Another Ha-Ha

17 years ago

I suspect that there's some truth to the following...

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

**** Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology****

**** Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!! ****

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Comments (9)

cynic
17 years ago
Ah but you forget the other issues, my friend.... Wait until you meet Frank Feldman. Don't know Frank Feldman? Let me tell you THIS little story....

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,

"Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything
right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed
a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf
with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced
like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the
piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a
computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew
all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat
them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a
fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he
could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in
traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem
to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake,
and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel
good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the
wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly
polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a
mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died. I'm married to his widow."
ronf_gw
17 years ago
Oh, these are just too funny.
I can't help but notice the ladies are hanging back on this thread.

Ron
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lydia1959
17 years ago
Well I got a good chuckle out of both of them! Thanks guys! LOL
gadgets
17 years ago
Hey, I can laugh at myself........... If you don't believe me, then 'fine' or 'whatever'.

Shirley
cynic
17 years ago
Oh yes, but there's also the BIG phrase. Need I say it? Fill in the blank:

Well, if YOU don't KNOW,_________________________!
cynic
17 years ago
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller??? :)
grinch_gut
17 years ago
LOL I am loving the Frank story!! Stacy
izzie
17 years ago
My husband hates the "loaded" questions. You did fix the ___insert item here_____didn't you?...Of course I know it hasn't been fixed/done yet.
chisue
17 years ago
These are terrific...mostly because they are so true! So...Thank you.

When you hear, "Oh, thank you. It's just what I've always wanted," don't ask how MUCH she's always wanted it. (Possibly one on a scale of 1 to 10, so don't go there.)

When she sends you to the store for something and you come back and say you couldn't find it, don't be surprised when she says, "Did you ASK for help to find it?" (Of course you didn't. That would be like asking for directions when you're lost. Oh, wait! You're never lost, are you.)