Oh, oh, oh! this is brilliant! I use FB all the time to do "business". People seem to be on it almost all the time so it is the easiest way to reach them with something that needs to be acted upon.

Oh, I wish I had good answers, or any answers, for this one! This is one of our biggest obstacles in this house.

My DD is elementary school age, and parting with things is just very hard for her. Some of the books and articles I've read on the subject recommend forcing the subject with kids- making them understand and give things away. Given DD's personality, I think that would be more traumatic and lead to problems down the road, so for now, we are managing the situation and hoping that she eventually evolves to that place where she can let things go without too much trouble. Honestly, I don't think her brain is mature enough to deal with some of it- she gets very distressed thinking about giving something away, never seeing it again, not being able to get it back, etc. So for now, the rule is that most all of her stuff stays in her room, which we organize well on occasion. The only exceptions are games, puzzles, and some craft stuff, which falls into community items to some extent.

When she was 4, she went through a phase when she was happy to give clothes and shoes away to less fortunate kids, then around 5, it became too tough for her. At least she is finally throwing away trash, and in some instances, she's better about putting things in the trash/recycling than I am (like product boxes that we hang onto for a few weeks after getting the item- she tosses them right away).

I have gotten into the habit of culling out outgrown/worn out clothes and donating them on the down-low. Don't like doing that, but there are just so many of them and she just can't do it. We do keep any clothing that has strong memories attached.

To her credit though, she has agreed to part with a couple of items lately, some of which surprised me. I think she will get there in time, and for now I focus on organizing *my* belongings in hopes of setting a good example for her as she grows up.

I think there's an opportunity you have, quasifish, that I lost: that of teaching her to appreciate elbow room, and order. So, dwelling on or praising the way the room feels with it's not chokes; admiring how having fewer things out on display makes it easier to really admire them.

And maybe teaching her how to make choices, if only by insisting that she has to: "You have only this much display space--which items are most important? You will need to choose." And maybe she isn't required to ditch stuff, but she's required to make a choice, and to focus on the idea that she values the unicorn statue very much, but doesn't have as much value for the ceramic bird. And then we validate her love for the unicorn statue, and reassure her that it's OK to like the birds but not be the one who keeps them.

Good ideas, Talley_Sue. I'd like for her to be able to make these choices and feel positive about it. Elbow room is one of those things I'm just learning to appreciate in a whole new way, and hopefully she will acquire that if I can pare down more and more and set that good example.

She has been good about putting some things away- outgrown books, we've packed away. We had some toys that we boxed for storage overhead, and that seemed like a big step, but at the last minute she changed her mind and wanted them back in her room. For now, she fits fairly well in her room, providing things are in their place, but her closet is a feat in organization.

This morning as we were heading out the door, I commented to her that I had gotten another couple of boxes of my stuff together and needed to arrange for another thrift store pick-up. She said, "Great! More room for me!" Um, no.... I think that is one of my biggest fears- that as I minimize my belongings, DH and DD's stuff will just filter into the elbow-room spaces and it will be as though the house only belongs to them :( So far, I've done well keeping open spaces open, but who knows what will happen in the future- stuff has a way of taking over if it's not wrangled.

quasifish, didn't you say anything to her when she said that?

I have two daughters of elementary age and their stuff is in their room only. When a space is too full it's time to get rid of things. I did it for them, in their absence, when they were younger and they always appreciated the organization, very seldom asking for something, and then I would simply say "it was brocken/outgrown/too big and had to go", they would whine for a couple of minutes and that was it. Since last summer, I ask them to do it themselves, and they do. The first time it was very difficult for my youngest as she was overwhelmed but she made it in the end and we were both proud.

So, with this background, if my daughters said this to me, I'd say "No way missies, not in your dreams!" Sometimes Mom just has to put her foot down. LOL!

mvastian, I did respond with "Um no. I don't think so. I make the space, it's mine." It was a light conversation- she's got a good sense of humor and I don't think she was that serious, though maybe testing the waters?

IMO though, DH is an issue because he sets less than great examples for her. He can be good about getting rid of things, but NEVER if he is pushed. He has to decide to go after decluttering all on his own---- and some of the things he will keep for a while... oh boy. That's where she learns that anything and everything is fair game to be kept, at least for a time. Not that I'm not guilty of some bad habits, which is why I'm focusing on cleaning up my own act rather than complain about theirs.

. She said, "Great! More room for me!" Um, no.... I think that is one of my biggest fears- that as I minimize my belongings, DH and DD's stuff will just filter into the elbow-room spaces and it will be as though the house only belongs to them

I know what you mean--sometimes I think I'm the only person in the family who's willing to get rid of anything. Twice I put new bookcases in my DD's room or the closet, and she filled them up. Without leaving room for her younger brother. And we're bringing things back from the "away" bin, and I don't know where we will put it. But they resist like crazy ( esp. she does) getting rid of any more stuff. Especially books.

Growing up there were some summers my parent's had a garage sale. My sister and I were more amenable to getting rid of things we had outgrown because we were allowed to keep the money they sold for.

When my son was 9 we moved to a new city. Before the move I was able to persuade him to give away the toys he had outgrown to the younger kids in the complex. "They'll think of you every time they play with them!" The younger boys were thrilled to have Jason's old toys and I know that made him feel good.

If you have a child who's reluctant to donate outgrown toys to charity, perhaps they would feel more inclined giving toys/clothes/books to people or places they are familiar. Younger neighbors, relatives, the children of your friends, or their friends younger siblings. Or dentist, doctor's offices, hair salon, the day care, Sunday school. If they've ever been to the hospital they might want to give their old toys for other sick kids to play with.

For books, there is also the public library. Perhaps their school/day care library? I've lived in communities that maintain a donation library in the rec center. It's great for those of us who are grandparents to be able to rotate books when the grand kids visit. Some accept games & puzzles as well. Sometimes its easier for children to let go of something if they know they can "visit" it.

And this is a very crude attempt at spam andy_coleford! And I am sooo pleased that Houzz has incorporated a "report this post" capability in the forums.

And look how fast Houzz was--it's gone already!

llucy wrote: If you have a child who's reluctant to donate outgrown toys to charity, perhaps they would feel more inclined giving toys/clothes/books to people or places they are familiar.

This is true for my DD. She doesn't want to donate her doll house to the church's daycare, because she remembers daycares and believes that toys don't get loved as much there. There isn't a little girl in the family (well, there is, but it's a pretty comfortable family, and DD thinks the little one will get lots of new stuff, and will have grandparents that want to buy her the new stuff, and that we're not quite close enough that it'll be emotionally valuable to have something from DD). So where should it go that it'll be loved?
That's our current problem. I suggested that she sell it on the neighborhood listserv, not so much for the money but because if someone is willing to pay $25 for it, then you know they really want it and will value it. (Sort of, that's what pet rescue organizations do--they require you to pay them $125 or something, mostly because that guarantees that you really want this animal. And makes it more likely that you have the money to take care of it.)

My sons are 52 and 50, I still have in OUR basement their beer can collection. I have threatened to recycle them. lol they say my basement is a mess, do they even know how much of that stuff is theirs? LOL. One day when my husband and I are gone they will have to do something with those beer cans and my books and dads tools but until then there they sit wasting away...........every time one of them walks in our home we say is today the day we start on the basement? Never have the time to go down there in the deep dark dungeon and there the cans sit stored away in boxes. lol

My kids are tween-teen age. I always start with clothes. I packed up two 13 gallon trash bags of dd's clothes this week. They were all in the floor anyway. I picked them up and washed them and as I did a load I held each item up and said "keep or donate". Dd has grown a lot in this past year. It was easy for her to decide. (No. I don't always do her laundry. It was just too overwhelming with stuff she had outgrown.)

From there, I move onto the paper collections. Unless it is art or a particularly interesting written piece, it is gone. The kids don't even care. I think the hardest part to throw out is the journals because the teachers always ask for photos from home to glue to the front for inspiration. I hate throwing away photographs even if I have another copy.

We've moved every 3-4 years. I weeded out a lot of toys then. At this point, I'm keeping the wooden Thomas stuff, Geotrax, legos and American Girl dolls and some favorite books I used to read to the kids. The other toys are mainly gone. Now I need to weed out more of my stuff I will never use like the college textbooks.