"I have never felt it really was a blended family, more like two families living under the same roof." You're right, it's not a family. I think in order for a blended family to be successful there has to be one set of rules for everyone in the house. The two parents should come to an agreement on these rules and apply to them ALL kids the same. It sounds like in this situation what's good for the goose is not good for the gander. While you have no problem with your husband correcting your kids, he has a problem with you correcting his. When the two of you discussed getting married, did you discuss family rules and how discipline would be handled? If not, I doubt there's anything you can do to save your marriage and why would you? Sounds like your husband has reached his limit. He's already kicked you out because he said he's warned you for three years not to interfere with his kids but you continue to do so, your daughter is suffering as well, she stays in her room all evening when she gets home from school. And it seems you are stressed out seeing your husband's kids heading down the wrong path. Why subject yourself to more stress? I think you are better off without him and his family. Your husband seems fine with his kids behavior, so why would you subject yourself and your kids to more of the same?

Dear BioMom, if you think that sending $57 dollars a month, phoning twice a week, sending occasional care packages and contacting the teachers from time to time means parenting an 11 years old and if you really think that $ 300 a month for a child are too much because "I spend that much on my family of 4 people in the house now and that includes diapers and baby wipes! And we dont buy clothing every single month for our children, clothes in our house last a while!" (clothes on 11 year old last a season, maybe, boys at that age outgrow pants, shoes every 3-6 months) and you really believe that "I mean only the rich can spend that kind of money on One child! Dad has to keep a roof over his and his new wifes and two childrens heads anyways, just because Im not his wife anymore shouldnt mean i have to help pay his rent, food and extra's,should it? and what else is there to spend on children, I mean come on ..I pay 50% of all his medical, sports, toys, personal hygene stuff,I buy schoold supply stuff, etc."(out of the $ 57 you send every month ?).......you really live in fairyland and frankly I am not surprised that when after you chose to relinquish the custody of your child, the judge decided not once but thrice to leave your son in what is clearly a loving and stable household and not to subject him to further disruption just because you have put in your mind that now, after remarrying, moving to another state etc..you can now stand up to your parenting role.. And I think the stpmom rightly resents the fact that while she's doing the REAL job of parenting, you still feel entitled to special consideration because you are the biological mother. Well in the real world it is not so: if you up and leave a 5 year old child and somebody else I raises him (everyday, not twice a week by the phone and during the summer vacation), she justly feel she has more rights than you. You write: "I only had one child with this man, what was I supposed to stay unmarried, have no more children and spend the rest of my life, staying close to this man making sure I help with all his bills?", you know that's exactly what the "wicked, cruel, bitter, full of hatred" stepmom did find in her heart to do, staying close to this man, helping him to pay his bills and raising his son, she did exactly what you could not find in your heart to do. Nobody forced you to eave your child. You chose, and everybody, your child, his father and the stepmom had to learn and to adapt to your choice. It is abot time you do it too. And let me tell about money, this woman has put her actions (and her money or her family's money, that she could otherwise spend) where her heart is, toward your son, while you evidently have chosen to do otherwise, till now. And the idea that as this biomom has now her own children so she should just "let you have yours" is completely wrong, children are not property of the parents to leave or take back on a whim but members of the family, to be cared and respected. If you really want to rebuild your relationship with the your son's father and stepmom, you should start to behave like a responsible, dependable person, financially too so they could start to trust you instead of just criticizing and belittle them and the good job they are doing while you are otherwise occupied.

I understand your situation so well. My boyfriend is ultra touchy about his 5 year old too so I know what it feels like to be in a no win situation. And I've often felt like an intrusion myself. My boyfriend can shout very ugly insults to me as well when it comes to his child. I also understand your disappointment about possibly not having children with your husband. I never considered myself maternal, but I fell so madly for my boyfriend that I actually thought one day it would be great to have a child of our own, but that possbility is very small. He's crazy about his son, but his arrival was not planned and I don't think my boyfriend wants to do it again. There are so many negatives to staying in a situation like that for me that I'm considering cutting my loses as hard as it will be. For you, since you are married and in way deeper than I am (at least legally), I would try counselling. Dealing with three children that are not your own, I can only imagine how overwhelming that is. If your husband won't go with you, then go for yourself. But try to do it with your husband because sometimes people are so clouded by what means so much to them (your husband's children) that they can't see what they're doing until a 3rd party points it out. I know it easier said than done because my boyfriend flat out told me he won't do counselling. It really broke my heart. He's extremely cold at times and it's sad. But even if your husband won't go, you still probably need to go for your own sanity.

First and foremost... you need to make sure that both you and future hubby agrees that no matter what happens you and he are a united front. Even, if you disagree the 'discussion' should be held out of ear shot of the little one. If that doesnt happen if he doesnt support you and your decisions as much as you respect his ... things will fall apart quickly. Kids are smart and all kids no how to work a system to their advantage... So, a united front is an absolute must. I think that is the problem most of the step moms have in the long run... a lack of support with regards to the kids. I personally treat my step kids exactly how I treat my daughter. No better. No Worse. I have an equal hand in raising disciplining and decision making with regards to the kids. (even if ex doesnt like it) Especially, with the little boy living with you... you need to establish what both of you consider discipline and DO NOT let yourself be over run EVER. Be prepared to be disliked... it will come from the ex and probably from the son at some point. Remember two things... 1. the ex more than likely in this situation will not disslike you for any reason other than the fact that you are actively involved in her sons life and probably doing a better job. (if she has dissappeared more than once). This will anger and frustrate you but never never express that anger infront of kid 2.kids even your very own flesh and blood at times are mean, are rude, have moments where you want to wring their little necks, and will tell you to go away and in those teenage years perhaps much worse... you wouldnt take it to heart with your own kids dont do so just because he is a step. when they say I hate you say Im sorry to hear that because I love you... You are going to be a 'mother' to this child because dad has full custody and mom lives two hours away with a tendancy to abandon him. If you are not prepared to take both fiancee and son into your heart and accept that awesome responsibility than you are not in the right relationship... no matter how wonderful it is with dad because son is going nowhere. Without that sound knowledge in your heart to know that you love that kid and would do anything for him wether dad was there or not, it will be very hard to deal with the tough times that come with raising kids. As far as attention goes... kids deserve a great deal but dont be afraid (and this goes for daddy too) to say no no this is adult time .... dont be afraid to put your relationship needs first (not to the detriment of the child) I have always believed one of the greatest gifts we can give kids is to show them how to love and be with and treat the one they love... it gives them an example for a lifetime of something strong and positive in their lives. Oh and regarding the 'discussion' of disagreements... if, for example, you tell son that he cant play with a toy for rest of the day because of something he did ... and hubby disagrees and you two talk and decide he can have the toy back ...you should be the one to give back the privilege, not dad. This way you arent made out to be the bad guy and dad saving grace. umm I think these are all of the little drops of wisdom I can share (if they can be called that) :-) good luck...