There have been several showers already, and at the last one I was invited to, I was told at the end that the bridesmaids and others were supposed to "put in" for the shower. "Oh, and your share is $65.00". This was at a person's home, just a few homemade sweets and some drinks. I was speechless, but apparently that is how that group does these things, so I smiled and wrote a check for both me and another bridesmaid who didn't have that much cash with her. I think it's awful to ask guests to pay for their share of things, but on the other hand I can't afford to pay for a big day out for a bunch of additional people. The bride is so stressed out right now, I wouldn't want her to have to put together a guest list for her spa day. But I do feel like we're stealing her away from her wedding guests. A lot of people are from out and town and may expect to be entertained. The bride doesn't really know we are doing this. We will tell her before in case she has other plans, but right now it's sort of a surprise, and a way to help her de-stress right before the wedding. We want her to be relaxed and beautiful! I guess we could just have the bridesmaids and moms, and if somebody gets offended I'll take the blame.

My high school buddy is getting married and his fiance and I have become good friends over the last couple years. She has invited me to be part of her wedding party with a total of six bridesmaids and one junior bridesmaid. I have only been in one other wedding and the Bridal Shower was a gift from her mother and I was not involved in any of the planning. I suppose my thought process is naive, but I recently ran into one of the bride's good friends/bridesmaid who said the moms, maid of honor and her just had a bridal party meeting the day before. I wasn't aware of this and with the wedding in August and trying to just come up with money to pay for the down payment on the dress, I hadn't even thought about a bridal shower. The mother of the bride contacted me yesterday as a message was put out to everyone and I was accidentally left off to discuss plans further. To be honest, this is all financially overwhelming at the moment. My impression from the conversations at this point is that everyone needs to have a part in paying for the event. I'm not trying to be rude, but should I have known this or should someone had asked me or suggested to me that I help pay as oppose to just assuming? I can absolutely give my time, but financially I cannot give much. I don't want to be a jerk and not help financially, but is it okay (as I feel it would be smart) to tell everyone what I am realistically able to contribute? I want the bride to have a nice party of course, but waiting for the mom to come up with how much family is going to be invited and what-not and making me nervous. I thought it was also best to ask the bride who she wants to come in case we miss someone and I was also told it is important in case she rather someone not come. What is everyone's thoughts about the bride knowing when the party is? So far I heard, she should know so that she can properly be prepared. Of course we would make sure she looks cute.

Mtn said it much better than I did.. I agree with her completely I want to be clear that I am not saying, "don't under any circumstances send a gift"! I love giving gifts and I think I am a good gift giver. I try to always choose gifts to reflect the personality, circumstances and needs of the recipient. In this case, the OP says they haven't seen the bride-to-be in a great many years and something like a toaster doesn't feel right... and she's definitely in the "check the box" realm of gifting. In the absence of "knowing" her niece, I made a few suggestions for something personal and modest that I would think would be appropriate for the relationship and event. I don't know who prepared the invite list but I would never dream of inviting someone so many states away and not close to the honoree to a *shower*. Much as I am big on giving gifts, I am not big on doing things out of obligation. I would mark the event with something focused on the family and the family's traditions... even if that went "off registry". Anything else would be family tax as Mtn so aptly put it. again, I would go off a family recipe.. a holiday tradition.. something that belonged to grandma or great grandma.. something that reminded you and the bride-to-be of a memory. I received (not as a shower gift) a potato masher that had belonged to my great great great grandmother as a gift. It is a much cherished gift that cost nothing. My sisters still reference the small cookbook of recipes my grandmother gave them for their wedding showers. These are small things that mean lots.. and that *I* think are appropriate shower gifts.

Not really a big bridal shower game person but the last shower I attended had a different spice game. They had spices in little numbered dark bottles that were passed around and you had to identify the spice. Some spices were common and others more unusual. We all enjoyed this novel game. No shower for my daughter, although a few friends offered to throw a one, she felt strange about it, with her super small wedding and no reception booked at the time. My daughter said the only thing she missed about not having a shower was not doing the “ toilet paper bridal gown” game. This was too funny to me, as she is so not a shower game person. Love the recipe idea. I have a collection recipes from the guests of one of my showers. I still make some of the recipes that I was given. The hostess presented the recipes to me in a lovely recipe book, the type where you slide the recipe cards into holders. I have kept the book and in the past added to it, it is wonderful to see the handwriting of friends and family members I do not see often or who have passed away, such as my husband’s grandma.