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Becoming a step mom, what can I do now to assure the best possibl

16 years ago

Hello all;

Well, its been a steep learning curve. Lately IÂm been putting aside all the flowery dreams of a wedding and finding the man who will forever be in my life to really focus on what it will mean to be the step mother of his son.

Some background, my fiancée and I have known each other for 10 years. I knew since we first started being a couple (about a year and half ago) that he was the guy I would love for the rest of my life. There are a lot of things we are on the same page about, but probably a lot of other things that we havenÂt even explored yet.

He has a six year old son, whom he has full custody of. At first I tried to keep my distance from his son, but now that his father and I are getting married IÂve taken a lot more time to get to know him. I spend about one day a week with him. So far itÂs been great, and we have a good relationship. Generally we like to have each other around, but naturally we both want some time alone with dad.

I see some potential issues percolating, like if I put my hand on his dad, his son will say "I want a hand on me" generally he wants to be included in any affection or attention, and 90 percent of the time IÂm happy to give it to him.

He really is an amazing child. I know he is attached to me and I take that as an awesome responsibility that I am meditating on.

I want to be a REALIST, IÂve read the posts on this forum and frankly, some of them TERRIFY ME. I know that we will face issues similar to these. I know itÂs not all going to be a cake walk. But I would love to benefit from your advice.

What can I do now, today, before I walk down the aisle and while I still have a good relationship with his son to assure the best possible future for our new blended family.

A little more background. I donÂt have any children. This will be the first marriage for both he and I. His sonÂs mother lives about two hours away, and has him most weekends. There are still some sore feelings between my fiancée and his sonÂs mother.

I started out not trusting her, and frankly still donÂt. She abandoned them on and off for several years. I know my fiancée doesnÂt expect anything from her financially and pretty much gets nothing from her. But I know that she loves her son, and can be trusted with that. I have no wish to take her place, or have his son call me mom. My future SS love his mom too, in spite of her abandonment.

Ideally IÂd like my relationship with his son to be like that of a favorite Aunt. A trusted adult figure who is involved with their lives.

Anyway, I could go on forever about parenting styles, etc. But youÂre probably tired of reading by now.

What is the healthiest way for me to bond with his son?

What things should my fiancée and I talk about ahead of time? What are some primarily rules we should get straight.

Any other thoughts or advice you have would be much appreciated.

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