above, I think they're far more distracted than are drunk drives, and second because I suspect the population of phone chatting and texting drivers is FAR higher, and more consistently dangerous, than drunk drivers.

What a disastrous and stupid species we can be!

I agree about the much greater dangers from distracted drivers. It galls me that the bulk of this could be *fixed* by eliminating telephone signals in a moving vehicle, but people find that 'too inconvenient'. We lived just fine waiting to make or take an important call until we were off the road. We should do it again. Only police and emergency vehicles should be able to transmit/receive while a vehicle is in motion. 'Hands free' is no answer at all. As long as a driver's mind is engaged by phone or texting, it's not on driving.

We can't do anything to stop the fool reading or primping while driving. This, though, has an obvious, already existing remedy. It just needs to become law and be enforced. Think of the people NOT killed and NOT in hospital.

We achieved 'Buckle Up'. We can save thousands of lives by blocking transmissions in a moving vehicle. What does it matter if a driver or passenger is 'inconvenienced'? Lives are at stake.

chisue's comments, especially the first paragraph of her first response, more clearly express the thoughts I have. I'm sorry anyone perceived an underlying message I hadn't sent.

angelaid, to you I say - Ditto. My comment responded to the conversation, your's simply displayed your misunderstanding. It's not the first time. Look before you leap.

((((LM3)))) I can only attempt to imagine what you're going through. To have those children left without mothers is devastating. There was a big public discussion years ago about why mothers were always killed off in Disney movies, but it seemed to me that it was because the greatest peril one can imagine for a child is to lose the mother. Maybe you can brainstorm with your son about things he can do to help his friends without being intrusive. Maybe just go to ride bikes or go fishing. Be there. Maybe learning how to cope with another's loss at this point of his life will help your son learn how to channel empathy in a useful manner. I wish I were better at this kind of thing.

I am so sorry for both of these families and to have not only lost one parent, but both at such a young age is unimaginable. I understand why you feel like stepping away from the forum, but please don't. Hugs and take care!

My Rant of the Day

Maybe its time we narrowed the use of the word "accident". Too often, I see the term, accident, applied to all events of injures, missteps, or damages. An accident is something that is random and totally unforeseen. Many injuries were the result of carelessness or bad behavior. These are not accidental; Those were "events" waiting to happen and sometimes the event does not occur: a happy happenstance.

An example of an event by choice: We had a near rural intersection with stop signs only on the minor roadway; The major thoroughfare had none. A terrible "event" happened at that intersection. A mother was driving with her child and ran the stop sign. She was broadsided. The passenger door popped open, the child fell out and mother's vehicle, now spinning our of control ran over the child and killed her. The child was not belted in and was standing on the seat. Was this an accident, or was it an unfortunate event? The death of the child was totally avoidable. The impact was not high speed. The child died because the parent hated to use seat belts and allowed the child to take a dangerous position in the car. This was a circumstance by choice; It was not accidental.

A number of crashes are caused by belligerent behavior. Can we truthfully call these accidents? Calling these events accidents applies a salve of compassion and protects the belligerent.

Matti- I didn't mean I was leaving, just not inclined to share my personal life anymore. There's a handful of people on GW that just seem to know the right or rather wrong thing to say. It's unclear whether it's a purposeful act or they are just oblivious to normal social interaction. In real life you can avoid people that you do not mesh with, unfortunately GW does not have a button where you can opt out of seeing certain people's posts.

I thank those of you that said exactly what I needed in that moment. And Pllog you said, " I wish I were better at this kind of thing." You said just the right thing. The funeral is today, but a silver of good news for the family is that the daughter and her friend have both been upgraded from critical to stable. Hopefully they can be transferred to a closer hospital as they are over 2 hours away. Thank you again to those of you that could clearly see that all I need was just a little bit of understanding.

At least there's a note of hope that the injured are doing better. I'll pray for their full recovery.

My youngest sister was a kindergarten teacher for over 30 years and it seemed there were several instances in her teaching career where this sadness would happen. I remember one instance were a father had a horrible accident and my sister said she would just let the child talk and give them a hug if they asked for one. He did recover. I'm sure she did so much more for the family as all the children had been her students. Breaks your heart that the students have to suffer a loss of a parent or loved one. My deepest sympathy to the family.

Hi jemdandy,

And in your story of the mom whose car ran over her child after the car'd been hit and the unbelted child thrown out ... she'd run the "STOP" sign, as well.
ole joyful

A description of two deaths of parents of kids in one small class in rural area, not from a decaying urban center where danger and death are a feature of everyday life. Very sad, of course. I express my surprise that something like that should be experienced in such a setting and OP and several others suggest my comment is inappropriate.

Sorry, I'm lost with these reactions.

Wow, I'm surprised at the reactions. A simple and innocent comment that it seems like a large number of deaths in a short time for a small community should command such defensiveness and name-calling? What is so offensive about that? Neither "off beat" nor off topic IMO. And certainly no justification to overreact to an innocent comment.

Life IS unfair. No doubt in my mind. Unfair in many ways. And it's sad to see innocent people die when others less innocent live on and prosper. Many don't like my opinion on that but it's how I feel.

Cynic I should just leave it alone, but against my better judgment I will answer your question as to what I found so offensive. 1) the use of the words "small community" in quotations, which to me has an accusatory feel. 2) referencing that there was a lot of deaths when there were 2 deaths, which is not even several let alone many. Considering these are the only 2 deaths of parents in the almost 3 years that I am aware of I would hardly make a statement implying it's extraordinary. 3) Taking a post that is about the loss of a life and posting a small, abrupt comment that is highly unclear as to the meaning behind it. While it may be "on topic", just for one moment actually put yourself in my shoes and view it from my prospective as to what a comment like that comes across as given the position I was in. Perhaps if he had of 1st said, "Gee, that is terrible" or continued his comment with more explanation. He jumped to conclusion and didn't even know of the facts. Concern did not come across in that post what so ever.

My husband is very good about telling me if he thinks my views on things are an over-reaction and he's extremely level-headed. The fact that he too viewed the post as inappropriate I feel my reaction was justified and obviously there were other people that felt that same reaction. You may feel differently but it doesn't mean that the reaction isn't justified. It's easy to go back after the fact and try to explain away what you really meant. If someone is often finding themselves in the middle of it due to off the cuff comments, perhaps the problem isn't with the people who are reading it, but with the communication skills of the poster.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's really sad, and I can see why you may have thought the comment was rude.

I read Snidely's comment a little differently, though. When there's a high percentage of traffic accidents, there is often some opportunity for increased safety. 2 accidents affecting people in LA would be expected, but in a very small community, it can be high, and can possibly indicate a problem. Maybe poor lighting, stop sign visibility issues, no taxi availability for drunk people, or any other of a host of things that could be a factor. Or maybe nothing, and just terrible coincidence. But either way, it's worth thinking about if it could help keep people safer in the future.

Against my better judgement, I'll do the same.

If from your perspective the meaning of my comment was unclear, why have any reaction to it at all?

Small community in quotes - I was assuming such based on your description but generically not specifically. No matter what the setting, if among one small class of students, two parents were killed in traffic accidents during a single school term, that to me is a high rate of fatal car accidents among a small group. You don't think so?

Even with your explanation, I'm lost how you got there. No offense was intended.

Edit to add - thanks to cynic and chi83 for seeing the broader view.

OTOH, the purpose of this thread was for LM3 to express her grief and get some consolation. Whether her reaction to these comments was motivated by the words or by her state of mind, instead of quibbling about it, couldn't we just say we're sorry she was upset and offer her condolences and a shoulder to cry on? The issue is that two young families have been devastated and a community has be rocked. All the other kids in the community are probably feeling less secure, and the moms have a greatened burden trying to keep stability and security for their own kids as well as the kids in the community as a whole.

LM3, is there anything that we can do, from our far flung spots, to help the impacted family, class or community?

Plllog you are good. You pretty much hit that bang on. Even the part about the worry of the kids, which was a conversation I had to have with my son. And now I am crying yet again. Gee.... frig. And no, nobody needs to do anything. All I needed in that moment I got already. I've learned a valuable lesson though and obviously need to just have my emotional needs met by people who are directly involved in my life (not that I didn't appreciate the kind words from everyone).

As to the thread, I'd appreciate if we could just let it die and let bygones be bygones. It's actually making the situation worse with the pettiness and I'd really like to just move on and be able to deal with my emotions.

I'm not sure what LM3 can do to prevent accidents and deaths in her community. A mother went through a stop sign.......she was not paying attention (her fault). A tragedy for the family, to be sure.

With the other accident a drunk driver hit the car. There are drunk driving laws all across the country. And there will be idiots who drink and drive, because they feel they won't get caught and will get home safely.

What do you expect Little Monkeys to do? Stand out in the street waving a sign? The law is there, both distracted driving, which the fines were heavily increased as of June 1 and DUI.

There is a spot on our highway with a flashing light and stop signs, and people still get killed. Someone runs thru the stop sign from the sideroad. It's in the news, people in that area have appealed to the townships to get a traffic light. Mennonites with horse and buggies travel the highway regularly, and they have been hit.

I guess they need a few more deaths to justify the expenditure.

((((LM3))))

I don't think this is the most appropriate thread for name calling and bickering. Lord knows there are some doosies on the other boards right now where it would be more fitting. Don't you think that when emotions are raw, some added sensitivty should be shown?

LM3, this is such a sad thing for anyone to experience. My sisters were 10 12 and 15 when my father passed from an accident. (I had just turned 18) It's been a very long time but I still remember the heartbreak and loss as if it were yesterday. It's a blessing that you are in a small community that can and will circle the wagons around those kids and help them through this tragic situation. I hope the injured recover soon too. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.