It's a good time to stop gifting altogether. So you give your friends $25, for example, and they give you $25? How silly. Just explain that you are strapped this year, and it's a good time to just back off to cards only. Make an effort to find the funniest/most sentimental/most pious card, whatever fits you, and keep that as a new tradition.

Or donate $25 to a charity in your friends' name, and request they do the same for you.

Any time a relationship is based on gifts and I'm not talking charity.... it's time to stop. If the relationship continures then you have a relationship based on something MORE than money. :0) From what you said....everything will be just fine! Good move!

I agree. It's come to that in my family too. We don't need any new "things" and end up just exchanging amounts of money. It's silly. I would rather have their company for awhile than anything they can buy. Still, one year I went the route of donating to a charity in their name and it didn't go over very well. It's a tough season and I'm always sorry it's so stressful. It should be a fun time, but often is not.

Your friends are probably feeling the same way you do and will appreciate your taking the initiative. Just be honest and say you're a little strapped for cash this year and would like to discontinue this tradition .... you're sure they will understand and you hope they have a very Merry Christmas. Keep it simple.

Could you contact the hotel directly, and make some sort of prepaid reservation using your visa/mastercharge? Could it an open date such as from June 15,2011 thru July 15,2011 or when ever your friends can go?
Other than that, I agree with some of the others, due to the economy we are not exchanging gifts this year, just letters and pictures or???

Yes, mariend, that would be my suggestion as well, exchange family pictures. If they are good friends they should appreciate this as well. Too many people hurt themselves financially giving things that are unnessary and unneeded.

Then just tell them we aren't doing it this year, its time to stop. Why are people afraid to say that. We aren't going to do it, its expensive for others, that couple shouldn't be spending their money on you when they might lose a salary.

Oh, please, end the madness! Tell them you want to stop exchanging gifts, and they will probably be relieved!

I had to cut off both huge family and friends many years ago. I can't afford to spend $1000+ per year, which it would be with all the relatives and friends.

Send a letter with well-wishes. Exchanging gifts or money with friends is just stressful, and not rewarding in the least.

I do buy a small hostess type gift if invited to a party or dinner over the holidays - but my limit is about $15.

Take the first step and tell them you would feel more comfortable exchanging Christmas cards and getting together for coffee and dessert at your house....or their house instead of giving gifts.
I sent a Christmas card to my sister in law telling her it was time to stop exchanging gifts. My brother died about four years ago and my SIL never calls, even when she is visiting in my area, doesn't answer e-mails and still refers to me as Gene's little sister. And she has known me for over 55 years.
So, it was time.

The bottom line is you are just exchanging money... that's why I've kind of always been against gift cards for people that are financially able. I never really considered them a "thoughtful" gift. When an exchange has gotten to that point, I figure why bother?

With that being said, why do people still want to exchange money, gift cards, gift cert.? Well, first it makes them feel like they are giving you something... but I think it's also because it gives them a real reason/excuse to go out an be able to buy something themselves with the card you get them. Think about your friends... if you didn't get the gift cert. maybe they just wouldn't go on the trip afterall. Think about that Best Buy gift cert you got for someone... they get to go and buy something...something they may not have gotten otherwise...usually for at least a little over the price of the card.

A few years ago , I sent cards to people and ask them "if they wished" to pick a name off a tree and give a gift for me, as I would be doing also with thoughts of them.

Thanks for the responses. Just to clarify I live in Canada and my friends live in snow bound Scotland. We can't just get together. I send a second email asking Lisa if she got my email about putting the cash on the trees without using gift cards. We are both in a situation where every penny counts in life right now. She did not get the email so I replied with the idea all over again. We are speaking to each other on the weekend. Things just get too commercialized and we all get sucked in by this.
At any rate we'll have the chance to talk over this idea. And we can email lots of photos back and forth - which we do. I'm thinking of having them printed at a self serve kodak machine and framing my favourite ones this year and put a bow on the frame and sent a picture of that back via email.

I am getting gift cards for their preteen and teenage daughters. That is what they would like because they now shop for themselves after xmas in groups with their friends.
And I spent 7 years with 'my princesses' who I miss terribly. Friendships are not about money at all. I want the pressure off with the gift cards.

Irregardless this will be a topic of conversation this weekend.

Thank you for your comments. I do feel more comfortable with this offer.

Cheers,
Peggy

I agree that the bottom line is that you are exchanging money. However, the emotional side is that you want to give a gift to your friend. You want it to show that you care about and are thinking of them.

How about you each set aside the money discussed in earlier posts, and agree to send a postcard or handwritten note about what you did with the money and why it was important? Or do away with the money altogether, and exchange handwritten notes or letters about why your friendship is important. You can't buy the feelings those notes give to the recipient.

My friends and i stopped the gift giving about 5 years ago.We were together for lunch,and i took the floor and told them i had an idea and needed their feedback.We're all in our 60's and 70's.So i proposed we stop the GG since we all had everything we needed and if we wanted something else we all had the means to go buy it.

They were totally in agreement,said they had thought about it as well,but didn't ask cause they thought it made them look cheap.We've never looked back!!
Kathi

How about just making a phone call to your friends in Scotland - likely they'd really appreciate the sound of your voice!

Many of us are seniors and considering downsizing, as we look forward to leaving our long-term home to move into an apartment, residential home, etc.

Such an event requires disposing in one way or another, whether by an estate sale, yard sale, (which usually produces only cents on the dollar of original value per item), gifting, etc. of a lot of the things which we've accumulated over the years ...

... so adding more not-very-necessary stuff to that inventory isn't very high on our list of priorities, these days.

Though I've sometimes been accused of being "out to lunch" ...

... take me out to lunch ... or just for coffee.

Or just drop in, or invite me over, for a simple chat, without a need for stuff to stuff into our faces.

Or make a gift to charity: I'd really appreciate that more than a gift to me.

ole joyfilled

Thanks everyone for further input.

Hi Ed,

Our Scottish friends call us every other weekend because they have free international calls for a limited number of phone numbers with their Virgin telephone plan.

I feel pressured by them but they want to give us something every year. I agree with giving to the kids. As an adopted child my brother was only 2 months younger. For years he would give me a card with money and two months later I did the same to him. We often laughed about it and finally I said let's quit the postal cost of sending the same $20 through the post.

I'm tired of this since the only winner is really the credit card company. Makes absolutely no sense at all to me. I will be speaking with them this weekend and we are going to discuss this - I'm hoping to end this.

And Ed, I know you are always careful with your cash (been here under various names since GW started). We send each other a goodie box annually but that has gotten to the point with Canada post that even mailing a shoebox size of treats and things costs a super inflated ridiculous amount, twice as much as the value inside. I'd rather just send cards but this is just a start.

And I agree with the comment about sharing after wards in the year a photo or note about what we did.

I will update everyone with the outcome of my request to stop this.

Cheers,
Peggy

i'd much rather see you both save that cash, and prehaps in better times use it to meet each other in one of your respective countries...

i love photos from friends i havn't seen in years...

we havn't changed our budget for the family in a very long time and don't plan on it...the kids used to exchange gifts with each other but now just the children are gifted..they still get little fun things for the stockings...

I won't rehash what I've said in other threads but yes, stop the madness. This brainwashing of the masses that you only care about someone if you give them a gift that you shop for hours on end, pay an inflated price at this time of year, pay exorbitant shipping costs, to say nothing of the driving expenses or that lunch out while shopping that you probably didn't like that much but "had to eat" and then have it turn out they're allergic to the gift, have two already, don't like it or whatever is absolute madness. And of course they have to "be nice", rave about it and pull it out of the closet and put on the counter the time or two that you stop by so they don't hurt feelings... Craziness.

Reflect on what the season and the friendship means to you and move on. I give to people year round - why wait for a "Hallmark Holiday"? And yes, that's what Christmas has become.