Thanks Sapote and mangodog. I will be interested to hear if you have success delaying your fruiting season on flowers you cut. Hopefully they don't just mature faster to get back on schedule. Are you intending to cut entire trees or just a portion of the flowers to see if you can extend an individual tree's fruiting?

Hi all - now that I am over the flu (not a bad bout just inconvenient!) and got a grip on the Principal at my daughters school - no, not around his NECK like I wanted! Bad deal with death/bomb/gun threat's against the cheerleaders - yes, my daughter is one - because one English class had to read a book about popular vs. non popular school mates. The teacher told them that the media was right in saying that it was understandable and some other B.S. about any kid that has EVER been teased, made fun of or any of other things that happen to us all as we grow up has the right to defend themselves with any means at their disposal. Then the discussion turned to bomb making and they all looked up how to make them with the teacher present on the net and then had a discussion on which one would be best in what setting!!!! Any way.... My daughter came home last week telling me that several students had a 'preppy B*&^%$es must die' list and pictures of a bomb, they had made. The Principal called a meeting with the students telling them that there was nothing to worry about and to just ignore what they heard - no need to involve the parents!! I contacted several of the other parents and we went to the Sheriff. The guilty party's that started this, the teacher & that JERK of a principal have been dealt with! GRRRRR.... Probably nothing would have happened but these things need to be dealt with .... The principal has NEVER called or spoken to any of the 'list' parents but did send out a letter saying that he has the sheriff's department involved... What a crock of **** Us parents are the ones that got them involved and are having them patrol the games! He didn't even have the ****'s to show his face at the football game on Friday and that was when the kids where planing to put their plans into effect! GRRRRR.... on to better things..... Melissa - yes I love the idea of having a "New Years Resolutions" swap! not that it would do me any good cause I alway fail at them LOL but it would be fun if someone else could tell us what the resolution would be, maybe do kind of a spoof resolution : ) Fran - Secret SANTA!!! has one YES vote! these are so fun :) I am all booked for October though - several swap here and with a craft group & my daughter volunteered me to help with homecoming, 2 concession stands each week of October and fund raising for the freshman class... Maybe if it is something simple I could do it though :) Have a great evening everyone - now I have to go find a Wyoming Cowboys Hat - daughter's boyfriend is having a birthday and that is what she 'haaaaasssss' to give him... being the Mom of a 14 year old girl is so much fun - ya right! I need to stop over at the MNF's and see what is going on for the weekend... I need a pool party with all the extra's! LOL Marie

What great, thoughtful responses to this very sensitive topic! I can relate to the loss of libido--frankly, we're about a decade younger than the OP and her husband but at 56 YO, I too have come through menopause with a decided lack of interest in sexual activity. There isn't anything physically 'wrong' with me, and my husband is as he always has been a very considerate and giving partner. But truthfully, I don't really care any more about sex and the thought of never having it again wouldn't bother me one bit. However. My husband is still interested, to say the least :). In fact he is more ardent than ever now that birth control isn't an issue, and now that our lives are a bit less stressed and child centered. Then too I do believe that most men experience sexual desire as much more of a physical *need* for release than most women do. In our marriage, both of us are very strong, independent people and as I've often said, the ties that bind us are loose--and unbreakable. We have our own jobs, hobbies and friends in addition to the family life we have built together. Our sexual partnership is for only us. Nobody else can be part of it, nobody else can or will know that part of our marriage. So at this season of my life, our sex life is what helps cement our bond, while it keeps our connection strong. And now to I'm sure no one's surprise I must address the problem the OP wanted to discuss; having a partner tell you that unless you do X, Y or Z sexually you won't be getting something you want badly. This quote says so much: "But, I'm sorry your husband has resorted to extortion to get what he wants. If you simply capitulate that clearly marks you as subordinate." Once again, living in a relationship in which a woman does not have her own resources means the risk of becoming subordinate is huge. I cannot imagine being dependent on anyone to the level of him even being able to think what the husband expressed. Regardless of where the thought is coming from, I agree it is extortion and it is despicable. How very sad too, living in a marriage in which a husband has the power and financial authority to do this. I would never, never, never live like that. I"m sure there are many levels of complexity that can't be shared in an online forum. The the OP, I truly hope you can find your way to a compromise that leaves each of you feeling respected and loved, even if it isn't in the house you want or doing the sex acts he does. Ann

My husband and I married 4 years ago. He had two children fulltime whose mother sees them a few times a year under supervision (she has psychosis and bi-polar and cycles in and out of hospitals). I have three children fulltime whose whose deadbeat father went to jail because he was about $80K behind in child support. His parental rights were suspended (he's alcoholic) and he could have gotten them back, but never bothered. Back when my ex was still interested in visitation, he played all those visitation games. This is how we solved them: We had the pick ups and drop offs in the lobby of the local sheriff substation. That way it was documented exactly when I arrived and when he arrived. I stayed 20 minutes past the court ordered time, and if he wasn't there by then, we left. He couldn't say I was late or withholding the children (which he tried) because the dispatcher logged us in when we got there and noted either what time I left or what time he showed up. The problems vanished. No more games with time changes. No more snide remarks and ugly accusations. No more lingering. No more wondering how long I should wait, for someone who wasn't communicating and was trying to make me in the wrong. No more blaming. The process was over in a half hour at the most and we went on with our day. He stood the kids up several times, but that resulted in him not seeing the kids. He tried to blame me, but the judge was having none of it. Until our mediator suggested this, I didn't know it was possible. A LOT of parents do this. I once apologized for 'bothering' them. The dispatcher said, "We have to be here anyway, and it's better than us having to go out and intervene in a dispute." The process was this. We arrived. I went to the dispatch window. She gave me a pre printed business card of the duty officer of the day. On the back she wrote the time I arrived. When we left I went back to the window and she either wrote: "No show" or the time my ex showed up. When it was time for a drop off, I got another little card with the times I arrived and the kids got dropped off. If he were late, I had indisputable proof. The kids could wait in the car or the lobby. They liked the lobby because the police were so nice to them. After a year I had 100 little cards that showed how unreliable my ex was. The judge didn't buy his whining that it was my fault. If you care about your kids, you show up on time. Would something like this work for you?