The Cornell campus is beautiful. And big. And hilly. And winter lasts from October to May. But the summer, short as it is, is so so wonderful, that I forgive the weather the rest of the year.

awww... bestyears - what a nice memory! Is sounds like a wonderful fit for your son and I wish him much sucess in his college career. And you sound so calm and well adjusted about it - I was a wreck! It's been a few years since we took our first born to Marquette U - he was young, barely 17 since he decided to fast track through high school in 3 years, and leaving him there was soooo hard for me. The only saving grace was that he was just 70 miles from home, close but still far enough. Our 'baby is now in school 1200 miles away in CO so I know how hard the distance can be.

We'll be doing the same thing in exactly a week. Funny you mentioned the clothes on the floor -- I just scooped some clothes off my DS' floor (which I normally don't do, but I was on a cleaning rampage) and wondering how his dorm room will look within 24 hours of moving in.

So great that you had such a nice experience. With the way things have been going with my DS this summer, I half expect that we'll be dumping him and his stuff on the side of the road and leaving skidmarks as we drive off. Not really...

Can't imagine sending my firstborn so far away! Ours will be not quite two hours from us. As annoying as he has been this summer (and I do suspect he is doing his "I never liked you anyway" routine to convince himself that he won't miss us!), when I think about actually leaving him at school, I get choked up.

Another thing that gets me "choked up" in another way is the fact that his girlfriend will be living two doors down from him in a coed dorm! Yikes!

I was a basket case when my firstborn went to college. I came home and just bawled my eyes out. He was only an hour and a half away, with his girlfriend living here in town.

I'll never forget when he came home for the weekend 5 days later, I went out and started bawling again, and he wrapped his arms around me and said, "It's okay mom, I'm home."

Then he started interning in the summers and he's never lived here again. But he's only 20 minutes away now! :)

When the baby left for college, it was still sad but he was living with his brother so it wasn't too bad.

Oh, my BIL and his wife took their first born to college at the same time, and when driving home, he had to pull off to the side of the highway to cry! lol

sueb20 -don't worry, I had worries about ds too -a number of times this summer, he had annoyed me into wishing move-in day was sooner than later... but miraculously he was just so mature and sweet during that last week, lucky us. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Just got my first phone call since dropping him off. Everything is "good"... not getting a lot of details, but he sounds very happy.

We were out for dinner one night while there, walking on the crowded sidewalk when a couple in front of us suddenly stopped and kind of moved to the side. Being a great people-watcher, I had to be nosy of course... the woman had her arm around her Marine-guy-looking husband, and was saying, "Honey, it's okay, he'll come home occasionally.... and the guy had tears running down his cheeks!" I did almost lose it then...

Went through this last year. When I was concerned about not hearing from DD, my DH gently reminded me that it was a good thing. Better than having her calling home because she was unhappy. The communications mostly came in text form, but that's fine. I was/am just happy that she is happy and satisfied with her college choice. I was teary for a few weeks being that DD is our only child, I had no diversion from other children. DH and I soon enjoyed our new status. I have to say it was an adjustment when DD returned home at the end of the school year. It has been a good summer. She's grown alot in so many different ways.

In fact, as I type, she's in her room trying to organize and pack up everything she will need to head back to school this weekend! Unlike last year, she will not be coming home until Thanksgiving break, so she wants to be sure she has just about everything she will need. Of course, there will be packages sent, but for the most part, she's got everything together. DD's college recommends freshman parents not visit or have their kids come home for at least a month after freshman year begins. They want the kids to get used to living on campus, making new friends and hanging out with them on the weekends. DD's school isn't a "suitcase" school. I think I was put off at first by this request last year, but now agree with the premise. Two of DD's schoolmates from HS who came home every weekend last year have opted not to return to their "away" schools for sophmore year. They are attending local colleges.

sueb - DD was a bit like your DS the summer before freshman year. We bickered more during that summer than we had her entire childhood. I think our kids need to process the separation as much as we do. They are going off to a place where they know no one (at least in DD's case), while we were returning home to our pets, friends and family. I think it is tough for kids to go off and separate from family life as they know it. Don't get me wrong, they adjust very quickly. All of DD's friends are itching to get back to their schools. Most are going back this week, but some who have apartments have already left for their fall semester.

There is a reason birds push their babies out of the nest. If you have done everything right, the kids will want to make their own way in the world. I mean really, who wants a 35 year old living in the basement? Parenting is selfless and this is part of the natural process of a healthy young adult. My sister has spent her life trying to make her children dependent on her and this is not good. Separation/individuation. It's in the books. The closer you are to your kids, the harder the separation will be.

My youngest was the hardest to let go of and I still struggle at times... OK, I admit: I likely adopted my two younger kids because I realized how hard it was to let my oldest go and didn't want to put my issues onto her. I wasn't finished with parenting and Aimee was ready to fly the nest. I needed a distraction. So I adopted a couple more kids... This is why I have children 18 years apart.

Congrats on Cornell. Woo!

Cornell is beautiful. I have a sister who went to the engineering school, and I remember the campus from those days.

We went through this last year, only not with the first born, but with the last born. When DH and DS went to get the dorm room key and bring the first load of stuff up to the room, I stayed with the car. DH told me that when they unlocked the room, DS went in, threw his arms open wide and exclaimed "Free at last!" LOL!

I kept up a brave front leaving him off and saying goodbye, but when DH and I arrived back home, I couldn't face walking into that empty quiet house. I asked DH to get the dogs, and we went on a long, long walk. It was a gorgeous early evening, but all I could do was cry.

DS had a wonderful year and can't wait to get back to college. And I ended up having a wonderful year too. I took a class in something I have always wanted to learn about and met some wonderful people in it. I am signing up for the advanced class this fall.

Golddust, i haven't adopted any human babies, but I do have 2 small, very cute dogs. I have wondered the psychology of that.

Awwwwww, my heart goes out to all of you who've dropped off kids at college for the first time! It brings back memories of doing that with DS 8 years ago at the University of Oklahoma. I wanted to burst into tears when I first saw his minuscule dorm room and he had to stop me with threats of no phone calls home to keep me from buying up too many decorative things for it. And, yes, it was a pit for that entire year, I think . . . but he loved it! DD and I cried on the way home and DH shed a few tears, too. OU is eight and a half hours on the interstate from home, so it was a bit of a sad ride back. BUT he had a great time at college and really enjoyed his years there and I'm sure that yours will, too. It's we parents that have the harder time adjusting. Thank goodness I still have two years before our youngest leaves the nest . . . and she has her heart set on OU, too. Oh well, it's a drop-dead gorgeous campus and town and the people there are great.
(((Hugs))) to all you moms!
Lynn

barb5 - Funny your comment by your DS "free at last". When I visited by DD at school during parents' weekend a few months into her freshman year, I asked her how she felt. She replied "free". I guess that is a very common feeling our kids have when they move on to the next stage of their life after high school.

The comment about being free made me feel badly at first. Perhaps because I felt DH and I had given DD alot of well earned freedom during high school. Looking back at her comment, I understand it better now. I don't think it was a negative comment about being free from us, but more about her feeling of freedom in her new life. No more immediate safety net put in place by mom and dad. She would now be making daily choices independent of our input. Her choices going forward were/are well-made and make us very proud.

Lynn, you'll enjoy this story. I met my dh at OU. He has his undergrad from OU, I worked for the business school and took about 30 hours.

When our kids came along, of COURSE they'd go to OU, right? Not a chance. They both went to OSU! OU and OSU are both great schools but when football season comes around, all bets are off.

We're a "House divided." :)

We did this last year--LA to Florida, but she flew this year. My kids communicate via Facebook and Skype better than by phone (although if I want them to call me, I text them.)

One day a week, I pick up a neighbor's 8th grader from school (same school my daughter attended), which is great. Someone else to play with the dog, and I can indulge in a bit of "playing mom" for an afternoon.

WIP, yeah, I was glad I wasn't there to hear it myself. DH waited to tell me about it on the drive back and at first I wasn't pleased. It's not like I was running a prison camp during his childhood!

But then I thought about it and what I think he meant was that, for the first time in his life, he would be making his own decisions and not have to run them by anyone else first. And I'm sure that meant things like partying, I don't fool myself, but overall I was confident that he would make good decisions, and he has.

He was really ready to take the next step and head off for college. And, if I had a choice, I would so much rather it be that way, than to have a kid who wasn't ready and eager to spread his wings. As Golddust said, "who wants a 35 year old living in the basement?"

Sent mine off this morning -- Not quite 4,000 miles, but close enough so that I won't get to see him until Thanksgiving either. Last year was harder -- not knowing if he would love it as much as I hoped. But if anything, he loves it more, and is doing amazingly well. He really, really grew up, and admitted that his lackluster high school performance was due to sheer lack of effort, and is happily surprised at how well the work-reward pattern functions (duh!). And, he just got a research assistant job, so he'll have spending money and references. Yeah for him.

My 22 year old hasn't been home since the last part of June. I find that I'm talking to him on the phone less and less. He has a great girlfriend that we really like. He is growing up. He is handling his life affairs by himself and doing a great job. These days, when we do talk or text, Max is respectful, loving, responsive and considerate. The way he asks how I am is entirely sincere but our relationship is more distant.

Personally, I've found that while kids may call less in their early 20's, they call more and more as they get older. I'm having daily conversations with my 26 and 40 year old children. Our relationship has evolved into a loving friendship.
I'm more of a confidant and advisor for them. It's hard to explain.

golddust I'm in much the same space - my 21 year old hasn't been home since XMAS ! Communication with him is erratic but he's always been my tougher kid. He'll call with a "Mom, how do I cook _____?' question and we'll spend an hour on the phone - it's his way of reconnecting on his terms.

However, my 25 year old and I video Google chat all the time. This week we spent 2 hours together while I did laundry, paid bills, ran in and out moving the sprinklers and he sat in a co-op doing some research for work. It's as close to being in the same room with him as possible and is the best use of internet EVER!

From 16 thru 22 I was determined to separate from my parents - mom especially. At 23 she became my closest friend. It's part of the process and we have to be patient - they generally come back to us after they feel safe in their own identities.

Sweeby, I thought of you while I was there. A woman across the hall was there moving her 3rd daughter into Cornell (!), and said she had lived in the same dorm herself! Could be you even knew each other....

To all the others.... isn't it nice when kids grow up to be people we like? And isn't it nice to have a place like GW when, on the way, they are occasionally people we don't like, LOL?

"As Golddust said, "who wants a 35 year old living in the basement?"

Full disclosure - DH would love it if DD never ever left home permanently.

We just got home from dropping DD at school. DH just didn't want to leave. I felt so badly for him this afternoon, as I nearly had to drag him out of the building. For me, this year was much easier than last year. For DH, I think this year is a wee bit better, but he still didn't want to say "see you at Thanksgiving"! Last year we knew she would be home at least once before Thanksgiving. This year she will be visiting her best friend at the university she attends during fall break. I already miss her, but seeing her so happy to be back at school was a really good feeling.

We're headed out to Jackson Hole at the end of the week to visit DH's younger brother and his wife. No kids, all adult fun! This is a trip he is so excited about, I am really glad I scheduled it for this coming week. Hopefully it will take the sting out of having DD go back to school.

My daughter and I both counted the days until we took her to college! As we drove back home we sang "Oh Happy Days". It didn't take us long to miss each other though. A few years later we took our son to college. He was last at home and I expected to be upset when we left. As we pulled out of his driveway I heard a noise and looked over to see my DH bawling his eyes out. We had to pull over to the curb so he could calm down.

Gosh, I don't know WHAT happened, but I lost my cool-calm-and-collected mindset overnight somehow, and missed my son so much today that I was on the verge of tears many times. Didn't say a word to anyone, so DH, DD and her friend who is with us for a few weeks were not really privvy to my feelings, also because we were all kind of in and out all day anyway. And then lo and behold, after dinner, my daughter excused herself to go get something 'she had made' to show me. Ten minutes later, I hear my son's voice calling me! Forgetting all logic, I responded, "Ohmygosh! Where are you? Where are you?" She had SKYPED him on the laptop, and then positioned the laptop to just outside the kitchen door. We had the most wonderful chat with him. It was so much more than great to SEE him! Poor guy got to see the remnants of our dinner, which included a particularly lovely looking pasta dish with fresh spinach, goat cheese, etc., and a mixed berry pie. Almost wistfully he said, "Aww, that looks so good..." DH and I both agreed he seems to have suddenly matured overnight... going to bed with a happy heart tonight.... both because I got to see my son and because DD and her friend surprised me in this wonderful way...

Ahh, bestyears!! ((Hugs)) Isn't technology great? And daughter's who are sensitive to Mom's feelings, even when she is trying to be strong? Priceless!

They really do grow up in many ways overnight... Until they have a problem and *need* mom to help. Then suddenly, even the problems disappear. That is when I know they have grown up.

What a lovely story! Clearly you have more than one kid to be proud of ---

I was thinking of you too during these past few weeks, and hoping Harry would enjoy Cornell as much as I did. This time of year is always the best there...

Hopefully, Alex will phone home sometime soon...

We took our daughter to UNH on Friday. DH, DS and I all managed to get out without tears, though it was hard. I am struggling with an identity crisis of sorts. DS is only in 8th grade, so I have time to work through it but it is scary. Who am I anyway?

She seems to be doing OK. A little lonely, the roommate is distant. I've tried to call/text with respect and not be too overwhelming. So hard to know what to do!

Beth P.

bethpen, I graduated from UNH! It's a great school and a beautiful campus. Hope she loves it...!

Sigh.

I left DS yesterday. For the several days leading up to dropoff, I occasionally felt a little choked up, but during the two-day move-in and orientation period, I felt okay. More excited for him and HOT because it was 95 degrees on move-in day! Said goodbye yesterday, no tears, felt fine. And today -- I'm a mess. Crying over my coffee, crying in the shower. Mind you, this kid has driven me nuts for most of his life so it's not like we have a super cozy mother-son relationship! I never really expected to feel this way. It will get better, right?

Sueb, I am not surprised one bit that you are feeling this way in spite of him driving you nuts! These are the children that force us to grow and take us out of our comfort zone. They imprint us as much as we imprint them. Looking back, you will thank him for this.

It will get better. Keep yourself busy doing something you love. ((Hugs))

Bestyears, I was born in Ithaca, my dad was a student at Cornell Law School back then. It was soon after WWII and I was their last child and was born soon after graduation. The campus is gorgeous, and it's such a lovely location! Your son will have to learn to adjust to the cold in the winter, though, brrrrrr!

Our son took his first born off to Clemson University a couple weeks ago, and that was a tearful adjustment. We raised this grandson until he was 12, then his single military father was stationed back in the US so he was able to finish raising him himself. He did a great job, our grandson's an outstanding young man - but now his dad is nearly a basket case, missing him so much!

Was listening to a segment on NPR this morning about kids, especially freshmen, moving into college. They were interviewing parents and students on Comm Ave in Boston, moving into BU.

Quite a few weepy moms......we've all got plenty of company!

I felt better by late on Saturday! DS called us on Monday, soooo happy. I don't think I've ever heard him so happy. Of course classes (i.e., work) hadn't started yet, but he was really thrilled about the kids he had met so far, some of the orientation activities, and the fact that he felt like he already had a group of friends (facilitated by the "early" friendships made via a Facebook page for incoming students). He said he just feels like he "belongs" there. I will be very curious to hear how he feels a week from now... classes begin tomorrow... but am hopeful that he'll still be happy.