Patricia, My Mother died the same exact way as yours. She had been suffering with a stiff neck for a couple of weeks. On Monday (June 4, 2007) she went to the hospital to get it checked. On Wednesday (6th) we found out she had liver cancer. It had spread to her adrenial glands, lungs and into her neck. On Sunday (10th) she was gone. She too went peacefully in her sleep. I know what you went through, she went really fast. Although this is all still new to me, I too feel your pain. Grieving is not easy for me right now. I smelt saukraut (sp?) the other day and thought it was kind of funny as I was driving down the road. I close my eyes and see her smiling face but yet I can not cry. Her services are this coming week end (17th/18th) and she is being buried on my son's (her grandson's) birthday. He is taking it so hard, but there is nothing I can do. I have talked till I was blue in the face and can not gt my brother to budge. I just hope I have the strength to go through this. With God's help we wil get through this. Here is a link that might be useful: Mother's Memorial

Came over here to see what's going on and saw my old post. It has been seven months since my DSIL passed away. I'm still talking to my brother at least a couple of times a day. His grandson just left last night from spending the weekend with him and he said it was rough seeing him go. The last week or so has been really rough on him and neither of us really has a clue as to why. I'm hoping when spring gets here and he can get out more things will look a little brighter for him On a totally diferent note, the strangest thing happened a couple of months ago. A car pulled up in his driveway and he went to the door. There stood a couple that my brother knows, but not well. They ran a local florist and my SIL knew them a lot better than my brother did. Anyway, they were on their way home directly from the man having been in the hospital. When he opened the door the man was crying. He told him, "I know you're gonna think this is crazy but I absolutely could not go home without stopping to see you. I promised that I would. While I was in the hospital I coded and they had to bring me back. During that time I saw (my brother's wife) and she told me, "You're gonna be okay and you're going to get to go home. Please, when you see (my brother's name) give him a big hug from me and please tell him how much I love him and always will!" My brother said that he and his wife were both just sobbing. Now, whether or not he actually saw my SIL, or not, is not important. As my brother and I said, the fact that this man felt so strongly about what he needed to do was a message from her. My brother was, of course, both saddened and comforted by what the man did. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you going through the loss of loved ones - may you find comfort in your memories.

My no BS suggestion. Either the problem can be fixed or it can't, but you don't yet know what it is. He may be a homosexual, in which case you can't fix it. Or, he may have a sexual interest that he is too embarrassed to tell you about. Figure it out -- you need to snoop on his computer or into his stash of porn and find out what it is that gets his motor going. It may be something you can use. It is still fantasy, and your reality can push it aside. Given his sweet personality, I would guess that his proclivities are on the submissive side, but he does not have the guts to come out to you. There are lots of ways a woman can tap into that without degrading yourself (just sift on the web past the degrading over the top male fantasy stuff, and find folks who have wrestled with your issue in a real relationship). If he is sincere, the first thing he needs to do is stop self-pleasuring. Within a few days you will look pretty good to him, but if he is getting his release apart from you that will completely dampen his ardor. This could well be a porn addiction case. Take away his computer privileges. Figure out if he is paying for porn sites. Be aggressive - you have a right to be mad, but you can save your marriage if it is saveable. Even if you figure out that his tastes are something you cannot abide, that will make it easier to move out. There are plenty of men that would love to love you, and in your 50s the quality of the men might be better even where their sexual prowess is less than 25 years before.

I don't know why you allowed this to go on for 5 years!! I could see for the first year of a relationship not being around the guys kids. But after 5 years, 3 of which you lived with him and saw his kids in your home often!! I think it is enough already!!! If this guy is serious about you he should stand up to his ex and allow you at the kids functions with him. Though if you have been together 5 years and he is not doing so and has not married you I see red flags. Sounds like you are good enough to live with and do married things with, but not good enough to bring to his kids functions. I would sit down and have a long talk with him about where the relationship is going and let him know how much this hurts your feelings. If you are a part of his life you should also be allowed to be a part of his childrens lives. If he is not going to allow you to do so then I would honestly leave and find someone else!