Last year we raised "meat chickens" and put them in cages and sent them off to be killed. I was crying the whole time. It maybe was a little easier because I knew this kind of chicken wasnt bred for a long life. But I felt guilty for raising such a chicken (kind of like the Replicants in Blade Runner) This year we got "mixed heavy breeds" and are keeping the females for laying. We raised, hugged, talked to and spoiled all of them. We started with 15 males. They are now at the point where they are terrorizing the pullets and each other. So weve started butchering them. Five last weekend were the first weve killed ourselves. We decided this was more humane and in a way the completion of the process we had started. My husband cut off the heads, I plucked ,and he eviscerated them. He was cutting up the first when I heard him say"There are live bugs in this crop"we both kind of laughed. But it was just this whole cycle of life thing. It was very hard, the whole thing and harder for him since he actually killed them. We helped each other through it. It was kind of agreement between us to raise these animals, care for them (believe me they had good lives), humanely kill and then eat them. There is something kind of profound about putting into your body food that really comes from the land you live on. There is a wonderful section of a book by John SeymourThe Self-Sufficient Life: Independence on Five Acres (1970) in which he talks about thishe did all his own butchering and was a most kind soul. Has anyone read it?

Lulie wayne, it's so good to see you post. I've been thinking about you lately for some reason. This whole BP thing is a disaster. I've been mad since day one since nothing seems to be happening except blotched attempts to save the oil well, nature be damned. It's way past time for BP to get off their throne and do something constructive. And another thing that ticks me off is the shrimp and fishermen are prepared to go out and clean the marshes but the EPA and Coast Guard are keeping them from it. (I just heard that on the news tonight.) I think Louisiana should take a page out of Arizona's book and just do it themselves like they would like to. Geez, think this upsets me?????

DH and BM had mediation today. SD has asked him three time is she was going... she wasn't even supposed to know about it. DH said it went fairly well. The mediator started to give him crap over the pants... (my jaw hit the floor when I heard that!) but I guess BM wrote that DH intentionally threw away the pants BECAUSE she bought them. He told them they were too small and didn't fit her, we buy her most of her clothes and he thought it was petty to fight over a pair of pants... then said we had to throw away her pants from last weekend because they came back ripped. BM jumped up and asked him if he was accusing her and he told her no, but it IS in your nature to do something like that and it might be retaliatory because she angry about the other pants. He basically said SD goes through clothes and we buy new ones every few months as she grows, seasons change, etc. Other than that, BM lied her ass off. She said SD was injured when we took her on a serve at 10pm. We never took her to do a serve at 10pm. I went to serve a subpoena on a guy that was expecting it... it was scheduled so no chance for conflict and we were coming home around 8pm when our window broke out on the side of the car. SD was sitting behind the driver seat and the passenger window shattered. We think it was a rock.. maybe kids using a slingshot because we were passing a ball field when it happened. It had nothing to do with being on a serve, we could have been on our way to dinner. She said SD was cut up from the broken glass. It scared her (it scared ALL of us) but no glass got on her or cut her. We stopped at a firehouse to call 911 and waited for the Sheriff to make a report for our insurance. While we were waiting, DH took pictures of SD in front of the fire house for her school project on CA. She was wearing her coat (yet BM said it cut up her arms) and smiling (yet BM said she was hurt & terrified). That was the only other thing DH had to really explain but BM tried to explain why her other DD does not live with her, why she has waited 2 years if this was 'temporary' and then BM told the mediator that SD absolutely wants to live with her. That got the mediator's attention and she asked BM "How do YOU know THAT?" Well, it was in the paperwork handed out before mediation that the child should NEVER be asked where they want to live because no child should EVER have to choose between their parents. I guess BM didn't read it or didn't think it applied to HER! BM also lied when DH said he believes she only filed for custody because BM doesn't want to pay support. He said it is a coincidence that she was served shortly before she filed... BM said she filed two weeks before she got served by DCSS. lol, the mediator can easily check that out in the court case because DCSS served her on 4/13 and BM filed for custody on 4/16. I really hope her lies bring her down! I guess the mediator wanted to see SD so when they left mediation, they went into the clerks office & I went in with DH so they could schedule it. The mediator looked a little annoyed and BM was right there next to her. Then the mediator said when SD comes in, there is no parental involvement at all so it does not matter who brings her in. DH asked if I can bring her in so he didn't have to miss work and BM volunteered to pick her up from school & bring her in. The mediator again said it didn't matter who brings her. So, they set it up for 4pm after school and I said (and it just came out without thinking) that she can pick her up from the house at 3:30. BM practically snarled at me "WHY?" and I said so she can do her homework since she gets out of school at 2:20 and BM nearly bit my head off.. snapping at me that SHE can help HER daughter with homework. I said fine. The mediator said "there will be none of that in here!" So, in hindsight I should have said nothing. Of course, it shows the mediator that BM really has a huge problem with me. I guess at one point, DH said I am available to talk to her too if she needs to and BM jumped in and said "there's no need for that" or something like that.. basically saying the mediator does not need to talk to me at all. The mediator jumped on BM saying she'll talk to whoever she wants in order to make a recommendation but I am guessing BM did not impress the mediator. BM stormed off down the street and when we were getting on the freeway, BM got behind us and then drove around us really fast and sped off. She was pissed. She does not like to be called on her lies and she also told the mediator she had an email where DH agreed she was to have SD on her birthday from 9-6, not 8-8. Well, she is supposed to bring that back when they see the mediator the week after SD sees her. It doesn't exist. They did not email each other about her birthday, it was discussed when we picked up SD. Besides, even if it WAS 6pm... she left SD at 4pm to go back to her BF and left SD with grandma! DUH! She is also supposed to bring letters she says SD has written about how terrible I am to her and how she doesn't like me. When BM told the mediator how SD and I don't get along, DH presented a stack of letters & cards SD has made me over the last two years. She gave me one yesterday that said "Happy early Mother's Day". I can only imagine she is going to make SD write letters to 'prove' what she says is true. If she does, I can't believe she thinks the mediator is going to buy that! She is something else!!!

Wow. You guys are great! Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement. It helps a lot. And I see I'm not the only one in this boat! I do know that things will get better, and I can always plant new roses, etc. But it's just the loss of the rare roses that pisses me off. Why couldn't it be the more common ones that are easily replaced? Of course that's not the way it goes, altho there were a few of those too! And it's my fault for planting the tiny own-root bands in this crappy soil of ours before they've grown to a decent size. And it's my fault for not keeping on top of the sprinklers to be sure they are covering the entire beds, and my fault for not getting the most invasive weeds and underplantings pulled out when they were smaller. But... that's because I've been so busy, and overly obsessed and buying waaaay too many roses. I'm not growing and cultivating them, I'm collecting them. That's what I do. I collect things. It's sad. It's a sickness I guess. I know that in the coming seasons I will get all the beds done. And Bluegirl, yes I am doing what you said. I plant a rose, or weed part of a bed. In this heat, that's all I can do. It's slow going, but it's nice when I do get something done. Right now tho, I also am now dealing with the death of my 98yr old mom. We've been expecting it for sometime, but it's kind of surreal now that it has finally happened. My brother just flew out from Upstate NY and my sister is coming up from SoCal, so we will be dealing with all the estate and stuff over the next two weeks. I'm not going to get much done in the yard for awhile, except watering. Which is ok, since it's been too darn hot to work out there. By then it will be cooler and easier to do stuff outside. The only drawback now is the days are getting shorter, so I won't have as much daylight to get things done. Oh well, it'll get done when it gets done. LOL My life will be so different now. I'll have more time and less stress. Not that Mom was stressful. It was my niece who is my partner in the shop, and who lived with her. She's got mental issues and was a nightmare to deal with regarding Mom. Our lives revolved around her needs and wants, and my younger son and I had to go stay with Mom whenever she wanted to have time off. Now I have freedom, and so does Mom! She was trapped in her bed in a body that didn't work and a mind that was basically gone. I will miss her, but I will not miss the ordeals we went thru with my niece. And I will think of Mom when I'm out there working in the garden. Being out there will help me get over her passing. Judith, your chickens sound wonderful. We only have room for a few. (In fact we're not supposed to have more than 2... which is totally ludicrous... why bother?) Anyway.... we built a decent little shack for the girls and have a run that's 8'x24', but we're going to add another 10-12' in length and use our old satellite dish to put over part of it. It's going to be a fun and funky set-up for them. And next yr... I want some of those Blue Laced Red Wyandottes and Brahmas. Can't wait! Oh and I also am using weed barrier under some of my potted roses. Saves on weeds that's for sure. Altho they still get in the pots. But now I am sort of cultivating some weeds. Those are the goodies for the chickens! They love it when I bring them their "greens!"