I'm a bridesmaid and the bride is angry with me. Help!

excyntric

Recently, I told the bride I could not go on her bachlorette party because it was just too expensive. She opted for an European destination and expects her portion of the trip to be covered. Normally, this would not be an issue since other destinations have been reasonable but just getting myself there is really spreading me thin, not to mention her wedding is also not local.

I explained to her that I was really upset, that she meant the world to me, and wanted her to have the best time. I told her MOHs that I would still help chip in, seeing that the trip is only a month away and I felt bad about leaving them in a less than ideal situation. Not surprisingly, she was upset and did not hide her disdain. She even asked if I wanted to be relieved of my bridesmaid's duties and whether I would make it to the wedding.

Shocked, I explained that I would never miss her wedding but the bach was just too much. She suggested that if I still wanted to go to her wedding that perhaps my bf would help pay for the trip. We haven't spoken since last week. While I understand that she feels disappointed, I was really hurt by the things she said and the way she said them. I didn't feel like she understood the difficult financial situation I am in.

The wedding is two months away and now I don't know if I should just step down or go through with it. I left it in her hands but she's not great with confrontation. I don't want to ruin her wedding either. I don't know how to handle this in a gracious manner that will make both parties happy.

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homeorganizer

Step away as fast as you can--1) from a "friend" like that and 2) never go into debt for this kind of thing.

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sushipup1

And no, not everyone will be "happy". Get over that idea. Be nice and polite, but tell her that your finances are just too tight. Yes, step down (and let her know ASAP) as bridesmaid, too. If she's so petty that she dis-invites you to the wedding, she's not much of a friend.


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veronicasgrandma

i don't understand what's happened with the whole bachelorette party idea. It seems to have gone from a simple girls night out held locally to these extravagant trips that most people can't afford. It's ridiculous in my opinion. Were all the expenses explained upfront when she asked you to be a bridesmaid? If not, then you have every right to step down and like everyone else said, if she disinvites you she's not a friend anyway and her priorities are screwed up. Sorry you're going thru this and I hope it gets resolved.

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nancylouise5me

A European destination for just a bachelorette party! Is she out of her mind?? And expects her bridesmaids to pay for it. This is wayyyyy over the line. I'd ditch this "friend". She has no problem what so ever making you feel bad. She doesn't care one iota about the financial strain she is putting on you. That is not a caring, understanding friend. Tell me again, why you call her your friend? I would be on the phone pronto telling her you will not be in the wedding. She is making it to costly to be in the wedding. She is just be ridiculous. NancyLouise


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excyntric

To be fair, she did mention she wanted a destination bach but we did not discuss cost until recently. I explained from the get-go that my decision will depend on how much everything came out to be. Unfortunately, I also had some recent changes in financial obligations that further made the trip impossible.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she did not intentionally want to be mean and that it's just stress from wedding planning. In her defense, we've been friends for a while and she is usually very fair when it comes to splitting costs, so this is a shock to me.

Thank you all for your advice. Seeing that a week has passed and she still hasn't reached out, I will try talking to her. Hopefully, she has had some time to cool off and will be more receptive. Otherwise, I will politely back out. Thanks again, you've been super helpful.

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nancylouise5me

Escyntric, hopefully she will be nicer to you and apologize for the way she treated you. I don't know what gets into some brides-to-be. They think it is all about them. It isn't really. Others are involved in the wedding. Their finances and feelings should be taken into consideration. Hope your talk with the bride went well. NancyLouise


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eld6161

I am assuming you have been friends a very long time and therefore feel committed to your relationship.

It's times of special events, work issues, illness etc. that you find out who your true friends are.

Even giving this friend the benefit of the doubt, I agree that she is way out of line. What part of you not being able to afford the party and possibly the wedding, does se not understand?

I too hope that your friend sees that she is being unreasonable and will work things out to maintain your friendship.

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jewelisfabulous

Any updates, excyntric? If she's still acting pissy about her TOTALLY UNREALISTIC bachelorette trip expectations, resign from being her bridesmaid AND decline the wedding invitation. No one who acts so atrociously should have such kind friends as you. Let her feel the full consequences of her bridezilla actions.

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excyntric

Since the last post, I did sent her a feeler text. While she seemed normal, I wasn't completely sure if it was just a formality. But it could be my perspective as well. To keep the peace, I made some decorating arrangements with the hotel she was staying at to make sure the girls were comfortable. When she got there, she sent me photos of the room and exclaimed she was really happy that I found a way to be there.

Some of my friends felt that I shouldn't have had to bend over backwards to appease her but I felt it was the best way to avoid drama. Unfortunately though, this situation has changed the way I see her. One thing's for sure, I will definitely learn to say "no, thanks!" in the future. =)

Again, thanks ladies for all your great advice and helping me not feel like I'm the crazy one!

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Josephine Perry

Hi, I am happy that everything is ok now, I felt pretty disappointed reading your first email. No one should pretend you spend money you don't have to do them a favour, even if it is for their wedding.

All the best!

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sallyy02

Excyntric, that was a very classy move on your part! I'm sorry you had to see this ugly side of your friend come out but, it was so nice to read how you handled it with grace.

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jemdandy

The bride-to-be is too self centered to see other points of view and has no concept of financial responsibility. She's asking a lot from her bridesmaids, too much in my book. Do not get dragged into this mess just because she may have a hissy or dis-invite you to remaining activities. (This sounds like a threat ploy to get her way.) She's trying to get a free trip out of this, and for some reason expects it as though it was her right - Not so! If you can't do it, say so and stand your ground, You have very valid reasons. If you are cut from the wedding party, consider yourself lucky. Do not attempt to deal with such petty and selfish behavior.

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