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Adult step kids ripped out our backyard hedge!

17 years ago

They did it while my husband was hospitalized.

I've been married to my DH for almost 20 years. We were both widowed and each of us has a family. Since we married, things have never been quite right between his children and me. Someone always has hurt feelings or something. He and I love to garden together, we look on our yard and gardens like a haven. It is large and like a small park. Until last week. DH had a very serious surgery, his health is not good anyway, and one of the 'rules' in his recovery is that he is not to get upset or become too emotional. While he was in the hospital, several of his family came in to 'help' us 'clean up' the yard so that their Dad would come home to something nice. There was a hedge along the back fence, it had become a bit overgrown, needed a trim and some dead wood cut out of the back. But, it afforded us a great deal of privacy and a screen from the neighbors. One of DH's daughters had tried to cut the hedge down two years ago. She and DH had a huge shouting match, he told her that the hedge was not to be touched, period. He almost had to physically remove the tools from her hand. It was the first time I ever heard him shout at her and her at him. Well, while DH was in hospital, the hedge was ripped out. Completely gone. I tried to stop the chaos, but I was trampled in the rush to get the hedge removed. I ended up in tears and everyone is angry with me. Because I was not thankful for the destruction. I had to take photos to DH in the hospital, the day before his discharge, for fear that if he came home and saw what had happened, he might have a relapse or something. He was visibly upset, angry, disappointed in his children and what they had done. He and I talked it over and decided that we will just re-plant the hedge and hope that we will live long enough to see it regrown. DH's eldest son was not a part of the clean-up party. He had tried to talk to his siblings the week before the clean up and asked them to wait until their Dad was home and well enough to watch. His sisters ganged up on hiim, there was a huge shouting match and he left. He is still not in contact with his siblings, but he and I talk every other day or so. He and I have always gotten on fairly well. He seems to be the only one who listens to his Dad and goes along with his wishes. DH requested a week of quiet alone time and has further upset the 'clean-up crew'. I have come to the realization that no matter what DH and I do, we will be expected to apologize for not liking what was done to the back yard. I refuse to apologize, I've been bullied into apologizing for too many things over the past twenty years that were not my fault in the first place, just to keep peace in the family. If DH decides to, well that's his business. Personally, I think the ones who did the clean up are insensitive and selfish. I would NEVER had done anything to my parent's yard without asking first. My plan is to let this thing go, not mention it again to any of them and let the chips fall where they may. I don't care what they think any more. I hope it is the right course. I think THEY owe their DAD an apology. Am I on the right course???

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