Loss of first born Adult Son

jamesdasmum

I have just found this site I lost my first born adult son on September 11th 2014 five months tomorrow He was the most caring loving affectionate son had an amazing zest for life he loved the family and made it his short life's work to help all of us. He suffered a horrible death when a 32 ton fully laden aggregates lorry knocked him over and killed him outright whilst he was crossing the road, the lorry driver didn't slow down he hit him at full speed

My life seems over I'm finding it so hard I just don't want to go on I want to be with my son agian . I'm numb my heart is broken james was only 30 he had no wife or children so there's nothing left I still i shock this can't be happening

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sylviatexas2
I didn't realize that you had posted a new thread (which is a good idea), so I replied on the other one.

but I did forget to say:

You're his mother.
You know his life story better than anyone on this planet.
You're the only one who can keep & pass on his story to younger people in your family, to people who have similar talents or interests.

You might write down some things, to keep them fresh in your mind & to have them for the future.

Take care of yourself.
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mama goose_gw zn6OH

jamesdasmum, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say, but how wonderful it is that he left a legacy of love and caring. I hope you can find peace.


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jamesdasmum

This is so strange my son used to call me mama goose Thank you it's like a sign x

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mama goose_gw zn6OH

My username came from one of my daughters. My firstborn son is also 30, so your post touched my heart.

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jamesdasmum

Oh thank you have you also lost a child I hope you don't mind me asking

I also have two daughters 29 and 24 the oldest is expecting her first child and it's been quite a rocky road as her brother died shortly after she got pregnant

I'm meant to be going to church this morning but can't get myself together I just feel very quiet today and numb so tired and heart sore

Take care gx


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greendalelady

I am so sorry for your loss .we aren't suppose to bury our children, I am having enough trying to get through the death of my husband. I wish I could help you , if I could I would gladly trade places with your son , I am so so sorry

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jamesdasmum

Thank you I'm so sorry for your loss too I've thought this so many times I wish with all my heart it had been me the worst feeling is that I couldn't save him thats my job to help and protect my children this is so hard I can hardly breathe

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mama goose_gw zn6OH

I lost an infant son, who was born two months premature. Although we were devastated, I cannot compare that to losing an older child. He would have been 26. As I mentioned, my other son is 30, and my daughters are 28 and 24--there will always be a missing # when I list their ages, and also a missing piece of my heart.

For a long time--maybe forever--you will hesitate when someone asks how many children you have. You'll have to decide what to reveal, or whether to say anything at all, depending on the circumstances, but it will feel wrong not to include him.

Enjoy your grandchild. No one can replace James, but having a grandchild will help distract you, and with the new little one you can share memories and pictures. You might not be able to imagine it now, but some day you'll be able to talk about James with joy, and without the raw pain of new grief.


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jamesdasmum

This is such a coincidence I lost a son prematurely he would be 29 now I also have 2 daughters 28 and 24 . I have hesitated when signing cards but I have made my mind up that I will include him in everything as he was part of us and will never be forgotten

This is so hard trying to adjust to this life without my Son in it I don't understand why James he was such a special caring young man who always smiled no matter what . He cared so much about everyone was so supportive not only my son but my best friend too he really understood me we did do much together and there's this massive void now in my life do hard

Thank you for caring x

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socks

Heartfelt condolences, jamesdasmum. I cannot even imagine the anxiety and terrible grief you are suffering. It seems your son was the heart, the spark of love, in your family. I'm so very sorry. Allow the new baby your daughter is expecting will bring joy to your family. I send you a big, long hug and wish you peace.

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jamesdasmum

Thank you she only has 12 days to go now she's missing her brother and all through this time which is meant to be so special, she's had to deal with this terrible loss thank you for your kind words and fir caring gx

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srsmith

I recently lost my husband to a heart attack. He was only 49. It's been very hard for me and our children,but also for his parents. I have good days when I feel so blessed to have been married to someone who truly loved me. And, I have bad days when I miss him so badly I just want him back. Through it all God has been my rock and strength! No matter how deep the pain, He always picks me up! God knows your pain - as he allowed His son to die for us. I pray for God's peace and comfort to surround you.

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dmaddox44

jamesdasmum, the feelings you are describing are not at all unusual. After I lost my 20-year-old son three years ago, at the suggestion of my counselor, I started attending group meetings sponsored by The Compassionate Friends (an international grief organization that supports parents, grandparents and siblings following the loss of a child). I was very surprised to hear other parents describe the same feelings I was having. At one meeting, every mother in the room acknowledged that they had hurt so much, they didn't want to live. The group meetings have been a respite for me from the awkward or painful comments of others who do not understand the depth of the pain mothers, in particular, experience when they lose a child. It became a forum where I could ask questions or just listen, eventually discovering how normal my suffering, feelings, and experiences were. As I looked around the room and saw people who had similar experiences but who were further along in their grief, I realized their sense of humor had returned, they had plans for their future, they were once again finding joy in living. It gave me hope.

From your comments, it appears that hope is missing from your life. Life WILL get better if you put in some effort. If you are not already seeing a counselor, I would highly encourage you to start there. Not all are the same, but generally the interactions can give you positive feedback about the thoughts and feelings that are controlling your experience of grief. Also, determine if a chapter of The Compassionate Friends is nearby and call them. I answer the phone for our local chapter. I'm on the phone for more than an hour with every caller. I love to tell them how the hope that returned to my life can return to theirs. Most are so desperate for change they attend one or more meetings just to see the future version of themselves. Life will get better, jamesdasmum. You can hurry the process along by associating with others who have lost a child. After we lost our son, my address book changed dramatically. Most of my friends have also lost a child. Life is good again.

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