Things are better today. DH is feeling better today, yesterday was a "bad" day, today is a "good" day. We were told that would be the case for the next three to six months. My daughter came over and cleaned house, that's a regular thing on saturdays anyway, and she did a few extra chores as directed by my DH, so he is not only feeling better, but he's feeling more in control of his life. His eldest son called to check on him (he wasn't involved in the yard cleaning) and chat a bit, DH called his middle son and they talked, cheered him up considerably. He called my son last evening and asked him to bring my two little grandaughters over for a short visit tomorrow afternoon. DH's oldest grandaughter came by to give her Grandpa a big hug and a visit. We still haven't heard a thing from the 'drama queens' and that's ok, the last thing he needs is any more 'drama' in his life right now. I hope they stay away as long as possible. DH has decided to let it all go, he says it is their problem now, not his. He's getting a ton of support from people who love and respect him. I'm going along with whatever he wants, plus I won't allow anyone to walk on me ever again. I'll be 'nice' but I'll stand my ground. Thank you all for your good advice and for letting me vent a bit. It has really helped. And thank you for the good wishes on my sweetheart's recovery and rehabilitation. We're looking forward to quite a few more good years of gardening together.

There is obviously much more to the story here. I can understand your being surprised by what seems to you to be out-of-the-blue behavior. First thing I'd do if I were you is try to get in "asking" mode with the Aunt and let her know you are receptive to whatever insight she may have into what the SDs are currently dealing with. Let her know you care about the SDs' welfare and want to help if it's requested. Let her know that you genuinely want to understand what the source of their upset is with you and that you want to listen to it without judging, rejecting or minimizing any of it. For now, try to keep any and all discussions you have about SDs between you and the Aunt, not with SDs yet and don't drag your husband into it either until you've gained some more insight and there is no more 'surprise' about how the current state of affairs developed. The Aunt sounds like a caring and articulate person who understands your point of view and wants the situation to be better for everyone. As for your children, you might want to have a conversation with them directly addressing the recent cut-off in communications. The Aunt's letter sounded as though the SDs are both dealing with difficult times. (Do you know of any particular event, conversation or change that has occured recently ---especially regarding you or your kids--- which might be precipitating this for both of them right now?) It sounds like they may be fighting depression, and as we all know, depressed people often withdraw from people and have trouble living up to all of their commitments. I would explain to my kids that they are dealing with some stuff right now and their choices are nothing personal against them. And that sometimes people can be erratic and need a little space from time to time. If what the Aunt tells you about why SDs are upset is something that you can neither understand nor accept, that is your choice. If you choose not to accept it, you are removing yourself from the equation (as it sounds like they have, at least for now) but that isn't a choice you can make for your husband. He may accept or reject their perspective, but that is his choice to make. You also have the option to hear what their complaints are and try to work with them towards some kind of resolution. Husband and SDs, too, have that option, which they may take, or they may not. You can only decide what choice is best for you based on what you feel about what you learn. Others will have to make their own choices, based on their own feelings, in due time.

I think you should talk to your wife, tell her you can't stand around while her children treats her badly. Tell her you will stop them if necessary. I was in a second marriage and our children were young teens and we discussed the discipline and decided he would take care of his daughter and I could discipline my son. But he said if your son disrespects you I will step in and stop him. It never happened but it was nice to know he would.

You have offered, and they have declined. Your husband has intervened, and they have declined. What more do you need? Quit wasting your time and energy on these haters. If your husband wants a relationship with his children, then that's his business. You should concentrate on your children, your marriage, and your life, detatch and remove these awful people from your life. They bring no value to you.