Not nasty at all! Under the best of circumstances, it's tough to translate the soft-focus picture in your mind to the real world of which plant, which specific variety, how far apart, what to put next to it.... But when you have a lot of other people encroaching on your space, especially people who don't share your vision or your landscape "values" -- that's got to be really frustrating!

And it sounds like you have a lot of space to deal with. In the time it takes to get shrubs and trees established, could you put in some hardscape features that would "guide" people where to walk and not walk? (And not park or drive!) Things like some fences, gravel paths, stepping stones. Maybe you could put in some raised berms, mounding up the soil into large curving beds to shelter your area. (The berms have an added benefit of bending the wind a bit and giving you some protected areas.)

With a space that large, and with so much to choose from, perhaps you could get a landscaper to come out and work with you to develop a plan. I don't know how much that costs, but I know both my cousin and my sister made the investment and have never regretted it. It's like a multi-year plan; they buy the plants and put them in as they go, but the landscaper has drawn up the blueprint for them to follow.

I don't know how your husband is, and I hate to make generalizations, but most of the men I know who aren't gardeners themselves seem to respond well to written plans and diagrams. It's one thing to tell them "I need 6' for these trees to grow up in" -- and another for them to see on the blueprint that the ultimate spread of this shrub goes right to the step, or to the fence line or whatever. (My mother insists that women are much better at visualizing than men, that's why they need the diagrams.)

You may be able to co-opt him to put in some of the hardscape features. Maybe building trellises or arbors or pergolas, or excavating and laying gravel paths. That gives him a vested interest in protecting the gardens and keeping his family literally on the paths!

Good luck. Building gardens takes a long time and it sounds like you're being pressed on all sides. Carve yourself a little space and dream big.

hi hood,
Though I don't post here often, I had to reply-I think first of all you need to get your husband on your side- he needs to tell his family that it is your home and not a family gathering place. Next having started with a blank slate and 5 acres I can tell you only what I have done.
1. Slow down and start reading anything you can get your hands on about the style of garden you want.
2. Start close to the house and work your way out from there.
3.that chain-link fence although not your favorite thing will make a great trellis system for many climbing vines both perennial and annual.
These are just a few of the things that I did when I started and it made the process seem not so overwhelming.
Hope they help.

You are not nasty at all. Your basic wish for privacy is reasonable and normal.

IMHO, given your situation, I would hire a landscape architect to draw up some plans. It's not that expensive and saves a ton of money in the long run. I did that here in Columbus and hired Oakland Nursery to construct the beds and design the "bones" of the garden. I fill in the rest and it looks great.

Don't know the answer to hubby, but I would agree with Alison that he might respond better to actual plans particularly if it comes from a professional.

where are you in ohio?

Hi and thanks so much for your responses. I think a landscape designer would be a good idea, too. It just worries me about the expense. There's a lot to do around here to accomplish what is needed.

My husband is simply not going to help me one bit. He has been very mad at me lately just for mentioning planting anything else to block out his brother. He thinks I am paranoid and controlling to say the least. He says he refuses to mow if I plant one more thing in his way. I am really still an outsider here even after almost 11 years.

The brother-in-law is terrible! I just found out he quit his job, so he is moving a junky trailer (no offense to trailers, but this one costs $1000) in there and hooking on to all of his mother's utilities! talk about depreciating my property!

BTW I'm in SE Ohio near the river, Ohio/WV border. Zone 6, between Marietta and Athens, Ohio. I hope you don't have the (dis)pleasure of knowing my inlaws...

SO, what do you all think of the hybrid willows? I know they're risky being invasive, but I feel that's probably what's necessary.

Thanks again, sorry to ramble so much!

I think its funny how different peoples priorities are especially when it comes to the outdoors. Some people need to have a large patio entertaining area, while others need lots of flowers and beds, some don't care at all about it and put up a row of boxwoods and call it a day and still others need lots of privacy asap. My husband and I fall into that last category. Our real goal is to not be able to see or hear a single other person while out in our yard. In fact we might be getting obsessed about it, but its what matters to us. Privacy is so important for your well being especially if you have a stressful job.

On to the business end of your question.... I highly recommend the thuja green giants. We planted about 13 of them so far. They are just so pretty and very reasonable priced (Oakland has small ones right now for about $30). I don't know about the hybrid willows although to be honest if you have 5 acres...I don't know how concerned I would be with invasiveness. Its not like you are on a quarter acre in a subdivision. I also highly recommend you build some berms. They are so easy and cheap. you can get fill dirt practically free and then top it off with 6-12 inches of good dirt....instant wall against wind and neighbors...and put some thuja's or other evergreens on top of it and you'll have quite a wall of privacy (we did exactly that). You should consider posting pictures. It think we will be able to give you better suggestions if we can see the lot.

You should not feel bad about wanting what you want. I feel bad for you that you are the only one who wants it. your in laws sound like mine..... and thats why we left Baltimore and moved to Columbus! aaahhh!

Lyn

I would agree with the rest of the folks here as far as hiring someone to develop an overall plan. I'm certain you can hire just the designer for his work and not be tied to his landscape company to do any of the work. I know I garden on a strict budget and have always wanted some "vision" when I get stuck.

Second thing I would suggest is dealing with the issues in the house versus the garden, if not first, at least work getting to the root of why you feel the way you do. Seems there are some very serious issues going on. If after eleven year you still feel like an outsider amoungst "family", then you really need to address those issues first. Seems to me your feeling your husband takes his family's side and not yours... no amount of screening plants or hedges will help with what goes on in the house and in your heart.

I came into my Husbands family in less then ideal means. I decided to move and take a new job when we were still dating and gave him the option of moving with me... moving in together and starting a life together. They were protecting of him... felt like I was ripping him from there small close knit family. It was me that got the cold sholder because he didn't know how to handle the situation. Moving day nears and he hadn't told them he was leaving or sat down and explained things. It took years of feeling like I was the outsider and I still feel rushes of guilt if plans fall though or something happens that might put them off. Not that they're not understanding people, just those old feelings still creep up on me from time to time.

They have been really good to us and I love them like my own family, but it took some time to get over hurt feelings and for us to develop those bonds. It took some swallowing of pride on my part and ask for his mothers assistance with home decorating and cooking etc. Was much better after we all left the baggage from the past behind us.

Good luck with everything!!

You know, I think roadtrip is very wise. I hope that you can talk to your husband about what you need and why, and that he can respond like your partner. But it can be hard for people sometimes to make a choice or find a compromise between the parent family (esp. if there is a family business and culture, like farming) and their spouse. It sounds like they think of it as "family" property and not "yours" vs "ours". Do you actually own the land separately? Maybe they think landscaping is a waste of money. Perhaps you can do what my neighbor did, which was build a very large & decorative vegetable garden and fruit arbor with lots of screening around it to keep out the deer (and disguise it since it was in the front yard) so it is "practical" but still helps you get what you want.

My own (former)in-laws never called me by my correct name- it was always something close but not quite!! Years later I had a coworker ask me if I was related to a family of the same (married) last name--when told no, he said he was glad because *they* never paid their bills with him!!! Good luck!!!

If you can find a book called "Marlyn's Garden" by Marlyn Dicken Sachtjen it may help you with ideas for coping with wind, slopes and clay. She gardens in Wisconsin but has some of the same conditions, and has garden plans and long list of plants that she has has good luck with.

A cheap place to get some planning help might be over at Ohio Univ. or the college in Marietta--if they have a landscape program, call the department and ask them if a student might want to do a plan for you for cheap (or free if they can get some kind of course credit for it). I did not have such good luck with the local nursery, he recommended too many high maintenance and/or invasive things--what they happened to have a lot of.

Think about some of the tall grasses also for inexpensive screening plants until you get some other things established. They have to be cut down in early spring, so you do have a period without the screen every year but they fill in fast. I'm using them until I can correct some drainage problems for the trees I really want.

It is much cheaper and easier to hire a design specialist rather than try to do it on your own. Removing large "mistakes" is costly and a waste of money. Landscape designers know which plants are "good" and not so good. It's not that expensive. I think my plans ran about $150 and were thoughtful and interesting. Get estimates first.

I was not obligated to hire Oakland, but I did. Here's why: they were on the high end of reasonable regarding prices, but they came out and did a fantastic job. Plus, they stocked very nice healthy specimins and stood behind their guarantee. When one shrub died, they were out within two days with a healthy replacement with no questions.

Overall I think I saved a lot of money. The city approved my plans with no problem and all is well. There's something to be said for that.