No wisdom, just empathy. I'm currently in my quarterly funk. You kind of have to find a way to work your way through these periods. I personally think its ok every once in a while to take a break from life. Not necessarily a vacation, just a rest from life's requirements: work, decision making, house cleaning, etc.

Cut yourself some slack and don't let it go too long. Better yet, go buy yourself something. New shoes, purse, new kitchen or car. Something just for you.

This has happened to me as well. I think different things work for different people. For me, i make sure I keep in touch with friends even if it's just for a cup of coffee and I run 3x a week with friends and I make sure that I never come up with an excuse to not go.
Having coffee with a friend reminds me that I am alive and that I have to push through whatever has got me down.

And I agree, cut yourself some slack, I have learned to do that. I think we can caught up in that idea that we always have to be busy, busy, busy so that we can tell people how busy we are and what a busy life we lead. I've learned to let go of that, I have learned to take time for myself and not feel guilty about it.

Go eat some junk food - that's what I do or dark chocolate.

Perimenopause for me was a time that involved a lot of soul searching and reflection which was a good thing. Sometimes I had bouts of depression, and/or a need to change a few things but never everything. Usually, I would try to focus on the things I really do love and appreciate i.e. my husband, home and family; then I'd start a new project on the house and remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Volunteer. Working with others who truly have problems/need help is the best way I've found to put my stuff in perspective.

I know this sounds cliche but exercise, volunteering and good friendships do help. While I was going through peri we had a very stressful move and my sweet daughter left home to go to college. I kept it together but I was a wreck inside. Getting older is HARD.

You might look at Wayne Dyer's movie, The Shift. (Link to video below.) It's about the change many go through...doesn't need to be, but can be mid life...where we refocus our attention from ambition and acquisition to a more meaningful life. Where we redefine what success means for us. For me it definitely coincided with my physical change, but it was also triggered by life events. I quit my job and am now focusing on friends, family, volunteering and what I would call internal or spiritual development. If you go to 1:15:48, he discusses what women value earlier in life and how those values change significantly once they go through "the shift".

I haven't finished reading it yet, but there is a .pdf file of the book available on line: Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. It is on the list of the 10 most influential books ever written. It is about his experience as a concentration camp survivor, but more importantly, he applied his experience and what he witnessed in others to create a psychotherapy called logotherapy based on the belief that man's deepest desire is the search for meaning and purpose.

While two completely different sources, from two completely different experiences and approaches, it's interesting that it led them to essentially the same conclusion.

I just finished reading Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and found it to be very powerful. I generally only worry about the "meaning of life" when I am depressed. However, I gleaned so much from the book even while very satisfied (at the moment) with life.

Would hormone therapy be helpful? I worked with a woman who had a terrible time during menopause and as a result was miserable to work with. There was a drastic change in her mood once she started the hormones.

If you are depressed, perhaps consider an antidepressant--it was life changing for me!!!

I hope things start to look up for you soon.

Did you all officially get checked when you say perimenopausal? Is it a blood test?

Thanks all, for letting me vent a little. Some days are worse than others. I appreciate the support and suggestions.

I have read Frankl's book, several times, and it is excellent. I'm trying to avoid hormone therapy, but we'll see how it goes. I haven't had a blood test or anything, I'm just assuming perimenopausal from my physical changes. I don't think I'm depressed-- just having a lot of regrets and frustrations, feeling a little trapped, and not really looking forward to the next phases of life.

I did not get checked; I was just experiencing a lot of the symptoms and assumed. I also did not turn to therapys or medications to relieve symptoms. That's just not my cup of tea.

jlc, that really isn't uncommon and in time it will pass. Depending on how you look at it, It can be a very cathartic time and prompt changes that you may be needing to address.

I haven't gone through a midlife crisis or menopause, but I do think you might want to talk with your doctor. I never used to take hormone swings seriously, but I started using a phone app to track my cycles and you also track mood. Very clear patterns emerged. I don't take any medication, but it's helpful for me to be aware that I do, in fact, as trite as it sounds, tend to be impatient certain days, etc.

So you may want to know if these things are at play. That self-awareness maybe enough for you to see life with more clarity.

When someone says they need to change "just about everything", I usually think it is depression talking. Rarely do we really need or want to change everything, but something about depression seems to cause people to lump everything together.

I hope you feel better about things soon!

Ahh, I understand. I blame hormones whenever I feel sad or anxious for no apparent reason. I'm generally a happy person, but there are those moments that I feel off kilter. I talk my way out of it and focus on the good things in my life. Trite. I know, but it works. Or maybe it's just too much caffeine.

I went to see the play Menopause The Musical yesterday with two lifelong friends. I felt such solidarity in that theater, knowing that we're all experiencing aging together...And it's OK!

I felt so good that I blasted the radio and sang all the way home. I don't know if it all due to being with friends, the comedy in the play, the female connection with absolute strangers, or a combination of all three. All I know is I felt better and want more of it. :)))

jlc, not sure what you mean by what's to come, but there is evidence that older people are the happiest. So I wouldn't necessarily regret what's to come. It is different, but that may just mean it's better.

For some reason I think you work in a helping field - social work? Teaching? - but maybe I'm thinking of someone else. I think certain helping careers can be draining. The world is a bottomless pit of need ( how's that for cheering you up?). Add the never ending societal needs to a little personal tiredness and you can get a midlife reevaluation.

Anyhoo, it that's you I would suggest if you do volunteer do something totally different and not social service related. A museum docent, a beer festival, walk dogs for a shelter, you get the idea, nothing directly related to helping those in need. Unless they need a beer tapped or a description of the latest art acquisition or a brisk walk around the block. It's too easy to fall into more helping positions if that's your nature but resist. If you need a change, doing more of the same won't really help you reset.

I would also suggest a physical if you haven't had one lately. This ennui maybe a simple phase or it may be the result of your body being out of whack, like a thyroid or a blood chemistry issue.

Yes HH, you remembered right. I'm a MSW and an administrator for a state juvenile justice agency. It is soul-crushing work with low pay. I'm 10 years from retirement, and currently in a quandary over whether to apply for my boss's position. It's a very tough decision.

Between work, commuting, and my DS and his activities, there is no time for volunteering. There is barely time to get the laundry done :-) Hopefully I can do more of that type of thing someday. I will most likely do something completely different career-wise after I retire from this field.

I did have a physical and blood work done, and all is well. I've been on an antidepressant for years, and I'm not feeling depressed. It's hard to articulate. More of a soul-searching, dissatisfaction, restless, irritable, type of thing. I sound fun to be around, right? ;-)

I appreciate the kind words and advice. It helps to get it out it here-- it's not something I discuss much in real life. Most of my friends/coworkers are men- my female friends are mostly out of state and dealing with their own lives.

jlc, I've been there. I didn't snap out of it until I found the right therapist. He used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with me and within weeks, he had me thinking differently about my life and what was to come. If you don't have time for therapy there are websites that can help you learn how to think differently.
This might help you.
SELF HELP - COGNITIVE-BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY (CBT)

I've been taking an MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) class and have been getting a lot out of it. While it includes things like meditation and meditative yoga, it's also about practicing to focus your mind, to live with intention by intending to do what you are doing, paying attention to what you are doing and with an attitude of kindness, compassion and curiosity. It's about noticing all the things that we typically don't notice because we aren't paying attention. When you are cooking, just stir the pot, smell the food, feel the spoon on the bottom of the pan, notice the colors of the food...when you are showering, shower alone and not with all the people and phone calls and issues you have to attend to...instead, just shower and enjoy the water on your body, the fragrance of the soaps and shampoos, the texture of the towel when you dry off. It takes no more time to do so, but you will find a lot more life in your life.

One of the things we talked about was what I thought was the best definition of stress I'd ever heard...the assessment that perceived demands exceed perceived resources. What I find so powerful in this is that it includes our perceptions of the situation, which can be reframed and reconsidered. We may have more resources at our disposal than we initially think if we look for them, and we may be overestimating the demands the situation will put on us. (Instead of causing ourselves more stress by awfulizing and catastrophizing).

Oh yes, there are days that I feel soul crushing sadness. When we are young we live for the future but as we age we live more and more in the past as so much more of our life is on the back end. When we are young we have so many wonderful life experiences to look forward to, in old age not so much.

I am selling my business and though I look forward to more freedom I wonder if I can put my goal oriented personality on the back burner? Will my only goal be to get up in the morning? Hmmmm, I actually realize after putting my thoughts into words that I have already set goals. The main one is healthier eating habits, losing weight, and being more physically active. I am also looking forward to more time with my grandchildren and children.

Aging is not for sissies, though I do feel blessed to be aging as I have had quite a few dear friends who were taken way too early.

Annie, thank you for the paragraph above. I will finally have time to notice and pay attention to the small joys!

Yep having it now. jlc I used to have a similar position as yours and was a mental health therapist for a few years and I agree soul-crushing, you put it well. I did have to leave that work behind.

Look into the side effects of the anti-depressant you are on it may not be helping you at this stage of your life. Also low grade hypothyroidism is routinely missed on routine labwork. It is a huge cause of depression and malaise and often goes undiagnosed. Hormones are tricky and can fluctuate causing all type of issues.

Also try not to be afraid of that inner voice causing reflection of a life. It is all part of the process and reflection is good. It is what prompts us to move in different directions in life.

Prayer is what helps me deal with it the most, now that I have to deal with the hormone things.

(Instead of causing ourselves more stress by awfulizing and catastrophizing).

Annie, I don't know if those are actually words, but they should be. One of my kids was a little stressed by exams this week, which was totally uncharacteristic. Since, at the time, the exam was minutes away, there was no more prep to be done, and so I tried to advise them the best thing at that juncture it to psyche yourself up, and not allow negative self-talk. I have to use those terms; they make it very clear what all of us tend to do when we worry.

When we are young we have so many wonderful life experiences to look forward to, in old age not so much.

Holly, Maybe I am at a different stage, but I don't really get that point. There can and there should always be things to look forward to, I don't see it as age-dependent. And don't forget all the things you no longer have to do or worry about ...

Btw, as someone who tried early retirement, you may want to ease into with part time work. I pivoted my goal-oriented work style and trained it on buying and renovating a house, then a beach house, a stone house, now a pool and guest cottage. It's been very expensive keeping myself busy!

OP, I don't think you can overestimate how much the work that you do can drain you emotionally. Thank goodness for people who do what you do, but don't make yourself a casualty if you can help it. Have you told your family you need a little TLC?

I think we all go through this in our later years. Life has a way of sweeping you along and then 30 years go by and you think about the woulda, coulda, shoulda's.

You work for the state and are probably hanging in for the state pension, but 10 years is a long time to be miserable in a job....ask me how I know! Is there any possibility of finding a different job or something in another field altogether? Applying for your boss's job with added responsibilities sounds more stressful than what you do now.

My BFF was a teacher. She burned out and left the profession for 7 years. She did part time bookkeeping for a man who owned several restaurants for awhile and then for 5 years was an assistant manager at a little inn. She eventually went back to teaching in a better frame of mind.

I think finding a new job, even if it means having to take a few courses, will help you have a new lease on life. I was so unhappy with my work environment I retired early at 62. The last 4-5 years were particularly miserable. I wish now I had switched gears earlier or at least tried harder to find another position in the organization. I discovered too late just how much your work life permeates every part of your life and can drag you down. What would your dream job be? Start there and explore the possibilities.

Mtn, I don't think I expressed that very well. As a younger person you look forward to your first car, graduating, going to college, getting married, your first home, children, moving up through the ranks of your career.

I still have much to look forward to but most life experiences have come and gone. IYKWIM.

I don't tend to dwell on the past. I only have one regret which wouldn't have changed the course of my life dramatically and which will hopefully be someday solved and I have one "I wonder if I had done that instead" and that relates to my major. (Social work vs Commerce Degree - chose commerce, hated the business world in the 70's cause I got tired of beating my head against the glass ceiling) but I wouldn't have the life I have today had I chosen differently. So it isn't a regret but more of a "I wonder...."

So I don't dwell on the future but at 62, I do realize that my future is much shorter than it used to be and that gives me pause to wonder. I do come from a long line of women who live into their 90's so that's good.

But I do get and understand the sadness that can creep into one's life.

Holly-Kay, I can so relate to what you say. One thing I've learned in my MBSR class is just how close the sadness is to the surface for me. Some of it is related to the fact that my entire immediate family is gone, as is DH's. It's been especially hard as 3 deaths were by suicide. The hardest though was losing my Mom with whom I was so close. We also don't have any children so there's no vicarious offset of enjoying their "coming of age" activities be it birthdays, graduations, religious events, etc. I remember being a child and people raving about how wonderful childhood is because you have no worries, and I never understood that at the time. Now that I'm older, I realize it's because you are not emotionally scarred at that age, like you are when you are older. I think that, no matter how old you are, it's hard to say goodbye, and as you get older, there are only more goodbyes to say.

One thing I've found is that, when I was working, I didn't have to deal with all that emotional stuff as I was simply too busy. My life distracted me from it. Now that I'm retired and have more time on my hands, the distractions are less and the emotions are more apparent. Rather than try to suppress and distract myself again, I want to face into them and learn to deal with them...thus the MBSR, the meditation, the spiritual introspection.

The good side of retirement, however, is there is a lot more time and freedom to redefine yourself. There is time to tend to things like purpose and meaning and spiritual activities. There is a chance at rediscovery...of who you were, who you were meant to be, and who you are going to be. How wonderful that we have the capacity to redefine ourselves...each day being the first day of our life yet to be. Each day brings the opportunity to find our way home to ourselves.

Annie, you are a wise woman. I have worn so many hats that it makes my head whirl. I am looking forward to what else the world may have in store for me. I just hope it's a less stressful than the past twenty years.

Mtnrd, don't know if you've seen this, but it might be helpful for your kids...it's all about how taking a powerful pose and holding it for 2 min actually boosts your confidence and energy levels and power you feel yielding better performance.

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

Holly-Kay, can't guarantee the future will be less stressful, but you can learn to react with less stress...as they say, serenity isn't freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm.