Pam, I don't think I would kill it quite yet but I do have a couple of suggestions.
Firstly, make it that everyone 'brings a plate' as we say in Australia. This way if no one turns up you aren't out of pocket and it is both very fair and results in the right amount of food and drink. Our book club rule is that if there is wine left over, it belongs to the hostess, even if not open.
Secondly, do you have a set night, eg the first Monday of the month? This makes it easier for everyone to know what the night is - you don't have to remember dates.

I think a discussion with your fellow members, maybe by email if they can't turn up, along the lines you have above might work too. It might make them think twice about the commitment to the group.

Good luck!

Kath

Thanks Kath,
Your suggestion to "bring a plate" sounds both prudent and interesting. If someone doesn't show up, then we miss a plate and a friend, but I do not feel angry at the amount of money I've spent in preparation. That makes perfect sense to me.

Yes, we do have a set day - the second Monday of the month. And I send out an email reminder one week before the meeting.

You are absolutely right that we need to have a discussion about making a commitment to the group. As a busy mom/gardener/reader myself, I fully understand having a busy schedule. What I don't understand is the inability to make a bit of time for the club. Yes, things pop up - no one disputes that - but in my opinion (which very well may be clouded by anger at this point) if things pop up several months in a row, that makes me think book club just doesn't mean that much to a member.

Thank you. I need level-headed responses because I am so frustrated at this point.

PAM

Is it possible to change the focus of the club and add some new members? From the information here, it seems that the club isn't working the way it should. I guess it depends on what you really want out of the book club experience. If the major focus of the club is being together with the present members, maybe it's time to disband the club - or change it to a general get-together, maybe with everyone chipping in for a babysitter for the kids so the mommas can dish. Or you could change to an email or facebook club, and everyone can add two cents in their own time (hey, a mini-RP!).

Obviously I'm not there in person and don't understand the relationship or the group dynamics - just throwing out some ideas.

Just my 2 cents worth, but it sounds as if there is too much emphasis on the munchies and wine served. This places a heavy burden on the hostess, IMHO. Why not tone down the "goodies" offered and keep everything simple. I think the idea of everyone contributing something is also a good one. Or don't serve refreshments at all -- maybe just coffee, tea, or fruit juice.

Hi Pam.
One way my bookclub survived was to meet during the day during the school year at a restaurant that serves fabulous breakfasts and has a small back room that we can use for a couple hours. It worked because we all had school-age or older children or a very flexible work schedule. However, some members have now gone back to work in jobs that don't flex-so our group is morphing and we have started doing a couple evening meetings a year. Could your group morph in reverse? Would some daytimes work?

When I started my lit. group - because of all the prep and handouts And the free coffeeand biscuits organising outings, speakers etc. I charged ã2.50 a session. Of the 12 people who turned up a couple or so always left without contributing - the groupmembers themselves suggested a pre termly payment i.e. rfor 10 weeks instead of each week and it was accepted.
Now I know book clubs run a different way but it seems to tm that this is an issue that needs discussion (verbally or a neat litle note) - suggest that a 'kitty' is made towards food and drink and etcs. every week - ask your book club members how much they think this should be - and if the bostessing changes then the 'kitty' moves over. I think you will find that everyone is in agreement as long as there is colsutation beforehand and it is encourages people to turn up (or pay their contribution next time).
Good Luck

Jan

I can relate to your frustration - I had a similar situation with my book club (people not showing up, not reading book but showing up anyway etc). Perhaps, what Woodnymph said, change the emphasis from lots of effort on the food to just having nice coffee/tea and some store-bought cookies.

My book club never had any refreshments but it was fine while it lasted. Most of the time we met in a coffee shop, and people bought what they wanted. No pressure for any one to provide treats or whatever.

However, having said that, I can relate to your frustration and after having dealt with a similar situation (minus the food) for several months, I realized it was time to bow out from the club and so I left (which meant the book club finished as I was the instigator of it all).

Good luck in whatever you choose. I feel your pain.

liz

My bookclub meets at restaurants so noone has to clean or prepare. (also done so, as one member put it, our husbands and children can't horn in on the act) We have 12 or so members and it is rare that we have all of us at a meeting other than at our yearly planning meeting. Generally, we get seven to ten showing up. I think your statement "we are all moms" says it all as most of the time that I, or someone else, can't make it, it is because of a family obligation or activity. The rest of us tend to harass those who miss the meeting via email and we are fairly committed to to the club so we've managed to hang in there. Maybe you just need more members who are willing to abide by a few ground rules for book choices.

You are all so wonderful. Kath started me out with some great suggestions and the rest of you are equally brilliant. Let me see if I can add more info. We don't get LOTS of snacks, but we get some GOOD snacks. I like the idea of everyone bringing a plate or a snack. That seems a fair compromise.

Our reading is a bit limited due to our shared interests: the books must be based in the UK - from Beowulf to Bridget Jones, but they must be based in the UK. I think it is limited, but perhaps not by that much. The members all tell me that it is just lovely and fantastic and wonderful but yet... but yet... commitment is a big problem.

Jan mentioned charging. Since it isn't really a class and we have no handouts at all, I don't think that will work too well. I can see how paying for something increases the level of commitment, but I honestly think it would be viewed in a negative manner. It is a rather small community and most of these folks I see on a regular basis on a social level or at the schools.

cece and bookmom both suggested that we meet in restaurants. This idea is simply grand. I will approach everyone and see how they feel about it. It would definitely take a lot of pressure off of the hostess. And we could order food/drinks if we wanted them or not. And, like bookmom said, the hostess's family wouldn't be umm, interferring.

Time of day is an issue. We have three stay at home moms who gave up professional jobs to raise kids. And two women who work full time. Daytime meetings aren't really an option at this point with our current members. And interestingly enough, it's not just the moms that show up or just the moms that don't respond, it's everyone. I think at this point, I'd be just as happy if people showed up who have not read the book just to have people attend. Maybe I am just too "into" reading and for the others it is more of a hobby, something they do IF they have time. I MAKE time for reading in my day. I do not know how they feel about books and reading, I only know how I feel about books and reading. Perhaps it's not that they aren't committed, but perhaps I am overly committed. (I am going TO BE committed if I keep over-analyzing this, aren't I??) Do your book clubs have commitment problems? I know some of you mentioned that your members are commited and that you hound the ones that don't show up.. that's hilarious! I envy that very much. My other book club seems more commited... the books are worse, but the level of commitment is greater.

We all get along really well when we finally do get together. I think the biggest problem is the commitment to the club. For example, the meeting is tonight. I've heard from one person to say whether or not she'll be here (she won't be attending as she's out of town.) From the others, nothing but silence.

Like Liz, I am the instigator. I started it all. It is my fault that the ground rules were specific about books, but not...

One of my clubs has waxed and waned. I regret to say it, but making a big effort to let people know it is okay to come, even if they haven't read the book, has made the group more viable. This is a subset of a larger social club, so it isn't as if we use it just as an excuse to get together. Our members genuinely do like to read, it is just that sometimes we don't get the book read. Having a regular group who show up whether they have read the book or not, in some strange way increases the commitment of everyone to the reading group. We may not always have hard core discussions, but we do talk books, which is always better than not.

I think one of the main problems of our book club here was that people had such varying priorities: one worked extra shifts/overtime at random times (even though we changed the bk mtg time to accomodate her schedule), one had a young child, one was very sick with cancer (but thinking about it - she always came and she had always read the book), and one was just plain wacky.

I missed it at first, but was relieved in the end. It had become a stress monkey for me.

PAM, Death of a Book Club sounds like an Agatha Christie, doesn't it? Anyone interested in turning it into a serial novel here on RP, written by us? Everyone writes a line or two and must incorporate whatever has come before?

Chris, that's a great idea!! We have had some terrific group efforts in the past.

I guess I should start it seeing that my book club meeting last night didn't happen again. One lady was able to make it, somebody else bagged out at 6 pm, one hour before the meeting. The one lady that could make it never read the book. Writing a murder mystry right now is exactly what I need!

PAM

PAM, I am so sorry! Sounds like that group is beyond resuscitation.

This thread reminds me of a writers group I once participated in. We started off simply, with the chief focus being sharing with the group our latest creative efforts. The first meeting was just crackers and juice. Gradually, members began to want to show off their recipes, so elaborate, fattening desserts were brought to meetings. Towards the end, there was a tradition of having a spaghetti supper with wine and salad. There was less and less time spent on the sharing and critiques of the writing per se, with more emphasis upon food and drink. I began to feel obligated and uncomfortable, as my budget did not allow me elaborate expenditures upon full course meals. I think you can guess the fate of this group: it eventually disbanded, having morphed from a focus upon creativity into a monthly foodie fest.