Giving them what they want vs. what you want

18 years ago

My granddaughter, a lovely, wonderful girl in every way, is very much in touch with today's pop culture. From a young age she's had the latest cell phone, iPod, etc. Over the years I've tried to choose Christmas gifts that expand her knowledge and inspire creativity. She's very artistic, and in fact wants to major in graphic arts in college. She's a high school junior, a couple of months away from turning 17.

I suspect most of my Christmas gift choices were flops. I love to give books, but she doesn't love to read. She likes scrapbooking, so one year I gave her a subscription to a scrapbooking magazine and a gift card from AC Moore. She never spent the gift card, and probably didn't open the magazines either. That's just one example of my efforts. Buying clothes for her is always dicey because what I like might not be what she likes.

This year she and her mother (my daughter) told me all she wants for Christmas is a red and black hand-held Nintendo and the Brain Age game for it. She really doesn't want anything else because she already has so much stuff. This makes her sound rather overindulged, I know, but really, she doesn't act at all like a spoiled child. And she never said she expected me to give it to her. If I choose to give her something else, she'll be gracious about it.

My dilemma is that I want to give her something she'll use and enjoy, but I have an old-fashioned aversion to buying expensive (relatively speaking) electronic toys that simply amuse. I'd much rather do something like get theater tickets and give her an evening out with Grammy. But that, too, could be a dud.

I have the feeling it's time for me to admit abandon my mission and order the Nintendo.

What would you do?

Susan

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Comments (14)

Nita__AZ
18 years ago
I understand where you are coming from Susan but if she isn't going to use what you give her you are just throwing your money down the toilet. I would just give in and get what she really wants. Bet she will remember who gave it to her and probably thank you many times over.
Linda
18 years ago
Susan, first I'd like to say that I think its really terrific that you put so much thought into trying to get your granddaughter the right gift. As a mother of 3 teenagers, I know this is a difficult task without spending a fortune on "their wants". My own mother went thru this up until last year. I didnt really want to tell her what stores to shop in because she's on a limited income and the stores that the kids like their clothing from are expensive. My suggestion to you would be to ask her mother (Your daughter?) what clothing stores she likes. My daughter likes American Eagle, but shes a little younger. My sons GF also, 17, likes Hollister and Abercrombie.Since you are going to spend the money on the nintendo, why not give her the gift card for one of the stores the kids shop in. My kids love gift cards because they can buy what they like. I have never been too keen on giving gift cards because it requires so little thought, but that is my hangup. In the end, they get a gift they really like and they do say, "hey, look what you bought me, I love it". :)
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okwriter
18 years ago
My dilemma is that I want to give her something she'll use and enjoy...

STOP right there! First, I agree with you, Susan, about how tempting it is to give them something that we think they should like, but kids today are different. I edited a book recently on Generation Y, and it was a real eye-opener about where young people today are coming from. They obviously grew up in an entirely different world than we did, just as we grew up in a different world than our grandparents did. I never posted on the thread about giving quilt squares to kids as gifts. As endearing as that is, I can't imagine being a child and getting to look at a quilt square on Christmas morning - only to have it put away...and then getting another one next year that would be put away. As adults, we cherish them, but I doubt many kids do. Sure, they will someday, but they are only young once! If it were me (still on the quilt squares), I'd make them one each year and store it at my house and complete it when they are old enough to love and appreciate it BUT give them gifts in the meantime that they can enjoy.

In their own way, gifts like a Nintendo and Brain Age do expand their knowledge and inspire creativity - even though that is hard for us older folks to understand. I vote for "give her something she'll use and enjoy."

:-)

(Then again, I don't have kids so I am the world's best advice-giver!! LOL!)
bestlawn
18 years ago
Afraid to admit I didn't post on the quilt thread either. I know of no one promised 10 or 20 years from now and really feel Christmas and birthdays are not for the giver but the receiver. The big difference here is those are not Haley's children or grandchildren, so she chose that day to make a different kind of statement. You, on the other hand, have 363 other days of the year to impact her life, as you and I feel "gramma" and "grandmere" (in my case)should. Let her have the Christmas and birthday smiles. Those are most important.
jamielovescoffee__az
18 years ago
Remember too, that the things that expand knowledge and inspire creativity are very different for today's youth.

For example: Because of her artistic nature, you might naturally think abaout getting her art supplies. BUT, these days, an artistic nature (especially since she has expressed specific interest in graphic arts) would more likely benefit from a program like Photoshop or another graphic arts program.

I'd say that the Brain Age Nintendo thingy she wants is actually pretty educational for the world kids live in today. At least she doesn't only want Super Smash Brothers or something like that--LOL!
Toni S
18 years ago
My girls have Ds's. They are boredom breakers on long trips and where I live, almost everywhere is a long trip!

I think you'll like this Brain Age game!

Here is a link that might be useful: Brain age one and two, Red Ds
Terri_PacNW
18 years ago
I vote DS and Brain Age too..
I have a 15 year old ..he's asked for a weight bench and some free weights..
THAT'S it..Hubby's not so sure..but I am..
I've priced and found the bench and the weights I can add gradually. Just need to find a decent "safe" bench press bar.
And if he doesn't use it..I will!!! Or I should.
alisande
Original Author
18 years ago
All of you make excellent points. The mention of Photoshop reminded me of a gift I gave her earlier this year (for no occasion). She uses Photoshop when she's at my house, and I bought her a book on doing Photoshop face makeovers. That gift was a hit!

I think I'll buy the Nintendo. Thanks, everyone!
jannie
18 years ago
I have eleven neices and nephews, ranging from 17 to 30 years old. I'm giving each one cash,the gift nobody turns down or exchanges. Some of them are living on their own, some are struggling financially. Easy for me, all I have to do is find a clever delivery method. Maybe inside a maze game.
stephanie_in_ga
18 years ago
Brain Age is a great game. So it's a smart choice.

I have a 14 y/d son and I would not expect grandparents to spend that much on our kids. If they got a electronic game, it would be from us. My parents now send my teenager giftcards for clothes, since it's impossible to shop for a teenager's clothes. He has an ipod and they have also sent him giftcards to use online to download music.

The Christmas I was 16 my grandmother made a doll for me. She hand-painted the porcelain face and hands and HANDstitched the body and dress, a white Christening gown. No sewing machine, her hands were on every stitch, you can see them all neat and tidy. I remember my mother asking if I was disappointed, a doll isn't the top of most 16 y/o's wish lists and it wasn't on mine. But I was so surprised, and so in awe that she did THAT for ME, and at how long it must have taken her to do that. My grandmother told me she knew I was too old to play with dolls, that's why I was getting it then, so I would appreciate it. I still have it, I won't let my 8 y/o DD more than look at it. ;o) But she will have it someday. It has to be the single Christmas gift I remember and treasure more than any other. My grandmother passed away three years after she gave me that doll.

That's just my story. Made me think of it. It's not meant to make a point about giving or receiving gifts. It's just a memory I'm sharing.
User
18 years ago
I have a 17 year old too, and she has grown up w/ every known electronic gadget invented. Too much I think. I let her father buy those and she gives a list. I'm limited to A&F, AE or Hollister..Banana Republic for more "dressy" things. I picked up a bulletin board and I get her stuff from Bath & Body and usually follow her list, except for electronics.
cardamom
18 years ago
It got to a point that the only thing that worked was a mall gift certificate. My MIL thought that impersonal, but then, she's the one that loves to shop.

I think the Brain Age game would be good. (I think I want one!) Perhaps, for another occasion, give her a gift certificate but it has to be spent with you. That gives you an afternoon spent together and a chance to see what kind of things she looks at.

My girls as teens would have loved that but it never happened with my MIL.
User
18 years ago
Brain Age does more than just amuse. It excersizes the brain. I have 3 Brain Age type games for my DS which I play almost every day to stay alert. I have always asked my kids what they want for Christmas because I want to be sure that what I buy is something I know they'll use. If your gifts have been ignored in past years because it's something you want her to have rather than something she wants to have, then maybe it's time to listen to her. Buying her gifts she's not going to use is a waste of time, money and energy.
daisyinga_gardener
18 years ago
I guess I will be the lone dissenter here.

I think everyone makes excellent points, and I agree with the others that you should give her something she'll use. And I agree that electronic games do spark creativity and knowledge, and I would normally say give her the Nintendo.

But the difference between a gift of theater tickets to use on a night with you is different than your previous gifts. The time with you makes all the difference in the world. She might have enjoyed the scrapbooking gift if you had also booked an evening at a workshop for the two of you and provided some pictures for her to use.

10 years from now she won't remember the Nintendo, but if she is unaccustomed to going to the theater she will always remember the evening with you, experiencing something sophisticated and new. 17 is the perfect age to enjoy that experience. I say book reservations to a nice restaurant, get dressed up and go to the theater. Be sure to take pictures of the two of you together before you go.

Whatever you decide, you are a sweet grandmother to care, and to embrace and nurture the talents and the person she is.

Giving them what they want vs. what you want

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Nita__AZ

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