It depends what you're willing to live with.
My boss and his wife purchased a small home about 45 years ago. Although it seemed really small while they raised four children, they kept in the back of their minds that it would be the right size when the children moved out. The kids are gone, now. They are happy with their house, and the decision to stick it out while it seemed crowded.

I've been wondering the same thing myself, lately. Boss is self employed, wife is retired, but they came of age at a time when more people stayed with their employers long term. That's not as commonly done, now. Not only that, but many people retire and move to a different climate. Some people move to be near their children and grandchildren.

In some ways, it seems to me that the monetary and emotional "investment" aspect of a home is reduced given the current pattern of moving later in life. (I don't think a house one lives in can really be considered an investment, but last time I said that on a forum like this, I was berated for not knowing what I was talking about.)

Mom and dad lived in an apartment for a couple years, and then one home for almost fifty years. Mom only moved out after Dad died. Late husband and I certainly intended to live in House #1 forever, but moved closer to the city to shorten our commute. I still live in a small rural town. I'd be silly not to consider the benefits of living in a small city as I get older.

For the vast majority of us, yes, I think the "forever house" is a myth. Any number of things can make you decide that your previously perfect house is no longer "just right" for your family:

- The house that's the right size when you're a couple is too small when you have children (or, you no longer want all the space that you appreciated when your children were at home).

- You buy a house that's perfect for the two children you plan ... and your second child turns out to be triplets.

- Your job transfers you to another location.

- The neighborhood that seemed so perfect begins to "go downhill" (I can see it starting in my own neighborhood).

- Something unattractive or otherwise problematic (like a loud business or a trailer park or a highway) is built next to your house. Or, the city encroaches on what used to be a lovely country setting.

- As you make more money, you want a nicer house.

- Once you have children, you want them to have a closer relationship with their grandparents, so you move to be nearer them (or, as your parents age, they need to be closer to you).

- Your child excels in a sport, and if you move one county over he could attend a school with a real powerhouse of a coach and a long-time winning team -- it would increase his chances of a college scholarship.

- You're widowed, and you don't want to keep up the big house any longer.

- You get divorced, and you both decide to move to a new place with no old memories.

These are just a couple examples of the things that can make you decide to move. It's a rare family that'll experience NONE of these at any time in their lives.

It would be nice if homes were like accordions, but they're not. Just my take, but assuming no moves for jobs, etc., the perfect scenario would be a starter home in your 20s, then your 'grown up raise the kids' home sometime in your 30s. Then in your late 50s to mid to 60s start thinking about how and where you want to live in retirement and make a move to downsize. Even if you stay in the same general area, keep in mind locations for each stage of life.

It's sad to see my 84 year old, nearly blind, mother struggling to stay in her 4500 sq. ft. 'forever' home in a small town where she has to travel 20 miles to the nearest doctor, bank, or grocery store (she does have a driver/partime caretaker) especially when I see how happy her friends are who not only downsized but moved to locations closer to healthcare, entertainment and amenities. I know she loves her small town and church and she's still as involved as possible, but if she had moved even in her early 70s, I can't help but believe life would be easier for her and she could still have an involved and active life.

We're planning to be more proactive and will be downsizing (but up-scaling) near our daughter in a couple of years. Fortunately, my mother is slowly warming to the idea of making a move when we do. And as an added benefit, my brother is thinking about moving into Mom's house so she still can come home to visit.

When we bought our current house in 2008 just 5 minutes from the school my older son was attending we joked about being buried in the backyard. That school went to grade 6 and there was another well respected school conveniently located that went through grade 12. We thought we were set. After a few years though my older son started having problems with the school and it turns out that it was the wrong fit long term for him. I looked at switching him to the school that went through grade 12 and realized it wasn't the right school for us either despite it's excellent reputation. I finally found a great school for him but it's 19 miles away with a 25 minute commute when the traffic it good. Soon after my son started there my husband relocated his business to a spot between the school and home so he could continue taking our son to school. Unfortunately the traffic is getting worse and my husband is coming home from work later and later.

To complicate matters further, my mother-in-law who lives with us half the year has been having trouble climbing the stairs to her bedroom. When we bought the house, a builder we know told us that it would be easy to either rip out the secondary staircase to add an elevator or add a stair lift should we need to at a later date. Recently I had contractors come to give me quotes for both options and it turns out that it will be more difficult and more expensive than we expected.

Because of these two reasons we decided to move closer to my sons' school. We looked for a home that already had a guest room on the first floor or could be remodeled to add one but had no such luck. Thus we decided to build one.

I hope this home is our forever home because we've designed one that meets our family's long-term needs very well but I'm not taking any chances and I'm also designing the home with future resale in mind.

My strategy is to hope for forever, but to anticipate the possibility for having to move after 5, 10 or 15 years. Each major remodel decision gets run by the 5/10/15 scenario to determine the plus vs. con for each stage, in relation to expected real estate value at that time period. It would be poor planning to end up with a lot of remodeling that makes sense for 15 years, for example, if circumstances are pointing to moving having to be moved up the timeline to 5 years.

Warren Buffet still lives in the home he purchased in 1958 for $31,000.

Christopher, I don't know what Warren's house looks like, but wonder if he's one of the "millionaire next door" types. My bosses (both entrepreneurs) drive modest cars, bring lunches from home, live in average houses, etc. They're not millionaires, I don't think, but you don't accrue wealth by throwing money away, either.

You know, Christopher_H, that a $31k house in 1958 was a majorly expensive home.

Jewel - 31k in 1958 is an inflation adjusted $252,000 today. It really wasn't a majorly expensive home in 1958, it was about 4 times the cost of a Cadillac Eldorado (and not even the top of the line model.)

He has remodeled his house, and he does have a multi-million dollar summer home in Laguna beach. But both the remodel and the summer home are extremely modest for his income. Warren Buffet is certainly someone who I would encourage any person at any age to emulate. While I generally only idolize scientist, I have to say that Warren Buffet is one of the good guys. I would argue one of the best.

Bry911 -- Oh, contraire! In the Midwest, where this house is located, a $31,000 price tag in 1958 was a very expensive home. For comparison, consider that my husband and I bought a house a few blocks away in 1986 for $68,500. Thirty years later! So, yes, I'm very comfortable asserting that very few people in that city at that time would have been able to afford a $31k house.

I do agree that the value of his two homes (the Laguna Beach house was his first wife's primary residence) is extremely modest for HIS level of assets.

According to the US Census the median home value in Nebraska in 1950 was $35,900 and by 1960 the value had jumped to $46,300. The inflation rate in 1959 was 1.4% and in 1960 was 1.03%. Since houses don't follow inflation rates linearly lets double it and guess the average home price in Nebraska in 1958 was about $44,000.

Just for reference, the lowest state had median home values of $38,900 by 1960.

I can assure you that the $31,500 house he purchased was not an expensive home in 1958. While it may have been above what a blue collar worker could spend on a house, it was by no means an expensive house.

I just checked the Omaha realty listings, and there are many houses on the market, that look pretty nice to me, all are bigger than what he bought in 1958 and many cost less than 250k.

Getting back to the original topic:

My MIL also was sorry to sell her long-time home and leave her neighbors after 38 yrs. But we convinced her she needed to, and indeed, it was the profits from that sale which made her last years extremely comfortable instead of having to pinch pennies.

We enjoy our home, but we knew it was never a 'forever' place. The previous owners were two sisters who grew elderly together. First the garden maintenance was abandoned, then the house maintenance followed suit. Then both eventually needed to enter nursing homes. They hoped to return home so it stood empty for over a year before they finally sold it (to us).

It's a small house on a large lot, moderately steep slope, huge garden requiring year-round work (and that's with two big patios and big storage shed/lanai taking up square footage.

Our master bedroom suite is downstairs. When I broke my leg, it was 4 mos. before I could get down those stairs! My walker just barely fit thru the doorway to the main flr bathroom to allow the door to be closed for privacy.

Will we be sad to leave it? Sure. We've got it set up just for us (no kids). We have great neighbors. We love the locale, super convenient to friends, family, and all services we need.

But you have to be able to drive. Too far to walk, lots of hills anyway, public transit not really convenient unless you're commuting to/from work. Getting to our HMO/hospital, for example, would take the better part of an hour - IF we were lucky - by public transit. By car it takes exactly 8 minutes; 15 in the very worst rush hour times.

We found a great senior facility for MIL and she loved it. She made new friends, found new interests, enjoyed the routine and friendly staff and good food.

We did a lot of research and found two facilities we liked for ourselves. If anything happens to one of us, we've already agreed the house gets sold and the spouse finds a good senior community to live in. Preferably we go together, but one never knows.....!

I think that people reinvent themselves every so often. If you look at the person who you are today you will probably find a person that is very different from the you of 20 years ago. I also think that technology is hastening that process, while it used to take many years to morph into the new you, that process is much faster today.

While it is good to plan for your future needs I think it is impossible to predict either your future needs or you future desires. As with everything there are exceptions, pieces of property that are so entwined with your identity that you simply will not leave them, but for most people I think the forever home is just the place we hope could be our forever home. But at the same time hope forever is too far away to know.

I don't think the "forever home" is a myth. Now, that might be true if you're thinking that your first home is your forever home. We went into making our third home our forever home and still hoping it is after 11 years.

Bry911 -- What can I tell you? Those of us who actually lived in that city, say "phfft" to your census data. Numbers on paper and reality of affordability can often differ.

Bry911, you are looking at inflation adjusted values. If you scoll down on the census link you'll see the unadjusted values. The unadjusted median value in 1950 dollars in Nebraska was $5,918 and in 1960 dollars was $9,409. So if he paid $31,000 for it in 1958 it was a relatively expensive home >3*median value.

https://www.census.gov/hhes/www/housing/census/historic/values.html

I thought for sure my current home would be my forever home, but after almost 7 years, turns out I was wrong. When I first moved here, DD and family lived 5 houses down the street. After sending their 2 kids to a private school for 2 years, money was getting a little tight, so they started looking at homes in a public school district where the kids could excel w/o the cost of private school. They moved almost a year ago, so now i'm getting my house ready to put on the market to be closer to them, since the 45 minute drive will eventually get longer(Austin is growing!)and I ain't getting younger! I'm sad, but being closer to family as I get older is important to me for many reasons. To each his own. ;)

I thought of my house as my forever home when I first purchased it. It was the first/only home I've purchased. Prior to buying this house, I lived in lots of different apartments. I have been in this house sixteen years! The neighborhood is okay--it is a side-by-side house. My house needs serious work/maintenance now and the thought of it is quite overwhelming. I recently posted about remodel or relocate and it seems that most folks thought relocating (moving up) was the better idea. I have also posted on the downsizing/smaller homes forums. Some days I think I'd like to live in downtown area of the city--other times, I think I'd like a more suburban feel. I can't seem to make up my mind whether this will be my forever home or not.

We've been in our first/only home for 29 years so far. I hope it is our forever home.

I would be a much more discerning buyer this time. For example, I would never, ever buy anything that had a popcorn ceiling. My house pretty much needs drywalled again. The walls are really damaged from wall paper. I would go for the better neighborhood smaller home. I was mostly interested in size when I purchased the first time. I wanted a big house and thought I would be more of a fixer than I am.

Myth, or dream? This was the first house where I could make all the decisions/choices, and i've always considered it a dream rather than a myth, but I also thought of it as my forever home. Having had the opportunity once, I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat!

Mojo - Yep you are right.

Maybe it takes a few homes to get to the forever home. The is our fifth home due to jobs relocating us. Maybe this time it is forever.

We are in our mid 40s and have some peers who are still in the starter home they purchased in their 20s. They do admit to being crowded while raising children, but now the children are leaving the nest and their home is the right size again. I envy them. Staying in the same house for 20 years would make it easier to pay off the mortgage;)

The house I'm looking at and impatiently waiting to buy (employment length, got a couple more weeks to go to start the loan approval process) will technically be my third. The first I was a cosigner for an ex boyfriend, a little rinky dink house that needed lots of work but was in the country. The second was put in my name but was way overpriced that my ex husband thought we needed (went into foreclosure not even a year later, that part of my life I just want to push out of my memory). I'm hoping the third time is a charm. It's an old Victorian I've wanted since I was a kid and though it needs work, I'm willing to put in the money to work on it over time. Houses always maintenance, a never ending process, like gardening. I love it for how it looks and for it's historical value, and I can picture myself living there for a very long time (forever?).

We lived in our 'forever home' for 43 years. Raised our kids there. Big house, an acre of land, pool, everything we wanted. Great house, great area. Close to NYC yet woodsy and top schools in the Country.

Daughter married and moved to another State. Son joined the Navy then came home after 10 yrs.

Loved my house, loved the property wanted to be buried in the yard. Then reality hit.

Hubby had to retire at 78 yrs old. Health problem started. The Stock Market crashed and we lost a ton of money. Property taxes kept climbing (over $25,000 a year). We realized we couldn't afford to stay nor handle the stairs and hills.

We sold during the Real Estate crash. Luckily we lived in an area which didn't lose much value and decided to move to Florida and a smaller home with no stairs.

I still feel like 'I want to go home.'

Jane

Forever home is not a myth. I've had 6 so far.

I've had 2 forever homes so far and two starter homes. First starter home was a coop ex and I lucked into when our rental went coop. 1 br/1bth walkup. Sold for a nice profit in 1987.

Moved up to our first house, a 1927, 1300 sq foot 2 br/2bth bungalow in a beach community that was being revitalized. Both kids came along while in that house. Schools sucked so we decided to move.

Moved to our forever home, or at least that's what the ex told me. He said, they'll take me out in a box. It was a 1898 2 story, 3200 sq foot, 4 br/1 full/2 half bath home in an established community with great schools. Well nothing is forever, including my marriage to ex. Both ex and I stayed in house until DD went to college in 09 (don't ask) and then we sold it during the recession in 2010. Thankfully since we had bought it in 1993, we were well ahead of what we paid.

2009 new DH, before he was DH, fell on ice and broke his wrist and swore he wasn't spending another winter in NY. Said he was going to FL next year and I could come if I wanted. LOL. He had sold his condo right before the crash and was renting in NY.

We went down to SW FL and rented a place. While in FL we decided to look for the fun of it and found our condo. We decided this would be the place we'd be in for years to come, maybe forever. However, while we gutted the condo and decorated to our taste, we still kept it neutral enough to appeal to others, just in case.

Well here it is five years later and just in case has happened. We are tired of all decisions being made by a condo board that we disagree with. We now have a dog and dislike having to go down in an elevator just to walk the dog. We dislike having to shlep towels, etc down the elevator to use the pool. We dislike that we have no garden and can't barbecue. We dislike that starting this year, they are building 3 new condos and a hotel within a two block radius of us and that the noise and dust are horrendous. We dislike that our maintenance is so high that if we make a lateral move in terms of house price, even with having to hire services to watch the house when we're not there, and a monthly pool and lawn service, we'd still be saving money. We dislike that we can't get our car out of the garage but have to wait for the concierge to get our car and lots of times have to wait.

So we are building our new forever home. We had learned from our gutting our condo what works and doesn't for us and look forward to implementing those changes in our new home. And because we are considered retirement age, (although as an artist I hope never to retire), we are building with ADA in mind. And we can't wait to barbecue! So this is our new forever home, but who knows.

After a bad first marriage, I've learned that it's not the home that is important, nor the things in it, but it's who is there to share the home with you.

I mentioned Warren Buffet simply because this thread is about "forever homes". He found his "forever home" no matter how much it cost.

Then of course some people who must be right all the time chimed in to the values of homes in 1958. And he was wrong.

OOPS!

It is really what I get for agreeing with you Christopher. If I had just challenged your point in the first place as Jewel did, well then I would have been in great shape. The fault is really mine, I should have known that while I am occasionally wrong, you are only occasionally right...

To be fair I am often starry eyed when Warren Buffett is mentioned. But really the man is so frugal he is an exception. My point stands but the numbers were off.

Now, do you have useful to add to the thread?

I think it's a reality for some people, a myth for others.

My parents still live in the late 50s house they bought in the mid-70s, and it was soooo cramped to grow up there! Just under 1200 sq ft, 4 kids, many pets, AND they were turning into hoarders. Their finances determined that it would be their forever home.

I think the term "forever home" has come around as a marketing device. Just like "stater home" (which we've lived in for 14 years now). I dislike the term "starter home" because, at least where I live, it's expensive to buy something else. Both terms exist, IMHO, to encourage masses to be dissatisfied with what they have accomplished and keep consuming.

I disliked that my boss referred to our prior house as our "starter home" while we were still living there. I thought it was great and was and would have been happy there ... But in a way, he was right, our family grew larger than we had expected and we moved to a larger house. Is this one our "forever house"? Well maybe for the next 20 years anyway. It helps to think of it that way even if you never know; that way we are more invested in improvement and upkeep. We're committed. I think sometimes if you know you are going to move on soon, it is tempting to leave things for the next owner, don't bother planting a garden, etc. (what oldgeezernmaine said). There is a reason that some houses are advertised as "lovingly cared for 50 years in the same family".

So even if the forever house is a myth, it can be a good and useful one.

Oaktown, good point! "Starter Home" DOES suggest that it's not something worth investing in, while "Forever Home" suggests a wonderful place to make your own. Which may even tie back into the attitude that buyers won't want to pay a little more for improvements -- after all, if it's *just* a starter home what does it matter if it's crummy or nice, as long as it doesn't fall apart while you're living there the few years you intended while planning for your forever home.

I'm done with my forever home! LOL! Bought a small farm 20 years ago when I was in my mid-30's and planned to live on the farm forever. I'm now in my mid-50's and I'm tired of all the work and the upkeep. Large house, large barn with animals, lots of lawn and gardens .. I live alone and hire out as much as I am able.

I'm on the end of the 1st year, of a 2 year plan to get the farm ready for sale. I'm looking for a much smaller rural place closer to town that I can retire into. That will not be a forever home either. Eventually, I will move to one of the really nice senior housing places around, then I won't have to do any maintenance at all!

We are moving my 84 year old Mom into a senior facility in a couple of weeks, she's now sorry that she waited so long and stayed in her house alone for so long.

I also believe that people are different now. My parents bought their house and their circle of friends soon became the people in the neighborhood. They did things together, I grew up with their kids, and when I think back I realize how similar all the people in the neighborhood were. Most everyone stayed while I was growing up, I graduated high school with the same crew I started kindergarten with.

Now my neighborhood seems much more fluid, people come and go more often. I barely know some of my neighbors and none of the same kids are here just 8 years later. Everyone in my house has friends spread all over the world that they feel closer to than neighbors. This is, of course, only my experience but I have had the experience a few times

I personally hate to be caught up in "forever" thinking. Life is about change. And sometimes it's much easier to change your perspective than your circumstances. I never want to be a burden to my neighbors, if i were to become unable to maintain my property, just because I planned on a "forever home".

There used to be a time when the home would remain in the family for generations. Not so much today, but there are exceptions. In my little town there is one home that has remained in the same family since it was built in the 1850s. It's been upgraded and added on to, but the same family still lives there. Probably the only original thing is the slate roof.

They say if walls could talk... This house has seen family members going off to the Civil War, WW l, WW ll, Korea, Vietnam, & the Middle east. It has witnessed a child born in a bedroom, and that same person dying of old age in the same room.

Today we are a mobile society. Nobody keeps their job for life as was the case before. People like new things, new places. So the 'forever home' is an extreme rarity today.

I am a little surprised at how expectations have changed in my lifetime regarding house size. The previous owners of our first house raised seven children in a three bedroom, 936 square foot house with one bathroom during the 1950s to late 1960s era.

When our neighbor build their new house, (late 80s) there was a bedroom for each child, a master bedroom and master bath, full bathroom for the kids and one downstairs as well, living room, den, office, too: 2500 square feet. Anything less than that will be a hard sell in some markets.

I grew up in a 1200 sf ranch with two parents and three siblings. The two girls shared a room (and bed) and the boys shared a bedroom -- child abuse today if the kid doesn't have their own room! We had a finished basement and would have big extended family parties down there -- great memories!

Never once did I think our house was "small" or that I was missing out on anything.

We have been in our house for close to 30 years -- once you have a family it is difficult to move. My kids could care less about granite countertops, open floorplans and private backyards. They just want to be close to their friends, school and grandparents.

So, this is forever, at least until they graduated college.

"Is the "forever house" a myth?" No it is not. It is a choice. I live in a "forever house" and it is the first home ever owned, chosen because it meets forever plans.

We have lived in what was not supposed to be our forever home for 43 yrs. We bought a 2 story real fixer upper in 1973 for $11,000.00. We have raised 2 daughters here and the house is exactly the way we want it. We both retired about 3 years ago and since then decided we wanted a 1 story home we could live in the rest of our lives. Our only bath is upstairs which was not a problem when we were younger. The yard is very large with lots of trees, bushes and flowers and was becoming more than we wanted to take care of. We looked for the right house for several years, but we live in a small rural community and not a lot of houses like we would want go up for sale, so, we are building our perfect ( for us) retirement home. 1700 sq ft, 1 story, 3 bedroom and 2 bath home. We will have a fireplace which we always wanted and a screened in porch. I know this will be our forever home. We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary May 1, 2015. I hope we can celebrate our 60th in our "forever home".

I've enjoyed your posts, Waterbug, lol!

We are in what my husband hopes is a forever home. I'd sell it tomorrow for a decent offer :-). As much as we both enjoy the location in a small town on twelve acres, he has no idea of the upkeep on this place. We have a fair amount of capital tied up in the house which will never be realized (housing prices / valuations have fallen almost 40% here since we bought this place in 2005)....stairs everywhere, four down from the parking court in front, then five up to the entrance, two staircases inside, and stairs from decks down to the back garden (sloping lake lot). At some age we won't be able to even get our mail----it's a half mile to the mailbox! It's clearly too big for us at almost 6000 sq. ft. now that our children are gone, but makes for wonderful memories when all three kids are visiting or we have family and guests for festive three day Christmases or other holidays. Our monthly landscape maintenance costs alone are ridiculous. But, DH loves it and wants to stay forever, or until he is ready for the "condo for one" waterbug posted!

My daughter swears her home is her "forever" home. At 2500 sq. ft. on an acre of land next to the park I can see why she feels that way. But if things change, so will her thinking. BTW- I bought the home next door which is my forever home until I become to old or disabled to live here.