Who Here Has Vertigo/Need Good Thoughts for Sister
17 years ago
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- 17 years ago
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Who here has the right to feel insecure ?
Comments (12)TT, I hear that you are hurting. I suppose I'm comfortable sharing something about myself, since you asked. About two months ago, my husband shared with me that his ex fiancee had contacted him via facebook. He told me what she wrote and then told me what he'd written back. ! I was "not" okay with the fact that he had written her back, and said as much. This was a two hour discussion, stop and go. I was clear internally and externally how I felt about it, and also what I thought about it. He didn't agree with what I thought, but could NOT argue how I felt, because my feelings are my own, as are his. I wanted to know more about what he wanted from this exchange, and learned that he is curious about her and didn't want to be rude by not responding. Makes sense. My take was, this facebook business is so new to our society that we have not had the experience or time on our sides to put up boundaries around what is healthy and what is not. Now, if the same woman were to drive into town, look up our address, and walk into our house yelling "Hey there, what's up???" ....we all would clearly say, "Not appropriate." There are RULES for propriety, such as you must KNOCK, and if you werent' born in a barn you would know you should probably call first to see if it would be an intrusion. This facebook stuff is a mess. It creates all sorts of havoc, and most people don't see it when it's happening. After the two hours of discussion, I made it clear to my husband that it was anxious making for me for the two of them to continue exchanging messages, and gave the comparison of the person coming in the house, and he then agreed to stop communication with her. My part is to trust it and continue to be in tune with our relationship. Beyond that, I would be controlling and manipulative, and I choose not to live that lifestyle. Very small, insignificant story, but if you knew all of my story you would know that YES i know what it feels like to be betrayed, and YES I know what it takes to repair that. It is a long, humbling road, and many choose not to take it, and I understand why. However, there is a tremendous amount of self awareness that comes from being willing to look inward and to stop the defenses of blame, control, manipulation, and passive aggressive entrapment game playing. You could do it if you chose to - i'm here to tell you it is an option, and a good one at that. It sounds like you are saying, "I don't have any choice but this." That is not true - to paint yourself into such a box will give you an identity of "victim" for the rest of your life until you can start to challenge it. It takes guts, and it takes all you've got to lay aside those defense mechanisms. I've said this before and I'll say it again - I'm sorry you are hurting....See MoreGood Thoughts Needed
Comments (22)Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. I am sure my Aunt Joan would have been tickled pink that people were thinking good thoughts and saying prayers for her. I haven't heard anything more about my Aunt's condition but when I find out anything I will post it here. Thank you again. Anne...See MoreMy Sister Has Cancer Again!
Comments (34)You are absolutely right Anne. After 20yrs too. That's a remarkable run of such an aggressive cancer but still.... it does suck! As Heather says, she recovered quickly although I think it was day 2 post op that she went shopping! Marjorie sounds equally stoic and probably should be Heather's twin instead of me. I'm just not built with the same stuff as she is. I'd be the one asking for the morphine. I saw Heather go through chemo, surgery and then radiation virtually without complaint. She set the bar very high should I follow in her footsteps. I went with Heather for her pre-op anaesthetic visit. The anaethetist said "Don't worry - it's simple surgery! I wanted to scream at him - Simple..... for who! Compared to what your sister has gone through it may well be but when I worked with oncology children, it was often the simple stuff that seemed to them to be the last straw! They'd tolerate bone marrows/spinal taps but lose it when having blood drawn. If you don't have one - a fanny pack will make it a lot easier to have to hold the JP drains. Much easier than coiling the tubing and pinning it to your clothes. I will be thinking of your sister in the coming days. I totally understand your need not to be an active caregiver without a break. Please don't feel selfish. A worn-out caregiver whether it be physically or emotionally is just not an effective one. You are very wise to realize that ahead of time....See MoreGood Thoughts Needed for My Sister Tomorrow
Comments (28)Thank you, I let Marjorie know you are all sending prayers and good thoughts. Heather, I would be a nervous Nellie too. I would rather be put out in a minute. Yes, Shirley I will be there. They moved her surgery up so she will be going in at 11:30 am tomorrow instead of 1:45 pm. Paul is picking me up at 9:00 am and I will most likely stay until visiting hours are over at 8:00 pm It will be a long day but Paul is lending me his Ipod which has some tv shows and movies on it. I am looking forward to watching some Thin Man movies while Marjorie is being operated on and while in recovery. I am not sure how long the surgery will be. I really hope Marjorie doesn't fret too much because it isn't good for her heart and that concerns me. She wanted to make sure a crash cart was standing by. I told her of course it would be. Her heart rate isn't supposed to go over 130 bpm but most often than not it is quite higher than that when she stresses or gets excited over something. Thank you all again. I will post when I get home from the hospital. Anne...See More- 17 years ago
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