I would ask the "adult" kids what their plans were for REPLACING the hedge ... as you said, it gives privacy.

Pick out some replacement plant species and tell them that they can finish the "clean-up" by replacing what they were in such a hurry to tear out.

That's a great suggestion Lazygardens --

That way, you could begin by "thanking" them for their "gracious gesture and generosity" and expressing how grateful their father will be to have a nice tidy privacy hedge instead of one that was overgrown. You could even buy the plants (nice BIG ones) and have them ready for your work crew.

Think Southern 'Silk over Steel'

Both of you have very good suggestions. At this point, the 'clean-up crew' is giving us both the silent treatment, which makes our life a bit more peaceful. It will give my sweetheart a chance to heal. We both thanked them for the hard work and for the part of the clean up that was attractive. But that does not seem to be enough for them, we were not sufficiently grateful and we did not apologize for our lack of appreciation concerning the lost hedge. The ball is in their court now and I'm not losing any sleep over their discomfort. Anyway, we've been talking about three or four Cecil Brunner climbing roses on supports attached to the fence. They seem to do very well and the one we have on another part of the same fence has a gorgeous cascade of blooms twice a year. We're also considering attaching another set of fence boards to the fence to cover the spaces between the boards for the time being. Right now, the replacement is a few marigolds. We watched the neighbor's gardeners working on her yard through the fence this afternoon.

My husband is now being given the 'silent treatment'. If it wasn't for my husband's health, he has a long road ahead to recovery, I really wouldn't care. But he does, even though he says he doesn't. He's written apologies, tried to call. No luck. No answer, no returned calls, even some hang-ups. The instigator of the hedge pulling has gone out of town for a while, because her Daddy hurt her feelings. Imagine that. I really don't understand this or them. You go into your Dad's yard, do some cleanup, rip out a hedge without permission and then sulk and ignore the person you've hurt when they don't like what you've done? These are not children. They are in their late 40s & early 50s for Pete's sake and should be able to accept an apology! They know that their Dad is seriously ill, they know that he doesn't feel well, they know he is not supposed to be upset, that it's a serious threat to his health and well being. I was raised to consider and respect other peoples feelings, especially family. My family is appalled at their behavior, they were raised to be considerate. I'm tired and I'm frightened, my husband does not look at all well and he's not eating enough to heal properly. If something happens to him, I will be blamed because I didn't take good care of their Dad.

Better to be left alone than hassled i say! Those kids knew their fathers wishes and still pulled out those hedges. Its completely disrespectful. once your husband's health is better. Replace the hedges with brand new ones and give them the bill. Call them over and let them plant them. When they refuse to pay, which i'm sure they will. Tell them , in the near futur anything you destroy you will pay for. This is our house. Our life. Step back or you are not welcome on the property. You are in your 40s and 50s. I'll charge you with trespassing if it starts to get uglier.
And you wont be blamed for you husbands health. In fact the next time these adults come to make trouble, tell them you will make your father sick and if anything happens to him i'm holding you responsible for his wellbeing. Get some guilt in these people. these are not kids..they are adults. Handle them as adults. Dont be scared. Tell them to stay away if they are destructive. You have the right.
My father inlaw is being controlled by two of his kids and the other 3 are up in arms with it. They are never informed of any decision making especially with money and assets. My husband is furious at his sister and brother for never saying anything. And they are pist cause his father always calls us for help.

trixie bee, I just want to say I am sorry you and your DH are faced with added turmoil at a time a family should be supportive. I do wish a speedy recovery for your DH.

Well. Sounds like there are some pissy little drama queens involved, not loving and helpful adults. OK - I can understand that they got their feelings hurt. They "didn't hear" their father's wish to keep the hedge, or else figured their ideas were better and/or their wishes more important. That's so wrong. And so sad for both of you.

At this point, their silent treatment is probably the best thing. Give it a rest and let everyone calm down. Hire some landscapers to put back a nice hedge and finish cleaning up the garden. It's not fair. But it's probably the best thing for your husband's health, and THAT's what is really most important right now.

Things are better today. DH is feeling better today, yesterday was a "bad" day, today is a "good" day. We were told that would be the case for the next three to six months. My daughter came over and cleaned house, that's a regular thing on saturdays anyway, and she did a few extra chores as directed by my DH, so he is not only feeling better, but he's feeling more in control of his life. His eldest son called to check on him (he wasn't involved in the yard cleaning) and chat a bit, DH called his middle son and they talked, cheered him up considerably. He called my son last evening and asked him to bring my two little grandaughters over for a short visit tomorrow afternoon. DH's oldest grandaughter came by to give her Grandpa a big hug and a visit. We still haven't heard a thing from the 'drama queens' and that's ok, the last thing he needs is any more 'drama' in his life right now. I hope they stay away as long as possible. DH has decided to let it all go, he says it is their problem now, not his. He's getting a ton of support from people who love and respect him. I'm going along with whatever he wants, plus I won't allow anyone to walk on me ever again. I'll be 'nice' but I'll stand my ground. Thank you all for your good advice and for letting me vent a bit. It has really helped. And thank you for the good wishes on my sweetheart's recovery and rehabilitation. We're looking forward to quite a few more good years of gardening together.

The "adult" children are lucky I am not their stepmother, I would have called the police. I would not have filed charges, but I would have made them stop. What will happen if your husband dies first, how will you protect yourself from them. I am a stepmother and everything is in my both names by right of survivorship. I have one stepchild and his wife who said they would help me if the daughter's cause any trouble for me if I outlive my husband.