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11 years ago
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Comments (8)Ghost Town is a keeper! I told my husband I want to buy that one. And yeah, Lydia my husband even said he thought they were about to start preaching any second now. That's not the bad part though. The acting and script were horrible. And it seemed more like a public service announcement with a bunch of really cheesey lines....See MoreMy first post - need advice!
Comments (20)Ooohh, I had an answer typed up and thought I posted it, but no, and now it's probably a bit dated after all other responses. Anyway, I made the effort to type it so I'll post it anyway, just disregard the doubling up with what other posters have already said :-) I was trying to look at it from the kids' perspective: -It must be challenging to have a mom and a stepmom in your life, especially when stepmom is the main caregiver. Even in the best of circumstances, nothing personal, don't get me wrong. -Forget for a second who did what and how this situation developed. You are now at a point where you are both not in a good place. He's sensing your irritation and my guess is this upsets him. He might be overly sensitive to rejection, which is not uncommon in kids from divorced parents. My younger SD is the same, and she used to deal with it (at our place) by keeping the unwanted behavior up. For her, to do what she knew was wrong, would give a predictable reaction. She chucked socks in a ball in the laundry basket, I would get annoyed and tell her to straighten them out. For her, to try and do it right was risky. That is when she might fail, what if there would be something else/new that I'd then criticize her for? Better/safer not to try at all. At least the outcome is no surprise when you don't try. This has a lot to do with low self esteem. Does your SS have low self esteem? It wouldn't surprise me if he did. My SD applies the same technique at school. Instead of trying she chooses to fail. Rather then having a go at answering a question she'll insist she doesn't know it, no risk taken. This is what we did when we were learning how to make things work in our house, for all of us: 1. I sat down with SD and had a talk with her. I tried to create some mutual understanding. I understood it must be hard for her to have divorced parents, different rules and a stepmom who's on your case about them, but I wasn't out to get her. I asked for understanding for my situation as well, being new at the whole stepparenting thing. It's scary for me as well, and then I asked her to please tell me if she thought any rule was unreasonable, there's always room to discuss things. SD has never really brought anything up since, but the talk did get rid of the tension. It gave us a fresh start. 2. Every time you find something SS does wrong, also try and think of something he did right. And tell him that. Nobody likes to hear what they're doing wrong all the time, a compliment can go a long way. I know plenty things I like about the skids, things they do right, or are good at, and I always assumed they knew. Until I realised they never heard me say it! Create a better atmosphere in the house, compliment SS on what he does well. This could be anything: -SS you are always so polite, that is very nice. -Thanks for taking your glass back to the sink -Thanks for helping me unload the shopping, you are nice like that. -It must be hard for you to go back and forth between your mum and us, I think you handle it very well. -I like that drawing, you are good at drawing. -Wow another high score, you are very good at that game! 3. Sit down with DH and come to a compromize. This is the hardest thing, but it needs to be done :-) You have to be on the same page, being divided means undermining yourselves. Bad situation for everyone involved. -The rules. They have to be agree on by both of you, and when DH is around he should be the one to enforce them. Our situation was similar to yours, with me enforcing the rules that I felt were appropriate. DH left it up to me as he wasn't that fussed. This led to a similar situation you are in now. So we talked and talked, and in the end we got there. This took about 2 years I'd say, and lots of practice from both of us, so you have to be patient and allow time to make these changes. FDH had to learn to step up, and I had to learn to let go. We compromised on which rules to enforce, I had to let go of about half of the rules I would have liked to have. I made a list of all of them, and we divided them into "must-have" and "not a must". For example a 'must have rule' was the having dinner at table, eat with knife and fork, and a 'not a must' was only two hours of tv a day. If FDH does not care they hang in front of tv and don't play outside, then so be it. I let go. -You have to have each others back. No arguing about rules and discipline in presence of kids. When DH got angry with you after you got angry at SS, a loose-loose situation. Next time don't go in and interrupt SS and DH, wait till you can talk to DH after, when you are alone, and agree on an approach. Ideally DH will then enforce that with SS. This was the hardest thing for me, and it still is, but I'm learning to keep a lid on it and save it for later :-) Right now SS probably sees you as the one with the rules, not you and DH. Before FDH and I were on the same page, my SD's perceived I was the one that had high standards/lots of rules. And I did!, compared to BM who doesn't have many and FDH who used to let everything slide thinking he was doing good by keeping the peace (bless him :-). Once we changed our approach and it wasn't me and my rules anymore but rather our rules the dynamics changed. Good luck!...See MoreThe Mysterious Divergence of Opinions
Comments (71)This is really an interesting thread. I don't even know why I like some of the books I do although I can usually give a reason for the ones I don't like. I'm sure it has to do with our own personal views and the moods we are in when we read them. I did like Angela's Ashes and The Lovely Bones and even The DaVinci Code even though it was obviously not great literature. Sometimes I just want something I can read without thinking too hard. The Life of Pi disappointed me as did The Secret Life of Bees althought I didn't think they was terrible. And I really thought The Kite Runner was good. I recently set myself the task of reading the books on Time Magazine's 100 best list that I had not already read. I've found some I thought were wonderful (American Pastoral by Philip Roth), some that were so-so(The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood but that led me to read her The Robber Bride which I loved) and some that I just didn't get (Appointment in Samara by John O'Hara, At Swim-Two-Birds by Flann O'Brien). Obviously somebody thought these were great books. I guess I'm content to be in the minority on some of them. I also bought, last year, The Complete Works of Jane Austen. I know there are lots of her fans here and I felt that maybe it was time I discovered her. I started with Pride and Prejudice; I know I'd read it in high school but that was MANY years ago. I did find a lot more humor in it this time. I then read Sense and Sensibility. It just seemed like the same story with different people. I quit after that as I just was not enjoying her at all. I recently got the book out and tried again. This time I read Mansfield Park which was just more of the same and Emma. I don't think I've ever read a book whose main character I disliked more than Emma. I know that a lot of Austen's writing is poking fun at some of the silliness of her era but wouldn't one have been enough? I haven't decided if I'm going to try to slog through Northanger Abbey and Persuasion just to say I read them or if I'll just give the book away and say good riddance to bad rubbish....See MoreHaven't complained in awhile about tv ads...
Comments (47)I dislike commercials in general as a nuisance. But a few stand out. Recently, the ones from big companies such as Amazon and Frito Lay who buy ad space just to tell everyone about the great things they are doing and how much money they have invested in feel good projects annoy me the most. The insurance one with the homeowners association busybody grated my nerves, only because i know people like that, and dislike them intensely. I hate the very idea of homeowners associations. I know its meant to be funny, but its not to me. The abused animal ones make me want to physically hurt people, so i don't like those either. Not good for my overall well being to want to hurt people. Any ad for things like the Mirror or the other one, i cant remember the name. Oh, Tonal. Only because i feel like the products themselves are so dumb. Just stream a workout to your TV! And why is it after every workout some kid comes running up and jumping into their arms?...See More- 11 years ago
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