It does suck. My wife cheated on me, but I was no day at the beach either. I compartmentalized my marriage as I do with many aspects of my life. I focused on the woman I first married and minimized the mess. It's hard and took a while (6 months was about right for me). I learned to laugh about the cheating because it beats crying. I don't mean laugh to cover up sadness, but to really see how silly it all is. To compartmentalize the mess part I created one catch phase that I could tell friends if needed, but mostly to tell myself. "She's 300 lbs and living in a trailer." I don't really know what happened to my x and I have no interest because in my head she's 300 lbs and living in a trailer. Pain is the brain dwelling on an event trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense. So I gave my brain an answer...she was dumb and is now 300 lbs and living in a trailer. Visually she's sitting at a kitchen table in a moo-moo smoking and drinking disgusting coffee. Took some training but brain seems pretty happy having an answer and after a while I had no desire to stalk her to see what she was doing, no desire to connect again and try one more time. I have the memory of marrying a great woman, super hot (I even make her more hot in my head), but then she changed into a moron, 300 lbs, and living in a trailer. The appeal faded. The catch phrase also help cut short talking about the mess. The mess is the mess, nothing to be done about that. No amount of talking is going to provide any insight. Cheating is just plain dumb for all parties. Your husband is now with someone who wants to live with a cheater. So lucky her. He will again and he gets to relive this nightmare over and over, so lucky him. That's their mess. Your mess is over, no reason to dwell on that silly crap so I never really wanted to rehash it for friends and family. I'd say the catch phrase, friends did their duty to ask, and we moved on to a more interesting subject. Therapists...if you really need to. I've been to therapists with partners. Some are good, some not. They can be a crutch too. It can be just one more place to dwell and vent. Use caution. Lawyers are there to make money. Use caution trusting what they say. You are the only one responsible for your best interests. Never turn that over to anyone else because it's an illusion. Once again brain trying to trick you. Dumb old brain. Stay away from booze and other drugs. This isn't the time to get dumb. I didn't date for 6 months from the time the divorce was final, no matter who came along. Figured anyone who would date someone in that state wasn't someone I'd be interested anyways. At one point I was considering ending it all...but then I kind of reviewed things and thought "anything I should do first?" I always wanted to going fishing on Great Bear lake...so I should do that first. At that moment a switch flipped...how silly this whole drama was. Many people do go do lots of new stuff, and whatever works is great. But it may be dreaming of stuff is enough to fill your mind with new adventure. I never went to Great Bear lake. Didn't need to. I learned a lot from my failed marriage. Worked on myself (I needed it, not saying you do, but who can't stand with a little improvement) and became a much better husband. I did marry again and have had a great marriage for 15 years. I'm so thankful my x cheated on me. I'd send her a carton of cigarettes and a box of Ding Dongs if I knew what trailer park she was living in.

How about going to some marriage and/or family counseling? This son is going to be around for a long time. If your husband can't see that he needs to tell his son he must listen to you then I don't see anything changing for you.

Ok let me be clear. I’m not afraid of my husband nor am I worried about getting a divorce. It was just playing. Those of us who have been married for years sometimes avoid certain conversations just because we know we’ll be annoyed or you’ll have to hear the other complain. It’s not that deep. I also don’t like to make my husband feel unappreciated, so there are times I’ll work around, rather than ask him to change something he has done for me. That’s part of being married. I was merely asking for thoughts on how I could make this a “work around” issue. Better?

You’re right. You’re both right. This is a terrible situation, and there’s no “right for everyone “ answer. I wish that everyone was always honest and trustworthy, it would make life a lot easier. I don’t honestly think that my soon-to-be ex daughter in law set out to deceive my son, if that is what happened. She miscalculated her due date. The doctor told her she was so many weeks pregnant, and that coincided with when she was with my son. But she was less pregnant than she thought, and the baby was taken early. one time we were talking about when we bought our first house, and coincidentally got pregnant with our youngest child. It was at Christmas time. Well, DIL broke in and said, “no it couldn’t have been. You had to have gotten pregnant at the end of January/early February because his birthday is 10/12 and my baby......” and then she started counting on her fingers. She was getting upset. I’m a nurse, and I’m also one of those weird people who know when the egg implants that they are pregnant. Both of my pregnancies were diagnosed by the doctor at two weeks, and that’s including time to make the appointment. I explained this to her and also the fact that a pregnancy is 10 months, not 9, and that her baby was early. Her doctors told her this after they took the baby. If I really wanted to do the math, that puts the conception happening when my son was in Texas. There was a night that she told him she went to a party and got so drunk that she passed out in her car and slept in her car all night, so that’s why he couldn’t get ahold of her. My husband called BS on that, saying pretty girls don’t sleep in their cars. And then they brought this beautiful olive-skinned baby to see us. She looked like my sister, who is half Greek. And then when I bathed her several times, I saw her Mongolian spot. The only reason I know about Mongolian spots is because of my sister. My mother told me it was from the Meditaranean ancestry. I never asked my son or his wife about it, and never called it to anyone’s attention, except my husband. They are both white so they never would have known what her spot signified, and she’s almost 3, so it’s gone now, which is good. But the area they lived in at the time ( Charleston SC) had a large Greek population. Anyway, like I was saying, I don’t think my DIL set out to deceive my son, if that is what happened. She’s just really immature and not too smart. I think she didn’t realize until later that her math might have been off. When she did, she tried to play it off, saying that baby’s coloring is from the grandmother, because grandma tans, and that her round face (my son has a very long face) comes from my husband. Both my husband and I looked at her funny when she said that, because my husband has a rounded face due to corticosteroid use for his autoimmune disease. He couldn’t have passed it down to his granddaughter. But she has mannerisms like my son- facial expressions, the way she sits. I think that if we do a DNA test, it will come back that she is his, and it will quell all of the fears and doubts. I don’t know how two recessives made a dominant, but stranger things have happened.