New Project: Want to show case (mother-in-law) family copper pots...
Lana Putnam
9 years ago
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Mother in law problem
Comments (12)Don't know if I can really tell you what to do--that's an individual choice. However, as someone who is the caregiver for 2 elderly people, there are a few comments I'd like to make here. When folks reach that age, their world becomes very small. It's not even truly selfishness--they don't realize that they aren't thinking about anyone else. From what I've seen of my friends and relatives, it's an almost universal problem that the older folks don't see anyone else's problems but their own (Monday, I got in, looked at the caller ID, saw my 83 year old aunt had called. Called her--said "Hello"; she said, "Where have you been, I called you 3 times"; me--"at the ER, I was really sick"; Her, "I want you to take me to the dr's tomorrow..." It didn't even register with her that I'd been in the hospital). You, your wife and your SIL need to realize that whatever MIL's condition is today--it's probably as good as it's ever going to be. Whatever her needs are now, they're going to become greater with time. Gradually, you will need to do more and more for her--and there's no way around that, unless you want to be cold, heartless and toss her out in the street. As regards to her staying in her home--at that age, people are really afraid of change. They don't want to leave their familiar surroundings, the ones where their memories reside. Sometimes that's not the best for them. It does seem that it's time for the family to consider what's best for mom. If she's living that far from everyone, who's keeping an eye on her health? who's going with her to her dr's appts? who's double-checking to see that she's handling her finances appropriately? Not saying it's time to move her into a nursing home down the street from you, but it might be getting near the time when you have to encourage her to move to a local senior apt (check into the waiting lists on those, though, they're often years long. Never hurts to get one's name on early, even if they're not yet ready to move in). One thing I've got a little question about--you say MIL won't drive far, for fear of getting lost? Has she always been this way? or is this something new? If it's a new wrinkle, then it's a huge red flag. Most older folks who are beginning to lose their abilities (through Alzhemer's or other types of dementia, or strokes, etc) cover that up. And any little admission they make like that is generally a tip-of-the-iceberg kind of thing. It means they've been having much greater problems, but that's all they'll admit to. If this were my mother or MIL, I'd be quite concerned and want to keep an eye on her--just to make sure things are okay. Look, I know this is annoying for you. But look at it this way. One day you're going to be old. You may not be living near your children. You will definitely want to see them at the holidays--and other times of the year. Just how would you feel if the kids told you you were just too much trouble for them? or if your SIL told you he wished you were dead (and even if it's not said out loud, make no mistake, MIL KNOWS how you feel). Sorry, while I can understand the family problem, and know there are many ways to solve it or compromise, I'm having a little problem with your "I almost wish she would die" attitude. That's lacks a bit of humanity, don't you think?...See MoreMother in laws disparaging remarks
Comments (35)I'm laughing reading these! It's amazing how rude people can be, isn't it? We get comments all the time from people. "When are you going to finish this, you should just bulldoze it and build new, yadda yadda!" I get so annoyed! I truly think that some of it is jealousy. Alot of people would be too intimidated to take on a historic home, and when they see what hard work can do, it gets them a little jealous. What makes me mad is the fact that if I were to make a comment about their ugly, lifeless, no character new home, I'd be a witch, but they can say whatever they want about an old home in the process of restoration! WTH?? That always makes me so mad! I don't have a MIL, she passed away years ago. My FIL is married, and she's a witch. She hates us and can be really jealous about our house. My FIL has a really old house, but there isn't a speck of character in it. The old woodwork is all gone, the outside is vinyl and has none of the original moldings, and the porches he put in are all concrete and he had aluminum columns which didn't at all go with the house. When new wife came in, she had the house resided and porch posts replaced the columns, but it still has no character, so she's really jealous of our place. Our local newspaper did an article on our home, and she NEVER has mentioned it to us, and we know she has seen it. We live in a small town, and she works in the village hall, and countless people have commented to us about it, and we know they have commented to her as well. I'm sure that made her blood boil! lol She gets the paper and so does the village hall, so she read it. She also won't come to our house for our children's birhtday parties. She conveniently needs a vacation every 4 months, just when our kids have their birthdays. She avoids our place like the plague! I find the silence and ignoring almost more annoying than mean comments that I could say a witty comeback to. My BIL also has made countless comments about our house, he's such a little jerk! I do give him comebacks. He's the one who is a childless bachelor that loves to give out child rearing advice as well! *roll eyes* He's an incredibly jealous person though. Anyway, I loved reading all of these! It's nice to have a thread to vent on! lol...See MorePolitically incorrect Mother-in-law question (ugh)
Comments (43)After coming back to this thread a second time, I am wondering if she keeps giving these gifts because she wants something to do? It could give her a focus. I used to work with someone who gave his mother the "job" of buying socks for the whole family. She learned what everyone liked and the family appreciated not having to shop for this one item. I am wondering too, if her own house is filled with odd purchases? It is mind boggling. My husband has an aunt that gives the cheapest and most inappropriate gifts. They are wealthy people! Once, she explained that she often buys things and saves them for that special occasion. That would be fine, however how do you justify a half painted ceramic piece that was from a pottery class, a butterfly pin that is rusty on the back, a wallet or scarf that is from 30 years ago? Or my favorite a huge,and I mean huge ceramic piggy bank that she gave to my then two year old? Since we don't see her often, all of it went into the trash. What is interesting is that this aunt honestly believes she is giving an appropriate gift....See MoreWhat to do about un-permitted "mother-in-law's apartment"? Michigan
Comments (9)Let me get this straight. You built a living space with no permits, are storing cars and trailers illegally, and now the public servant who is simply doing the job we're paying him to do is being a "dick"? I lived in Oakland county for a decade. Had a neighbor run electric and a hose out to his mother-in-law's 5th wheel parked in the driveway in a neighborhood of $400,000.00 homes. I couldn't get inspection to do a damn thing. Too bad this inspector didn't work for Orion township in 2011. Throw yourself to the mercy of the bureaucrats. Comply with the law. Pay for your mistakes. Don't whine and name-call. Thanks....See MoreLB Interiors
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