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Adult Step children Uninvited to wedding???

13 years ago

hello all

I've been reading posts about skids trying to find a solution to my situation.

I have 4 kids under 9-20 and DSO has 3 kids 24 - 30. My kids are welcoming and loving. His kids wish I would drop dead. :o(

Mine live with us (not the 20, but the 9 12 AND 17) and we are a family.

His kids have snubbed me since Day one.

I've met 2 of them twice and the oldest I know much better, and he does behave politely.

We are getting married next month and they were all invited but decided NOT to come.

DSO was heartbroken but also realizing he needs to go on with his life. He wants to marry me and will not be going back to Ex wife. which oddly enough seems to be what the sKIDS fantasy is. I don't know. It's just that they make sure EX is always included when he visits them and encourage him to sleep in her house, as well during visit weekends.

I finally spent some time with them this summer on a HUGE family vacation and they decided they REALLy dislike me. Do NOT want us to be together etc etc etc...to the point of creating a scene.

Calling me names and pointedly leaving the room whenever I entered it.

'm sure you want to know what I did.

Well, I took up some of Daddy time. I tried not to. We rented a separate beach house and I went "home" to bed with my younger kids while he stayed up with his older ones each night. I was asked a personal question at dinner with 15poeple that I chose not to answer, feeling totally called out. And was accused of not opening up and trying to get to know them. Guilty. I guess. I tried to keep it light because I knew the hostility was waiting below the surface. It's a Lose Lose sitch for me I think.

Fair enough. They are entitled to their feelings. There is a lot of healing around the DSO divorce that I don't think has happened but it's been 5 years...so...

we went ahead and planned the wedding without them.

Now

their Grandma has jumped in and decided they Should come and bought them tickets and hotel rooms.

With NO discussion or communication whatsoever. I get a text (first time ever) saying they are coming and we "better have given them the date right cause their tickets are already purchased."

I am feeling very manipulated.

At this point. I do NOT want them here. I think it will be a HUGE stress with the very obvious hostility and resentment on their part.

I would very much like it to be peaceful intimate ceremony of Love and commitment.

PEACE and LOVE? please?

I'm seriously concerned that they will drink too much and spoil the day.

It is causing a rift between DSO and I. He doesn't want to uninvite them.

I say they boycotted and we made other plans.

I feel bullied and strong armed and am deeply unhappy that he won't stand up to them and create some boundaries.

He says he'll talk to them.

I say it's too late.

They already showed their true faces when they behaved so rudely on our vacation together.

What do I do?

I have read that I need to take the high road and be the adult etc etc that it will cause a rift down the road.

But, I feel this is my ONE day.

If they come with malice and drink too much or just plain decide to be vocal with their unhappiness, there's no do-overs.

I want to do the right thing.

My counselor tells me to let go of the notion that we will ever be a big extended Brady Bunch family.

at this point I don't care if I never see them again.

DSO has always taken separate vacation time to visit them. I had wanted to change that and blend us better. But, it didn't happen.

Now what?

Wedding is a month away IF it happens.

HELP?

Thank you so much if you read this far.

FZ

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