Vickey, I'm glad that she and the kids are still safe. You are right. No matter what she did or didn't do, beating her was not right. Yes, there are two sides to every story, but beating is never a solution (for that matter, niether is verbal or emotional abuse). Thank you for caring about your sister in law. I will continue my prayers for them, and for you, as I know you are in an uncomfortable position with the stand you have taken.

Tami

I just love how some people can find a way to justify their most horrible of actions. I wonder how your brother would like to have the ever-lovin' crap beat out of him by someone he loves and trusted(at one time, anyway). That has to feel like the ultimate betrayal and your SIL must be really doubting her ability to pick a good man/friend/love of her life. Thank goodness that she has YOU in her life, Vickey.

From personal experience and everything I have read, a wife who is married to someone who beats her is usually too terrified to be messing around with anyone else. And lots of times, too anti-men to do it. I couldn't stand to even talk to men for years after my divorce. The place I used to work called me their resident man-hater.
Since he was calling her all the time, how does anyone figure she could be fooling around?
JoanMN

I'm with Joan. BTDT. Not only do you not even glance at a man, it gives him reason to go off on you when you get home, you don't even mention another man for whatever reason. He'll find some excuse to accuse you of being with him. And why would they think your cheating? Because they are, and so they think you are. They think all women are Biotches and just laying, or has laid with every guy you see. Ick. I get a nervous feeling just typing this.
Leslie

Is she going to move somewhere else? Has she contacted a womens shelter for abuse line or help? He gets legal aide to defend himself in court but what about the victims. Will she and the children get the help they may need even if she can't afford it? I thankfully have never had to deal with something like this in my family, it must really be hard. From what I have heard about abuse there is usually alot of drinking (or drugs) involved with the abuser. Good for you for standing up for SIL, I just don't know how anyone could stick up for Brother. You can still love him but hate what he has become. I know it's said you should forgive but there are just some things that can't be forgiven, IMO. Maybe it like that little girl in Florida, Casey. The grandmother just can't wrap her mind around the possibility her daughter is guilty of something. Maybe thats whats going on with your father.

I have been "lurking" here since 96 and rarely do I post. But I have been following the saga of your b and sil. I must tell you that it is indeed refreshing to see someone that can see a situation for what it really is. As you said bruises don't lie. And regardless of what your SIL did or did not do there is NEVER a reason to hit. No, I have not suffered any physical abuse but I know how these things usually go. Your SIL is blessed to have your compassion and hopefully your brother will use this time to search his soul and seek help with his issues

Vickey, you have really impressed me. So many times we see outrageous things posted and more often than not I have to wonder what really happened since yes, there's two sides or more to every story. Your other posts were rational and thought out so you gained a lot of credibility with me. Now you acknowledge the possibility that you don't have totally accurate info and I respect you for that.

What you said, bruises don't lie, is quite true. There CAN be circumstances in certain instances where they can misrepresent but I don't think anyone believes that to be the case here.

You're a wise and rational person. I again urge you to go with your gut feelings. When something doesn't sound right, explore it. You're being supportive yet not getting too involved. That's not easy to do.

Blackouts can be from irrational actions or they could be physical issues. There are cases where tumors or the like cause things. This doesn't change the outcome but changes the tone.

You probably are aware that an omnibus hearing is also known as a "probable cause" hearing, where essentially they gain some time for plea negotiations, preparation or the like and at the hearing is when they determine if there's enough "probable cause" to go forth. So it's not like he'll be released at that hearing. On the contrary it's a step and unless he gains bail, he'll likely be in jail after that.

All I can say is this must really weigh heavily on you. I agree that most likely neither is telling the whole truth. That's where your judgement comes into play. Wishing you and them the best and hoping that somehow, all works out for the best for everyone involved.

Even if your SIL did have an affair, it doesn't warrant the beating she received. No one has the right to beat their spouse...never!

I just hope all this doesn't make your family alienate you. What a shame!

I hope everything works out in the end. Hope your Dad comes around and sees what your SIL has been going through.

Prayers for your family!!!

Deb :o))

Really glad to hear he can't post bail and gets to spend some more time in custody. I hope he doesn't get a suspended sentence or anything similar - your dear sister in law needs to be able to feel safe with her kids without him lurking around - so many abusers are unable to come to grips with what they've done or with the idea that the woman is going to move on from them, the best place for him right now is in jail.
Suzan J