Good luck!

Teenagers aren't known for their tidiness but yours sound especially messy (and thoughtless). I hope you can work with them in a loving way and still be firm.

Since you don't want advice I won't offer my thoughts. I'm sure you'll come up with plan b very soon! Hope she listens.

I don't get it, if it was your own kids doing it I would understand it but not when it is guests in your home. That is just wrong. I'd be raising holy heck with them, Kathleen.

As a single mother I undertstand. In the end it's going to be you that will be responsible for replacing and repairing. To some it might not be a big deal but you know how you want the state of your place to be. Those little 3 second jobs add up especially when you're constantly busy. Hang in there, that's my unwarranted advice.

I'd be mad too, because it is very aggravating to have your house and furniture ruined by someone's seemingly willfull carelessness.
I think you are right to talk to them, but instead of sitting them down, I would walk them through what they are supposed to do and I would show them the damage they have done. That way no one can say that they did not understand.
You've been very generous with the exchange program.

It's culture shock for all of you, Kathleen. We've had a variety of exchange students and one teacher live with us over the years, and there are always very difficult times to get through.

Perhaps Liza doesn't want to leave her towels in the bathroom because she doesn't want others accidentally using them, you know, to dry hands or something. In her culture, daily showering is probably unheard of; it's been about eight years since our last exchange students were here (a boy and a girl from Germany), but they were shocked to hear that they could bathe EVERY DAY! Towel placement was a problem for them, too; we bought cheap blanket racks they kept in their own rooms, and they never did develop the daily showering habit!

As to being guests in your home, the are not and should not be treated as such. They are living in your home, far away from their parents and their own culture. Though they may not admit it, they are very likely longing for familiarity and cannot understand why we Americans have such goofy, strange cultural habits.

You should insist that they clean up after themselves - no more water on the counter - and they must use things like coasters, no matter how unfamiliar they are to them. After all, you shouldn't have to replace your things when they are gone. But, they are teenagers, and you have to keep that firmly in mind. Even our adult exchange teacher, a woman from Japan, was lonely, sad, isolated, and left messes behind. She just didn't know what to expect, and it was far different from what she knew to do.

Food is another issue. No matter how well we think we're doing providing good nutrition and delicious meals, what we offer is nothing like what they really want. My own daughter also studied as an exchange student in Ireland, and though her host parents made her completely welcome with foods they thought she would like, she never knew if she was doing things the "right" way. And she was a veteran, having had exchange students in our house! I was never able to make pasta every single night for our Italian, nor rice every single day for our Japanese, but that is what they longed for. My dtr said the same thing about longing for American food while she was away.

I know you don't want advice, but I'm going to give you some, anyway. Breathe deep, keep calm, and talk to them. They are probably just as fed up as you are, because they may feel that they can't do anything right, and maybe that you are just an old grouch. Believe me, the cultural differences are HUGE. And, also, there can be personality conflicts. Some people are just easier to get along with than others.

I wish you calmness and good luck.

It is so nice of you to take in a student no matter how entitled this one projects herself. I am glad you are venting here.

If you do want advice, I will be glad to give it. Until then, I wish you and your family the best in turning this around.

I'd be pissed as well. I've thought about having an exchange student, but never really thought how different the cultures are. I doubt I will now. Didn't have those problems with my own kids, doubt I'd want them from others.

Better to have to learn to cope with cultural differences and get to know how others operate ...

... than stay rather isolated and get into shooting wars with them, as we've tended to do.

ole joyful

Sherrmann, I know, I feel like an old grouch! I guess that was one reason for posting before I talked to them. Get all the grouchiness out before I talked to them so I wouldn't be mad.

Oh, and they both shower every day...so did our German student last year, in fact, sometimes she showered more than once because she did sports.

Good for you for venting here, Kath!

I guess the times, they are a-changin! We have never had an exchange student who showered daily. THAT was a sore spot for us! Long, greasy hair - blech. We did have one character who cut his toenails in the dining room. It didn't take me long to put a stop to that, I'll tell you.

Another thing to keep in mind is these kids are usually the cream of the crop, self-selected as well as vetted, smart, and adventurous. And, they are young. I'm glad yours shower!

How about finding a decorative towel rack from Bed Bath and Beyond, maybe on a stand, and put it by the side of her bed. And suggest that is where her wet towels belong.

I can sort of relate. Instead of exchange students, I have neighbor kids with bad habits. These kids are younger than yours, but they sure do make messes and cause a commotion on a regular basis. It is frustrating and takes the fun out of things.

You've gotten some good advice above. I think maybe going step by stem through things with them will help.

Good luck!

As a single mother I undertstand. In the end it's going to be you that will be responsible for replacing and repairing. To some it might not be a big deal but you know how you want the state of your place to be. Those little 3 second jobs add up especially when you're constantly busy. Hang in there, that's my unwarranted advice.

Oh, Kathleen, you enjoyed your exchange students so much last year. It's a shame not to have the same experience now.

Maybe you could make a "Do/Don't do" list and have Alex take it to school and have it translated into their language. Then there would be no excuse.

I would have an absolute fit if I found wet towels on the bed. Ick!

I think you got lucky with the two you had last year Kath. The one we had was exceptionally clean, but her long hair did clog the drain a couple times and she ruined the paint on one of my kitchen chairs with nail polish remover. She did keep her room neater than my own daughter did.. so I couldn't complain much.

I think maybe an inexpensive towel rack for the bedroom would solve the wet towel issue and a piece of glass or plexiglass cut to fit the top of the nightstand would solve the wet glass issue. Maybe a roll of paper towels in the bathroom would help with the girls cleaning up the water. It doesn't seem like talking to them is helping.

Sorry you are having a hard time this year... hope it gets better soon.

Sorry Kath for the double posting. I don't know why it insists on reposting my last posts when I try to leave the KT. Must find a solution.

PS the towel rack that was mentioned is a good idea. Even in the bedroom.

Sounds like teenagers! They are guests in your home & family members and a discussion is warranted. I agree with the above post about "Please Do" and "Please Don't Do" lists that can change as you find additional things. When family or other guests stay with us I tape such a list to the bathroom mirror.

Maybe a yucky fyi but an example of culture and family norms - when I was growing up we had a well for water that would go dry in the summer. We had all kinds of rules when that happened - do not flush if it is only number 1, if you use a glass for water only no need to wash - use it again, and on & on. Present day: when any of my siblings stay with us one of the rules is "Please flush after any and all uses of the toilet."

A towel rack is a good idea - we use hooks on our individual closet doors for towels.

If not a towel rack, maybe you could find a hang over the bedroom door hook that you can hang a towel on. That's if you don't have wood doors......and a standing paper towel holder for the bathroom. It would be cheaper than replacing furniture. I think I would start by telling them I'm sure they are missing their family and friends but I love having them as part of my family even for just a little while., and as part of my family, there are certain rules and regulations that they have to abide by. Then you can explain what is expected of them. Ask them if they think it would help to have a towel rack in the bedroom and a paper towel holder in the bathroom. Maybe they will co-operate without them.

I talked to them, mostly Liza as she is the one with the towel problem.

Kathsgrdn, you bring back memories of our first (and only) exchange student. If you've talk to her and that doesn't resolve the issue, can you set the rules or expectations in writing and get her to sign off on them? Then if that doesn't work, and there's damage to property (ie bed & bathroom) I'd take it to the next level, the coordinator of the exchange program. If you've got a full school year ahead of you, the resentment could really build if you don't get it resolved.

So how did the talk go? Was she receptive?

Yes, Pudgeder, she said she was really sorry and again in the car when I took her to tennis practice.

Maybe provide different color towels for the two girls so they can say the other one did it. Aslo if Liza can't control her towel problem, take it away. Give her a wash cloth to dry off with. She will get the hint.

kath - are you feeling guilty for venting? You got very quiet about it. If that's the case, you shouldn't! Hope you showed Liza the damage she has caused. She was probably clueless and never noticed it.

Kathleen, you always go above and beyond what you need to do for these students. You take them to neat places and on trips. How about making them work for the privilege of going to Disney and other parks in Florida. They keep their room clean, no towels on the bed, clean up after themselves when they shower and so forth. If they can do these things then they have earned the right to a nice trip.

It just might work and they will learn that things aren't just given to them. I probably haven't said this right but I am sure you get my drift.

Good luck to you in getting this problem solved.

CB, then I'd have to go buy new towels! Not happening.

Moonie, no not guilty. I did tell her not to do it over and over before yesterday and why.

Nita, they are good kids except for the water/towel issue. Sola always helps clean up after meals without asking and does the dishes.

Some things I learned helping somebody do respite (short stay) for foster kids:

A piece of plexiglass cut to the same size of the night stand and placed on top will go a long way in protecting the finish. If it isn't glass rings, there can be spills of nail polish or remover, permanent marker or pen marks etc.

Hooks. Lots and lots of hooks. Back of the door, along the wall, at the side of the bed.

If she wants to sleep on a damp bed, that is her perogative. But if she is hanging the wet towel on actual furniture and ruining it, that is a different issue. Do you sew? Maybe make some sort of cover for the headboards using clear vinyl, or inexpensive vinyl tablecloths?

As for the water on the counter, I would be pissed as well. Our friends eventually put in a second bath that contained a shower stall (no tub), toilet, and a pedistal sink. That way the kids weren't leaving their personal things all over the bathroom counter, then fighting over it later. She gives them each a basket to keep their bathroom items in, and it is stored in a cubby hanging in the bedroom. Take it in with you, take it out with you, and nobody touches your stuff.

Dances.

I'd be pissed too! I would go down to Goodwill and buy a $5 headboard and a $5 table and trade it out for the good one since she can't seem to follow directions. Not sure what to do with your shelf. Take it out for now and put in a plastic one until she's gone?