Sam Karen,

Some people live on a one-way street - traffic only goes in one direction.

Toward them.

o j

SamKaren,
I know what you mean about not feeling appreciated. DH works for a major oil company (as in - if I said the name, you would probably all know it...). He has been there 20 years. Want to know what he gets for Christmas? Nothing. Zero...nada...zilch... And you KNOW this oil company is making big buck$ right about now because people like DH are out there making it happen!!! Here it is Saturday night at 8:15 as I am posting. It is 32 degrees here, and DH got called out to handle something. He's been gone for a couple of hours, and yes - he gets paid for it. But still...

Back when I worked for the company, every employee received a $50 bonus (minus taxes, of course). Then they gave turkeys away for a few years. Now they do nothing. It kinda grinds on me when a major oil company gives their employees NOTHING and the CEO makes oodles and gobs of money.

I don't think employers owe their employees anymore than a safe place to work and a paycheck. It is nice to feel appreciated but to EXPECT a gift or bonus is wrong I think. Many people spend money at the holidays thinking their boss will give them a bonus big enough to cover it. It is great if a boss gives them a gift or money if the boss want to but the employee shouldn't expect it.

If you really don't want anymore coffee cups, just leave it at work in your office unused. They will see that you don't use/want it and more than likely you won't get another one next year.

Karen, as to the coffee cup.....well they gave you something! Thats what you want isn't it, to be remembered. I just think it's a little ungrateful sounding of you to then complain about WHAT they gave you.
Maybe you should just be grateful they remembered you and not complain about what they remembered you with.

As I suggested earlier, maybe you could donate the cups to a homeless shelter or a battered women's shelter and everyone would feel better.
I am sorry you feel you are not more appreciated.
Smile more and expect less.

I worked at a university for 21 years and most of the time the employees got nothing. Zero, zilch, zip. What really frosted me was that in most offices the employees all contributed to a gift for the boss but the employees got nothing. I would have been thrilled to get a $100 gift card. If I got unwanted coffee mugs every year I would just give them to Goodwill or some other charity instead of dwelling on how much I didn't like coffee mugs.

My husband and I both worked for a major international oil-well services company. There was no holiday bonus. No gift-giving was allowed for any reason (international company, too many holidays).

When I left and worked for a small company, the bonus was determined by how long one had worked.

I still think expecting a gift is unreasonable.

I also think coffee cups really *stink* as a gift, LOL. My good friend, a teacher, gives away at least 20 coffee cups each year. If everyone gives them, well, they mean nothing.
Get an imagination!

I haven't had alot of jobs but of the few I have had these are my experiences.. 1st one was family business, we did 1 weeks pay and xmas party out at a restaurant and business picked up the tab.. those days are over and my brother has employees to his house for food/drink. No weeks pay or dinner out... 2nd job, don't remember but nothing stands out.. probably a token gift if anything. The current job I have and will be leaving soon I have never rec'd any bonuses, gifts, GC from my company or my several bosses. And I have to say I never expected one. If I had rec'd one that would have been great but I never once expected anything, nor did I feel slighted. On occasion one of the suppliers would bring in chocolates or fruit basket at xmas time to me and I thought it was wonderful but again, because they did it last year but not this year did not phase me one bit. I am soon starting a new job so obviously holidays are a long way off but I have absolutely no expectations from anyone...

And I will say, with no disrespect, that every job requires lots of "emergency" problems rectified... I think that's half of my job. I understand your disappointed but truly, you have too high expectations... you should be thrilled for the GC and the other things you rec'd. And to be honest, I am getting tired of the whole gift giving pressure that surrounds me at xmas... where does the line stop? How many people do I really have to buy for... every person I work with, every delivery person, extended family.

I think you would be much happier if you could just view the things you did get as blessings and have no expectations from here on out...just my opinion....

I still can't see expecting to get gifts from co-workers, just because your job involves doing things for them.

I also make copies, send out packages...all sorts of things for the people in my office.
These things aren't personal favors...they're part of working together.

All we exchange is Holiday greetings...I would be embarassed if anyone felt that they had to buy me a gift.

I understand completely, samkaren. One year my boss gave me a coffee cup with HIS name and HIS picture on it!! Oh joy, like I want to think of him or see any more of him than at work! LOL

LOL @ mammie! Now THAT one wins the award for most thoughtless gift! HOW FUNNY!

I worked over 25 years for one of the major hospitals in our city - I don't remember ANY gifts, or bonuses of any kind at any of the other jobs I had before this one, but the hospital did give us a small frozen turkey at Christmas for years, then switched to a $10.00 gift certificate to a local grocery, and it was "suggested" that we could donate that certificate to the food bank! I agree with janemarie5 about the out-of-hand gift-giving associated with this holiday. The commercialism of the season has really gotten out of hand - so sad!

There are only two reasons that I can think of for doing things for others at work.

1. That is what I am paid to do; and
2. I enjoy doing things for others.

Either way I am compensated. Either with my paycheck, or with the "good feeling" I get for doing things. And yes, I often do things that are not expected of me because either I happen to be the one who knows how to do it, or because I happen to have the time. By the way, it's a small office, and others do the same.

I've been working for my present employer for 7 years. For the first four years we got a Christmas bonus of cash, which was appreciated. For the last three, instead of a bonus, he has treated us to lunch at a very expensive restaurant instead. He spent about a fifth on my lunch of what he would have given me as a bonus (to me, a sinful amount to spend on a lunch). A couple of my coworkers complain about how our bonus has turned into lunch and have talked about mentioning it to him. While I would rather have the money, I wouldn't dream of saying anything to him about it. A bonus or gift, in my opinion, is something which you should never expect. And if the gift you receive is not to your liking, there are many ways to deal with it, but complaining about it isn't the best way.

I know this may sound a little preachy, but gift giving during the holidays has become an ugly thing, in my opinion. We don't have a lot of money, but we give each other plenty of gifts. However, we don't make gift giving a huge part of our celebrations. All during the year we give each other things. Sometimes just tokens. But they are unexpected and tell the other person that you are truly thinking of THEM and not just giving them something because the holiday dictates they do so. And often we just do things for each other. I know all of you do that - but you fail to recognize that those ARE gifts. Gifts of time and of love. THAT, in my opinion is what a gift is. And if you begin to expect those things (take them for granted), then you have let yourself become spoiled and have spoiled it for the gift giver as well.

Off my soapbox now.

Samkaren, since this happens on a consistent basis, maybe you should adjust your expectations. Workplaces and their employees obviously differ widely when it comes to gift-giving. I'm always putting out fires at my job (seems that IT is like that). Think of Tina Fey in the American Express commercials - that's pretty much what most of my days are like. I've worked for several companies & only a times have I received gifts directly from individuals, especially other managers. If gifts are exchanged, it's usually between individuals who work closely together. The marketing director & I did go together & get a small gift for the admin. asst. in our office. Each of us also got small gifts for our individual asst. All employees got small gift cards from the company. I didn't receive anything individually from my supervisor (the pres) or from other members of executive management, even though I do a lot of work for all of them. I didn't expect anything from them. Maybe it you wouldn't be disappointed if you adjust your expectations. Just because they didn't give you a Christmas gift doesn't mean they don't appreciate you. On the other hand, perhaps they don't appreciate you. Most of us have at least some people we work with who don't appreciate us & take us for granted. As you said, working with the people who do appreciate you makes a big difference in your work.

Well I worked as a nurse in a hospital for 32 years. At first they gave us a free meal in the cafeteria on Christmas and New Years Day if we worked. Believe me it was not much unless you enjoy turkey roll. Then they changed it so that you got the free meal only if you worked the day shift. Those of us that worked nights simply lost out. We usually organized our own pot luck party.

I have to admit being a bit jealous when I saw the heard of the huge bonus checks that my BIL would get at Christmas time. I saw a news piece on Christmas tipping for housecleaners, hair dressers, babysitters, mailmen etc. and was quite astonished at the great tips that are expected to be given to everyone. All I can say is WOW! I should have been in another profession!

Samkaren, since this happens on a consistent basis, maybe you should adjust your expectations. Workplaces and their employees obviously differ widely when it comes to gift-giving. I'm always putting out fires at my job (seems that IT is like that). Think of Tina Fey in the American Express commercials - that's pretty much what most of my days are like. I've worked for several companies & only a times have I received gifts directly from individuals, especially other managers. If gifts are exchanged, it's usually between individuals who work closely together. The marketing director & I did go together & get a small gift for the admin. asst. in our office. Each of us also got small gifts for our individual asst. All employees got small gift cards from the company. I didn't receive anything individually from my supervisor (the pres) or from other members of executive management, even though I do a lot of work for all of them. I didn't expect anything from them. Maybe it you wouldn't be disappointed if you adjust your expectations. Just because they didn't give you a Christmas gift doesn't mean they don't appreciate you. On the other hand, perhaps they don't appreciate you. Most of us have at least some people we work with who don't appreciate us & take us for granted. As you said, working with the people who do appreciate you makes a big difference in your work.

Oops, sorry about the double post.

Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed

"Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."

AMEN!!

In my line of work, salaried graphic designer, long hours, emergency projects, late nights and weekends, are the norm. None of which I get any extra pay. I work for many more than 30 people, and was thrilled when a couple managers handed me a gift card for Christmas. It never even occured to me to wonder why we hadn't been remembered by the others. We did our job and that was that.

As far as the coffee cups go. I say take the 11 coffee cups you got over the years and put them on display, either make it look like a collection or sit them right on your desk next to the coffee cup you use daily to point out the fact that you just don't need another. Or, even better, get a personalized cup that says on it "Karen's favorite, one and only coffee cup". That might drive the message home. :-)

Jodi-

Personally (as one who already has an overflow of coffee cups) I say accept it with grace and say thank you. I keep my mugs and when I use them I think of who gave it to me. I do have favorites - the rose mug my niece passed onto me, my CBC mug - a prize from a radio contest, my Christmas mug - from the Salvation Army ....... I think of who gave them to me and just carry on. I have donated several bags of mugs over the years to thrift stores, relatives, friends.....seems there is always someone who can use and appreciate the gesture. Just MHO. Budster.

I got rid of my excess of Christmas cups this year by putting gift cards in them, and then in a gift bag. As long as they are not around here yet,I'm happy! They were all very nice, but had accumulated.

I don't understand the need for a monetary confirmation of appreciation above and beyond a salary. For me, just tell me THANKS once in awhile, and mean it. That keeps me going for weeks.

My current job is tier 1 support for three systems used 24x7 by about 500 employees across the country. My office hours are 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. ... and yet there are workers on 2nd & 3rd shift who would wait up to 24 hours to do their jobs, if I didn't monitor my emails & phone messages in the evenings and early mornings & take care of their requests right then. I routinely work 50 - 60 hours a week and get paid for 40 of them.

I didn't even get a 'thank you' from my boss before leaving on Christmas vacation... which, btw ... I've already worked over 20 hours (unpaid) to handle emergencies that have cropped up.

But I enjoy helping others, and I know that the workers who rely on me, truely appreciate what I do. So the job itself is a good fit for me, even if the boss isn't.

You should just be glad you have a job. In our area where it relies on the rv factory's for work,there are a lot laid off this time of year. In the next town a factory is closing down as of Tues. put another 150 with out work and with the rv slow this time of year it could be sometime before they can find a place of employment. Four years ago we were in there place. A week after Christmas we got a call from DH's place of employment they were closing there doors in two weeks. So yes just be glad you have a job.

i agree with most. Your expectations are WAY too high.

This reminds me of a situation years ago when I listened to a dear friend's husband rant and rave over a deal his union was trying to make with the factory where he worked. He went on and on: "I give them the best years of my life and what do they want to give me?? Nothing! No bonuses, no more days off, etc., etc." While I was sitting there thinking -- gee, didn't you get PAID all those years? What the heck are you complaining about?

(no offense to union members - I am just trying to illustrate the entitlement issues some people seem to have)

I think samkaren was simply venting like the rest of us do from time to time. I used to gripe about what my MIL gave us EACH and EVERY Christmas, and in my case, I wasn't even expecting anything good from her. It being something totally awful was the given. LOL

I work for a non profit - so the Christmas haul varies wildly from year to year depending upon how we've done donationwise. I'd prefer it if they just skipped the whole thing. During the dotcom boom we'd have a big, fancy, catered party with major donors. One year we got a $100 bonus. The next year we all had to take a 20% pay cut. Since the pay cut year, we've gotten a mug or t-shirt and hors d'oeuvres with the boss.

I can't get enough coffee cups. They roll around in DH's truck until they break. I have stopped nagging him to bring his cup inside at the end of the day and no way am I'm digging around in that nasty truck. Friends and family usually bring me cups as souvenirs from their travels.

My sister works as a pharmacist in a national chain drug store. Every Christmas they give her a gift basket filled with products they get for free from the manufacturers. Stuff like bath products, hair products, teddy bears,candy. Not much but at least she re-gifts a lot of the stuff to me! When I was working, the boss gave us employees a holiday party, catered food, hero sandwiches, sodapop and punch. Anyone who wanted to exchange little gifts did so on their own. I never expected anything, but occasionally a co-worker would give me a pair of gloves or something similar.

we've always sent the mechanics at dh's work, plus office staff, christmas cards...i guess the other sales staff never did, and wow! the thank you's we recieved, were very nice! it certainly didn't take that long to address 40 cards...

No one should EXPECT a gift from anyone for any reason. If you don't feel appreciated, find another job. I wonder why you think you need gifts to make you feel appreciated. Doesn't a nice "thank you" work for you? You are an employee and nothing more. An employer is not expected to give you anything other than pay you for your work. I also wonder what your employer(s) would think of you knowing that you don't feel apppreciated unless they buy a gift for you. I just think its pathetic that you feel that way. I also agree that you need to adjust your expectations. Just my opinion.

I would just be grateful for what was given to you.
My husband retired after 22 years in the Army....he was NEVER given a bonus or gifts...etc... My husband never once complained about not getting a bonus or a gift from the military because it was his job. He was getting paid to proform a service not to receive a gift at Christmas time. His gift was getting paid every two weeks for the job that he did.

A lot of people although they may make money have big families to take care of and support and buy Christmas for as well.

My husband now works at Hobby Lobby Part time while going to college full time. He was given a $20 bonus minus taxes. And then the employees did a gift exchange NOT to exceed $10. He received an AWESOME Military History Dictionary Book and then out of the blue his boss that he used to work with (he received a promotion and is now head of his own department) got him a gift basket from cracker barrel of coffee, pancake mix, and syrup...just AWESOME.

She didn't expect anything in return from him. She said the pancake mix was for my kids and they throughly enjoyed it.

SamKaren, give it up already. The more you try to explain yourself, the more selfish you appear.

I too have listened to your annual complaints about not getting all good stuff you thought you were entitled to.

Just a few months ago you started a post about odd gifts people have received, and you volunteered that you got a coffee mug with stale candy and a coffee mug with socks fit for a child.

Frankly, keeping score of the things people give you makes you seem greedy. Assessing how each person could have chipped in a buck for you - it makes you seem avaricious.

And one last note - the head of your radio station didn't pass up on a great collection. He passed up on the opportunity you so generously gave him to buy your collection.

Minor difference, but your spin on it is somewhat revealing.

I agree with frostedc......they are the true blessed. This year we were totally blessed with Brians bonus and no we do not expect it....trust me this is more then some make in a year....it is a hubby/wife owed business and they prospered well and lived true to the belief of Pass it On...and they did! Next year we may get nothing...but we don't expect nothing we just want a job still! Stacy

I get lots of Christmas mugs with my job as a teacher, too. I give the extras to the local animal shelter who makes up mugs of doggie treats to sell at Christmas for fundraising. Perhaps, as others have mentioned, you could pass your cups on to a worthy cause.
If this is so upsetting to you, perhaps you should no longer bake for the other departments. It doesn't seem like you are experiencing the joy of giving which is the whole point.
Sorry to get on your case, but you brought the subject up again.

Gotta agree with tally......the more you try to explain the deeper you dig yourself in.
Your comment, 'I just feel that the other departments could have given me something...even if they chipped in $1 each to get me a gift card' kind of tells it all. Why should they?
You for sure need to rethink your situation there and your expectations! If you don't you are just setting yourself up to be disappointed at every holiday and occasion.
And, realize that you are just a secretary and nothing more to most people there.
Seems like your job duties, your presence and your cd's are a whole lot more important to you than those you work with.

SamKaren,
Maybe you can think of it this way - what if they all gave you the gifts you received together, as a group? I think $120 and a coffee mug would have sounded pretty darn good coming from only 30 people. You wouldn't have felt that one group only thought you were worth a coffee cup and the other didn't think of you at all. It's all the same but maybe that would make you feel better.

I didn't want to respond, thinking surely I am missing something and just not getting your point. The subject line lead me to expect an explanation, but I don't find one. I hoped someone else would say, but I don't think I've read it yet. I also didn't want to appear to be attacking you, so I wish you'd look at the situation differently. You are talking about 30 people who are your co-workers. They are not the owners of the university. They're not even your superiors, so I don't understand expecting co-workers to gift you for doing your job just like they do theirs. I do understand a secretary to expect a gift from her boss, but how many secretaries also expect gifts from other secretaries, file clerks, janitors, every individual in the whole department? Or in your case, every individual in all four departments? You are talking about each and every one of them? You didn't say the one person who is over these departments (the division dean or whatever), nor did you say the four department heads. You really expect a gift from all the 30 people? I do not understand this. These people simply accepted a job just like you did - with no one under their command and with no accountability to your performance. They have their own performance to worry about, and they also have their own family and friends for whom to buy Christmas gifts. Nothing is sparing this year. They pay the same for gas, heating, electric, groceries, etc. that you pay. Actually, they pay more because they have families. If I'm not mistaken, you don't have children, right? So, how many bills were supposed to be short their accurate amount? How many Christmas dinner tables should have had a smaller turkey or been short a few guests? How many 6 year olds were supposed to be less that one gift they really wanted so that mom/dad could buy for a co-worker, who is in need of nothing and for whom they are not responsible?

Well said Bestlawn. Samkaren, you need to just think about your job duties and what you were hired for, not what 30 other people owe you. Have you let your job performance slide on the 2 departments who you feel slighted you? I hope you just put this behind you and adjust your expectations. Do your job the best you can and be satisfied.

Have you ever felt that your glass was "half full" or has it always been "half empty"???????????

If one of my "superiors" (meaning: higher-ups in the food chain at work) told me several times to expect a gift ... and the time for gift-exchanging came & went I was left out ... I'd be puzzled/hurt and trying to figure out what was going on. Maybe I'd even rant a bit to a non-work group of friends. Oh well. Thank goodness not everyone is like that boss, in any of our lives (hopefully).