Thanks for all the responses, he has me reassured a bit now, which is nothing new, we've gone back and forth so much lately. We went out of town with my family for several days to see my son on leave from the Marine Corps. Oorah! I was nervous about having some incident in front of my parents/son, but we had a really nice time and drove 6 hours home just he and I, talking about "us" all the way. We talked about the possibility that his unhappiness might be more due to his thinking, than me. I asked him about the possibility he could be having sugar/health (he drinks way too much Dr. Peppers) issues or even a mid-life crises of sorts. He said it was possible, he said again he really does love me. We talked about pressure at work. He's torn to either move on for more money or stay with his boss of 26 years who helped get him here. I let him know it was okay with me if he wanted to stay where he's at (which I think he wants) I also told him I trust him, and if he wants to move on, I understand it's risky and things could go bad fast at a younger newer company. We we're able to discuss these subjects and more fairly calmly, very unusual for us. I would say he was alot less defensive. Maybe I was extra careful of the way I put things. I noticed often he interupts me with a reply that isn't really applicable to what I was trying to say. I think lots of times he gets so defensive because he thinks I'm attacking him, he reads things in to what I'm saying. This time I didn't respond to what he said and then repeated what I said. It seemed to help, and we stayed on subject better. He said one thing he's never said before, he said maybe he's just immature, and when he gets mad he can't stop himself from saying the very thing I asked him not to say anymore. I wasn't a total wimp with him either, I made it clear something had to give, because he was convincing me he didn't love me. It can't be drugs because his job requires regular testing, when I said mostly on wknds I might have thrown yall off. I meant it seems like when he's confronted with the idea of spending the day with me ie: mostly wknds. Although I don't see him in the morning during the week. And throwing around the D word, I would say is not new, but gradually became more and more often until now every disagreement turns into something huge and ends with it. Being so emotional is new, reacting over the top is not new either but him seeming to be out of control is new. I do agree it's emotional abuse and have been doing some reading. Part of the long drive we talked about what emotional abuse was, he almost got mad but then seemed to understand and acted ashamed. I told him he was forcing me to prepare for my future if we divorce. He adamantly claimed he didn't really mean it, doesn't want that. I really think maybe he's just hurting too. Here's some background I know is pertinent. He's 48, I'm 49. Both of his parents were alcoholics, his mother drank a fifth a day. His father drank everyday but worked as a welder, changed jobs often, he was a little guy, infamous for being hard to get along with. He was very domineering over his wife too, she could be extremely violent when she drank, she died when she was 54. His father moved in with us when he got cancer of the larnx, we cared for him 8 mos until he died 7 yrs ago. It's all so sad.... and obviously left scars on my husband. He doesn't drink at all, never has. There's more that's probably pertinent. He was previously married for 14 years, had a son, and says thought they were happy. They had a nice home. He says he kissed her good-bye one morning to go on a wknd fishing trip and when he returned he called the police to report he had been robbed by the "moving-company burglers" he'd been seeing on the news. The cop told him to check his closet. His clothes was all she left.... She moved in with her boyfriend who she's married to now. We married 5 years later, it's been 12 now. Lol I read what I've wrote and wonder "What the #@% was I thinking!" I'm kidding sorta...... I have my share of baggage and issues too, I'm just tired of typing now.... how convenient right? Although I think these things should'nt be and don't have to be, a part of him/us, they are.

I had the "Divorced Man Flip In" LOL! My DH had been divorced 2 years when we started dating. He told me he loved me after a month of dating. He took me with him to look at homes to buy because he said he wanted me to be comfortable there, too. He told me I had changed his mind about ever getting married again. I was a lot more reluctant because my divorce had been more recent, but after all of this I felt safe to commit again. WRONG! 6 months later, it was my birthday and I was asking him "What happened". LOL! He started pushing me away as soon as I started getting comfortable with him. I started sliding down on the priority list until I could no longer even talk to him on the phone during the work week. We never had even a single moment alone. He started criticising everything about me. Don't ask me why I stayed for 4 more years, but I did. I started backing away to where I wouldn't even see him on the weekends anymore, then I broke up with him. That was the best thing I could've ever done because it snapped him out of his perfection mode. He had to do some self-analyzing and came up with that he may had some blame for his previous divorce and our relationship going bust. We are now married! After 7 years of dating. LOL!

I was so happy my parents got divorced, I practically stood out in the street and cheered. Living with the tension, the fights, the yelling - THAT was the horrible part. But now that I'm an adult, I also see the realistic side. My father was disabled so there was no alimony. My mother had minimal skills and worked as a secretary, a waitress, or a housekeeper. We were poor, which wasn't a huge problem for us kids. For my mom, I now realize there were a lot of sleepless nights, extra hard work, and endless worry about being able to pay bills. Forget saving for any college funds; it was more "I hope the kids don't need to see the doctor more than once this year". There are NO guarantees, sorry. You're not doing yourself or your kids any good by staying. But only you can run the numbers and figure out if you can afford to support them on your own, even if you get a good lawyer. Because that's what you really need - the very best divorce lawyer possible. If you decide to leave, I can guarantee you your spouse will make things as difficult for you as possible. A good lawyer will make it IMPOSSIBLE for him to hide his money. A mediocre lawyer may not work as hard for you - and you would need all the help you can get. It isn't easy being a single mom. But many women have done it, successfully. It takes guts and determination. Do you have enough of both? Only you can decide.

You’re right. You’re both right. This is a terrible situation, and there’s no “right for everyone “ answer. I wish that everyone was always honest and trustworthy, it would make life a lot easier. I don’t honestly think that my soon-to-be ex daughter in law set out to deceive my son, if that is what happened. She miscalculated her due date. The doctor told her she was so many weeks pregnant, and that coincided with when she was with my son. But she was less pregnant than she thought, and the baby was taken early. one time we were talking about when we bought our first house, and coincidentally got pregnant with our youngest child. It was at Christmas time. Well, DIL broke in and said, “no it couldn’t have been. You had to have gotten pregnant at the end of January/early February because his birthday is 10/12 and my baby......” and then she started counting on her fingers. She was getting upset. I’m a nurse, and I’m also one of those weird people who know when the egg implants that they are pregnant. Both of my pregnancies were diagnosed by the doctor at two weeks, and that’s including time to make the appointment. I explained this to her and also the fact that a pregnancy is 10 months, not 9, and that her baby was early. Her doctors told her this after they took the baby. If I really wanted to do the math, that puts the conception happening when my son was in Texas. There was a night that she told him she went to a party and got so drunk that she passed out in her car and slept in her car all night, so that’s why he couldn’t get ahold of her. My husband called BS on that, saying pretty girls don’t sleep in their cars. And then they brought this beautiful olive-skinned baby to see us. She looked like my sister, who is half Greek. And then when I bathed her several times, I saw her Mongolian spot. The only reason I know about Mongolian spots is because of my sister. My mother told me it was from the Meditaranean ancestry. I never asked my son or his wife about it, and never called it to anyone’s attention, except my husband. They are both white so they never would have known what her spot signified, and she’s almost 3, so it’s gone now, which is good. But the area they lived in at the time ( Charleston SC) had a large Greek population. Anyway, like I was saying, I don’t think my DIL set out to deceive my son, if that is what happened. She’s just really immature and not too smart. I think she didn’t realize until later that her math might have been off. When she did, she tried to play it off, saying that baby’s coloring is from the grandmother, because grandma tans, and that her round face (my son has a very long face) comes from my husband. Both my husband and I looked at her funny when she said that, because my husband has a rounded face due to corticosteroid use for his autoimmune disease. He couldn’t have passed it down to his granddaughter. But she has mannerisms like my son- facial expressions, the way she sits. I think that if we do a DNA test, it will come back that she is his, and it will quell all of the fears and doubts. I don’t know how two recessives made a dominant, but stranger things have happened.