Hey Annie, Is the trip to CA still on? Gotta be, right? FWIW, I'm used to country driving/small city driving and I drove in Orange County with no trouble. (Preferred it to what I'm having to get used to in Baltimore!) Also, Laguna Beach and Crystal Cove are unbelievably gorgeous. You can escape to nature in half an hour/an hour while you're there. You'll be fine. You might even like it. 8^) Just wish I could meet you there. ~Amanda P.S. LOVE the wedding story and pictures! Michigan... Texas... apparently they're the same! Here is a link that might be useful: Irvine to Crystal Cove

I actually think it is very regional. I live in NY and attended many very elaborate weddings where I had to shell out a $300 gift ($600 for close family) for a gift. I think the idea is that you have to cover your plate and then some. My DH's friend is a wedding photographer and he charges a minimum of $12K for a wedding and he is booked solid. Around here, giving money is a norm. The registry is for the bridal shower and I have seen many registeries that include plasma's and $400 place settings. I have several girls at my job getting married and they are spending between $25-$40K. It's outrageous if you ask me and quite stressful because you want to attend these events but they become very unaffordable! In addition, for the amount of money you spend on a wedding, you can put a down payment on a house! When I got married 7 years ago, my parents offered m $20K to pay for the wedding. We looked at several places that cost $150/person and it just didn't feel right sending all that money on one day. We opted to have our wedding a restaurant instead of a reception hall and invited 75 people (much to the chagrin of my parents who wanted me to invite 200 people). My bouquet and cake were from Costco. I had one maid of honor and advertised at a local college to get cheap photographer/videographer. My dress was off the rack of a bridal store and I drove myself to the church. I ended up spending about $7K and the other 13K was part of the down payment for our home. I will admit that my friends and family were generous despite the simple nature of our wedding which I was extremely grateful for.

Nancylouise, search this forum for discussions of destination weddings. If what you are really looking for is not advice, but people to support the decision you have already made and to tell you not to worry about anyone else's feelings, you'll find that. But you will also find many posters who said that they don't like destination weddings (especially for first marriages) because they communicate the message that the couple cares more about a fancy, exotic setting than about having their families with them as they are married. I certainly agree that the decision is yours, and you really are entitled to do what suits you. But I disagree that what is going on here is that people are "trying to lay a guilt trip on you." I think that your fiance's family are genuinely disappointed that they will not be at your wedding. (And isn't that a good thing? How would you feel if they didn't give a darn?) You are entitled to make your own choice, but you do not have the power to control how other people will feel about it. If you feel bad about thier disappointment, don't fall into the trap of blaming them for "making you" feel that way. Actually, good for you that you are feeling "guilty," as you put it -- not because you are "guilty" of anything, but because it shows that you care about other people's feelings, too, not just your own. You are finding it hard to close off your heart and say, "Too bad for them; it is Our Wedding, and I am The Bride, and they have no right to 'make me' feel bad about it by being disappointed." I think that speaks well for you. Of course you shouldn't start out marriage in debt for more wedding and honeymoon than you can afford. But I don't see anything in there that says anyone is asking you to do that. Try to look at it from their point of view: you are choosing an expensive honeymoon over having them at your wedding. I can't blame a parent for feeling that you two will, with luck, have many trips over the years, but only one wedding. And it seems to me -- although there may be circumstances I don't understand -- that you are presenting a false choice here. There isn't enough money for both a wedding reception and a trip to the Bahamas, and you have chosen to spend your budget on the trip -- okay. But does that mean you have to "elope," as you put it, in order to have the trip? Would it be possible to have your close relatives present at a City Hall ceremony or a simple ceremony at home, a clergyperson's office, or other free venue, and then go to the Bahamas for your honeymoon? That is the compromise I would recommend. Your more distant relatives will be disappointed, and your closer ones won't get to celebrate at a reception, but that isn't the same as missing seeing your own child get married -- a disappointment, but not a heartbreak. On your end of the compromise, you wouldn't have your ceremony in an exotic Bahamian setting, but you'd still get to spend your budget the way you wanted, and anyway, the setting isn't the most important part (I hope!) of the ceremony, is it? Besides, there's nothing stopping you from having your own romantic private ceremony in the Bahamas, too, you know -- and you'd save the money of having it be the official one. It would also relieve your relatives who said they would try to scrape up the money to come of having to make that choice -- and it would make sure you would be ALONE on your honeymoon! Whatever you decide, the point is that it is important to communicate and implement it in a way that considers other people's feelings as well as your own desires. That doesn't mean you can't do what you want, including no compromise at all. But it does mean that other people will have responses, and if you care about them and your relationship, you will deal with their feelings in a kind and respectful way: e.g., "Mom and Dad, we know our decision to marry in the Bahamas really disappoints you, and we're sorry you are hurt. We really appreciate your support even though we know it isn't what you would prefer." -- NOT, "It's OUR WEDDING and OUR MONEY and we should be able to do whatever we want! It's so mean of you to try to make us feel guilty!" After all, as foolish as it would be to make wedding plans that will cause you start married life in financial debt, it's even more foolish to start off by communicating to your families that you don't care about anyone's feelings but your own. Good luck to you.

Just to clarify, everyone has known for about 8 months that my nephew is marrying next June. Once he announced that his wedding would be in Germany, rather than local, my niece told the family of her plans for Jamaica and said she can't afford two trips in the same year. Although she hadn't mentioned her plans to anyone until after her brother booked the church and B.&B. in Germany, it is understandable that she would plan a trip for her 10th anniversary next December, since they go to the Caribbean every few years with the same set of friends. A few weeks ago at a family birthday, my niece showed everyone the extremely expensive luxery resort she wants to book in Jamaica. It became clear that the Bed and Breakfast wedding in Germany (including flights) is actually the less expensive trip. Since she said she can't afford 2 trips in one year, her brother asked if she would consider delaying her anniversary trip a bit, in order to attend his wedding. She said the other couples are already looking forward to their next trip together, and joked that she couldn't believe her brother picked Germany over a 'romantic tropical destination like Jamaica' for his wedding. That made me feel she was insuating that if he had chosen to marry in December and picked Jamaica for his destination, she could have gone to his wedding and still had her luxery anniversary vacation. My nephew's choice of Germany will have them marrying in the same little church his fiancee's grandparents married in, which will be very sentimental for the bride's family. I do recognize that my niece works extremely hard in her career and deserves to spend any money she designates for vacations, anywhere she wants. I can understand that she sees her brother's wedding in Germany as "where I'd be spending my 10th anniversary trip, and I have no desire to do it in Germany." I guess I wish she could see the trip to Germany as her brother's hopefully onetime wedding, as opposed to another of her hopefully many anniversaries to celebrate. But I can see her point if she truly can only afford one trip next year. The ironic thing is, the whole decision for a destination wedding occured to avoid the cost of the large local wedding my Sister wanted, in order not to 'lose face' about not being able to invite all the same guests to a smaller wedding. Now, neither sibling is attending their brother's wedding, because one can't do 2 trips in the same year and the other is in his first year teaching after waiting 2 years to get in and is afraid to ask for time off in one of the busiest school weeks of the year. I wonder if my Sister realizes that the small local wedding her youngest son wanted would have avoided all this, but I'm not going to tell her "I told you so."