I like the money suggestions. So few people know how to manage their money. I will add preparing and sticking to a budget to the list.

How to do laundry (including proper ironing techniques, just in case they are needed).

Basic cooking skills.

Basic cleaning skills (including what cleaners should never be combined!!!)

All good tips. If she starts now, she can have most of them under her belt.

I would add being "street smart." So many kids go off to college with a false sense of security. They might come from a relatively safe hometown where they were able to come and go at all hours.

College is different. They need to know it's not okay to travel alone very late at night. They need to understand there are real dangers to under age drinking.

As they're growing up, when they are dealing with various issues in life, to discuss along with them how to evaluate those situations ... if you were to deal with it in such a way, how might it turn out, what consequences might ensue; or in what other way ... and what result might flow from that course of action.

Becoming used to using critical thinking, and logical, and sequential, is important ... and one doesn't learn those skills overnight.

One of my major tasks as a parent is to help, assist, counsel and otherwise work with my child to journey toward the time when s/he becomes independent. That will also involve restrictions ... but, as time goes along, they will become fewer, as the child, growing in mental and emotional capability, with increasing experience, progresses toward maturity.

S/he who hasn't learned the necessity of picking up one's own marbles in life, and done so ... will almost certainly regret not having done so, in later years.

ole joyful

All of the above....plus

How to change a tire

How to do small plumbing tasks

How to live on a budget

How to use an iron

How to contact utility companies to have gas/water/electricity turned on, off, or changed to a different location.

It's been 10 years since my DD went off to college. I wasn't too concerned about her knowing how to cook and clean...she was capable of figuring out what she didn't know on her own and she was already careful with $. I was more worried about the partying and drinking and safety. I remember telling her when at a party to never set her drink down or accept a drink she hadn't seen poured. I told her that countless kids have died from alcohol poisoning because their friends think they are "just sleeping it off" and that at 5' and 100 lbs it wouldn't take a lot for her to get intoxicated. And because she is so little, I regret I didn't have her take some self defense classes.

Fortunately, she made it through the 4 years without incident. She still lives and works in her college town and lives alone and I still wish she would take self defense classes because you just never know when those skills would come in handy.

They should know how to cook something, even if just chili.

They should know how to do dishes and clean up after cooking.

They should know how to do laundry.

They should know how to handle bills and a household budget.

The Complete Life's Little Instruction Book

These are just strictly off the top of my head an likely to be very random and I'm assuming you mean being on their own, not put up in a dorm:
How to
budget
plan meals and grocery shop for a week at a time
turn off the water supply to a toilet, sink and washing machine
check a breaker
dispose of batteries, lightbulbs, paints and chemicals
say "no"
pump gas, change a tire, jump a car battery
perform basic first aid
recognize when they really do need to go to the health center

1. Agree with finances, but I would include taxes. I just ran into a situation today where a married woman had no idea how filing taxes works. And student loans!!! So many young people have massive debt right now, with high balances and really high interest rates because they didn't really understand at 18 how overwhelming it would be in the future.

2. A big one that should start now is internet safety. So many young people trust their friends and partners, and end up doing things that come back to haunt them when those buddies aren't so trustworthy. I'm talking about racy pictures and such. They need to understand that nothing on the internet is ever permanently deleted, despite any claims. And what seems like a good idea at 15 can really come back to haunt them at 25. And if they're going to do it anyway, at least don't put their face or any other identifying information in it!

3. Just getting a degree isn't enough these days. Internships and other job experiences are so crucial. It can be hard to balance studying and working but it makes a huge difference after graduation when it's time to find a job.

4. Something I plan to do with my future kids is start them on credit while teenagers. I can teach them how to use it responsibly without letting them get in over their heads. So many young people get into terrible credit card debt because they lack the discipline or understanding of how it works. Plus a high credit score is a big benefit in life, and starting younger (if done responsibly) is a help.

5. Get a degree that will get you a job. It's fine to minor in something you enjoy, but I've seen way too many friends pick "fun" majors and now they can't find jobs. Anything engineering, math or science based is always a good choice if there's a propensity towards it.

Everything above, I would also suggest a work ethic in place too. School or a job I think everyone should have the ethic that these should be done to the best of their ability And take the responsibility of doing either to heart. Not to waste opportunity (job or school) that someone else would be eager to do.
We once had a young women, during her first week, she showed up two or three hours late to train with me. She was being paid by the hour and on her honor to work the hours scheduled. I asked her if she called the supervisor to say she would be late the reply was NO, I asked did you tell the supervisor when you got here? answer, No. She didn't seem to understand she needed to do this or that not doing so was wrong. What she did do was horrible. Apparently this was not her first job either. Later when I spoke to my supervisor, she still had not informed anyone about being late. She was let go soon after.

That they should, and how to, back up their computer.

How to recognize that an appliance tripped the breaker, not that it needs a service call (like the AC)

How to select a person to ask them for a recommendation for something (my college son just asked me this last week!)

That not all potential roommates will be good roommates, pay their share on time, etc. so learn the red flags and how to spot them, then how to walk away.

How to mail a birthday card on time.

That they can call their parents any time for any reason, if they are in trouble, have a problem, are afraid, or just because.

These are the books I gave my kids upon graduating. They still have them lol

Know how to do a detailed budget. Rent, gas, electric, water, trash, phone, and cable are all typical things you might have to account for in order to live in an apartment. I've helped too many younger friends look for apartments and think that $X rent is within their budget (on the high end), but didn't take into account utilities, which pushed it out of their budget.

Don't use automatic bill pay until you get a handle on the budget thing and have a somewhat steady income. It's better to pay the day it's due, or even late, than set up auto bill pay and not have the money in your account to take care of it. You're basically bouncing a check and that's bad.

Don't blow all money leftover once bills are paid and set some aside. Your coffeemaker WILL break, your car WILL need new tires, you WILL want to go to that concert 4 months from now. Save some money every week and you won't have to miss out because you're broke.

Credit cards aren't free money. Get one and use it, but remember that, if you don't pay it off every month, whatever you're buying won't be worth it. Getting a great price on a pair of jeans won't be worth it after paying 20% interest on the purchase.

Learn how to cook something that requires ingredients that need to be chopped up. If you hit 20 and your only cooking skills are butter pasta and hard-boiled eggs, you need to take a cooking class.

Learn to do laundry. It's not hard and wearing dirty clothes or dragging them home for mom aren't acceptable options.

Learn to tell time. You want to close the bar down with your friends? Awesome, go for it. But know that time moves even faster after a night of drinking and you'll feel like you just went to bed when the alarm goes off at 8 am.

Specific to college students:

-DO NOT, under any circumstances, struggle silently in a class. Your professor is not a jerk, not unapproachable, and wants you to succeed. There is a reason they are required to have office hours. Go see them if you're having problems. They will help you understand and can direct you to services the school has to offer. You're paying to attend and these people are being paid to be there, so use every resource they have.

-Appreciate the fact that you're in an environment that you will never been in again. Always wanted to learn how to dance or fence? Take a class and get credit. Wanted to play soccer, but couldn't make the high school team? Join an intramural club. Have a passion for 18th century Russian novelist? Join a club or start one yourself. Also, don't be so focused on maintaining a perfect 4.0 that you miss out on the fun. You will rarely find yourself in a place where having a heated debate on philosophy at 1 am is a common thing and stuff like that is what you'll look back on fondly, not that you got a 100% on your first Calculus test.

-Be friendly to everyone and make friends with people different that you're used to. The guy with the shaved head, piercings, and black nail polish could be an awesome person, so could the girl who has her body completely covered. Don't be afraid to talk to them or ask them to study.

Also, my favorite books about college life are by a guy named Cal Newport. The suggestions in his books 'How to be a straight A student' and 'How to win at college' are fantastic.

I like all the GREAT suggestions above. The one that stands out in my mind....is to have a goal and a path to get there.

So many young people are getting degrees in "basket weaving" , they're NOT qualified to do anything when they graduate and have $60K in student debt. Their back up plan is to get a job paying $24K in a call center. A job that only requires a high school diploma. Then they're miserable and stuck....

If you get a pet-be a responsible pet owner!! Plus all the above!

His or her self-worth.

My first thought was "make sure you have on clean underwear," LOL

All great suggestions, I would just add to make an "emergency" communication plan. I made sure my daughters had phone numbers and addresses of family and friends just in case they couldn't reach me for some reason. Going through Sept. 11 in NY was scary for my daughters, and all of us, but the cell phones didn't all work and we learned that in a serious crisis, communication is very important. So, just some telephone numbers, addresses and a "who" to contact if they can't reach mom or dad.

Audrey.....those books sound perfect and fun...wish I'd known about them as mine headed off. Everyone has given great advice....hopefully most of it we were teaching all along the way from toddlerhood...learning to pick up toys, make their beds, how to handle allowance or babysitting $, getting along with others, etc.

Yes, it's a tough job market, but I'd hate to see anyone pick a major or be stuck in a field they don't like for 40 years just for the $. We told our kids..find something you enjoy and find a way to make a living at it...and they all have. It doesn't mean every day is bliss, but they don't wake up in the morning dreading the next 8 hours. It's miserable to be stuck in a job you don't like and it takes a toll eventually.

Joanie the books cover everything mentioned above and so very much more. They are still available. They make the best graduation gifts. They have loads of recipes and instructions on food from techniques to storage. Info on health...ehat to do and when to call the Dr. How to buy sheets etc. I swear they miss nothing.

every thing already said. And - Don't be afraid to say "NO" !

Seems to me if they weren't taught most of these things growing up, it's kind of late by the time they're on their own. For instance, teaching them how to be responsible with money after they've been spoiled growing up... changing them ain't gonna happen easily.

A friend's 27 yo son got a flat and his dad drove 190 miles to go change it for him. I said if it was my kid that did that he'd be learning to call someone else. 'Course my kids knew how to change a tire before they got their driver license.

I already replied to this but wanted to share my "life story", college major wise.

I started out as an 18 year old with a goal. Family circumstances made me end of leaving school and I ended up falling into my first career. I did that for awhile, got disillusioned, moved, and started up school again, with different major. Graduated, got disillusioned about my chosen career and have now realized that I want to work in one of two fields. I want to either go back to my first career, which time has shown me was a good fit for me, but the specific job was the problem, or an entirely new field, which is based on skills I learned in the first career (which I utilized as a kind of hobby), but in an entirely different way.

To me, major means almost nothing. Unless your passion is something in the hard sciences, you can do anything with any degree. I only highlighted the hard sciences because, if you suddenly have a desire to be a chemistry teachers, you really need a chemistry degree and not, say, an art history degree.

In my experience, people generally don't care about what your degree is in; they only care that you have one.

Asm - I agree with you to an extent. I'm curious - are you still in the job market? It changes so rapidly that what might have been true 5 or 10 years ago isn't as true today.

It's definitely possible to have a career in a completely different field than your degree. It's actually pretty common, though it's generally because someone fell into something, and built experience from there. And people with several years (or more) of experience have acquired skills that can be often transferred between fields, as you personally noted. I do agree that after a certain amount of time, just having a degree is enough, though every job I've had required it to be within a range of subjects.

A new college graduate, though, is limited as they don't have a lot of relevant experience. At that point, their degree is going to matter a lot more. I'm 10 years out of college and I have seen my peers struggle to find a job because they chose majors that they enjoyed, like English or psychology or history or journalism. Of course there are things they can do with these degrees eventually, but not right out of college (at least paying a decent salary), and often not without graduate work. Meanwhile, hefty student loans are becoming due and they are having to take any job they can get. In comparison, engineering students, at 22, can expect at least $100k out of a good college and a choice of job offers.

Money isn't everything, and people should enjoy their career, but I think graduates also need to be realistic. Each job opening now is getting dozens, if not hundreds, of applicants, and education/degree is one of the first things used to weed through the pile. The best thing my mom ever did for me was refuse to pay for a degree in a field with little prospects. I ended up majoring in Economics and I was able to apply it to almost any field I wanted to go, like most quantitative studies.

So I think major definitely matters, at least for the first job, which really can set the stage for the rest of someone's career. After that, I agree that there's a lot more flexibility and the subject of the degree doesn't matter as much once there are several years of relevant experience.

I was reading and thinking along the same lines as Cynic. All these "things" they should know are a part of raising them, many from the time they can walk and talk. My kids got most of their major mistakes, that they learned from, out of the way while still at home during their high school years. I felt it was better to let them have that long leash and make their mistakes while under our wings where we could perhaps catch them wen they fell. How to choose friends wisely, street smarts, holding a job, drinking wisely,learning to stand on you values etc. I see too many helicopter parents these days ,over-protecting their kids, keeping them on a tight leash and then expecting them to be able to survive on their own with a "checklist" of skills once they reach some preset magical age.

I agree, watchmelol. As well, I think the school system is letting them down. I can't believe the number of kids that can't do basic math skills in their heads. Cursive writing is not taught anymore in a lot of schools, good grammar/spelling is horrible. Even with spell check, I read resumes that mix up "your" and "you're", "there, their and they're". Punctuation is often non existent. When they come in for interviews, they have no idea of the job they are applying for. A little research about the company, city it's in, and the actual job description they are applying for would stand in their favor. Coming in appropriately dressed helps to. Sorry, I do not want to see your underwear. Jeans are fine, but could they at least be clean and in good repair. And ditch the t-shirts with logos, etc. on them. You may be the most qualified candidate for the position, but if you don't present yourself as such, you should not be disappointed if you don't get hired.

I left home after college and moved to New York City. I was a true "rube". I had to teach myself to cook (by reading The Joy of Cooking), clean, live on a budget, everything else mentioned above. My kids' high school actually has a class called "Life Skills" where they learn to use public transportation, set up a budget,, open a bank account and write checks, do laundry, write letters of complaint, etc.

I agree on the helicopter parenting. It's getting pretty ridiculous. But it's not just the parents. You can actually get in trouble for letting your kid go to a park alone these days in some areas. When I was a kid in the 90's, we rode our bikes all over the place.

I'm starting to see the results in the workplace. Young people who can't handle bosses, who have precious feelings and think they deserve everything because they've never been told no in their life. Who lack any kind of resourcefulness and instead ask a million questions and act like they can't do it because someone has been holding their hand their whole life. I'm making generalizations of course and not everyone is like that but I'm definitely seeing a trend that way.

I had a friend a few years back. He was 32, had gone to MIT. His parents bought him a condo. His mom still flew several states over to him to take him to doctor appointments as she didn't trust him to go alone, and worried he couldn't find the offices. She handled all his bills, and gave him a monthly allowance. He's never had a job and she was okay with that because "he wouldn't show up to a job anyway." It was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

Self defense and Safety awareness.

I'd have to say I think all parents should have a good heart-to-heart with their college-bound kids concerning peer-pressure and partying. The new normal is way beyond what most of us remember, and the ability to not join in when it's the thing to do is tough. It's also important that kids who aren't into the constant partying be able to figure out how to find friends like themselves which isn't as easy as one might think.

Upon graduation from high school, and before they go away to college, no more family rules. Let them make their own decisions for the summer. It's easier to counsel and assist in resolution when you are near them if/when they error, and you are not just throwing them into untested waters when they are away.

If they have financial troubles don't bail them out or they will never learn to be responsible.

Tell them to be prepared to sacrifice as things are not going to be like living at home.

Remember mom and dad's telephone number. As J.K. Simmons said at the Oscars, don't text them, don't e-mail them, call them.

Sent away three to universities and we all survived.

DA

I agree money and how to handle it and also credit cards too and put away for that rainy day plus for future too.

Yes, laundry how to do it, cook skills how to make simple meals at least.

How to maintain car and where to take it in wherever they go to school.

Budgeting and not buying everything in sight and have those zillion tags and not wear or use.

How to clean, someone mentioned one time a gal didn't know how to sweep so teach those things.

How to keep yourself safe and maybe see about they go to classes to protect themselves when out in the world alone.

Teach about drinking, guys and date rapes, and stuff that they can put in drinks and do not ever leave your drink alone, hang onto it and if you do slip away from it, get another fresh one.

So in numbers anywhere, don't go alone.

What to so when sick, things to take for what, etc. as many moms rush down and care for them or they rush home.

Always check your car before getting into it to make sure no one is inside or can pop inside when you unlock it.

How to fill it up with gas, laugh but many don't do it.

Chop up all cards except for one for emergencies and keep it only for emergencies.

Teach about future costs of when you finish schooling and you say I am going to travel, the costs and what that involves. Buying your own place or even renting your own place or sharing, what you look for in roommates. What costs are you looking at, furniture and rent, food, medical, dentist, clothing, all those things of life. How to put away for all that and pay out monthly as they come along.

Teach about what to get in medical insurances,etc.

How to do interviews, references,etc.

Make sure they have flip flops for school for the washroom so they don't pick up athlete foot,etc. I have heard a must to wear in the washrooms.

Watch your surroundings at all times.

kathy

Lots of good ideas. I disagree with Chop up all cards except for one for emergencies and keep it only for emergencies. however.

A person's credit rating is used for so many things now, from renting apartments to hiring for a job, and the interest rate you get for car loans. To build up a good credit report, they need to have at least a few credit cards, use them lightly and pay off the balance promptly and on time. If you have only one card and rarely use it, you will not earn a good rating.

They need a realistic sense of self worth, independent of family and friends, and know the importance of maintaining their own self-respect. They need to know how evaluate people and situations, and to accept challenges and failures as part of growth.

I support the chop up the extra cards. In fact don't even get them. A t-shirt is not worth the potential grief. I look at it here as we are dealing with young people entering the grown up world and most with little financial awareness and experience. Credit ratings can be established down the road. Abuse and civil judgements would have a much greater negative effect than having a ton of debt versus a ton of available credit.

When Johnny or Suzie are out on a Thursday night "without a care in the world" spending their student loan money on beer and pizza why add to more financial problems.

DA

Some great ideas already posted. AAA, from your post, I went on Amazon and ordered both of the books you suggested for only .01 each to give to my grandson....certainly to be a good investment.

One thing I keep telling my grandkids when they are trying to decide what they want to major in...."Chose something you are passionate about and you will never have to work".

I personally think every school should be required to teach Life Skills to prepare students to be out on their own....sadly, some do not have a clue what to do about checking, saving, budgets, insurance, loans, buying a car, renting a home, etc. and parents do not seem to take the time to teach them either.

I have tried to talk to my recent graduated college grandson, who has a great job, about the importance of getting a Roth IRA in conjunction to his retirement program at work, especially while he is young and no family...but sadly his parents seem to spend everything they get, eventhough they make good salaries, so he does not have good roll models.

Lots of good advice, but I think many of you are being waay too granular. Here are some big picture things I shared with my kids:

> Other people, peers and adults alike, will judge you by the friends you keep. They will form expectations of you based on what they see your friends doing and not doing, even if that brings them to the wrong understanding of you. Remember that when choosing who to hang out with.

> The only thing that can limit what you can do in your lifetime is YOU. (An especially important message for daughters). You can achieve whatever goals you set, so aim high and then aim higher yet. You'll likely achieve nothing without goal setting, It's entirely up to you, no excuses or finger pointing allowed in this family.

> Financial support ends at graduation. School and living expenses are paid only when you take enough classes to graduate on time. Some support during graduate school is available, but you need to be pursuing training for a viable occupation, not hiding from adulthood. No one may move back home except for temporary periods in transit.

> The world is full of bad influences and people with poor judgement, and the opposite is also true. Keep your goals in mind when making personal decisions, do the right things with the right people. Make good choices in personal conduct so that no door gets closed.

> Have fun every day! Always keep your eyes open to learn new things from new people.

(sorry if too philosophical, but this is what they had in their ears in leaving for college)

For each I allowed 30 days for graduation transition then the nest was closed. My oldest daughter was engaged and teaching school so she lived with us. She paid rent for seven months until she married and moved out. I returned it to her in a separate check after the ceremony. It was not about the money, but rather a responsibility lesson.

I left the woman issues for the girls to their mother. All I said to them was "Babies are wonderful. Just be sure they come after marriage". Yes ladies, I spoke with my son about it too.

Though I spoke to all of them about this, I had a deep conversation with my son as to safety, respect, honesty, loyalty, dedication, responsibility and most of all honor. Be a leader not a follower.

And finally, nothing is more important than the family. Boyfriends come and boyfriends go. Girlfriends come and girlfriends go. Friends come and friends go. But, your family is always there for you.

I really like the reoccurring advice here which is in-line with what I always shared, "Your health and safety are number one. Nothing else matters."

DA

Great ideas! And I agree, the paving stones should be set from the time they are toddlers. I know 20-somethings that still have "mom" doing their laundry. My 7-year-old nephew learned how to do laundry - from sorting, spotting, soaking, washing, drying, folding, and putting away - very quickly. I didn't have him do it every week, but he did it enough to be a pro.

I also taught him how to use a phone book and a paper map. If he wanted to go somewhere special I'd ask him to find the number, address, and directions. Call and see when they're open, pricem etc. When he had the info, we'd go!Cynic! You're back. I've missed you.

I like DA's comments, and I should add that I described my comments incorrectly - these issues were constant discussion points between us long before college time came.

I too emphasized the importance of honesty and integrity beginning early in their lives.

As young adults, each of them has found multiple occasions to thank both my wife and I for our approach in raising them and in instilling good values. We have and will always have great communications with all of them. There's no better payoff than that, for them and for us.