will the sand affect my pond life? Yes, but probably not a lot. Certain kinds of life, animal and plant, will make the sand home if they make it to your pond. What plant life should I add to feed my fish and welcome in other wildlife like frogs and dragonflies? That really depends on the person. I like to add any plant I can and see how it does. It stays if I like it. That's how I learn. So for me I'd try any plant, and I'd try it different ways...in water, in soil, in sun, in shade, etc., to learn how it grows. Duckweed is a plant fish will eat directly, but after they've eaten it all it's gone. So if you want an on going duckweed food source you have to protect some or easier imo is growing it in a separate shallow pond. But a more important food source is all the life in a pond, mainly insects. They eat the plants and the fish eat the insects. So all plants really feed fish indirectly. Dead, rotting plant material feeds insects the best. But many people don't like that in their pond...so it's really best to decide what kind of pond you want...Wildlife Pond, Water Garden or Koi Pond. That determines how plants are used. You can try one and if you don't like it you can change to another pretty easy or some pond in between. the water looks a little murky. (BONUS QUESTION) Is there any way to clean that up? It's pretty simple to clear up water but only after you know what's causing it to be murky which is the complex part. There are lots of filters and methods to removing different things so the filter has to be matched to the stuff being removed. One pretty universal murky clear is a 24/7 drip water change system. A drip emitter runs 24/7 into the pond and an overflow takes away the extra water. I plan on heading over to a local park nearby and yanking out a couple of cattails and whatever else I find interesting, I highly doubt it's illegal and the poor little stream that leads to the enormous carp pond is choking with all the vegetation. (OH! I know that these plants will probably have other bacteria and algae and critters on or in it, is there any way to clean them without killing them? There are chemical baths you can use, including chlorine and similar oxidizers. They aren't super effective imo. The question is do you want to do that or are all these critters something you want? You see this goes back to deciding what kind of pond you want. A Koi Pond owner with thousands of dollars worth of koi would never allow any plant within 10' of their pond. Their focus is koi and the risk of pathogen form plant would be unacceptable. At the other end of the pond spectrum a Wildlife Pond owner would welcome all those "pathogens". It's a matter of perspective. To these pond keepers "pathogen" is just another name for "life". That's what natural ponds are, life. Stuff killing and eating other stuff. I want to make sure the plants are settled before getting fish, but I heard that a certain string? Algae is a pain to get rid of, does that grow in zone 9?) You don't get rid of algae, you control it. Just like you weed a garden. Algae grows in all zones, from the poles to the equator. There are thousands of species. ...since I live in zone 9 in one of the cities that borders the Rio Grande, Does anyone have any recommendations for the type of plants I might want to scavenge for, how to transport and transplant them from the stream into my pond, and what no-no plants I should try to avoid? Giant Reed, Arundo donax, is a spectacular plant you can probably find. It's an aggressive grower, makes bamboo look like Pussy Willow. I don't believe there is such a thing as a no-no plant. They're plants, you're a human. I have to assume you can win any battle. Ponds are just like any garden. If you tend it you win. If you go away and come back in a year the plants win. (If I find any I kind of want some duckweed... is this a no-no plant? Will keeping the growth at bay turn into an overwhelming hassle for my medium-small sized pond?) Depends on how much hassle you consider keeping a pond is. For me it's a joy. And whether your fish.eat it. I want goldfish!! I hear commits are really friendly, but what other species can I add? Can someone supply a list? Oh, and how many can I add? (I was thinking about 6-8 fish total) Common, Comets, Shubunkin, Wakin. The fancy kinds can look a little out of place. I've had some of these because friends need to get rid of "pets" sometimes. They look a little odd to me when mixed with other kinds. Like when you feed them the others swim over fast and the Fantail seems to struggle to swim 10'. But the fancy ones seemed to do fine but need exact protection from streams, skimmers, etc., as they're not strong swimmers.. The Common, Comets and Shubunkin are also often crossed. Like a Comets and Shubunkin to get a Shubunkin with a long tail. Commons get the biggest, more than 12" and over 3' sometimes although these may be koi crosses. (Even numbers so they can have a buddy system, but not like Nohas ark, they can only be friends!! No babies!!... okay maybe a few so I can add them to future smaller water features around the garden...) You can post a sign explaining breeding rules but goldfish are either not very good readers or not very good rule followers (even worst than teenagers). which leads me to the after thought question... Can different species of goldfish mate? I mean.. they are still goldfish... Yes. When different kinds of goldfish breed the result is considered a goldfish too. Goldfish can also breed with koi. I know that bottom feeders won't eat all the gunk that will eventually fill the bottom, (I can't blame them) But are there any fish that I can add that will eat the bottom pellets? (Like catfish maybe, or something cooler/cuter) Pellets, as in sinking food pellets? Goldfish, koi, catfish, pretty much any fish will eat food on the bottom. There are terms like "bottom feeder" but that's just a general type thing. Like catfish will spend most of their time on the bottom but will eat food on the surface just like a goldfish or koi. And they will come a running when they see you just like goldfish and koi. As for gunk...bacteria lives there, bugs too which eat the bacteria, bigger bugs that eat the smaller bugs and fish root around in there looking for bugs to eat. It's a whole cycle thing. Gunk on the pond bottom is basically soil, or stuff on it's way to becoming soil. Nothing removes it completely, just like nothing removes soil completely. Stuff lives in it, eats some growing in it, breaks it down into better and better soil (from a plant's perspective). Oh, and is Walmart a smart place to buy these babies at? (I'm sure most are familiar with the store...) My only other option is PetCo... Are they a good option? I don't want to buy bad fish... but I would feel terrible if I had to take a fish back because it was sick or it got the others sick... There not really anything like a "good" store to by goldfish. Here's how it wroks. The store orders fish from a grower. The grower has a bunch of ponds with different kinds of fish. The grower puts a bunch of fish into a box and sends it to the store. The store dumps the box of fish into a big tank. An employee gets a net and scoops out a few of the the prettier fish and puts these into separate tanks. Like for instance some Shubunkins would go into a tank labeled "Shubunkin $4.95". And some orange and white Comets will often be labeled "Sarasa $4.95" even though they aren't actually Sarasa. The rest in the big tank are labeled "Feeder Goldfish 20 for $1". When customers buy $4.95 fishes the clerks grab a net and scoop a few more nicer looking fish out of the feeder tank and into the $4.95 tanks. People just assume when they see 10 fish in a nice aquarium at eye level that they must be higher quality and healthier fish than the horrible feeder fish tank. It's just marketing and logistics. You can often find very nice looking Shubunkins and Comets in the feeder tank. It just depends on what they get in. Growers don't care since it's just as easy to grow Commons or Comets or Shubunkins. They'll send whatever they have. The fancy goldfish may be shipped in separate containers. This is not to say all fish are healthy. In my experience 50% of feeder fish died in the first 24 hours. And in most stores they also don't last long either. Yes, you can quarantine them, you can treat them for parasites, etc. Depends on the kind of pond you want to keep. Most ponds I've had I only used feeder goldfish. Set up a quarantine tank and buy $10 worth of meds to treat $1 worth of fish...not me. I just put them into the pond and hope for the best. But that's me. I do want to hand feed my fish. I know the risks of them getting hurt by other animals but I have 3 small dogs that scare away all cats and wild animals, but are really just yapping balls of harmless fur. Pretty much all kinds of fish can be trained to be hand fed. Takes them a few times to get the idea but once they do they're trained. The 3 small dogs...I hate to impugn the K9 reputation for diligence but all that yapping..yeah, that's mostly for your benefit. When you're not around and the Herons are having brunch the dogs are really unlikely to do more than blink at the carnage. The Herons aren't hurting anything...it's not like they're doing something horrible like squeezing a squeaky toy. They're just eating all of your fish. Big woop. Now if the dogs happen to hear you at the front door then sure, they'll be off like a rocket to tear that Heron a new beak, jumping through plate glass windows, busting down doors, whatever it takes to impress you and keep those treats flowing.

I'm basically unemployed right now which means I'm at home a fair bit and we are living on-site while the reno is being done. The routine is...the GC either calls or comes by each morning that work is scheduled and closes up 'shop' each day at the minimum. For the first phase of the job, he was on-site the greater majority of the time. Parts of the job, there was no need for him to stand around watching, like plumbing and electrical but he always came by to check the work and give his approval before paying for the work. Most often, I am at home... holed up in my bedroom with the door shut while the workers are on-site. Around noon, I have lunch with hubby, run errands after and then be back home by 3:30 to 4:00p to get an update and discuss the next day/s schedule. After everyone is gone, I walk the site and review in my own mind all the placement and function of the outlets, remeasure, etc. to see if it all matches up to my specs. Even though I like my GC and trust his judgment, it's my kitchen and ultimately up to me to follow through. In doing one of my little walk-arounds, I caught a four inch spacing error. Thank goodness it was still in sheet-rock phase....that had I not, I would have had a disappointing, visual, off-centered mess. My ventpipe was four inches off-center which a lot of people might not notice, but I sure would and I don't think I would be able to live with it. One thing, being on-site or easily accessible, makes it easy for my GC to seek immediate clarification and get on with the job. Stay warm! Pepper ~ Waiting now.

Set up the husband with with a local laundry service. A relative was in the hospital a few weeks last year, and another family member started laundry service for her husband. Afterward, he claimed how nice it was to have his favorite, comfy clothes clean and available to wear to sit with his wife in the hospital, and not have to worry about going home to change loads from the washer to dryer, etc. (And when his wife finally came home, there weren't piles of dirty laundry waiting for her, either.) Meal arrangements depend upon her status, and whether the husband is available to be at home for a drop-off. At this point, if the wife is still in critical care and he's spending most of his time at the hospital, perhaps a gift card to a local deli would be welcome (and one that delivers, in case he wants a non-hospital meal while still at the hospital).

Diane, You mentioned more than once that you wish the older daughter that has you so unhappy, would be consistent toward you. If she were consistent with you, you would be better able to cope with her. You would have a better idea about what to think of her and how to respond, etc. Is this a good summation? This girl's behavier could be simply normal. Please don't attack me--let me explain why I think that. (I don't like the word normal--when referring to people--but I don't know a better word without going into some long monologue.) One day a kid will enjoy silly games, and the next day sees silly games as babyish. One day a girl will want a cell phone and the next day rant for a popsicle. I've noticed this kind of thing with girls much more than with boys. Maybe you have some very good examples. Maybe this girl has passed this stage. You described a girl that knows how to be sweet to you when you are doing something that she likes, but will show serious disrespect at other times. The bad part, on your part, is that you are responding with feelings that show you take her behavier personal. I can hear you saying, 'of course!'. I don't want to say that you are not partly responsible for the way the girl thinks of you and it would be accurate to take some behaviers personal, but I'll bet there is much more to her behavier than what you are responsible for. If you want to respond better, then you need to understand her better and how the two of you are relating to each other (counseling). Just because you go out to work and provide for the family, shop, do laundry, etc., etc., etc., children do not think of you as you think of yourself. You have to get this. Same with you and your husband. Just because you think you are good at communicating (or whatever) doesn't mean that is what he thinks of you. Your identity seems to be wrapped up in how people treat you. When that goes on, then you end up feeling like a yo-yo. You feel good if people treat you good and feel lousy if people don't respond to you the way you think they should. The person that needs to be consistent is you. Please understand that you control your behavier and what you think. Let me explain a little more. Here is a common story. A guy worked very hard at keeping his property well taken care of, his home was always kept repaired, he did a great many chores around the home--probably outworked every guy on the street. He was gone for 10/12 hours a day with his job, took care of the cooking a couple times a week, spent time studying the markets and invested his money wisely, took care of the budget, went to kid's football gamesto watch his kids in the marching band, payed for his kids to have music lessons for years and years, and all that you might think his family would appreciate, and hardly ever did anything that was relaxing--except have a few beers once in a while. His family liked him, or at least he thought they did, and everyone seemed to like their life. All seemed fine. One day this hard working, great guy gets an envelope delivered to him--one Saturday. Beautiful day! Guess what he was being served--yup! His sweet wife that he had been pampering and running his butt off for since day one was having him served with papers. Why? She didn't get enough attention and she found the kind she wanted some place else. Something called mental cruelty. No joke--he didn't think that his life being screwed with was anything he ever deserved. He didn't know that he didn't know his wife; he didn't know that he didn't know his kids. He didn't know that he was just making himself happy. Whatever. He didn't know he was self-absorbed. He just thought that he was doing all the things a good husband, provider, and father should do. So while he felt pretty good about himself--his family were strangers to him. Should you feel sorry for this guy or for his family? I'm only trying to make the point that the way you see yourself may not be the way you are perceived by another person. Maybe everyone else treats you ok, but this one person does not--and the rejection or whatever you want to call it, is causing you too much pain. I strongly advise you to get counseling. You may be headed for some depression or some other kind of stress that will end up taking a toll on your health, your life, your job or something. If you can't get your family into counseling--then go just by yourself. You need the kind of relief that does not come by a good nite sleep, or a vacation, or by reading a good book on what goes on in the mind, etc. The kind of help you need will take time. No doubt in my mind that you will enjoy your experience and become a much happier, better person.