Help and advice needed - to divorce or not to divorce?
LifeUnknown
9 years ago
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sylviatexas1
9 years agoRelated Discussions
bad divorce must sell or refinance- i dont own land- please help
Comments (5)Hello, AprilDawn, Speaking from experience, don't walk away from assets and don't try to do this alone. Letting someone foreclose on your main asset seems to be something only done when all else fails. Holding on to your home seems to be you goal and so it should be. First thing you should do, if you haven't already, is approach the lending institution before they begin to make threatening phone calls. Explain your situation and see if they are in a position to work with you. The fact that you are making a good-faith effort to resolve this (and continue being a paying customer of theirs) may convince them to work out a financing plan. If they refuse, you are in no worse a position than you are now. If moving in with your parents for a while is an option as you suggest, would it be possible to find a renter for your home to cover expenses while you get back on your feet? Continuing to make regular payments will be a big help in finding refinancing for your loan, or at the very least, avoiding foreclosure and holding on to an asset. Another thing you should do is contact a credit counseling agency as soon as possible. If you connect with the right agency, they would be able to look at your current situation and perhaps help develop realistic goals and strategies. You have to be careful there though, since like in most things, there are those who prey on the people who can least afford it. Avoid any that says they will "wipe out all your debt" because they won't. They are the bottom-feeders of the industry. A link below may help you find one that isn't out to take what little you have. You may also get a referral for a reputable service or agency from your bank or an attorney. There are probably forums that focus on situations like yours and you might find better info there, but I hope you find help in saving your home. Best of luck. Wayne Here is a link that might be useful: Department of Justice list of approved credit counseling agencies...See MoreNeed some advice..a year in and i want divorce.
Comments (8)It sounds like really, you were not ready to jump right into marriage. That you hadn't finished growing up and exploring life independently as an adult. And at 24, that's hardly surprising. That might be a way to initiate the conversation. It's kind of a variation on the "it's not you - it's me" theme, but it's probably very true. And it may be exactly what your wife is going through also. Each of you grew in your own directions during college -- which is good and right and part of why you go to college. But you grew in different directions. You grew apart. And the choice you're looking at now is to stop growing so you don't grow even further apart -- or to go your separate ways. There's a good argument for ending things sooner rather than later -- to preserve the friendhsip, love and respect you have left....See MoreWill our Renovation end in Divorce
Comments (9)It sounds like you are having one heck of a rough time. I wish I could say I don't know what you are going through, but.... I bought my "fixer-upper" before I met the man who is my DH. He got a lot more than he bargained for. I sometimes joke that it would have been a lot easier and maybe a bit cheaper if we had burned it down and put in a modular. LOL. Quite frankly, I think the hardest part is living with the knowledge that you are stuck. If you have an otherwise happy, healthy marriage, then there is no reason you should give up. If I can offer some advice.... I would suggest writing a list of the good things that have happened in your home, the positive moments. It helps to relive the good things. When we get stuck in a moment of despair, we have to look beyond it to get the whole picture. I am speaking from experience. My home is constantly in a state of partially finished projects. (My roof is only half done!!!) I have to sometimes just let it go. Think yoga or meditation style thoughts. I can't do so many of the poses but the idea is the same. LOL. It would probably help if you could treat yourself to a day out of the house. Go visit a friend who will listen to you vent. It would also help if they like your home, so they don't convince you to hop the first plane out of there. LOL. I thought of it a time or two. I also have a strong aversion to odors. I can smell things that no one else notices. I found a mouse in a friend's home that they hadn't even smelled. I found it by tracing the smell. (To their credit, they are very clean people, who keep up with things, but the surprise gift from the cat may have been the hitch in the system.) Maybe it wouldn't hurt for you to log onto the housecleaning forum to maybe find away to get rid of the odor in your room. Not sleeping in my bed, cuddled up to my bear of a husband would be enough to make me frustrated. I am not certain that any marriage wouldn't be tested by sleeping in a stinky bedroom. There is a lot of literature out there that says your sense of smell is connected to your mood. That would do it for me! I don't know what kind of smell you are talking about, but I know I can't handle quite a few of them. I have asthma and terrible allergies that make life difficult sometimes. I am not sure I made you feel any better, but maybe I made you laugh. As far as the whole being out of money to work on the house, I think we have all been there, unless you are independently wealthy. I really would suggest taking a look around and look back at how far you have come and don't be afraid to laugh- this coming from the lady who got sprayed in the face by a loose water line just 2 days ago! Try to enjoy what you can and try to hold on. There have been some dark days for most of us, but they do pass. I also included a link to get rid of those dang beetles. Here is a link that might be useful: How to get rid of things...See MoreDo I need therapy or a divorce lawyer?
Comments (4)You are doing the hardest work possible in parenting someone else's child and there really is very little reward except the fact that you know you are doing the right thing. You really are an amazing woman. I would suggest the you restrain yourself from sinking to level of the bio-mom. Nothing you say will ever make a difference in what that woman does. It is only fruitful ground for further power struggles. Standing firm by your convictions and being the best role model possible for your step-son is what WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE in his life. May not matter in the short-run but IT WILL in the long run. It seems you and your husband have very different parenting styles. Not that yours is wrong or his is wrong but they are simply different. Both styles are noble. But when there isn't support for both style, it is very difficult to manage. There are other ways to discipline a child who is acting out -- and your stepson is beginning to act out. He will continue and it very well could get worse until he gets someone's attention. I imagine that child has probably seen many forms of abuse and when children see adults being abusive what else could you expect but for them to mirror the behavior. It is a very unhealthy cycle. He needs LOVING discipline in the worst way. He needs to learn in a CARING WAY that there are consequences for his behavior. It sounds like you really care deeply about your husband AND his son and because of that I would definitely suggest counseling. Couples counseling for you and your husband and therapy for the son as well. Your stepson probably has tons of anger and hurt due to the neglect of the bio-Mom and he needs to learn how to cope with it and heal from it. If the two of you cannot find SOME middle ground on the parenting issues, then you may need consider making a healthier change. I might also suggest a series of short holidays every-so-often (somehow, someway) with JUST you and your husband so that you can have some alone time and spend time reconnecting and loving. This will ADD value to you as a couple and to you as a parent. It will benefit the child to see caring relationships and how they take care of one another's needs. Take special care....See MoreLifeUnknown
9 years agoRobin Morris
9 years agocatlettuce
9 years agojewelisfabulous
9 years agorob333 (zone 7b)
9 years ago
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