LOL - I sincerely doubt that anyone here took your statements as a lawyer, rather than as a realtor, which is what you said you were. I also doubt the OP (who posted in *June*) was still around to even read your post in August...she probably had already found her info and done whatever it is she was doing by then. Besides, just by posting for her friend, she was theoretically "practicing law without a license" herself if she was giving her friend legal advice (which most people do - give friends advice based on personal experience, and don't even think twice about it). IMO, said lawyer should have posted online and in public if she felt that strongly about it...too bad she couldn't have just answered the OP's question in the first place, as a lawyer, giving a credible answer and info in the first place. The OP posted her question in a public forum...she should have known that the answers would be largely from non-professionals in the field. The point to all my ramblings? I'd just ignore emails like that - if the OP didn't want opinions of the general public, she wouldn't have asked the question on a public forum. :-)

Let's break this down. - You moved your kids somewhere else so you could make more money FOR your SO and thus indirectly his kids, yet he doesnâÂÂt want to contribute anything that benefits your children. - âÂÂHe pays half his salary to his ex, who after four years still isn't working. Any less than half and he feels too guilty. It is NOT negotiable.â - âÂÂI only moved because he asked me to and he promised he would come.â - âÂÂHe promised me he would join me as soon as he could. That was a year and half ago. He does not ACTIVELY seek workâ - âÂÂWhen his kids are not with us and my kids are, It's like he hates us sometimes.â - âÂÂI have told him how much it hurts to be with someone who always acts as though it hurts to be with me!â Sounds like a keeper to you? DonâÂÂt think about how things are when the kids arenâÂÂt there. ItâÂÂs easy to get along when things are easy. When things are tough - THAT is the true test of a relationship. You are right, your SO wants to have it all. There is nothing wrong with a man wanting to be with his kids and spending as much time as he possibly can with them. Some people can balance spending time with their kids and spending time with their SO without feeling guilty, but it does not sound like your SO is one of those people. If your SO can not handle having a relationship with you in addition to spending time with his kids without feeling guilty, then he should not get into a relationship until his kids are grown. The sad thing is he's too much of a coward to admit this to you and it's far easier for him to keep stringing you along, letting you support him so he can support his kids. It does not sound like this is what you agreed to. Pay no attention to what he says. Never believe what a man tells you, only their actions.

This sounds so much like my situation 5 years ago and if you were 25 years older I might think you were my ex husband's new wife. Don't blame the kid and don't blame his mom. Blame your 'husband'. My ex did this and in the end, his new wife won... She got him cause I was done with him. He would tell her that he was just trying to make me happy or keep me happy or that I was threatening him or that I was keeping him from seeing his child etc etc etc. Never true. He was getting his cake and eating it too. It all sounds so familiar and honey, it doesn't change nor does it stop. HE is lying to you. HE slept with someone else. HE ignored your calls. HE ignored your texts. No one else did that or made those decisions. Unfortunately, what it sounds like is he is still too young to be settled down(my ex was 35 so age really does not always have to be a factor) The hostility between you and your husband's ex will probably never end because you are fighting for the same man and neither one of you has realized yet that HE is NOT the last man on earth and that HE is not the answer to all of your dreams. There is happiness out there. This is not happiness. You just need to realize that you can be happy and that you need to make the decision to be happy. Being with a man that is still entangled with his ex(mother of his child) will never end well. He has moved on before completely that relationship. You see... I moved on. I found happiness. I found a man that was available mentally, emotionally and physically. Not still 'entangled' with his ex and their child. (he doesn't have an ex or a child) But MY ex is still with that same woman that is in your position and 5 years later they are no happier today than they were the first day they met. It's obvious that all of the lies and cheating and ignoring phone calls and texts, still haunts her or else she wouldnt have a problem allowing my ex to co parent with me about our daughter. He isn't even allowed to speak to me on the phone. She has to keep such a close eye on Him constantly and I can't imagine what kind of life that would be like. That you can't even trust your own man to visit family or to o to work or to go to the store because he might 'fall' and endin up sleeping with someone.... Think long and hard. You can get out of this and I am not a 'go get a divorce now' advocate but because I've been in a situation similiar and I see the misery that has followed these two for 5 long years, i can't think of any other solution for someone in your shoes. I'm SO sorry. This sucks. But on the other hand, I still can't understand why you married him and why you have to keep it quiet?? And take it from the ex wife ... If he isn't telling you what is going on with the parenting plan and just discussing with you what is going on, there probably is more to the story.

I know that when I was a struggling single mom, if I had to say no, you can't have that because I don't have the money... my kids didn't need to know WHY I didn't have the money. "I don't have the money" is an answer. It doesn't need to be explained that I don't get enough or any child support, or any other 'reason' I don't have the money. Mom said NO. There were times I would tell the kids, nope.. we can't go to the movies because I spent more than I should have at the grocery store on extras they wanted, or I spent the money on other things that they wanted at the time and they can't do EVERYTHING they want. They have to learn to make choices and prioritize. (ie. if you spend your allowance on CD's, then you won't be able to get the designer jeans you want) I talked to my kids about money and finances (including the stock market, the economy, ways to use credit and how to find bargains) But, I never once told my kids I can't afford something because their dad wasn't contributing like he should or because he left me to raise my kids alone. I don't need to be in a long term marriage to understand that. My mom was in a long term marriage and when they divorced, I was a child of divorce that had a mother that blamed her financial struggles on my dad. It's a burden no parent should ever place on a child. Just like I have not told my SD that she can't take dance classes or karate because her mom hasn't paid her child support. If she wants something and I can't afford it, I simply tell her I don't have money to spend on that. She doesn't necessarily need to know everything about our finances. and I appreciate the practical issues from the side of people leaving a marriage. I drafted my sisters divorce papers because she can't afford an attorney and I am all for her making her husband be responsible to her and their kids after 22 years of marriage, but I would not agree with her telling her kids that it's all dad's fault they can't go to the mall and shop like they used to. In fact, I don't necessarily agree that she raised her kids to think they were entitled to run to the mall whenever they felt like it and buy whatever they wanted. I kept my niece here for a week and she & my other niece and daughter went shopping at wal-mart and my other niece was going to buy a shirt and my sister's daughter teased her and made fun of her for buying clothes at wal mart. In my opinion, my niece was being a snob and now that my sister is divorcing her dad, my sister can't afford to take her daughter to the mall whenever she wants. I think she did her daughter a great disservice. My kids were not raised buying clothes in thrift stores or discount stores, we'd shop at department stores (Mervyns, Macy's, etc) but they were not beneath going to wal mart or even yard sales. Teaching children to make choices and even be frugal is a good lesson to learn in life because even those that are financially well off can fall from grace and when they do, they won't know how to survive. I think that's sad.