An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive)you." Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was cancelled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.

Thinking back on these memories has brought to mind perhaps the funniest prank I was ever involved in. When I was a Sophomore in High School there was a store in my home town called the Fiesta shop that sold all kinds of high end collectibles from around the world. In one corner of the store they had a small area with rare gourmet foodstuffs. One day while browsing through the store we found a can about 5" in diameter and 2" deep that contained a whole canned octopus. Understanding that it was at least 500 miles to the nearest sea shore it then goes without saying that we had never seen an octopus except pictures in a book or on TV. The can was $7.00 and this was at a time when men on top union labor contracts were only making $1.75/hr. At least once a week we went by the store to see if anyone had bought it yet, but it was still there so we got the silly idea to pool our money until we could buy it, just to see what an octopus really looked and felt like. It took us nearly three weeks but we managed to get the money together and we bought the can. There we were walking down main street tossing the can back and forth and trying to figure out how we were going to open the can when my buddy Tom S. got the silly idea, lets go to the Sears store and use one of the can openers on their display rack. Off to Sears where we opened the can, then went out to the alley to pour the liquid out and see what an octopus looks like. We pulled it out of the can and took turns holding it, examining it, then it hit us, what in heavens name do we do with it now? We surely were not going to eat that nasty thing. Suddenly my buddy Norm grabs it and say "Come on guys, I got an idea". Back into Sears we went, this time heading to the appliance department. There it was, right in the middle of the appliance department, a brand new Kenmore wringer washing machine. In those days they used to put water in the demonstrators and drop some poker chips in so the ladies could see the action as the water sloshed around inside. Norm casually walked by and dropped the octopus in the washing machine, then we went and sat on the stairs going up to the second floor and watched the action. About ten minutes later a lady was innocently browsing through the appliance department when she happened to look in that washing machine and saw the octopus swimming around in the water. Instantly she went ballistic, screaming, hollering about monsters and such. The salesmen ran over to see what the problem was and they went nuts too. What the hell is that thing? How do we catch it? Somebody call the cops! The cops arrived and by that time one of the sales clerks had gone to the hardware department and got a pair of huge pliers which he used to grab the octopus, heaving it out on the floor where the cops pounded it with night sticks, then stomped on it until they were sure it was dead. By this time my buddies and I were nearly falling down laughing as we scrammed out the back door of Sears and ran home.

"....we live next to a large waterfall" !!! Now that's what I'd love to see: something Ca. suburbanites cannot begin to imagine. I love the pics of 3dogs home with it's "a river runs through it" front lawn. Now here you are with a waterfall! (Horses too, at one time? Sigh!) Any pics you'd like to share?....(please):>) As for the clocks: love the ones shown here, and agree it's not a bit odd...whatever you choose. As for feng shui, I'm not a big believer. For example, I think the foot of the bed is not allowed to face the bedroom door. When my bed is dressed in it's prettiest finery I am sorry my room won't allow me to see it front on as I enter the room. Unless there's a beautiful view, the nicely made bed is usually the nicest thing to see in the bedroom.

A side story-- I was at the post office today and there is a clerk who helps people with the machine that allows one to mail packages without going to the desk. I asked him why he didn't have a chair since he's on his feet with no counter to lean on all day, and he told me that he did have a little stool for a short time. But the customers kept thinking it was for them and he usually didn't have the heart to tell them otherwise. He said that when he did mention it to a man, the man spit on the chair and swore at him. Can you believe it?? He also told me that the next time he saw that same man, he (the clerk) was pleasant to him because that's his job and he was raised that way. Some people just never learned their manners + have a whole lot of anger stored up, I guess. How very sad.