It's abusive. And only you can stand up for yourself and back out of the situation.

A good deed is from the heart. If you are resentful, it's no longer a good deed.

But if I'm doing volunteer work, does it matter how it makes me feel? Mother Teresa was probably resentful at times. I'm not so sure that meant her deeds were not good.

I do appreciate your comments; I'm just trying to feel everything out.

For me, a good deed -- whether volunteer work or otherwise -- should touch something inside the other person. Should improve their lives or even make them smile for a moment and realize somebody cares about them.

When someone is just too selfish to feel it, or starts to take it for granted -- and I know this sounds selfish of me, too -- I step aside and make room for somebody else to pick up the good-deed spirit.

I was in that position. I guess a part of me is a pleaser. I still have to catch myself when I'm of the mind to do something nice for someone and ask myself why I'm really doing it and whether I will feel resentful in any way afterward if I feel my kindness was taken for granted.

I don't think pushing forward necessarily elevates the good deed into a "great" deed.

The deeds are being done for a third party. They are not the ungrateful ones or the ones causing me any heartache. And deep down I know I am helping them.

It's the management, so to say, that is causing the problem.

if "the deed" makes you this uncomfortable then I would stop. There are others who would appreciate you more for whatever you are doing. A good deed involves you doing something from your heart, if your heart is getting hurt in the process and it is causing you discomfort then you are only hurting yourself and should stop. My opinion only!

There are areas in which I would be a great asset as a volunteer but I will not sell out my principles to please "management". So I see it as their loss.

I don't worry about things like the devil because my morals and values come from within and I trust in them. Not having religious dogma hanging over me allows me freedom to follow MY conscience.

Right is right and wrong is wrong and I don't have much trouble knowing the difference. So if someone is standing between me and doing what I know is right I would have to either change the rules or not play by them which would mean going elsewhere where my assistance is valued.

I think I no longer have much tolerance for frustrating situations, nasty, abusive people ... so on a personal level I might withdraw from involvement & cease the good deeds.

But pondering the situation on a more intellectual level, if the good deeds are directed towards say a child, & the parents are the culprits, then it's probably worthwhile to keep extending yourself, because the child may be helped now or in the future. Same way if the good deeds are being directed towards say someone who is of low intellect or not "sophisticated" enough to know that the polite thing to do is to show at least a modicum of appreciation, as opposed to insults, etc.

I think the true evaluation you need to do in a dispassionate way is whether or not you are, in fact, *wasting* your time. Therein lies *your* answer.

Well, here it goes. My 78 year old girlfriend called me (at work) just before she went in to the hospital.

Then when I got home, I got call number two. Mind you, she has a daughter living here in town, but the daughter was at the football game in Dallas. There are also two grandsons.

I ended up taking a quick shower, and going to the hospital. Found out, her hernia pooched way out, and she had mega problems. She ended up having surgery at midnight.

I stayed till after the surgery, and made sure, the doc called family after he got out.

Went to bed at 2:30 AM.

Was back at the hospital by 8 AM. Had to be at work by 11.

Also expected company... and had to get the place ready, and get myself ready for work.

Jean was still asleep. I ate my breakfast (which I was smart enough to bring along) and then knitted.

At some point I called the Dallas family members and gave an update... mainly to find out, when the grandsons would arrive. Was told they are on their way.

By 10:45 I had given the nurse my phone number and left. No grand sons there yet.

Jean was very agitated and should have had someone there. Another girlfriend of hers was on the way, but I had to go.

When I got there on my "lunch break", no one was there. Floreece had been there for hours, but the grandsons for just a little while. I felt so bad, for her not having anyone there... she was still disoriented.

I didn't do it as a good deed, but I did this for a friend in need. However, I feel like the daughter could have instilled in her sons for one of them to say with grandma for most of the day. They could have taken turns.

As is, I was back at the hospital after work, and finally went home to my company.

Not sure yet, what I will say to the daughter when I see her.

Floreece called me, and asked me what to do yesterday afternoon. She felt like she needed to go home. She also 78. Sounded like she wanted permission... and I gave it to her. :)

Wow, that got long and I have so much more to say...

Moni

It depends on the situation and who is involved. Sometimes you need to continue even if you are being taken advantage of because a third party needs your help and has no one else. Then there are those times where you have to put you and your family first.

Moni, I'm not sure about your friend and the grandsons. I think it would depend on their age, relationship with grandma and other responsibilities. Maybe their mom should have left the game and came up to watch for grandma.

You guys have been helpful, thank you. It's hard for me to give too many details, because honestly, I'm afraid someone will read it and know it's them I'm talking about.

I'm in a dilema because I committed to a particular time and there is no one else to really take my place although I don't really think what I have to offer is being utilized.

And wildchild, I generally don't quote religion or even go to it to help answer logical questions. Ironically, I don't think these people are ill intended or evil people, I just really think their unorganized ways and ignorance is creating a hostile work environment for me. I do wonder if sometimes "evil" forces are reasons behind why good deeds and works become so complicated to carry out.

I used to think the quote.. "The road to hel* was paved with good intentions" meant that you can have all the good intentions you want, but if you don't act on them, they don't mean anything. Now I'm beginning to think the quote has a double meaning and that the more good you try to do in life, the more it seems like hel*. I'm truly beginning to think living a more self serving life brings about more peace and happiness. Just not sure that's what I want my life to be all about.

Thanks again for your comments and opinions.

I have ceased to be a volunteer worker a couple of times when I felt the task was a waste of my time -- waste of *any* functioning brain. Some volunteer organizations are more about providing the voluneer with 'something to do' than helping anyone else.

DH volunteers through a senior group at the high school. We *know* the group was started after a failed referendum -- real purpose then being to get Seniors interested in the school enough to vote it more cash! However, it has grown into a valuable asset to the students. He only volunteers to do things where his skills are utilized, and there are often opportunities for that. Someone else can play 'hall monitor' or 'greeter' at an event.

Carla, you may want to look around for another opportunity where you can feel both useful *and* appreciated.