I've enjoyed these peeks inside, even though I don't especially like that plaid carpet ;-) The light fixture looks like an exterior lantern. I bet that room feels very cozy when you're in it!

Games chairs...now there's something I haven't heard of in years. Games chairs and games tables.

Do you have an old picture of the room from back when you lived there as a kid? It would be great to see it as it was.

I wish you would post a picture of your mother too. I feel a lot of admiration for her just through seeing these photos of her wonderful home (well, your dad's home too). You can sense her meticulous care and thought that she put into creating a clean, attractive haven for her family. Your appreciation of your parents' efforts is a beautiful testament to them. I'm sad for you that the house and the lives it contained are gone.

Your appreciation of your parents' efforts is a beautiful testament to them.

Well said; I agree.

I wish I had seen the entire room with all the furniture intact. What a great use of color!

Pal - I have also been clearing out my parents home in preparation of putting it on the market. Mom has been gone for almost 35 years and Dad passed last Christmas. I still remember why every decorating choice was made in the house. The wallpapers in the dining room and master bedroom are in excelllent condition (circa 1975). Some would say they are dated, but I would live with both. The house, a solid brick bungalow was built in 1924 by a WW I veteran for his bride. My parents were the only other owners. I finally did talk Dad into new drapes and roller shades in the 90s only because the original linen roller shades finally stopped working.

Someone will walk into my house in 30 years and question why I chose that hideous gray paint.

Thanks for sharing Pal.

Are you taking some of the carpet. I love it! The sofas too. What a room.

If the carpet is in as good of a condition as the rest of the house, I'd be tempted to harvest it, clean it, and have it bound into a couple of rugs.

I'd love to see the emerald sofas. The glimpse that I do see shows that they are exactly what I've been searching for locally. I can find all of the pine spindle backed wingback sofas I want here. There's very little clean lined MCM furniture found.

There are no good pictures of the room fully furnished, I don't think--definitely not digital pictures. There may be pictures from a party 30 years ago but they would focus on the people, not the room.

We would like to each have a section of carpet to frame or something.

You could make a great memento for the family by using a square of the carpet as the top mat for a family photo of some kind. Even if it's not digital, many local ''photo places'' (if they exist outside of WalMart where you are) can do some scanning and cropping to get the size right for a square presentation.

I wish I lived next door to you. The fun we'd have!!

I am reminded of when entertaining at home was in its heyday. These rooms were designed with (and for) warmth and laughter. Clearly this room was put together with a cheerful confidence, and looking at these photos makes you wish you had been invited. I can almost see a young Pal sitting on the top step in his pajamas listening in when he should have been in bedâ¦

Perhaps the difference between Garish and Commitment is when you look at this type of Commitment, it makes you smile and wistfully think of happy days gone by.

Garish OTOH makes you shake your head and wonder "what were they thinking?".

I can remember friends, family, and neighbors routinely popping in at my mother's home unannounced. She always kept pastries or cake on hand because you never knew when someone was going to stop by for "coffee". Maybe I'll work on reviving that in my own home this New Year.

Your folks left a great legacy Pal. Thankfully you were aware and observant and you soaked it all in. And now how lucky are we? Just as they were kind enough to open their home, you are kind enough to share your story and considerable talent with usâ¦

I am reminded of when entertaining at home was in its heyday.

Entertaining at home was different even one generation ago from what I experience today. Guests used to arrive in time for a cocktail before dinner and for coffee after it, possibly with an after-dinner drink. My circle has always preferred wine to cocktails but the timing was the same.

Today, if I have dinner guests, they arrive expecting to sit down and eat immediately, and they go home as soon as they've eaten. Everyone is too tired and too busy to spend an entire evening out. Even public events like plays and concerts that take up an entire evening start earlier than they used to.

I happened to be asked to plan a French Christmas dinner menu and to advise the hosts about drinks. I think they were surprised when the menu had five courses (cut from six because of guests' dietary considerations) and the drinks recommendations included both an apéritif and a digestif, in addition to the table wine. The whole plan went awry when they weren't ready to start any part of it until 7:30 p.m., with the result that they couldn't finish the five courses before bedtime.

Mandatory connection to decorating: social trends like this affect how we furnish our homes. For a while we were building houses that had tiny "formal" living rooms and dining rooms, because we herded any guests into big rooms, often below grade, that we thought we needed for entertaining. These days, we hardly need any "entertaining" space at all, because no one has the time or energy.

People have plenty of time. They have plenty of energy. They are not busy. They are lazy, and they waste all their time on the internet. I agree that many people have become bad guests, but I will never arrange my house to suit their rudeness. They will find themselves on the street with my bootmark on their backsides first.

This is why I hate that Magnaverde quote on the forum home page. You should not just decorate for the way you live now. You should decorate for the way you reasonably aspire to live. Don't people even try to do better anymore?

It's time to bring back real rec spaces.

We really should have MORE time than our parents. They didn't have automatic or online payments, ATMs, or stores open all hours of the day or on Sundays, at least where I grew up. My dad had two jobs and did the billing, all typed by hand, one at a time for one of his services. My mother worked part time, did volunteer work and sat on committees part time and spent hours a week ironing on top of everything else. And they had plenty of time for entertaining and to be entertained. Of course the idea of sitting in front of a computer (like I am) or recording their every move on social media (which I don't) or watching TV for hours would not have crossed their minds, or most of their friends' minds. So I don't think actual, physical, time is it.

This topic of time and entertaining being a thing of the past is something that I've discussed with my husband often. I remember my Mom and Dad would have friends over about once a month or so. I always knew someone was coming over when I saw petit fours on the kitchen counter, and our housekeeper would arrive in the morning with a black uniform dress instead of her regular outfit. Company usually started arriving around 5:30pm or so.

What I've observed is that people didn't work as long of a day back then, which was the 70s, as they do now. 9 to 5 were the standard hours, and there wasn't such a need to arrive at the office at 8am and work till 7pm to prove what a go-getter one was. I lived in a small town, though, so perhaps that had something to do with it.

By the way, Palimpsest - I love that room, love the carpet. What a cool house your family had.

What a fun room! We had very similar blinds (different colors, though) in our den when I was growing up. I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing all of the pictures of your parents' lovely home.

okmoreh - I don't think entertaining today is significantly different from my parents' or grandparents' generation, but it is a bit more casual, and coffee service has gone the way of the dodo bird. My circle all still entertains with drinks before and after dinner.

But back then, the wife was home all day, doing the housework and preparing meals. The kids came home and did their homework independently and then played together, maybe with the neighbour kids. Now, kids' time is scheduled to the minute. Sports, clubs, lessons, etc. And mom and/or dad must accompany them to every event. And in order to pay for all the events, in addition to the ipads etc that need to be replaced every few months, mom works full time. So people are having to do their chores outside of their working time. And if you live in a major metropolitan area, you're probably spending at least an hour per day in traffic getting to-from your job.

And when we DO entertain, it's a lot less formal. We hang out in the kitchen, or the room where the family watches TV. There's really no need for a space *just* for entertaining.

I don't know, I grew up where there were a lot of mothers who worked outside the house at least part time. This was the 1970s and 80s not the 1950s. My mother was fully committed 3-1/2 days a week, daytime and then sometimes at night for other meetings.

That said, we took buses to our sporting events and any parent who went to all their kids' sporting events (excluding, perhaps, football) was considered "weird".

So now parents do plan their lives around their kids' extracurricular activities and spend an awful lot of time in the car. That is a difference. (And I know a number of my friends have more regrets than not about the ridiculous amount of time and money they spent on travel soccer and such, for their kids.)

Plus my parents' "big" parties were for 100+ people so the entire house, excluding the bedrooms, was put into play, and the medium to small parties were staged in certain rooms depending on size. Anything that involved "dinner" happened upstairs.

From careful observation of the evidence, I have concluded that "less formal" and "more casual" are marketing spin talking points that really mean "sloppy" and "lazy." Try substituting those words in any sentence for the word "casual"--they usually fit. It requires work to properly entertain 100 people, so we'd rather go to Costco, put on our sweats and call it intimacy.

I've also noticed people cling rather desperately to this fantasy that women, in particular, had a lot more time to fritter away thirty or forty or fifty years ago. People are busysobusysobusyyouhavenoideasobusybusyimsobusy. Except, of course, they're not. Pretty much everything is faster and easier today than it was back then. And while people like to blame others for their own choices, claiming that they "need" to shuttle their children to and fro, of course there is no such need, and in fact denying kids the opportunity to sit down and eat with their parents is quite damaging to them. It's not a need; it's a decision people have made, but won't own up to.

My theory is that Americans have been growing increasingly more selfish for the past forty years, and now they genuinely don't even like to be around each other. Hence the death of entertaining.

People are busysobusysobusyyouhavenoideasobusybusyimsobusy. Except, of course, they're not.

This is not entirely true. There is evidence that people, on average, are working longer hours than a decade or two ago, and that has an effect on everything. This is not to say that other factors about which choices are available, such as how many different lessons to enroll children (or oneself) in, don't also contribute.

My theory is that Americans have been growing increasingly more selfish for the past forty years, and now they genuinely don't even like to be around each other. Hence the death of entertaining.

I have been forced, by earlier responses on this topic, to consider the possibility that I'm a bad host, and that people eat and run because they're bored beyond belief and are running for their lives. (This would mean that they only accept my invitation at all because I'm a good cook.)

What often happens, even to good hosts, is that one or two guests are in a hurry to leave, for a reason that almost makes sense, and when they do, everyone else feels obligated to leave, too.

I couldn't agree more, marcolo. We were invited for a "causal dinner" at a friend's house recently, and were treated to reheated leftovers. Literally, reheated roast. A potato casserole was served up in the original pan in which it had been made-- except that pan was half empty because it had already been consumed at another meal. And the whole time she and her husband chatted animatedly about how busy, busy, busy they were with the kids and just who has time to cook these days?

I suppose I should have been grateful and non-picky, but I was appalled. We have never had 100 people over, but whether we are having 1, 10, or 20 guests, there is always a planned menu. And some kind of effort on our part.

Curious, isn't it, that every time ettiquette comes up, everyone insists that there aren't any rules anymore, yet somehow they all insist on the one rule they can miraculously remember: it's rude to point out other people's rudeness. Of course. Isn't it convenient that you're allowed to behave rudely but no one else is allowed to say so?

Well, I've decided to ditch that rule and keep the others instead. So when you come to my house, you'll have good food and drinks, and much effort expended on your behalf. You won't have permission to behave as you please, however. I've told adults to put down their cell phones, I've made men take off their trendy hats indoors, and I've instructed women to take their hands off my drapes. Everyone still has a great time and stays a long while. Though I suspect they think of it like a really good workout.

"My theory is that Americans have been growing increasingly more selfish for the past forty years, and now they genuinely don't even like to be around each other. Hence the death of entertaining."

I have not found this to be true and I am always amused by stories like sas' leftovers one. Really, I cannot imagine anyone I know doing that. Perhaps I live in a bubble.

We usually have two large (for us-cannot imagine doing a party for 100) parties a year-Christmas eve and late summer. We have about 40 people at each party. We don't do more large group parties because the costs these days to do it right are exorbitant and I don't even have them catered! Even smaller dinner parties run into a fair amount of money, but we do those much more often. We believe in living a gracious life and we endeavor to create that for our guests as well. Of course, we are in our 60s now, so it is entirely possible that I am judging by our generation. Still, I know my son and his friends (born in 1979 and after), are much the same. We also have a grand time having a few friends for pizza or chili in front of tv sometimes.

I wonder if differences are regional. Oh, and no, I don't think anyone is "allowed" to behave rudely. Some people do, obviously. However, etiquette still requires that one not lower oneself to that level.

My parents lived in a small-town social milieu where, at the time, you occasionally had to invite people you did not like so much that you would sit around a dining table with them with two other couples for several hours. People knew who was invited where and to what. So every couple of years my parents would have a Large party which would include:

1) "New people" who had recently moved to town for work
2) Co-workers and other people who were acquaintances but not really good friends
3) Friends
and finally, which I thought was a very nice thing they did
4) Widows, widowers, their friends' surviving elderly relatives and people who used to have some sort of "social standing" but were now not often invited anywhere because they were long-retired, widowed, or elderly. My mother would arrange for these people to be picked up and driven home, if necessary.

In between these big ones, they would host smaller casual or dinner parties and my mother would also have small groups of elderly women to lunch.

Going through my mother's desk now that we are emptying the house, I found the notebooks my mother kept to plan these parties and keep track of who was invited when, who came, who tended to decline, what was served (at the big ones). I don't think any middle class people entertain like this anymore.

Cyn, it is generational to some extent. My neighbors who are 50+ are still gracious. Those in their early 30s act like children. They are of no value to the world. And I am someone who has always gotten along extremely well with younger people until recently.

We have a block party every year. The oldsters cooked, dragged tables and chairs, and drove around town picking things up. The 20/30 somethings showed up, ate, told us how things could've been done better, and left. The newest couple, who chopped down half their neighbor's dogwood without asking, never even made an appearance.

Even I might be driven to rudeness if someone did anything to one of my trees! Yikes!

I think there is some nostalgia going on concerning changes in entertaining styles over the years. When i describe to my DH the types of entertaining my parents did, it is quite different than what went on in his family growing up. Yet we grew up about 3 miles from each other and my parents are only about three years older than his and were roughly on the same socio-economic level.

In my parent's circle, whether entertaining in our own home or going to someone else's, it meant getting dressed up in your "Sunday clothes", eating on fine china, and the parents enjoying cocktails or coffee (often poured from a silver set). The hostess went to extra effort with a fine meal. And nobody had a housekeeper or other servant and nothing was catered. None of the mom's worked outside the home although a couple did go to work once the kid's were in high school or after graduation.

In my husband's childhood home, guests simply joined at the table which was the type of meals served any other night of the week, on the everyday china, and nothing special was done just because there were a few extra people for dinner.

These differences are still reflected in what goes on in our lives today. Gatherings at our home and my sibling's home are typical of how my mom entertained; gatherings at his sibling's home are very similar to how his parents entertained.

Quite frankly, I like both styles of entertaining. There are times when it's fun to go to the effort in menu selection and other elements of entertaining to create a special night for your guests. And there are times when it's fun to sit around with a box of pizza and beer.

We do both styles of entertaining because I don't have the time or energy (maybe it's mainly the energy) to always entertain the way I was brought up. While I enjoy doing it, I also work. My mom didn't. It does make a difference. Especially because all of our friends are working couples, not working husbands and SAHMs, and their work schedules aren't all 8-5 jobs so simply scheduling a dinner party can be a logistical nightmare.

palimpsest, I love the glimpse into your childhood home. I'm sure this is a bitter time for you to see it disappear.

3.5 days a week is a little more than part time. But at 5 days a week, I can't imagine coming home from work and making a full meal for guests. I do cook for DH and I most nights (almost never just a frozen pizza). But it's usually not something I'd feel comfortable serving to other people. DH isn't allowed to complain or he'll have to cook for himself. :D

And I don't have children, so I don't drive anyone anywhere.

And yes, marcolo, it's a choice, but it's one a lot of people make.

busysobusysobusyyouhavenoideasobusybusyimsobusy

Hey Marcolo, you're playing my song! For the record, I'm crazy busy as well, so while I'm happy to take the lead on a project or drive your child to practice, there needs to be equitable distribution or at least a good reason for your time being more valuable than mine, or your busy-ness more important.

The reality is, we spend our money and time on those things that are most important to us. A nation will become what it honors.

I think perhaps we have moved from the extended-family model to the immediate-family model. Gone are the days of Sunday dinner at Grandmother's with all the aunts, uncles, and cousins.

There's a prevailing school of thought that our children will never be successful without a particular college degree, and will never get accepted to that college without excelling at a sport, instrument, or accruing a million volunteer hours. And then there are those that believe their child is the next NHL/NBA/NFL star. I'm really not sure how many kids do things because it's fun, challenging, and/or character building. The family accommodates the child's schedule, not the other way around. It's easy to lose your balance in this kind of environment.

I know of someone who missed a dear friend's wedding so she could attend her daughter's soccer PRACTICE. Yes, the daughter was a great athlete and did get recruited to a DI school, but really?

I'd hardly expect to be invited to an intimate dinner party at her home. A huge graduation blowout, well, that's a different storyâ¦.

This post was edited by crazybusytoo on Sat, Jan 3, 15 at 0:23