You need to think about finding a lawyer to meet with to help you. If that's beyond your means, check with your local Bar Association or Legal Aid society or seniors groups where you can get help at a reduced cost. .

Not to irritate anyone who thinks otherwise, but I never understood the rationale of making in-laws beneficiaries. If they're still married to your natural children, the spouses will indirectly benefit. As will any grandchildren.

In addition to the will itself, you will probably want to discuss granting a Power of Attorney, medical POA, end of life directives, DNR's.

Our lawyer said it's best to leave the inheritance only to the children, and not the couple or the in-laws. My mother split her little assets among her 4 children, all of whom were not married. Then she made small gifts of money and/or family things to grandchildren and other people.

An attorney who specializes in trusts and estates will know the best way to write it.

Agree w/matti5, re: a living will.

As for bequeathing goes, maybe sit down and write down all of your assets and all potential circumstances (if my daughter dies, then it goes to her children, that sort of thing).

Also agree to keep it in the family, no in-laws, and charities is desired.

Your attorney can advise you on all the points you mention as well as determine whether a will or trust is better for your situation.

The lawyer should ask you about this, but remember to update the beneficiaries of your 401k, as well as any life insurance (VA, perhaps?). Those things won't be covered under your will.

Some of these things are already addressed but I did get a couple of new ideas from you. My lawyer hasn't been as much help as I expected. I thought he would have a check list or something that I could use. IF I have an item or if I don't, what I want to do with it could be decided on the check list. I didn't think I had anything but going through my "important" papers, I do have a few assets. I'd forgotten about the insurance and that was already on my "to do list". I have "stuff" that I don't deal with on a daily basis; out of sight, out of mind.

I'm sure this probably differs by area, but if you have significant property, at least here, you can avoid probate by creating a trust. Yet another reason to speak to a good estate planning attorney. The money for the lawyer upfront might pay for itself in averted costs at the end.

Regarding the comment about not leaving stuff to in-laws because they "indirectly benefit": states may vary in their inheritance laws, so check with your attorney. In California, if you inherit something, it is your separate property. So, if you want a son-in-law, or daughter-in-law to benefit, you need to specifically name them in your Will. Also, if you do not want someone to get anything, you need to specifically name them and leave a token amount (such as one dollar), otherwise they could contest the Will.

There was a thread about this sort of thing not too long ago. It was about if you inherit from your parents is the inheritance just yours or do you expect to share it with your spouse. Or if your spouse inherits from his/her parents do you expect to share in it as well.

So, you may not want your son-in-law to inherit anything but if you leave it to your daughter there is probably nothing you can do to prevent him from sharing in the inheritance. Even if you leave it to the grandchildren. See about leaving it in a managed trust for the grandchildren until they are of majority age or in an education trust.

It doesn't take much money or inheritance to set up family discord.

Good idea to leave him something specifically. That would solve two problems. Tomorrow night I will print off everything, take all the ideas and make my own list.

In my trust, my attorney wrote it up so that if something happens to my daughters, their portion of the estate goes to their children NOT their husbands. I don't want them using it to make a life with a new wife....it belongs to my grandchildren.

If you do not have a living will, power of attorney, etc. , you really do need these documents for your own peace of mind.

You need a new lawyer. Really, find one who specializes in these things. It will be worth it.

I didn't itemize. I just listed the people I wanted to benefit and put percentages next to their names. I do have a trust. I did this all through an Estate Attorney.

In addition to a will have you thought about making a list for your executor which includes your bank accounts, credit cards, utilitiy companies, insurance (life, homeowners, auto) policies, car title, property deeds, property taxes etc. Do you have online accounts that require passwords?

I have a folder with all of that information - it also has list of contacts and phone numbers - my attorney, accountant, friends.

On a less serious note - when I die, someone will be asked to notify my cyber-friends on The Kitchen Table.

My assets and my DH's are in separate trusts. One of the sections of our trusts is called "Spendthrift". It states that the interests of beneficiaries to our trusts are "not subject to the claims of any creditor, any spouse for alimony or support, or others, or to legal process, and may not be voluntarily or involuntarily alienated or encumbered." (This would not preclude a beneficiary exercising his or her power of appointment of funds from the trust -- so if your DD wanted to take and share funds with her DH, she could, but neither he nor creditors that are his alone have claims.)

I believe you can look up sample wills online if you just want a will. Having a revocable trust might still be an option. Sometimes they can help avoid probate expenses.

maire_cate and blfenton, both good things I had not done. Had known to do them but forgot in the end. That's why I posted this. It sometimes takes brainstorming to cover all the bases.

It is important to name the beneficiaries in your will. If these are not named, then the Will will be probated and the court will make that decision and there will be court costs charged against the estate.

There is a handy legal term to consider and that is "per serpes". (Not sure about the spelling - check with an attorney for spelling and use.) Essentially, it means that a beneficiary's portion goes to him/her but in case the beneficiary has died, his/her portion passes to his/her offspring to be divided equally among them, and on down the line.

In my case, I was not allowed to allocate a fractional part of a percent. The rules demanded that i specify whole numbered percents. For example, I could not equally divide the estate into thirds. That would have been 33 1/3 % each. I had to use 33%, 33% and 34% and choose who got the 34%. Your case maybe different. Again, another reason to use an estate lawyer in your state.

An administrator should be named. Name this person carefully. He should be honest, but as important, he should be capable to do the job. The administrator can be outside the family, for example, a law office, but be careful here. Will that office be in existence when needed in the future? Also, there will be fees, likely considerable fees.

If you choose an administrator inside the family, you may consider allowing him/her to collect a fee for doing the job, say 10% of the estate. The 10% is to be computed after all values has been accounted for and before any distributions have been made. Another way would be to pass certain pieces, for example, furniture and furnishings, to selected inheritors and then compute the administrator's fee. (Removing items from the calculation, that are difficult on which to place a monetary value, makes an easier calculation.)

It is tempting to let the heirs decide the amount of the administrator's fee, if any, but don't do it. That can erupt into a pile of ill will, although many Wills have been successfully settled without mention of an administrator's fee.

Don't forget about bequests to charities. Having dealt with my uncle's will, it's best to leave a percentage rather than a specific cash figure in case your estate no longer has enough funds to satisfy your bequests by the time you pass. In my uncle's case, the $5k to the church, the $10k to charity #1, the $3k to charity #2, all ended up being much much less due to the condition of his remaining estate. It was also a mess to figure out how to balance/pro-rate those bequests with the bequests to his familial beneficiaries.

let me clue you...anything you want the kids to have be sure it a done deal before that dreaded nursing home/medicare/Medicaid fiasco. at the slightest long term health care and nursing home (and we're talking thousand(s) per month) everything has to be gone, including the 401k. omg even fil's pitiful disability thru the feds (he was a federal employee) is being taken by Medicaid...we've had to cancel ay all life ins, ect...and the first thing they want you to pay while you're still viable? your funeral expenses...(and a simple, as he called it, funeral cost almost 10 grand!) even MY mother's no funeral wishes and cremation, cost 4 grand.

the second most important thing is choosing a person as your power of attorney. and make sure they're ready for any and all unforeseen things that can happen. my dh is his fathers and we have had to do all the above so my fil can stay in the nursing home and the only way that happened was putting him on Medicaid. it took almost 6 months....at least 100 calls/papers/ ect, to get it done,

i'm sure there are better ways to accomplish what dh has had to do (his father fought us tooth and nail) but after repeated falls, personal care, and a less than honest home health care, we had no choice....know this is a lot to take in, but you never can tell what will happen in the future.

If a person's nursing care is provided by Medicaid/Medicare (the tax-payers like you and me), it is fraud to hide or attempt to transfer assets to others. The look-back period is at least 5 years and could be 10 years by now.

The look-back period is currently five years and they're serious about it. Financial transactions made during that 5 years prior to going on Medicaid will be turned upside down. And why not?! If someone divests themselves of assets that should be used toward providing their own care, go get 'em. Those who do no long term planning can be quite surprised when assets are given away within the look-back period and there's either a payback from the recipient or equivalent delay in going on Medicaid.

And yes, it's fair that Medicaid (Medicare, too) takes pensions, Social Security and what not to defray part of the costs of ending up in a long term facility.

Harsh? Perhaps. I've seen it from a couple of angles - from a widowed aunt who transferred/retitled assets (basically the house) to her son 25 years before going into long term care using her pensions and SS to help defray costs to my own Mother who was a private pay resident for the last year of her life.

Maire Cate reminds me of something people occasionally forget. If you pay any bills online, there is frequently an option to set up a recurring debit on your chosen checking/savings account, meaning the biller automatically deducts from your account every month. You'll want to make sure that your will's executor cancels that ASAP.

Also -- people with pets will want to set out on paper where that pet should go after you, um, go!

Alongside your will (of which a copy should be in an accessible place for your executor), in an envelope, I'd put a rough draft of your obituary. So many times, I've read where the survivors either were too grief-stricken to remember facts of a relative's life or just never asked and knew!

to heck with the assets:

Take care of *your own safety, security, & welfare*!

Be sure you arrange for your care in case you can't take care of yourself, arrange for your health care & end-of-life decisions should you be unable to communicate, etc.

& remember that your decisions won't matter if you haven't arranged for payment for care & services, & that the person to whom you give power-of-attorney can override your decisions.

An attorney recommended to me that no one person have control of everything, especially if that person is an heir or beneficiary.

Give one person medical power of attorney,

give one person limited financial power of attorney (limited to be effective only should you be unable to conduct your own financial affairs),

& give your heir(s) the good china.

These are great, everyone. Some things I did know, and have done, some things I hadn't thought about doing it that way. My pet power of attorney was written in 1986. Way past time to do that one over. The old one has been shuffled and buried on my desk for a couple of years. Time to do it.

If you have specific requests, such as jewelry, furniture or knick-knacks or family heirlooms, why not give them to the intended recipients now, while you are still alive to see their faces when they receive your gift. ? My 85 year old cousin has done exactly that. It helped empty out her too-full house, and gave both her and her friends a happy experience. Avoids a lot of haggling and hurt feelings, too.

And from personal experience, if you're married (or might be), specifically deal with your spouse vs your children. My mother died, my father went ape bananas and started trying to give it all to his new girlfriend. Never trust anyone...or maybe make a trust. And assume that your spouse may lose it...especially if of advanced age.

My aunt and uncle had things setup so that any changes of disposition had to go through a majority vote of the three children. That's better than nothing or leaving it to one potentially off-the-rocker person.

That' a nice idea vicsgirl. The only caveat would be not to gift real estate prior to death because it increases the recipient's cost basis to current market value. If the real estate is inherited, the recipient also inherits the elderly person's cost basis. Also, real estate transfers are covered under Medicare/Medicaid's "look back" process, which could cause the recipient to have to pay the value back to the gov't.

dbarron -- how did you/your siblings handle that issue? Scary!

Do not try to manage people's lives via directives in your will. Example: In his will DH's adoptive father divided his assets 50/50 between his widow and his son. He also stipulated that his widow would lose the major portion of her inheritance if she remarried before DH was 18. By the time DH was 18, his adoptive mother was an embittered old woman with RA.

Backstory: DH's father had insisted on adopting. His wife did not want the child, yet she was 'stuck' with the boy. Worse, he was stuck with her. Family was sworn to keep DH's adoption a secret from him. All of the truth only came out after the woman died in her eighties and the bank trust department turned over the original will. Finally, in his mid-forties, it was no longer 'his fault' that his mother didn't love him and resented his existence.

DH's father *thought* he was providing for his son.

What's RA?

I took everything personal of worth of my mothers and left. I had been staying at their house, because mother asked me to, saying he couldn't live alone (agreed). After a couple of years of emotional turmoil, I'd had enough. As things stand, I would as soon not see my father (never had a good relationship to begin with).

He threatened verbally to sue me, and his sole living brother apparently told him what a fool he was to treat his son that way. It finally did shake him up enough that he relented. My mother would have been horrified if she knew what had happened. Btw, father was 90 when this transpired...so perhaps not of totally right mind...but legally owner of all property and wouldn't listen to anyone (stated that to his brother...he was going to do what he felt like, didn't care what anyone said).

Moral of story may be the opposite of what is above...think about how your loved ones feel about each other and try to do what is right. And I really do believe things would have gone a lot better, if things weren't left solely in spouses name barring spouses death (which is a typical resolution). If I had any children (don't), I'd do something like aunt/uncle and leave everything joint with no proviso of sell or transfer unless the majority shareholders (for lack of a better word), agree.

You definitely need to see an attorney who specializes in trusts & estates.
I worked for one for quite sometime.
Just like doctors "specialize" in specific areas, so do attorneys.
Usually the preliminary visit is free.
A living trust avoids probate-- which is such a blessing to your children.


A good trust will INCLUDE the following:

Trust
Will
Durable POA

Medical POA

Direct advance

any properties (put in the trusts name-- "Revocable trust of Imhappy"

Please check into it.

In didn't read every word of this, but you should also update your Advance Directive and Medical Power of Attorney. My mother just updated hers along with her will. There is now a stipulation that overrides anyone in the family from going against your end-of-life wishes. This is to avoid cases like Terri Schiavo where her family kept her alive against the decision of her legal guardian, in this case her husband. The decision is now yours and not someone else.

As for items such as jewelry, I agree on distributing it now. My lawyer said to write a document in your own handwriting saying who gets what if you decide to hang on to it until the bitter end.

The lawyer charged my mom $250 to update all three documents. Not bad and so worth it.

Here's a site with some good info regarding trusts, etc:

: Legal Awareness

Thanks for the link, pudgeder. I'm using everything everyone said for a check list. Why is doing this such a PITA?? I think I would rather exercise!