adult step son and his girlfriend lives with us

d.dee

i just want my privacy. we have never had any.
met 7 years ago. we moved in together. kids were almost out of high school. i am now 53 yo woman..menopause mood swings and other health issues i want to be private in my own home..
. now his 24 YO son has been home for a year and his girlfriend moved in 5 months ago.
they want to take out a 2nd car loan.!
they do not know i want them to move as we generally get along and hubby won't ask them their plans and will not ask them for fear thy will thunk we want them out..
YES i do , they are fine good kids. but enough
(and eonly because i bit my tongue about the "princess" not ever using a broom or toilet brush..
we have one bathroom and small hem with 2 bedrooms..
also mothering law rents our cabin (so the kids can't live there yet) even though she and her husband have an apartment in another state and lots of money they stay in the cold and dirty 1 room cabin!
..they want to be by us..but them being here in my home all the time , stopping in, is really bugging me..

my son is a college grad and rents a room away from home and is independent..

hep me cope or should i rent myself an efficiency until every one leaves? they may never go and hubby wants them here. what to do. ? we need a bigger house! can't afford it and who will clean it? not me!

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jewelisfabulous

Your main issue is not necessarily the son/girlfriend or the mother-in-law, it's the fact that you and your husband aren't on the same page regarding your lifestyle. If you've told him your concerns (versus suffering in silence), the added issue is either lack of respect and/or his lack of backbone.

The only fix is likely to come from seeking marital counseling. If your husband won't go, you should go on your own. The therapist will help define next steps for you and give you suggestions on how to accomplish your goals (which may, in the end, be that you live independently). Hopefully it won't come to that.

One thing is for sure: if you continue on in this way and do nothing different, nothing different is going to happen. Good luck.

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sylviatexas1

I'm sorry.

You & hubs do have to be a team, & it doesn't sound like he has that concept.

You might sit down with him at the kitchen table, some "neutral" place (not bedroom), & lay your cards on the table.

What you want isn't unreasonable;
it's normal.

It is *not* normal to expect someone to live in such close quarters with so many other people, unless you're on a submarine.

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d.dee

thank you both. much has happened in the past month..i have been making progress with CBT and EMDR and guided meditation..working on ways to have discussions with out arguments..i feel i have more control over my emotions and able to speak up more.

"It is *not* normal to expect someone to live in such close quarters with so many other people, unless you're on a submarine." exactly!

and for some reason he thought it was ok..and thought it selfish of me to want to want them out and to be alone..

relationships are compromise.. i let them stay , it was kind of me and they took advantage of it.

. good news they left last week and i have my upstairs space back!
hubby and i are not speaking for the past few days.. as they kids left a big mess with food trash in the room..
when i told him that they disrespected me he thought that i was being crazy..(His whole family has a hoarder trash problem. his mom the worst and i guess it passed on DNA because they think it is normal! .i am not OCD, just want to be rodent free!)

i have been in therapy and what is making my life so stressful is his family and his need to take care of them..casting my needs aside..

they are all good..his mom re married and has money, kids have jobs and cars and are not into drugs or alcohol..all goodâ¦
y et he does not take care of me..never a dinner out or a vacation...he still feels that he should pay his daughters car loan and insurance when she just got a raise and is earning 30K now..he thinks of them as high school kids and they are around 25..

I did ask him to go to therapy to work out this spouse vs his kids/mom problem..

i am standing my ground and i funny, am not upset anymore..time will tell if he makes changes in his life to cherish me,

he is depressed and his decision making is not taking my life , desires and feelings into account..

life is short and i am feeling my age and i will not live my life according to other peoples decisions any longer.

i do love him so. smart , talented , works and learns..but to be cast aside and my feeling ignored and told it is because i am crazy and "on my period" is just more of what men do to women when women voice their opinion.

i cleaned the upstairs and have a nice bed and sewing area and it is clean and peaceful.

nice to hear from you ladies with good advice. i hope that you see this post back to you..i have met some nice women on line...

now to get him into a few sessions and some reading material . perhaps he will try to meditate or guided meditation. i have a trained person that has helped me "see"..

best d.dee

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sylviatexas1

'life is short and i am feeling my age and i will not live my life according to other peoples decisions any longer.'

amen.

about that "crazy" stuff & the "period" insults:
that's the lowest form of disrespect, & disrespect always gets worse.

I wish you the very best.

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colleenoz

>>i do love him so. smart , talented , works and learns..Seriously, think about spending the time you have left either alone without the aggro or with someone else as smart, talented and hardworking who also considers _you_.

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