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Can I handle becoming a stepmom one day?

9 years ago

I just turned 36 earlier this month. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We love each other and have talked about maybe getting married. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage. She can be a real brat at times. She throws whiney tantrums when she doesn't get her way or even over something like the fact that it might be hot in the summertime. In my opinion she is too old to be throwing fits. Sometimes she is ok, but there is a definite lack of manners. For a while I would try to get her to say "please" when she asked for something. But I was the only one trying to get her to do that and unfortunately my boyfriend often responds to her before I can say, "you have to say please". Last Sunday while I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his daughter, not only was I trying to hold my tongue about the fact that she doesn't seem to know how to sit like a little lady, but I was also trying not to say much about her spending most of the evening whining. I am not saying she needs to go to finishing school, but I don't think it's appropriate for a girl to sit with her legs all open and in the air. After she went in the bedroom to whine on the phone to her mother, my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking about. I told him he probably didn't want to know. He kept asking so, I finally asked him why he lets her talk back to him. He said he's told her not to before, but it does no good. He got frustrated and he said she is a brat, what do you want me to do, hit her? I said no but you are her father you can discipline her more. He then said this is why he is terrified of having another child. This made me really upset. He knows that I hope to get married and have at least one child of my own one day. I stepped in the bathroom to cry. Even though I am not a parent, I would not let my child act like that. Even though I still love him very much, the thought of possibly living with her bratty behavior for half/week every week if/when we get a place together makes me cringe and want to cry. I do not know what to do. She is not my child, so I cannot discipline her. But I would of course gain some authority if/when I became her step-mom. I am just not sure I want to take that on. However, the thought of not being with the man I love makes me want to cry too. I'd be happy for feedback or advice, especially from those who can relate.

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