Thanks for the suggestions and appreciated the input. Agreed that one should inform his family if it's emergency. Possibility he might be suffering from early stages of dementia and I have no idea if he is seeking medical profession for that. Why, he's got symptoms like short term memory loss (cannot remember recent events), anxiety, depression, changes in his behaviour and personality. He said he has been having a gradual short term memory loss over a number of years. I know of another elderly friend and this friend too is suffering from gradual short term memory loss and the effect is gradually debilitating. It's difficult to suggest to him to go check his short term memory loss out with a doctor, as he is not one that would take advise well. So all I can do is give him a phone number of helplines here and let him sort it out himself. I will add that he is finding it hard like confused and lost with even managing his own life. He also suffers from bowel issues and must go to the toilet straight away. It's not funny because wait till you and I reached an elderly age we too would suffer from incontinence and bowel problems, therefore have some compassion and empathy. Many years ago I know of a friend's Mum she suffered from dementia for many years and no one knew about it, not even my friend and my friend's Mum's relatives. It was only a year before she passed away something was done about it. My friend after living in another country for a decade, had to make decision to come back after making the decision to live in another country for good, then returned to sort the situation out. I can inform you that my friend's Mum's condition by the time it was sorted out it was very sad, because my friend's Mum did not seek medical profession to get assistance and help years before, therefore no one knew my friend's Mum was suffering from dementia to intervene earlier.

Reading this thread makes me cry . . . How easy it is to tell someone else that it's their own fault they're being abused. People who would never think to tell a woman who was being beaten by her husband or one that had been attacked by the "nice" guy she'd been dating that they were at fault seem to have no problem turning around and telling a parent that they're just getting what they deserve if another adult who just happens to be someone to whom they contributed some DNA and whom they tried to raise as a good person is the one causing this kind of damage. I admit, I wasn't a perfect parent. I was abused as a child/adolescent/young adult by everyone from my parents to the man I thought (at the time) was the love of my life. In an effort to stop the cycle of abuse I swore never to raise my hand to my child. However, I guess I went too far the other way - in an effort to engender a sense of self-esteem, self-respect and self-love that I never felt I was overly sensitive to her needs, wants and feelings. The odd thing is that her younger sister, whom I also raised, is nothing like her. Her sister would never think of sending me to the hospital with a cracked wrist and a concussion, or calling me a disgusting b**ch or stealing my car, my money, my credit and debit cards. The older one is manipulative, cruel and narcissistic. But she has my grandson, who is a powerless, innocent pawn in her twisted view of what I "owe" her. And I can't make her move out without her taking him with her, thus leaving him homeless and vulnerable - especially when she has no one else to take her stress and anger out on once she's gone. She's never been physically abusive toward him, but I've heard the way she talks to and treats him when she's angry . . . When it's just the two of them what's to stop it from escalating? What?!? Call the police and/or social services, you say? But I/we don't have any bruises and she says we're lying and over-reacting. Charge her with theft? She lives with me and I voluntarily let her drive my car at one point so now it's not considered theft any more - they tell me to go to court and sue her to get my car back. Kick her out? And what happens to the sweet 8-yr-old boy she has in her power? And how do I pay for the windows she'll break, the car she'll trash in retaliation, the doors she'll kick in, the apartment she'll get me kicked out of with her disruptive behavior? Move? Yes, because I have hundreds or even thousands of dollars just sitting in a bank account that she hasn't stolen or manipulated out of me yet, so I can just pick up, break my lease and go somewhere else. And none of these reasons even begin to touch on the intense love I have for this woman/child to whom I gave birth and who has been part of my life longer than anyone except my parent. Or how I want her to have a better life than I did and, therefore, feel a compulsive need to protect her - even from herself. Are you a parent? Look at that infant or toddler or child sleeping so peacefully there by you and tell me you don't want to protect him / her from harm. That feeling doesn't go away just because they get bigger - maybe you learn to step back and let them fly on their own, but the impulse to protect will ALWAYS be there. So when you know that going to the police will have life-long negative consequences for him/her you hesitate. Yes, when I had bruises I called the police and pressed charges and had custody of her son removed and the positive consequences of those actions were much shorter lived than the negative. She got off drugs and straightened up, sure, but now she can't get a job because of her record. And because she can't get a job she depends on me, and because she depends on me she resents me, and because she resents me she abuses me. How do you fix that circle? Giving her more current charges only makes it worse. Thanks for judging me on top of all the stress I'm going through trying to find my way through this dark and dangerous part of my life, it's making it so much easier for me to see and negotiate my path.

I got no assistance with anything. Paid full ticket tuition on school and day care. We only had minimal health insurance because Dad kept dropping insurance, so I basically paid for all out of pocket medical (which was virtually 100%). Thank God, my kids were pretty healthy and did not need braces or have a lot of cavities either. I did not stress the importance of education at all. I stressed the importance of God, and being the best where God put you at that moment (e.g. you are a son/daughter, brother/sister, and student - strive to be the best at those things that you can be). I helped my children very little in school and let them experience failure, frustration, and humiliation when they messed up. I taught them personal responsibility. My biggest priority as far as the divorce was concerned was to keep their life as peaceful, tranquil, and happy as possible. Those are things money can't buy. I was averaging $25,000/year (sometimes as much as $32,000, sometimes as little as $18,000/year) with $500/month in child support for three children. I was self-employed so my tax rate was higher. My mortgage, taxes, and utilities ran about $1,200/month. We didn't go out to eat, go to the movies, or anything. I would sell my children's clothes to a resale shop and purchase new ones with the money. Anything we weren't using got sold in a garage sale or through the newspaper. My children were completely unaware (and don't believe it to this day) that we were living on the poverty line. In our agreement I had sole-custody and as far as college went it was whoever could afford what for college. My job gave my daughter a $2,500/year scholarship for being a National Merit Scholar. Legally I wouldn't have been responsible for anything. As far as my ex goes, he brought me back to court for everything. Taking my son to Little League (but he wouldn't), insisting my children not attend Catholic church, etc... Anything and everything he could think of. At one point over the course of two years, I was averaging court 3 times a month. My ex is a malignant narsicist sociopath. He said that my daughter should get to go to whatever school she wanted to, blah, blah, blah... Because she earned it with the grades. Forget about the debt that she had to take out etc... Forget about being a parent and looking out for the kids long term well-being (e.g. being saddled with $50,000+ debt after graduation). He just did it to undermine our relationship, alienate me from the children, seek revenge, sabatoge and destroy the children. He didn't want the kids to turn out better than the his kids from his second marriage, because it would prove him to be the liar he was. He was always asking the kids who they though was 'cooler', got my kids to smoke pot, and got my son hooked on porn. My kids hung around with good kids, were respectful, got good grades, were not behavior problems. The bad influence in my kids life was their father. The court case went no where. I just didn't go and nothing happened. Everyone hated him through the years, judges, my lawyer, and even other lawyers would come up to me. He had no leg to stand on. He's a jerk, what can I say.

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read my 3 hour post and also sending me some advice. Sometimes I just start to question myself and I do want to do what's right, so your advice really means a lot to me. Its kinda like like being able to take in a deep breath in and exhaling. I do have plenty of court documents and police reports and reports when he was ordered to visit ( when he actually did ) through family house (supervised visitation for drop offs and pick ups). My kids we/ are old enough to remember enough things to know that there was abuse. They remember some of what happened to them. My older son has unfortunately had to call the police before.I do feel in my son case its more of a control case. Like he's going to prove he's in control now. Their dad used to tell the kids it was always my fault he didn't visit. (Everything was my fault) so its kinda nice now sitting back and watching things play out as they are older and he's still not around. But it seems as though my son is trying to prove something to him. My son and I have talked and agreed that we don't speak of his dad ( unless its something he really needs to of course) but he's 29, plenty old enough to understand my feelings about him. I told him that I respect any relationship he has with his dad but that's HIS BUSINESS. So we never speak of him which is nice. But my son still has this need to run to his dad about my personal life, even some financial things. When I ask him why he tells his dad he says" well don't tell me anything anymore then". And I just think that's being very immature and disrespectful. He NEVER specks of his dads personal life, which is how it should be. So, throughout all these years I've learned that my ex husband is dedicated to hurting me but in actuality it was always the kids who suffered. Well now, its going to include the grandkids. But my two older kids are grown adults. I cannot control what they do or think. I know I raised them well, with a lot of love and with good hearts. I'm just stepping back and letting them sort out what ever it is they need to but I just know their dad is not going to be a part of my life what so ever. My goal in life is to find peace and happiness in my life. I know I'm in control of who/what is in my life to maintain that. I've worked so hard to become the stronger person than I am today than I was when I was married to that man. And I don't like going backwards. But its crazy how much it can mean to a person to get advice from a complete stranger. Because I know they are completely biased. You guys have given me a little more strength to get through my crazy life!!!!!!!! Thanks a Bunch!!!