I'm so sorry to hear that Danabell --

You're doing all the right things and being the better person. But trouble is, Biomom doesn't play fair. And the kids know it. She is demanding that they take her side, and the kids know what will happen to them if they don't do it -- She'll turn on them and maybe desert them again.

It's a classic Junior High school girl's tactic.
Anyone here survive Junior HIgh intact?

danabell, I have been in your shoes and can relate to your trying situation. I to have had the ex wife revenge and jealousy tactics implemented into my SKs behaviors and forced into my home, which in turn effected my marriage/life. It is something you can not win with. The bio mom has full control of her children, it appears to be a blood thing. I found it is best to keep your self busy and attempt to remain respectful and nice to the SKs. That way you can always feel you did the right thing. I believe that some ex's are unhappy with themselves and their life. Because the ex is unhappy they do not want others to be happy. They want their ex to suffer like they are. Jealousy is another factor. They do not want their bio children to get close to the step parent. Some ex's mess up and want back what they had but it is too late and they become jealousy and envious of their ex's new wife. Some ex's try and make life difficult and unhappy for the new family. The SKs deep down inside wish mom and dad were back together like the old days. They to try and get the new step mom to leave by making things difficult for her. I have been through it and can see it clearly now that the SKs have left to become adults and live on their own. It is sad and to bad it happens. My advise is to continue to be a good person and keep yourself busy. By doing this you can look back and know you have done the right thing, which you can always feel good about.

I guess what bothers me the most is I tried to put my best foot forward and do the right thing and as soon as biomom got what she wanted she turned on me. My husband left her and filed for divorce right before we met. They were just too different and argued too much to be married. He doesn't say anything really bad about her other than she was a control freak and a slob. When hubby and I met (in a military school) his divorce was final in about a week. We started dating and married in less than a year. She tells the children I broke up her marriage and if I had not come a long then their dad would've come back to her. That is completely untrue. My hubby's mom, dad and closest friends said they had a horrible marriage. But to hear her tell it - everything that has ever went wrong in her life is my fault. I think she blames me to keep from admitting that it was her fault and his fault they divorced. Even now if him and her get into an arguement about ANYTHING she blames me for it. I am her scapegoat. But for the most part it is petty stuff and I don't care at all. But now that she has turned my SD against me it really hurts. I raised my SD. (SD is 20yrs old, My bio daughter is 17yrs old, SS is 15 years old, my bio son is 11 yrs old) Hubby and I raised the children together with no favortism. Now all the sudden SD is telling everyone that I am jealous of her and her father... It's just nuts. It is like my life has turned into a lifetime movie. And with this court date coming up in Nov I expect it to get worse. The ex is telling everyone that I am forcing hubby to take her money, that she is a single income family and I am trying to break her. Truth be told - I haven't even been to the lawyers office with hubby because I don't want the SK's to see me going there and view it as an attack on their mom. But ex is playing the victim card and doing a great job at it. I could ramble on all day about it... I guess I use this board to vent. Thanks for listening.

danabell, It sounds like the ex has jelousy issues and she does want your husband (her ex) back. If she is telling everyone you broke up the marriage and if you had not come along they would be back together that sounds like to me she wants him back and regrets losing him. That means she is jelousy and hates you because you have what she wants. The stepkids hear her talk and then feel she is right, just because it is their bio mom. Just keep in mind you can never be right in the ex's or SKs eyes. Be happy with your DH and kids. Just be a good person and good things come to those who do the rightous thing. The ex will continue to manipulate and cause problems until she fines someone. Just hope and pray someone comes along to make her happy and keep her busy so she leaves you guys alone. Try not to stress over things you cannot control. I will keep you in my prayers

In the beginning she did want him back, now (10yrs later) I think she just wants to cause trouble whenever and where ever she can. She has become a bitter man hating woman. She is always running men down and talking about how sorry they all are. I have really let go of the anger I feel towards her and mostly pity her. But it has all started up again with my SD's opinion. I think what bothers me most is my sister has told me for 10 years that blood is thicker than water and that my SD would eventually turn on me for her biomom. I swore that this would never happen because I would never ask her to take sides. But I forgot a very important part of the equation - THE EX/BIOMOM. Even though I didn't force her to choose - the biomom did. And I really don't talk to anyone about it because it hurts so much, because my hubby is tired of hearing, my family is full of ""I told you so's...". I am not leting it affect my life as much as you would think. But my SD will do things like call my biodaughter and ask if I am home and tell my biodaughter to call her when I am not there because she wants to come see her. (they are close - and I encourage my biodaughter to continue that sister relationship. I am trying to keep this as low impact as possible....) For example: If I ask SD when she plans to enroll in college she says I am implying she is wasting her life. But if I don't ask her they she says I don't take any interest in her like I do my own daughter. So either way - I can't please her. I guess it's because she is just hunting a reason to be mad at me. Once she told her dad that she doesn't come over because I won't make my 11year old son treat her like an adult. Her and my 11 year old have been siblings in the same household since he was 9 months old. He can't remember not knowing her... He looks at her like his biosister.... So when he jokes with her or acts like a typical little brother she claims because he is 11 and she is 20 now that he should address her like an adult. She wants to be treated like an adult but she still comes over to our house and acts like a child. When she came over and had dinner with us a couple of months ago I ask her to put her dirty dinner dishes in the dish washer. WE ALL DO THAT and ALWAYS HAVE. It's a rule in our house. I wasn't asking her to clean up from dinner - simply load her dirty dishes... She had a fit because she said that I was treating her like a child and bossing her. I load my dishes and so does my husband and the other three children. It is just stuff like that with her... Every time we interact it is drama. Sometimes I leave thinking "Ok, that went well. Nothing could be misconstrued tomorrow. That was a pleasant day/dinner/event." THE VERY NEXT DAY she is telling her dad or my biodaughter something I did that hurt her feelings and saying that is the reason she hates me. My biodaughter is torn because she grew up with my SD but she has strong loyalty to me and knows I am not doing these things... I just tell my biodaughter to stay out of it and ignore it as best she can. I don't want to drive a wedge between all of us if it can be avoided. And part of me holds on to the hope that she will wake up one day and realize what a hateful, bitter person she has become.